Johnny Smacks

I love what we do.

I'd probably be doing something like...

Yeah, I want to live in a hotel.

That's it.

If there's any hotels out there that want to put me up full time, I will live in your hotel.

like you know i live in a normal house with a normal size bat yeah i'm six foot and i'm 14 and a half nearly 15 stone you're a big man i don't fit into a normal bat but then you go like to the hotels and they're fucking massive bats jace you'd have a family inside them that you know you know you could just get a bigger bath in your house now no no what else nicer man someone change your linen all the channels you don't have to pay for the sky you don't have a living room

Yeah, I'm sure, like, you know, do you really need it?

Like, just go to their house, man.

Call over to the gaff there.

Call down there to the sitting room, we'll have a game of FIFA.

You'd be just sitting inside in the boardroom playing.

I don't know, I want to live in a hotel, I like it.

You know that, like, when we go away.

sauna sauna yeah a good gym to be fair like you know we judging by what I just said for the last 10 minutes but I do actually go to the gym because if I didn't I would be like Pavarotti I'd be humongous lads I'd be Robbie Coltrane and stuff like but it'd have to have a decent gym and a sauna and maybe a hot tub oh yeah I'd drive like I'm happy enough there then for the rest of my life you don't ask for much nah good grub and that's about it and the dressing gowns

yeah do you know the big white dressing gowns big white dressing gowns yeah a new one every day every day bring me a fresh one embroidered washed in Paco Rabanne smell of one million of it here's your dressing gown Mr Smacks yeah thank you thank you so that's what that's what we'd be doing lads if we weren't into Johnny's I'd be still in super value happy out with me owl butchering chatting to owl ones and haggling with owl fellas who want four cent off a chop and you would be out knocking down ash trees and making Harley still

Jeez, lad.

I tell you, your hands have never been softer.

It's true, lad.

Yeah?

My hands are starting to go soft from lack of hardship.