John Smith

And I don't know if one specific bird catches their eye or if one of them is closer to them than some of the others, but they scope out the penguins and they decide they're going to take this little guy. His name's Dirk. Now, let's talk about Dirk for a second. Dirk is seven years old and he was born in captivity. And so he's lived in an enclosure his whole life. And he's just a little guy.

He's like 13 inches tall, just over a foot tall. And his particular breed, the fairy penguin, when they choose a mate, it is for life. Like they are monogamous as hell. And Dirk, you know, he's got himself a little boo. Her name is Peaches. And Dirk thinks Peaches is foint. And the last thing he wants on this earth is to be separated from Peaches.

He's like 13 inches tall, just over a foot tall. And his particular breed, the fairy penguin, when they choose a mate, it is for life. Like they are monogamous as hell. And Dirk, you know, he's got himself a little boo. Her name is Peaches. And Dirk thinks Peaches is foint. And the last thing he wants on this earth is to be separated from Peaches.

He's like 13 inches tall, just over a foot tall. And his particular breed, the fairy penguin, when they choose a mate, it is for life. Like they are monogamous as hell. And Dirk, you know, he's got himself a little boo. Her name is Peaches. And Dirk thinks Peaches is foint. And the last thing he wants on this earth is to be separated from Peaches.

But Reese, Carrie, and James, they don't know all this and they probably don't care because they're still really drunk. And so boom, they snatch Dirk up and they head for the exit. Sometime later, Reese and Carrie get back to their apartment and they take some pictures of Dirk and some videos.

But Reese, Carrie, and James, they don't know all this and they probably don't care because they're still really drunk. And so boom, they snatch Dirk up and they head for the exit. Sometime later, Reese and Carrie get back to their apartment and they take some pictures of Dirk and some videos.

But Reese, Carrie, and James, they don't know all this and they probably don't care because they're still really drunk. And so boom, they snatch Dirk up and they head for the exit. Sometime later, Reese and Carrie get back to their apartment and they take some pictures of Dirk and some videos.

Anyway, once they get tired of playing with him, I guess Reese puts him in his walk-in closet and he shuts the door and he locks him in there. And then both the guys go and pass out. And poor Dirk, I mean, it's all dark in there and he doesn't understand what the hell is going on. The next morning, Reese is like, wow, that was a crazy night. We broke into SeaWorld and swam with the dolphins.

Anyway, once they get tired of playing with him, I guess Reese puts him in his walk-in closet and he shuts the door and he locks him in there. And then both the guys go and pass out. And poor Dirk, I mean, it's all dark in there and he doesn't understand what the hell is going on. The next morning, Reese is like, wow, that was a crazy night. We broke into SeaWorld and swam with the dolphins.

Anyway, once they get tired of playing with him, I guess Reese puts him in his walk-in closet and he shuts the door and he locks him in there. And then both the guys go and pass out. And poor Dirk, I mean, it's all dark in there and he doesn't understand what the hell is going on. The next morning, Reese is like, wow, that was a crazy night. We broke into SeaWorld and swam with the dolphins.

But swimming with the dolphins is the last thing he remembers. And so he gets out of bed and he's all hungover and he's got to start his day. He probably got dressed and brushed his teeth thinking, oh, this is going to be just another fairly normal day. Until Reese goes to open the door to his walk-in closet and he looks down and standing there is a whole ass penguin looking right back at him.

But swimming with the dolphins is the last thing he remembers. And so he gets out of bed and he's all hungover and he's got to start his day. He probably got dressed and brushed his teeth thinking, oh, this is going to be just another fairly normal day. Until Reese goes to open the door to his walk-in closet and he looks down and standing there is a whole ass penguin looking right back at him.

But swimming with the dolphins is the last thing he remembers. And so he gets out of bed and he's all hungover and he's got to start his day. He probably got dressed and brushed his teeth thinking, oh, this is going to be just another fairly normal day. Until Reese goes to open the door to his walk-in closet and he looks down and standing there is a whole ass penguin looking right back at him.

And I'm sure he probably freaked out like, Carrie, why is there a f***ing penguin in the closet? I mean, who knows if Carrie even remembers last night either. Meanwhile, back at SeaWorld, I'm sure the staff has opened up the park by now. And I'm sure they've noticed one of their animals missing. And I'm sure they've got their whole staff scouring the park looking for Dirk.

And I'm sure he probably freaked out like, Carrie, why is there a f***ing penguin in the closet? I mean, who knows if Carrie even remembers last night either. Meanwhile, back at SeaWorld, I'm sure the staff has opened up the park by now. And I'm sure they've noticed one of their animals missing. And I'm sure they've got their whole staff scouring the park looking for Dirk.

And I'm sure he probably freaked out like, Carrie, why is there a f***ing penguin in the closet? I mean, who knows if Carrie even remembers last night either. Meanwhile, back at SeaWorld, I'm sure the staff has opened up the park by now. And I'm sure they've noticed one of their animals missing. And I'm sure they've got their whole staff scouring the park looking for Dirk.

I mean, who do you even call when a penguin goes missing? Regardless, being that the guys are in their early 20s, they think this whole situation is just hilarious.

I mean, who do you even call when a penguin goes missing? Regardless, being that the guys are in their early 20s, they think this whole situation is just hilarious.

I mean, who do you even call when a penguin goes missing? Regardless, being that the guys are in their early 20s, they think this whole situation is just hilarious.

And so they take some more videos and some more pictures of Dirk, and they're like, oh, maybe he's hungry. And they try to feed him people food, but I guess Dirk really isn't feeling that. So then they're thinking, well, penguins like water. We have water. And so they put him in the shower so that he'll be in a wet environment.