Chapter 1: What is the Two Johnnies podcast about?
it's the two johnny's podcast the two johnny's podcast two johnny's recording a podcast
Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to the Two Johnnies podcast. I'm Johnny Smacks. I'm Johnny B. And we are the Two Johnnies. And we're here, lads. We're bringing it to you, the podcast. It's what you've all been waiting for. Nah, it's not really. No, we just said we better do it like everybody seems to be.
Chapter 2: What recent activities have the Two Johnnies been involved in?
Everybody seems to be doing an old podcast.
Nobody has been waiting for this, man.
The idea of this podcast, we're going to bring you all the news, fun, crack from the world of the Two Johnnies and beyond. We will be debating serious topics, fun topics, all the things you're going to need in your life. This is literally how to live your life by the Two Johnnies.
Do not listen to any of our advice.
This is a disclaimer. Do not take any advice from anything you're about to hear.
Right, so look, we are the Two Johnnies. We're from Tipperary.
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Chapter 3: What funny experiences did the Two Johnnies have during their gigs?
We're comedians, singers, internet personalities.
television as well we were on it once nah I'm joking a fella come up to me and he got says to the girlfriend take a photo of me with this lad and she says oh god don't tell me he's a fucking blogger I said no I'm not a blogger that laugh that lovely lady laugh you're after here and there that's Maura our producer she's been tasked with the job of keeping us in line commiseration there Maura sorry sorry in advance Maura but straight in Johnny what have we been up to the last week
What you been up to, Johnny? We released a single. We did. For Valentine's Day. It was called Shift. It was very romantic. And we went about promoting that. We were on the radio.
Chapter 4: How do the Two Johnnies feel about social media's impact on kids?
We did a pancake eating competition on Spin. We lost. Which I was very surprised about.
It was fixed though, to be honest. It definitely was.
To be fair, the anchor on the radio station was a big man.
he's a good man he's a good man to eat the pancakes now we gave a good attempt they were protein pancakes and they were wicked like they were wicked heavy and all American pancakes go away with them dirt dirt I'm sick of these protein Everton like when I'm eating a pancake I'm not thinking about my protein intake just give me the little light ones little crepe drop a lemon just like mammy does like mammy does maybe a little bit of honey
Bit of sugar if you're feeling exotic or you're sweet enough.
No need for the big take American Yorks. And then we tipped on up to Dublin. We're on the radio again. And it was great fun.
Yeah, we're all with Dermot and Dave, sound lads. Then we tipped on to the 6 o'clock show, the lovely Mirren and Martin King. Martin's a good old crack, isn't he? Ah, how are you boys? He's like an uncle, like you'd be looking forward to seeing at a wedding. He's pure sound out with his Czech shirt on.
And Mirren is like Gabe Arne with nice legs.
Yeah, Mirren's lovely, isn't she?
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Chapter 5: What are the Two Johnnies' thoughts on the current state of reality TV?
Ah, we love Mirren. Yeah, we wanted her for Valentine's Day. And then we went and had a few drinks. One or two. One or two, yeah.
I got a grilled sea bass in the Bleeding Horse.
Yeah, I had a couple of pints of Peroni for my dinner. While you were watching Liverpool? While I was watching Liverpool, yeah. 5-0 win.
It's actually a difficult task. We said to Mara, take us somewhere in Dublin where we can watch Champions League, drink pints and eat a nice dinner at the same time. It was challenging.
It was very challenging. We got there though. Of course we ended up on Camden Street. Yeah, and we went home to Rhines, which is now our second home. And then we went straight home. Yeah. And it took us from 11 o'clock when we arrived in Rhines until half past four in the morning to get home.
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Chapter 6: What advice do the Two Johnnies give to parents about social media?
It was a massive journey across town.
But shall we be working very hard? We're allowed the odd little break.
Yeah. What's ahead for this week? What's coming up? We're going gigging.
We're going gigging. Oh, yeah. Call it Rag Week is in full swing.
Rag Week is in... In other news, Rag Week is in full swing. There's fellas skipping college and eating pot noodle till it comes out of their ears.
We're going to Athlone doing the comedy show and then we're tipping on to Carlo doing a two-piece music gig just for fun. Just for the crack. You know what I mean?
It's just... We've done it before and it's the only place we kind of do that, isn't it? Like we just go up when we're bored and just bang out a load of songs. Carlo, in fairness, is wild. Oh, it is absolutely insanely wild, yeah. The only place you get a burger and a box on the mountain is the same place.
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Chapter 7: What humorous anecdotes do the Two Johnnies share about their past jobs?
Carlow Town has to be one of the rawest towns in Ireland, as much as I love them now.
Yeah, yeah. Once you drive in and see the belt buckles, you know you're in trouble, mate. If a fella's wearing belt buckles, mate, I tell you, get out of there. The big 501 jeans. Big pair of Wrangler jeans, boot cut. They're not even available anymore. Limited edition. The Carlow edition.
And then we're in Wexford town. No, we're in somewhere in Wexford. Curlithlow. We're in Curlithlow.
Come on, Johnny, yeah?
Next Saturday night.
Good man to plug that there.
Doing a comedy show.
I think. I think. So that's what's ahead of us.
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Chapter 8: What is the Yurt or Dirt segment and what do the Two Johnnies recommend?
And a few Facebook sketches and all that kind of crack. That'll still be ongoing, yeah. But as we were saying, the idea of this podcast is that we can kind of get into the meat and two veg, John. The big issues. So we opened up our Snapchat, Instagram, and everywhere else during the week. And we're asking what you'd like to hear us discuss and what topics you'd like.
And the first topic, the big one that came in, was if you weren't a full-time Johnny, what would your full-time job be? Johnny B.
God, I don't know. Well, I mean, anyone who follows us on Snapchat would know my family are hurley makers. And we've been at that for generations. My grandfather was a hurley maker and the father and uncle, the whole lot of them. So that's what I would definitely be at. No two ways about it.
I'd just be modelling. Full-time. Yeah. Hand modelling. No, I'm joking. I was a butcher before I was a full-time Johnny. And before that, I worked in a bacon factory. And before that, I worked in a clothes shop. And before that, I worked in a petrol station. I've had seven full-time jobs and I'm only 26. Yeah.
You are a disgrace to humanity.
Oh, I'll tell you one thing, man. Did you ever have any bad experiences in jobs? I was telling you about the clothes shop. Are you going to tell this? Yeah, I'll tell that.
Go on. Your mother is so proud of you, man.
Oh, man. I used to work in a clothes shop. I'm not going to say what clothes shop because I worked in a few. No, you can't either because I don't want them billing me. So the clothes used to arrive in and they tasked me with having a Stanley blade. You know, it's a big deal, man. I had a Stanley blade.
So I used to stand, like your man said, don't Stanley the boxes when they come in, you know, because the knife's very sharp. I said, no bother. And I Stanley'd every box that came in there. But the problem was people kept bringing back XXL shirts. And there was a rip in the same spot in every shirt. And your man went to the manufacturers. He couldn't get to the bottom of it.
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