John Oliver

Confirmation in the Senate, there's no motion. Obama could have used a recess appointment to give her the job without her vote, but he didn't do it because his feelings weren't that strong. Wow. But you know what? That's interesting. You know what, John? It doesn't matter. I've still got 400 tough new rules to remake our broken and corrupt financial system.

They're working great. The ones that are written are working great.

They're working great. The ones that are written are working great.

It's a magic number. Yes, it is. Oh, it's a magic number. It might not be 400 or 150 or 77, but it's 38. And that's a magic number. Let's do this. Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling. LA Clippers forward Dale Wilkinson. Projectors tailback Reggie Rivers. They walk 38. And it's a magic number. Oh, it's a magic number.

It's a magic number. Yes, it is. Oh, it's a magic number. It might not be 400 or 150 or 77, but it's 38. And that's a magic number. Let's do this. Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling. LA Clippers forward Dale Wilkinson. Projectors tailback Reggie Rivers. They walk 38. And it's a magic number. Oh, it's a magic number.

You'll just have to take my word for it. He definitely exists.

You'll just have to take my word for it. He definitely exists.

Lobby, Lobby, that's your stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Hold it. I can't do this. Blaming lobbyists is a cop-out, John. Here's what's going down. This whole financial reform thing is a sham. The only way that Congress would pass me was if the details of my rules and regulations were left unspecified, giving K Street lobbyists all the time they would need to water me down post passage.

Lobby, Lobby, that's your stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Hold it. I can't do this. Blaming lobbyists is a cop-out, John. Here's what's going down. This whole financial reform thing is a sham. The only way that Congress would pass me was if the details of my rules and regulations were left unspecified, giving K Street lobbyists all the time they would need to water me down post passage.

And you know what? Exactly. Boo, exactly. Thank you, boys and girls. Thank you. And do you know what? If any actual tough rule managed to squeak through, Congress people cut the budget of the agency responsible for enforcing it. The whole thing is a giant punt. I'm no law. I'm no law, John. I'm just an undefined, impotent, 2,300-page piece of legislative ****. You see this?

And you know what? Exactly. Boo, exactly. Thank you, boys and girls. Thank you. And do you know what? If any actual tough rule managed to squeak through, Congress people cut the budget of the agency responsible for enforcing it. The whole thing is a giant punt. I'm no law. I'm no law, John. I'm just an undefined, impotent, 2,300-page piece of legislative ****. You see this?

You see this here, John? LAUGHTER I stole this off the Voting Rights Act of 1965!

You see this here, John? LAUGHTER I stole this off the Voting Rights Act of 1965!

I know. I'm just a law, but my ass was raw. And my balls put through a circular saw. And everyone who swore up and down to support me Now they want Planned Parenthood to lay term aboard me. Last night I got hit by a car. It's gone too far for this law. Did I mention my ass was f***ing wrong?

I know. I'm just a law, but my ass was raw. And my balls put through a circular saw. And everyone who swore up and down to support me Now they want Planned Parenthood to lay term aboard me. Last night I got hit by a car. It's gone too far for this law. Did I mention my ass was f***ing wrong?

Come on, John.

Come on, John.

What's she talking about?

What's she talking about?

Oh, let's see, let's see. Actually, I talked with this one chick. She had a pretty nice rack. Kind of a butter face. Anyway, she said, and I quote, Oh my God! The debate was awesome! You know.