John Ballen

And I think that there's a mental conditioning to being able to do that job that comes from training. And frankly, it's a remarkable thing that they're able to create this system that creates really capable warfighters because that's how you protect your country. That's how you go out and do what you got to do. But when you come out of that, when you sort of – what's the word?

And I think that there's a mental conditioning to being able to do that job that comes from training. And frankly, it's a remarkable thing that they're able to create this system that creates really capable warfighters because that's how you protect your country. That's how you go out and do what you got to do. But when you come out of that, when you sort of – what's the word?

It's almost like when you – it's like you enter this matrix of thinking when you go through training and you become like willing and able to fight wars basically. But when you begin to fracture and you begin to sort of realize that you want to do something else with your life – you have to like kind of come to terms with what you have been doing and the way you've been thinking about it.

It's almost like when you – it's like you enter this matrix of thinking when you go through training and you become like willing and able to fight wars basically. But when you begin to fracture and you begin to sort of realize that you want to do something else with your life – you have to like kind of come to terms with what you have been doing and the way you've been thinking about it.

You begin to view who you were as a SEAL as a person you don't, for me only. I was not proud of the person I had become. I had sort of really leaned into being as aggressive and as like, you know, like alpha as I possibly could be, not with my teammates, but just in doing the job that I had sort of drifted down a path that I wasn't very proud of.

You begin to view who you were as a SEAL as a person you don't, for me only. I was not proud of the person I had become. I had sort of really leaned into being as aggressive and as like, you know, like alpha as I possibly could be, not with my teammates, but just in doing the job that I had sort of drifted down a path that I wasn't very proud of.

And I think that realizing that this wasn't a fit for me, like being in the SEALs, even though I got medically retired, I think I realized it wasn't a fit for me and I would have gotten out whether or not I was medically retired. It was really difficult to cope with that loss of identity.

And I think that realizing that this wasn't a fit for me, like being in the SEALs, even though I got medically retired, I think I realized it wasn't a fit for me and I would have gotten out whether or not I was medically retired. It was really difficult to cope with that loss of identity.

Yeah, but I go to therapy for them. And shout out to Vinny Shorman, who actually, he's based in the UK. He's my therapist. He's awesome. We haven't really delved too deeply into the military stuff. But yeah, I think that it's something that will always be with me. I certainly, when I think about having served, I'm very proud and I'm proud to have

Yeah, but I go to therapy for them. And shout out to Vinny Shorman, who actually, he's based in the UK. He's my therapist. He's awesome. We haven't really delved too deeply into the military stuff. But yeah, I think that it's something that will always be with me. I certainly, when I think about having served, I'm very proud and I'm proud to have

I'm a veteran now, and the people I worked with were incredible. Even the people that hate me now. It doesn't mean I think any less of them. They're incredible people in the military. I think that I just sort of... It wasn't a fit for me. I thought the military was, but it was the SEAL thing that drew me in. And in many ways, this is going to sound weird, but I was sort of lucky enough...

I'm a veteran now, and the people I worked with were incredible. Even the people that hate me now. It doesn't mean I think any less of them. They're incredible people in the military. I think that I just sort of... It wasn't a fit for me. I thought the military was, but it was the SEAL thing that drew me in. And in many ways, this is going to sound weird, but I was sort of lucky enough...

uh to get to deploy to afghanistan and actually have a combat deployment because many people what happens is they go to like a war fighting unit like a special operations unit and then they never see combat and it's not because they made any decision it's just the way it goes and those people it's sort of like they have this unchecked box yeah but it's not their decision and so in a way i was given this gift and it sounds horrible to say it that way but i don't know how else to say it of getting to sort of do the job in real life

uh to get to deploy to afghanistan and actually have a combat deployment because many people what happens is they go to like a war fighting unit like a special operations unit and then they never see combat and it's not because they made any decision it's just the way it goes and those people it's sort of like they have this unchecked box yeah but it's not their decision and so in a way i was given this gift and it sounds horrible to say it that way but i don't know how else to say it of getting to sort of do the job in real life

But there are sort of like, and to anybody who's listening that's done multiple deployments, like, look at this guy. Like, I don't claim to have like, oh, I've done 87 deployments and this is my experience. It's just from like, I had one combat tour, one. But it was enough to show me that like that isn't what I was cut out to do.

But there are sort of like, and to anybody who's listening that's done multiple deployments, like, look at this guy. Like, I don't claim to have like, oh, I've done 87 deployments and this is my experience. It's just from like, I had one combat tour, one. But it was enough to show me that like that isn't what I was cut out to do.

And I think that, but I still did those things and I still was that person. And now as a civilian sort of reconciling that I'm such a different person now in a good way. I've taken all the best qualities I possibly could and I poured them into this person. I'm trying to be a good husband and a good dad. And I'm trying to do all the right things.

And I think that, but I still did those things and I still was that person. And now as a civilian sort of reconciling that I'm such a different person now in a good way. I've taken all the best qualities I possibly could and I poured them into this person. I'm trying to be a good husband and a good dad. And I'm trying to do all the right things.

But it's like I have this part of me that it's just crazy to me that I was ever a Navy SEAL. It's crazy.

But it's like I have this part of me that it's just crazy to me that I was ever a Navy SEAL. It's crazy.