Jonathan Rottenberg

And I had support of my then-girlfriend, and she stayed with me.

But I became more and more difficult to be around.

I became more emotionally volatile.

I spent

hours and hours crying.

I started to experience suicidal fantasies of not wanting to be alive or even believing that I simply wouldn't have a future.

It became more and more difficult for me to imagine that I would have a future.

I didn't see myself as ever being able to emerge from this because the depression felt like it was

bigger than me.

It was stronger than me.

It was more powerful than me.

And that was a horrible feeling of powerlessness.

Completely.

By this point, I had gone on leave from my history program.

I had told my advisor that I was probably not coming back to the program, which was very, very difficult.

And the path forward was very unclear.

I knew that I was somehow continuing with my relationship with Laura, which was incredible that she was staying with me.

But I wasn't sure that I was going to make it to the other side.

I really had a lot of doubt that I was going to make it to the other side.

And I was at my limit.