John Ballen

to not only see war and be okay with it, but to practically revel in it. Because how else do you get young men to keep going to war and keep fighting and dying? You need men and women. But it was like, yeah, it was like I had a breakdown, like a mental sort of questioning, why am I in the military? You know, questioning who I was. And so I ended up getting medically retired.

to not only see war and be okay with it, but to practically revel in it. Because how else do you get young men to keep going to war and keep fighting and dying? You need men and women. But it was like, yeah, it was like I had a breakdown, like a mental sort of questioning, why am I in the military? You know, questioning who I was. And so I ended up getting medically retired.

And it was not really from Peru at all. It was more like I was so unhappy. I came back from Peru, and I just detested the fact that I was in the military. I didn't feel like it was the place for me. I also was physically injured. I was dealing with the injuries. And I ended up getting medically retired. But it was my choice if I wanted to continue to see a therapist after I got out.

And it was not really from Peru at all. It was more like I was so unhappy. I came back from Peru, and I just detested the fact that I was in the military. I didn't feel like it was the place for me. I also was physically injured. I was dealing with the injuries. And I ended up getting medically retired. But it was my choice if I wanted to continue to see a therapist after I got out.

And at first, I didn't. At first, when I got out, when I got medically retired, I just was like, whatever, I'm done. I'm on my own. But I was so angry all the time. Like, just everything made me mad. I was so like, on edge, not even like jumpy, but just I was just like,

And at first, I didn't. At first, when I got out, when I got medically retired, I just was like, whatever, I'm done. I'm on my own. But I was so angry all the time. Like, just everything made me mad. I was so like, on edge, not even like jumpy, but just I was just like,

so high strung and it got to the point where like nobody wanted to be around me like my kids didn't want to be around me my wife didn't want to be around me and ultimately they were like I think you need to see somebody and I was like you know what I think I do too like I feel like I'm a mess and it was through therapy that I this is like 2018 or so that I realized I had some very deep-seated issues with myself with my service with just stuff I saw and did and

so high strung and it got to the point where like nobody wanted to be around me like my kids didn't want to be around me my wife didn't want to be around me and ultimately they were like I think you need to see somebody and I was like you know what I think I do too like I feel like I'm a mess and it was through therapy that I this is like 2018 or so that I realized I had some very deep-seated issues with myself with my service with just stuff I saw and did and

And it was only when I began to sort of openly talk about those things that I actually began to sort of forgive myself and begin to feel content. What's the word? Content again. It's not about like therapy is not meant to make you forget stuff. It's to give you perspective that you didn't have. And I think I had fallen into a cycle of just detesting who I was. Why?

And it was only when I began to sort of openly talk about those things that I actually began to sort of forgive myself and begin to feel content. What's the word? Content again. It's not about like therapy is not meant to make you forget stuff. It's to give you perspective that you didn't have. And I think I had fallen into a cycle of just detesting who I was. Why?

I think that it was like ultimately if I were to boil it down to its simplest part, it's like I wanted to be a Navy SEAL in part because I just wanted to go through the training. I wanted to serve in the military, but I didn't really think that hard about that.

I think that it was like ultimately if I were to boil it down to its simplest part, it's like I wanted to be a Navy SEAL in part because I just wanted to go through the training. I wanted to serve in the military, but I didn't really think that hard about that.

It was mostly like I want to serve because it's an honorable thing and I know people that have done it and that's something that means something to me. But it was really the draw to be a SEAL that was the challenge that I saw. That's the thing. It's going to take years to do it. It's like this really hard thing.

It was mostly like I want to serve because it's an honorable thing and I know people that have done it and that's something that means something to me. But it was really the draw to be a SEAL that was the challenge that I saw. That's the thing. It's going to take years to do it. It's like this really hard thing.

It was like the idea of even contemplating what life would be like as a SEAL felt like even cart before the horse. It's like, who do you think you are thinking about what it's going to be like to be a SEAL? Like, if you ever get there, you'll figure it out. And this is actually a – I think it's a relatively common phenomenon that the people that become SEALs, it's almost surprising. Yeah.

It was like the idea of even contemplating what life would be like as a SEAL felt like even cart before the horse. It's like, who do you think you are thinking about what it's going to be like to be a SEAL? Like, if you ever get there, you'll figure it out. And this is actually a – I think it's a relatively common phenomenon that the people that become SEALs, it's almost surprising. Yeah.

Like you become a SEAL and you're like, wait a minute. Like now I'm going to be a Navy SEAL, which sounds goofy, but it's years to get to that point. And all the way up until the end, to a degree, you can not make it. You can like fail out. And so you finally become a SEAL and you realize like the reality of the job.

Like you become a SEAL and you're like, wait a minute. Like now I'm going to be a Navy SEAL, which sounds goofy, but it's years to get to that point. And all the way up until the end, to a degree, you can not make it. You can like fail out. And so you finally become a SEAL and you realize like the reality of the job.

And I say this not because I have deep exposure to this, but because it's just true, which is in this job, people die. and you kill people. Like, that's kind of the gist of the job. There's way more to it than that, but it's like, that's the job, guys. Like, why do you think they make video games and movies about it?

And I say this not because I have deep exposure to this, but because it's just true, which is in this job, people die. and you kill people. Like, that's kind of the gist of the job. There's way more to it than that, but it's like, that's the job, guys. Like, why do you think they make video games and movies about it?