Jordan Harbinger

I'm not cruel.

I'm not selfish.

I'm not capricious.

It's her.

Yeah, that's kind of the vibe I'm getting, really.

Such an important point.

I might even go a step further and say your goal obviously shouldn't be to hurt your wife, but part of your job might be to gently and appropriately push her to talk about some things that might bring up some difficult feelings in her, for example.

Because to state the obvious, there's no growth or progress or coming to terms without some pain.

That's just that's how it works.

There just isn't.

You can't do that.

Yes, calling their attention to the things they need to look at, being in a difficult process with them without taking over, challenging them to put words to feelings even as you're being patient, whatever it is, it's not gonna be a walk in the park.

So that's where your wife's story becomes about you.

In a way, you're both coming out of the closet.

Different closets, both involve fear, shame,

fragility and uneasiness around your true needs.

And hey, maybe that's even something you bring to her or bring up in couples therapy and you show her what it looks like to say some difficult things and open yourself up to help.

Maybe that'll show her that it's survivable and she'll be inspired to do the same.

I'm really sorry you and your wife have been through all this.

I'm also, again, touched by the way you've shown up for her through all of this.