John Robbins

Oh, no.

That's livid.

Missing his target by a footstep.

John is somehow overtaken by Ivo Graham, who was pushing Rosie Jones.

Even though they haven't entered, Ivo's wearing work shoes and a David Byrne baggy suit, and they did the Manchester Marathon last week.

In response to this, both John and Dave explode.

So many people complain about the mess.

This makes the London Marathon is cancelled forever.

And by order of royal decree, I am prevented from ever podcasting again.

And I retrain as a tree surgeon.

Scenario number two.

John finishes in a time he's really pleased with, and as he's running over Tower Bridge, he realises that incredibly amazingly, somehow, running the marathon has solved all of his problems.

He then realises that being able to buy a slotted spoon or dehumidifier without hours of introspection has robbed him of his comedic gifts, meaning he's now technically unemployable as a stand-up and he explodes again.

With a nickel in his calf, Dave runs a 2.59 marathon and crosses the line hand-in-hand with his arch-nemesis, George Lewis.

That'll be nice.

They French kiss at the finish line and Benetton offers them both the modeling contract.

But George's wife and Hannah say it's hot, hot, hot.

Scenario number three.

I've never met anyone who has prepared as diligently for anything, which means the unimaginable happens.

John wins.