John Delony

Okay, but there's one more question beneath that.

When you're a caretaker, when you're a people pleaser...

It is your job, and you probably learned this as a little girl, I have to anticipate the emotional stability of the people around me before they do so that we can all stay safe.

And you have a radar that is going off all the time, right?

What you have to practice is setting, turn the radar off and looking at him and saying this scary question, how can I love you today?

And when your whole identity has been, I will know how to love you.

And by the way, Hollywood has told you if your marriage is worth a crap, you'll already know what he needs and what he wants, which is nonsense.

Then you, it's an act of submission.

I wish there was another word because that's a gross word, but it's like, it's you setting down your previous weapons of choice and saying, how can I love you today?

It's terrifying.

Well, because for your whole life, that's kept you unsafe.

If you asked that question seven months ago, he would have said, I want Twinkies for breakfast.

And if you really loved me, we would have sex all day.

And then we'd have a large pizza and we'd have beers.

And then he'd forget he even asked that stuff.

And you're thinking we have to feed our children, right?

Right.

And you have to go to a job.

And now so that that that that defense mechanism kept you all safe.

And now that same defense mechanism will bury him.