Jordan Harbinger

So my point is, it might help her to get clear on what she's actually afraid of really, and then maybe she can work on that.

And if she wants to resolve this conflict, she's going to have to really unpack it.

So one element of that is clearly her childhood.

Another is these more philosophical positions about men and women.

Another is how she works with her feelings in general, including the struggle to hold her own feelings despite these intellectual positions.

For example, trusting that if she can love her boy cousins this deeply, she can love her own son too, no matter what the data says.

And by the way, there's no reason that that love can't grow even stronger by acknowledging the power and the responsibilities of her potential future son's gender, because those things don't automatically make a boy bad.

And I just want to call that out too.

Could not agree more.

That to me is the most fruitful path towards trusting men again.

The data in your own history tell you it's a dangerous game.

I totally get that.

I'm not minimizing any of that.

But alongside that, we can also make room for what about your choices?

What about your personality, your outlook, the way you relate to men?

What about the experiences you can choose to generate from this point forward?

You said you're looking for hope.

I appreciate that.

That tells me that there's a part of you that still believes in the potential in men.

And if you're going to find the right one, and I believe you can, you're going to have to be able to clock the bad ones and spot the good ones.