John Oliver

The prodigal son appears to have returned

Oh, no, no, no, no, John. I am here to gloat. America had its little fun, didn't you? Experimenting with democracy. You fought so hard to get away from us. Acting up, throwing all that tea into the harbor. You still owe us for that, by the way.

Oh, no, no, no, no, John. I am here to gloat. America had its little fun, didn't you? Experimenting with democracy. You fought so hard to get away from us. Acting up, throwing all that tea into the harbor. You still owe us for that, by the way.

me how much it was just tea john it was it was just tea you take that back you take that back right now i know i know it's a very sensitive beverage the point is you told everybody that you were going to be different you weren't going to turn out like your mean old dad who was so horrible to you when you were growing up so we sat back

me how much it was just tea john it was it was just tea you take that back you take that back right now i know i know it's a very sensitive beverage the point is you told everybody that you were going to be different you weren't going to turn out like your mean old dad who was so horrible to you when you were growing up so we sat back

We let you spend your wild teen years experimenting with your ridiculous ideas of checks and balances because deep down we knew that once you got that nonsense out of your system, you'd be backed. In fact, if I may sing from Hamilton. I'd really, I'd appreciate not. That's fair. What I'm saying is, let me be the first to welcome America to its monarchy era. Congratulations, everyone.

We let you spend your wild teen years experimenting with your ridiculous ideas of checks and balances because deep down we knew that once you got that nonsense out of your system, you'd be backed. In fact, if I may sing from Hamilton. I'd really, I'd appreciate not. That's fair. What I'm saying is, let me be the first to welcome America to its monarchy era. Congratulations, everyone.

You can now take your place in the pantheon of great empires alongside the British, the Roman, the Klingon, Wakanda, whatever one Babar the Elephant was the ruler of, I forget. Hold on a second, Mr. Oliver. Yes. If I may. Yes.

You can now take your place in the pantheon of great empires alongside the British, the Roman, the Klingon, Wakanda, whatever one Babar the Elephant was the ruler of, I forget. Hold on a second, Mr. Oliver. Yes. If I may. Yes.

Yeah, but why not, John? You really prefer the system that you have right now? Oh, I need 51 votes. for a bill to pass? Is the vice president in town to break a tie? Or, wait, is this one of the bills that needs 60 votes for no clear reason? Well, I'm sorry, little Timmy, no health care for you.

Yeah, but why not, John? You really prefer the system that you have right now? Oh, I need 51 votes. for a bill to pass? Is the vice president in town to break a tie? Or, wait, is this one of the bills that needs 60 votes for no clear reason? Well, I'm sorry, little Timmy, no health care for you.

It does not sound great when you put it like that. Oh, you mean when I put it entirely accurately, Sean? It doesn't sound great? What I'm saying is don't fight being a monarchy, John. Embrace it. Kings get shit done. Now, is it stuff that you want done? Not necessarily, but they do move quick. They taste cumin at lunch, and they've taken over an entire continent by dinner time.

It does not sound great when you put it like that. Oh, you mean when I put it entirely accurately, Sean? It doesn't sound great? What I'm saying is don't fight being a monarchy, John. Embrace it. Kings get shit done. Now, is it stuff that you want done? Not necessarily, but they do move quick. They taste cumin at lunch, and they've taken over an entire continent by dinner time.

That is how the British rolls, John. everyone else, they're not like us. In fact, if I may sing a line from Mr. Kendrick Lamar. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I really, I really don't think you should do that.

That is how the British rolls, John. everyone else, they're not like us. In fact, if I may sing a line from Mr. Kendrick Lamar. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I really, I really don't think you should do that.

Oh. First of all, how dare you? We are technically between empires at the moment, but we're keeping our castles warm and our crowns bejeweled for the day that we get back onto our feet. Look, no offense, but I'm not sure the imperial model is for us. Oh, really? The imperial model isn't for you, John? Have you seen anything America's done over the last 50 years?

Oh. First of all, how dare you? We are technically between empires at the moment, but we're keeping our castles warm and our crowns bejeweled for the day that we get back onto our feet. Look, no offense, but I'm not sure the imperial model is for us. Oh, really? The imperial model isn't for you, John? Have you seen anything America's done over the last 50 years?

Because for a country that doesn't want to be an empire, you're doing a pretty good impression of one right now. Invasions, economic exploitations are now suggesting turning Gaza into a beachfront casino? Even King George would have been like, I don't know, guys. It feels like the situation's a bit more complicated than that, and I'm literally dying of medieval brain disease. He was.

Because for a country that doesn't want to be an empire, you're doing a pretty good impression of one right now. Invasions, economic exploitations are now suggesting turning Gaza into a beachfront casino? Even King George would have been like, I don't know, guys. It feels like the situation's a bit more complicated than that, and I'm literally dying of medieval brain disease. He was.

He was doing that. He was dying. He was dying of a medieval brain disease. It drove him crazy, but he could see that it was an unreasonable request.