Jordan Harbinger

And the first thing our expert said was, your concerns about career consequences are incredibly valid.

She confirmed that the military system can absolutely impact things like command notification, being put on limited duty, security clearance, deployability, potentially a medical board.

So she completely understood why someone nearing retirement would feel terrified about potentially jeopardizing the benefits they've worked their entire adult life to earn.

But, and she was very direct with us about this, she said that the suicidal risk you're describing, it's simply too high.

She hears you that your goal is to make it through the next three years, secure the stability you've sacrificed so much for, deeply understandable, of course.

But as she pointed out, if you die before then, which you've come dangerously close to multiple times, which you seem to think is quite possible, then none of the benefits are really going to matter.

And she's speaking to a few parts of your letter.

The consideration of multiple suicide methods, the obtaining of means, the self-aborted attempts, the sense that your mood states are completely outside of your control.

All of these, she said, are major warning signs.

She said that what you're describing, it's very consistent with untreated bipolar 2 disorder.

In the depressive episodes and bipolar illness, they can carry serious suicide risk when not medically managed.

To quote her here, if this person were my client, every alarm bell I have as a clinician would be going off.

So our expert wanted to share something specific with you.

She wanted you to hear this very clearly.

You're right about one thing.

You've worked far too hard in your life and you are far too valuable to keep going down the path that you've been heading.

Powerful words.

I got to say, I wholeheartedly second those words.

That said, how this plays out if you ask for help, our expert said that that could look a few different ways.

We don't know your branch of service, your command climate, but in her experience working around military populations, the responses to a service member asking for help, they vary widely.