John Oliver

You know, the whole point of turning to God for gold... For once, John, I think we have something we can agree on.

Or did you lose it all in gold? John, I'm no Rube. What would I want with some tawdry nugget that any smelly prospector with a pan can scoop out of a country crick? I know.

Or did you lose it all in gold? John, I'm no Rube. What would I want with some tawdry nugget that any smelly prospector with a pan can scoop out of a country crick? I know.

I mean, gold, it's no beryllium. Yes, it's what? Beryllium. Yes, that's a different random substance. But this one is immune to market forces. Here, let me show you on my periodic table of invest elements. Now, here is gold. That is garbage. Platinum and silver go in the same way. Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. So what do you want to invest in, John? Helium is always fun. Parties, I guess. Helium.

I mean, gold, it's no beryllium. Yes, it's what? Beryllium. Yes, that's a different random substance. But this one is immune to market forces. Here, let me show you on my periodic table of invest elements. Now, here is gold. That is garbage. Platinum and silver go in the same way. Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. So what do you want to invest in, John? Helium is always fun. Parties, I guess. Helium.

You can't make a commemorative coin out of helium. First rule of invest elements, John. Noble gases, bull returns. Goodbye. But beryllium. You're talking about beryllium. Ah, beryllium. All understand instinctively the timeless allure of beryllium. That's where all deranged millionaires put our money. And now, thanks to me, so can you. Oh, hey, I'm John Hodgman for beryllium.

You can't make a commemorative coin out of helium. First rule of invest elements, John. Noble gases, bull returns. Goodbye. But beryllium. You're talking about beryllium. Ah, beryllium. All understand instinctively the timeless allure of beryllium. That's where all deranged millionaires put our money. And now, thanks to me, so can you. Oh, hey, I'm John Hodgman for beryllium.

You know, don't let people scare you into buying gold. Let me scare you into buying beryllium. Prized by human civilization since 1957 for its drab gray color, beryllium is as versatile as it is solid. Look at these beautiful dimes. Now that I've coated them in rare beryllium dust, I'm selling them for $300,000. Now, beryllium's not just for coating coins.

You know, don't let people scare you into buying gold. Let me scare you into buying beryllium. Prized by human civilization since 1957 for its drab gray color, beryllium is as versatile as it is solid. Look at these beautiful dimes. Now that I've coated them in rare beryllium dust, I'm selling them for $300,000. Now, beryllium's not just for coating coins.

It can also be fashioned into some beautiful jewelry. Beryllium. Invest in the future. Caution. Do not fashion into beautiful jewelry. Beryllium is highly corrosive to human skin. Beryllium is a Category 1 carcinogen. Inhalation of beryllium dust causes a lung disease known as berylliosis.

It can also be fashioned into some beautiful jewelry. Beryllium. Invest in the future. Caution. Do not fashion into beautiful jewelry. Beryllium is highly corrosive to human skin. Beryllium is a Category 1 carcinogen. Inhalation of beryllium dust causes a lung disease known as berylliosis.

Well, the risks are outlined. Another molar. So how much virulium can I put you down for, John? All right, I'll get back to you.

Well, the risks are outlined. Another molar. So how much virulium can I put you down for, John? All right, I'll get back to you.

Hawaii. Not only is it an island paradise, it's also been held up as a model for healthcare reform. Here, government mandates that businesses give health insurance to any employee working over 20 hours a week, resulting in near universal coverage. Which made it the perfect place for the Republican National Committee to hold their annual meeting and deliver one key message.

Hawaii. Not only is it an island paradise, it's also been held up as a model for healthcare reform. Here, government mandates that businesses give health insurance to any employee working over 20 hours a week, resulting in near universal coverage. Which made it the perfect place for the Republican National Committee to hold their annual meeting and deliver one key message.

Do you think the American people should be thanking the Republican Party for destroying the healthcare bill?

Do you think the American people should be thanking the Republican Party for destroying the healthcare bill?

But for some reason, Hawaiians didn't understand how bad their own system was. Healthcare is awesome, you know, especially with my baby.

But for some reason, Hawaiians didn't understand how bad their own system was. Healthcare is awesome, you know, especially with my baby.

You have health insurance. This guy has health insurance. The guy with a skateboard and without functioning shoelaces. How the f*** does that work out? Even visitors to the island were initially impressed.