John R. Miles

Thinking about that squeeze period, how should couples think about dividing responsibilities in a way that feels fair, even as their circumstances change?

Because I know this was something that when I had kids, we went through, like trying to think about it because our kids had a six year spread.

but they were both involved in different activities and it got really complicated as they got older, as they were both wanting to do things.

And we were both trying to meet their needs and meet our needs and the family needs, et cetera.

You see where I'm going.

So I want to go back now that we've explained a lot of this to that analogy that I gave earlier of you're living in a house, you're

I think one of the things that happens in modern partnerships, and it's something that you highlight in the book, is that they often lack explicit negotiation.

So I think what that ends up doing is it ends up, if you think about this in economics, in resource allocation being done in an unfair way.

So when that happens, it leads to mismatched expectations and ultimately to resentment, which I think is what causes a lot of the breakups that we see today or anger or pent up frustration that people have.

So from your standpoint examining this, how do you think partnerships could do a better job doing these negotiations?

Because I think sometimes what we end up in is we get trapped where we're at.

So you get trapped being that person who's the floor, and then you don't know how do you go from the floor to being a chair again.

ultimately what I kind of inferred from the book is that the notion of having it all is really unrealistic and poorly defined.

But what I liked about it is what I think you're really proposing, which really goes to a lot of what I'm interested in is

It's really about having enough of what matters most to you.

Going back to that personal utility and the value system.

If you think about future self, what would be your advice to listeners on if they're thinking about that future self that they're crafting, how do they approach that in a way that they'll have enough of what matters most to them so that they're not the 76% that Tom Gilovich talks about in the twilight phase of your life?

Thank you so much for that, Corinne.

And last thing I wanted to ask you, because I have heard you talk about this, that you're not the biggest fan of chasing your passion, which when I think of passion struck, isn't what the meaning is.

I'd love to ask this question for you.