Jon Stewart

He said in order to keep them out of the hands of neo-Nazis.

Abdullah Chetila said he will donate the items to a Jewish group.

He said he paid more than $600,000 at the Munich auction last week.

Did you know that not all Americans celebrate Christmas?

It's true.

Many American Jews celebrate a completely different holiday called, how come we don't get to celebrate Christmas?

It's actually called the Republican Jewish Coalition Forum.

It's celebrated every four years.

For this holiday, Jews commemorate the miracle of incredibly religious Christian presidential candidates fighting over who loves Jews more.

And lo, God provided the Hebrews two good-looking Mormons, though they had prayed for but one.

Well, to be honest, none.

They wanted Giuliani, but that's not going to happen.

So who will win the tuchus kiss-off?

Karen and I have been to Israel.

We bought one of those, you know, tiles that said, pray for the peace of Jerusalem.

And we have that on our kitchen right above our sink.

Oh!

So Santorum opens with, I have one of your tchotchkes.

And I was also thinking about buying one of them glass birds that looks like they're drinking.

Maybe it has a little tiny top hat that says Israel, but, you know, wouldn't fit in the luggage.