John "Shrek" McPhee

You know, you got to put up like a poncho hooch, like knee high.

You got to sleep under it out in the field, right?

So I'm under my poncho hooch and I was like, I'm just going to walk over to the medic thing and just ask for some Vaseline or something.

Vaseline, gauze, any type of lube.

You know what I mean?

So...

I go to the medic station.

I knock on the Humvee.

He opens the back of the, you know, the old medic Humvee where the stairs came down and the doors, right?

So I go up in there, and it's me and him in the back of a Humvee, so we're like two feet apart.

You know what I mean?

And I was like, hey, my legs, inner thighs are a little chafed, kind of like bottom of my butt cheeks also.

Like, could I get some Vaseline or something?

He's like, drop your drawers, show me.

We're like this fucking far away in the back of a Humvee, the medical Humvee, you know what I mean?

What?

And he's like, drop your drawer, show me.

And I'm like, this motherfucker right here.

So literally bent over, spread my ass cheeks and made sure I got it as close to his fucking face as possible.

You know what I mean?