Jonathan Rottenberg

Every day I felt I was at my absolute limit of what I could possibly bear.

I thought that no person, no person can bear this.

I mean, I felt completely obliterated.

It lasted, I guess you could say, four years.

And it involved my really dedicating myself and sinking myself into the study of psychology, into the study of mood disorders.

I applied to graduate school.

I thought, maybe I can rehabilitate myself.

Maybe I can rehabilitate my mind.

And miraculously, I was admitted to a PhD program, actually a really tremendous PhD program at Stanford University.

And that was where my wife's family was from.

And so she was overjoyed.

By that point, we were married and divorced.

expecting a child.

So there were things I could imagine that there were things to live for, even if I felt like I was faking it every day.

I was still struggling to concentrate.

I did not feel confident in my ability to do this Ph.D.

program, but I was going to try.

And the idea that I would have the opportunity to understand depression, it felt like in my heart my only chance.

I think it was enough to gradually move me in the direction that I needed to be.

And I sort of returned to the land of the living.