John Ballen

This is like you're deploying and you're living there, but you're just sort of like a teacher. That's the gist. And that's, that's an amazing thing to do, but it's definitely not combat. But as a result, I really didn't like mentally prepare myself for what it would be like to be in Peru. And if you don't know this, like Peru is a totally Spanish-speaking country.

This is like you're deploying and you're living there, but you're just sort of like a teacher. That's the gist. And that's, that's an amazing thing to do, but it's definitely not combat. But as a result, I really didn't like mentally prepare myself for what it would be like to be in Peru. And if you don't know this, like Peru is a totally Spanish-speaking country.

It's very – at least where we were, there was very little English, like very, very little. And so I remember I had to go late to Peru. So my team had gone with a group of us that was deploying there. They went early to Peru and I went like a week later. And it meant that I had to fly into the airport in Peru by myself. And I had to like navigate the airport.

It's very – at least where we were, there was very little English, like very, very little. And so I remember I had to go late to Peru. So my team had gone with a group of us that was deploying there. They went early to Peru and I went like a week later. And it meant that I had to fly into the airport in Peru by myself. And I had to like navigate the airport.

And I speak a little Spanish, like barely conversational. And I didn't take it seriously at all. They gave a Spanish course as I blew it off. And I remember I got to Peru, and it was like, oh, my God. As soon as I landed and I look around, no one speaks English. I'm trying to figure out where to go. Everything's in Spanish. I can't find my ride.

And I speak a little Spanish, like barely conversational. And I didn't take it seriously at all. They gave a Spanish course as I blew it off. And I remember I got to Peru, and it was like, oh, my God. As soon as I landed and I look around, no one speaks English. I'm trying to figure out where to go. Everything's in Spanish. I can't find my ride.

My ride, by the way, is a local who speaks Spanish, doesn't know what I look like. And my bag got stuck, and they were trying to figure out what was in my bag, but I don't speak their language. It was so stressful. And then I finally get in the vehicle to get brought to our – But to get there, it required driving through like a true like slum, like a very, very unsafe place.

My ride, by the way, is a local who speaks Spanish, doesn't know what I look like. And my bag got stuck, and they were trying to figure out what was in my bag, but I don't speak their language. It was so stressful. And then I finally get in the vehicle to get brought to our – But to get there, it required driving through like a true like slum, like a very, very unsafe place.

And I remember thinking like I am in a totally foreign country. I'm so far from my family and I'm going to be here for six months, which is not long by, you know, deployment standards. But that's a long time to be away. Yeah.

And I remember thinking like I am in a totally foreign country. I'm so far from my family and I'm going to be here for six months, which is not long by, you know, deployment standards. But that's a long time to be away. Yeah.

and it was like i didn't put any thought into this i can't believe i'm gonna be here it like i had suddenly i feel like i was in afghanistan again a little bit i struggled so so bad on that deployment with just being sane like i was so miserable there there was like to the point where i was borderline having delusions i was so depressed i can't even describe it i had this recurring dream

and it was like i didn't put any thought into this i can't believe i'm gonna be here it like i had suddenly i feel like i was in afghanistan again a little bit i struggled so so bad on that deployment with just being sane like i was so miserable there there was like to the point where i was borderline having delusions i was so depressed i can't even describe it i had this recurring dream

where I'd be lying on my bed. And it's also, it's always moist in Peru. Like it's, everything's wet. Like no matter what, like your sheets are wet, your clothes are wet. It's like a very humid environment. And I'm like laying in my bed. I don't have a fan. It's like humid in this crappy little room. And outside I just hear the chaos of like the Peruvian streets.

where I'd be lying on my bed. And it's also, it's always moist in Peru. Like it's, everything's wet. Like no matter what, like your sheets are wet, your clothes are wet. It's like a very humid environment. And I'm like laying in my bed. I don't have a fan. It's like humid in this crappy little room. And outside I just hear the chaos of like the Peruvian streets.

And I would like fall asleep and I'd have this dream that I was in Russia standing on the corner of this like embassy or some federal building. And somebody would come out of a car and like grab me and like hijack me and like take me hostage. But it was like over and over again. I had this dream to the point where I began to believe I was losing my mind. That like, how can I have the same dream?

And I would like fall asleep and I'd have this dream that I was in Russia standing on the corner of this like embassy or some federal building. And somebody would come out of a car and like grab me and like hijack me and like take me hostage. But it was like over and over again. I had this dream to the point where I began to believe I was losing my mind. That like, how can I have the same dream?

I'd wake up in a panic. I missed my wife so terribly. She was pregnant with our first child. It was awful. It was like the worst time of my life. And it's hard to even now to put it into words. It was just like I had bordering on like a mental collapse. And it was in part because I just didn't appreciate the fact that like you're going to another part of the world where everything is different.

I'd wake up in a panic. I missed my wife so terribly. She was pregnant with our first child. It was awful. It was like the worst time of my life. And it's hard to even now to put it into words. It was just like I had bordering on like a mental collapse. And it was in part because I just didn't appreciate the fact that like you're going to another part of the world where everything is different.

And I also sort of began to confront, I guess, my demons from the deployment to Afghanistan, there was just some things that I, that we did, that I did, that were not necessarily wrong, or like, illegal at all, but just like, it's war and war is like this horrible thing. And seeing it up close, man, it's, it's just, it's rough, you know, and at the time, you're so conditioned to

And I also sort of began to confront, I guess, my demons from the deployment to Afghanistan, there was just some things that I, that we did, that I did, that were not necessarily wrong, or like, illegal at all, but just like, it's war and war is like this horrible thing. And seeing it up close, man, it's, it's just, it's rough, you know, and at the time, you're so conditioned to