John Mulaney

His name was Arnold.

Wait, wait.

Oh, how dare you.

So is it like when you take two ball caps, go forward and backward and make it into a Sherlock Holmes hat?

I never got that.

I got the give me your underpants when I had to have wrist surgery.

You know, and they're like, give us your underpants.

For wrist surgery?

That's what I said.

And I said, the way they do wrist surgeries, they lay you out on a gurney and they strap you to a sandwich board and they strap your arm down because they don't want you flailing about in the middle of their surgery.

And I was like, my hand could not get further away from my junk.

Why do you need my underpants?

And they're like, there's elastic in the band.

There could be a static electric charge and your underpants could literally catch on fire.

And I just said, where's the box?

Because I will sign that box.

I will put my initials in the box.

If my junk bursts into flames during this procedure, you will not be held liable.

Now, look, if you put a cigarette out on my sack, then we've got a problem.

But if the electrostatic charge causes my underpants to burst into flames, it will not cost this facility a penny.