John R. Miles

they're just paddling and paddling with their feet as fast as they can go because they're not feeling seen.

They're not feeling accepted.

And I have to tell you, when you lose that sense of mattering, it's compounding because to me, mattering is really the core operating system that we have.

And if you don't feel like you matter, it's nearly impossible for you to make someone else feel like they matter.

And so therefore you're not gonna get the reciprocal mattering felt back to you.

And I think,

For so many of us, we're in such a hurry today that we're not giving that attention to other people like we have for a millennia before the times we're living in now.

Do you relate to that?

Thank you for sharing that.

I wanted to move the discussion to the topic of expectations, manifestation and the brain.

And as I was doing research on you, I realized you and I do something similar, but a little bit different.

When we both do public speaking, I oftentimes.

plant a golden ticket under one or two of the chairs in the audience and i start with an ice break about who's got the golden ticket and the golden ticket if they win it is they win a copy of my book but what they don't realize is typically if they get the golden ticket it also means i'm likely going to bring them up on stage for an exercise so they have to earn the book yeah yeah yeah

But you do an example where you ask the audience who wants to win the lottery and what ends up happening?

Do people raise their hands?

You say something fascinating that I've heard you say in a couple other interviews, and that is we don't always get what we want, we get what we expect.

And why are expectations so powerful in shaping our behavior and outcomes?

know when i think about manifestation which has become so hugely popular i often think about the story of matthew mcconaughey and how a decade ago or so he wrote down on a piece of paper these things he wanted to happen in his life and for him they've all seemed to come true but for a lot of people they do vision boards affirmations they ask the universe for things

And so oftentimes it doesn't come true.

You talk about evidence-based manifestation, which you were alluding to, and having to do the real work to make these things come true.