Jordan Jensen
👤 PersonPodcast Appearances
Yeah, in case you need to write notes.
So I can figure out what the wrong stuff is and stop doing it.
And people keep giving me new shit.
It's like everybody knows that I keep a bunch of shit on this desk.
So people give me shit to put on this desk.
And now it's getting kind of crazy where I'm going to have to have a shelf.
Look, I have like mammoth teeth.
It was cut out of a woolly mammoth tooth.
Oh, that's a don't blow it.
Yeah, Aztec death whistle.
Brian Callen blew one right before COVID hit.
I'm not saying he caused it.
But there's a lot of videos saying he caused it.
That would be a death whistle.
I think it was technically, I think when he blew it, it had already like caught on in China.
Unless we're in a simulation.
Yeah, that was a fascinating podcast.
She's got a Netflix series out right now where someone plays her, which has got to be super fucking weird.
Like someone else plays her in like a dramatization of her getting wrongly accused at 20 years old of a murder where they had all this evidence that this guy who broke into the house fucking murdered her.
His DNA was there and they ignored it because they didn't want to admit they were wrong.
Because cops are cunts.
No, I don't know what he said.
I don't know what happened.
But I know that they started.
Oh, that he was in on it.
They had a narrative that she did it, that she caused the murder.
The guy started with that and he stuck with it.
And even when there was evidence that showed that there was a guy in there and then the guy did it and then the window was broken and somebody broke into the house.
Well, I don't think he eventually ever did anything.
No, like she actually had a meeting with him, which is crazy.
Like after the fact, like forgave him.
But she's a white girl.
And then they retried her in absentia.
So she was in America while they were trying her in Italy again.
Give her some fucking money.
Well, I talked to a guy that had been in solitary for years.
Yeah, you get no contact.
Well, this guy Shaka that we had on the podcast, he's great.
Well, beyond like super smart.
He wrote in there, educated himself in there, too.
Oh, you can read books and read in there.
I mean, they don't just give you nothing.
Human beings need human contact.
It's the worst first conversation of the day.
Yeah, that's why I always bring friends on the road.
You don't want to be like that weirdo in the hotel room by yourself.
The weird one is when you wake up and you don't know what city you're in.
That's not the only reason why you got your dog.
How long have you had her?
Was she full grown when you got her?
I've had dogs where you adopt them full grown, and it was great.
I had this dog named Lucy.
And then I had another dog named Squeaky Fromm that was a real nightmare.
Maybe it was because I named her Squeaky Fromm after one of the Manson family members.
Oh, yeah, that'll happen.
She had a squeaky voice.
She had been barking so much in the pound that when I got her out of the pound, her voice was like, ow.
And then eventually it got normal again because she didn't have to bark 24 hours a day.
She had worn out vocal cords.
She had a totally normal bark.
But I was like, oh, my God, her bark is like a smoker.
Yeah, we had a Doberman once that was a rescue that we had to get rid of.
He had distemper, and he got really crazy, like growling at us and barking at us out of nowhere.
And I was a little kid.
Oh, you were a little kid.
And it was like, yo, we got rid of him.
They don't live long enough.
They're your best friends.
I have a dog named Marshall.
He's a golden retriever.
He'll be nine in a couple of months.
And it's just like, oh, no.
I've had him since he was a baby.
I'm like, he's only got a few years left.
They get to be like 12, and that's kind of it.
13, maybe 14, and then they're really hurting.
Apparently there's a drug that they've developed for dogs, like a longevity drug.
I don't know if they've released it yet, but I know that it shows promise and extend dogs' lifetime.
I don't know if I'd listen to Whitney.
Whitney gets a little woo-woo with her dog.
I've heard of rapamycin before because rapamycin is something that Peter Attia is a big proponent of for longevity.
No, no, that's Brian Johnson.
Another study at Texas A&M University showed rapamycin could extend the lifespan of older dogs by up to 20%.
Generally well-tolerated, however, it can cause side effects such as lethargy, lack of appetite.
Because I think there was something else.
It was like a gene therapy.
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They probably already made clones.
Yeah, they probably made a bunch of people already.
The people telling you about clones are probably clones.
You know the story about those two baseball players?
Oh, it's the nuttiest shit of all time.
These two baseball players look exactly the same, have the exact same name, and never met each other, and they both play baseball.
Why are they wearing the same glasses?
And their name is Brady Feigl, right?
So it's not even like a normal name.
Just imagine your name is Brady Feigl and you meet another guy who's also Brady Feigl.
You're both six foot four.
You both have red hair.
They're both really tall.
You both have black glasses.
Oh, if the guy played baseball and I played baseball, I'd be like, bro, we got to hang out and freak people out.
I thought they were the same age.
The first guy must be really pissed.
This motherfucker stealing my shine.
Well, they do it with dogs.
They do it with people's pets.
Like, if you want to get your pet cloned, you can get your pet cloned.
That's a real thing now.
I think it costs $30,000.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You get to start from scratch.
Yeah, otherwise you'd have like an 11-year-old.
You keep bringing it back.
He's got arthritis and diarrhea.
You waited too long to clone him.
Did you see that movie with Demi Moore called The Substance?
Bro, that movie is nuts.
It's kind of ironic that Demi Moore, who looks insanely good at 62, played that lady.
I don't know what else this director did, but that movie was awesome.
I used to date a girl that when, if someone got a needle on the screen, she'd faint.
Just like, it didn't matter where she was.
If someone got injected, I'm like.
Okay, but is that a psychological thing?
Because it's obviously like your reaction to a thing.
I wonder if you can temper that somehow.
Everywhere I see it, I'll bounce your head off the fucking linoleum.
Well, I bet, but also triggered by high states of anxiety, right?
So that's what you would be able to control.
You wouldn't be able to control the fact that you do faint when you have a high level of anxiety.
So vasovagal response, a sudden overreaction of the body's autonomic nervous system to a trigger such as pain or emotional stress.
or music that causes a temporary drop in heart rate and blood pressure.
And... You both fainted?
And you probably hope the man doesn't faint.
Like, he can keep it together.
That would be, like, a nice thing.
I wonder what would happen if a guy like that got drafted in Vietnam.
I would wear a helmet everywhere if I was that dude.
I'd just wear a football helmet.
Have you ever fainted right before you went on stage?
Because I would think that's like a heightened state of anxiety a little bit, especially in the early days.
I knew a dude who was a warm-up guy.
He'd just do warm-up, and he had a real problem with anxiety.
He just would freak out.
He was a comic, and it never worked out for him because his anxiety would just overwhelm him.
And one time, he was warming up for the Cosby show, and he got this idea in his head that he was going to say the N-word.
And he's like, don't say it.
So he's warming up for the Cosby show.
So he's, you know, basically in the crowd warming up.
OK, so here in the next scene, Dr. Huxtable is going to come in and all his mind is telling him is don't say the N word.
He's not going to say it.
He was never going to say it.
But for whatever reason, he was overwhelmed by this fear of saying the N word in this like very predominantly black audience.
And he completely had a meltdown while he was doing warm up.
That's probably a better response than shrieking and falling to the ground.
But you wouldn't bite her.
You thought you were going to bite Laura Dern?
Isn't she an admiral in Star Wars?
I accidentally sat next to Daryl Hannah once at Cantor's Deli in the 90s.
And they were doing some fucking game.
They were playing some game.
Her and her friends were playing some game with like states, like figure out like what, you know, what's the keystone state, like that kind of shit.
And I was helping her.
But she was totally normal.
We never acknowledged that she's Daryl Hannah at Cantor's Deli.
She was just super chill.
Her and her friends were having a sandwich, just laughing and doing some game about states.
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I met Matt Damon in Italy at a restaurant where he was sitting underneath a photo of himself.
Did he choose to sit there?
The restaurant owner had him there before.
And there's photos all over the wall of celebrities that had been there before.
And so Matt Damon went and sat down at the table where the photo of this owner was.
you know taking a picture with matt damon is that's some meta shit that's crazy he seems really sweet he's a very nice guy super normal guy there's a lot of them that are like super normal the funniest always hold this thing like i doubt fucking crazy people there's always like a thing in your head you're like they got to be out of their fucking mind totally yeah um what's the guy's peter dinklage
Problem is I knew him first from Elf.
So even though he's the Game of Thrones guy, to me, he's always the angry writer from Elf.
I heard it was really good.
I heard it's really good.
He was so good in Game of Thrones.
That fucking show was so good.
The new one, I'm trying to get into it, but every season is five years apart from the last one.
You have to figure out, who is this lady?
They cut the fucking head off the king.
Oh, that fucking show ruled.
It was such a good show.
Season one was, I mean, not season one, the real Game of Thrones.
The new one's like, yeah, it's good.
But, you know, you're always, you're Jay Leno after Johnny Carson.
Oh, the last season was weird where Cersei rules.
I was in Croatia, and there's the place where King's Landing is.
That's where they filmed it.
And they sort of do tours where they show you where they film certain scenes.
And one of the scenes is when she was, shame, shame, when she's walking down.
The little cobblestone?
You can actually see it.
You can't read that stuff.
Yeah, those people can go eat shit.
Those pylon people, they can all go eat shit.
I've had one before, but that was like.
That kind of shit pushes people away from all the things you're trying to promote.
Like, it doesn't mean that people hate trans people if they say something like that.
That's not what you're saying.
Some people still use it.
But it's that's not the point.
The point is, it's like, what are you trying to do?
You're not trying to hurt anybody's feelings.
Everybody's just looking for a reason to be offended.
It's just trying to find anything that they can like green light.
Well, this is just what's going on online.
And most of the people that are online are very upset.
It's a mental illness factory.
Twitter is just a giant cunt farm.
Everybody just is growing cunty thoughts.
I stay off it as much as humanly possible.
I try to get on it in the morning, just see what everybody's upset about, see what's in the news.
A UFO got shot with a Hellfire missile and they have footage today and Rep Luna.
They were talking about it in hearings today.
There's a video of a UFO getting hit by a Hellfire missile and the Hellfire missile just blows apart and the UFO just keeps moving.
Like a dot on a screen that they always look.
Do not know what it was.
It just knocks it around and the thing just gets right back on track.
Anything that gets hit by a Hellfire missile usually gets fucking obliterated, especially something that's literally the size of the missile.
I mean, not fast enough that it could duck a missile, which is kind of weird that it let itself get hit.
We're looking at Pong.
It's like an old video game.
A really shitty video game.
This is why I have the hardest time getting excited about any of this stuff.
I don't know what I just saw.
You're telling me I saw a Hellfire missile hit a UFO.
You know, you're reading Morse code to me.
We get caught all the time.
Yeah, there's always something.
There's always something that you think is real.
Like Tim Walsh with the fuck Trump shirt on, dancing on the elevator.
James is like, it's fake.
I'm like, no, no, no, it's real.
Well, no one can detect it anymore.
Because especially what looks like cell phone footage.
Because cell phone footage is kind of shitty already.
So they just make it kind of shitty.
You don't know what the fuck you're looking at.
Boomers can't handle it.
They're so removed from this technology that they're living in an alternative dimension.
They get their news on TV, and that's a wrap.
It says, there must be more to life than having everything.
Donald, yes, there is.
It says voiceover, like he's a movie star, like he's in a script.
Donald, yes, there is, but I won't tell you what it is.
Jeffrey, nor will I, since I also know what it is.
Who fucking talks like this?
Donald, we have certain things in common, Jeffrey.
Come to think of it, Donald, enigmas never age.
Have you noticed that?
Jeffrey, as a matter of fact, it was clear to me the last time I saw you.
A pal is a wonderful thing.
May every day be another wonderful secret.
And then I like how he's got the signature over the bushes.
But I was imagining it being- But it's kind of ironic that it's right where the vagine is.
If that's what you're into, that's a dude.
That's a dude with womanly hips.
Yeah, it could be anything.
It could be a snail smile.
Yeah, it's very odd stuff.
But it's also like the way, like, enigmas never age.
Have you noticed that?
And Jeffrey, as a matter of fact, it was clear to me the last time I saw you, like, if one of my friends sent me that, I'd be like, I'm getting a new number.
Yeah, what the fuck is wrong with you, enigma?
Well, also, like, what year was this that he wrote this?
Well, it had to be because he kicked him out of Mar-a-Lago in like the 2000s, right?
That's when they kicked him out?
I thought it was before that because I think that's when he got arrested.
That's a 3D printed recreation of these very strange vases that they find in Egypt that are part of an older dynasty that are so exact.
And the way they did it is completely unknown.
That is just a piece of plastic.
But that's an actual 3D recreation of the original vase.
I think a very complex ancient civilization that was wiped out by some sort of a cataclysmic disaster that had very sophisticated technology because that was, was it diorite that that was carved out of?
I've been back and forth.
Off the fence, on the fence.
I've been over the other side.
I think it's highly unlikely that we're alone.
And there's just too many stories of people having encounters with something.
People have been writing these things down for thousands of years.
Other than psychedelics, which makes me go.
I've had interactions with other beings.
Things that didn't have like a form that was solid, their form would change and morph.
And they had consciousness.
But, you know, it's like what is – what's really going on?
Like are you really – are you imagining this or are you tapping in what it feels like?
But it might not be this.
What it feels like is you're tapping into another dimension and you're interacting with –
some disembodied souls, like disembodied consciousness that doesn't have a physical form.
That's what it feels like.
But it feels highly intelligent and very aware of what you're full of shit about, what you're not, like what your thoughts are, whether your thoughts are positive or negative, like it shows you negative thoughts and positive thoughts.
I had a very similar experience once where when I had negative thoughts, everything would go like…
black and pixelated and dark and then I would have a positive I would realize it like oh no no no this you're doing this and then boom it would blossom into these beautiful geometric patterns I was like oh yeah kind of in control of how you view things which is in control of how your life works
It is the most humbling thing to work on new stuff after you put out a special.
It's the most humbling because you have no weapons.
It's the hardest thing is like coming up with subjects.
I think that's a good thing for us.
It's a good reality check.
Yeah, like every couple of years, you got to get smacked in the face and start from scratch again.
Brian Simpson did a brilliant thing.
So what Brian Simpson did is he developed two hours.
So he put out one hour, and then when he went touring afterwards, he had another hour already.
And then you feel like you're a fraud if you do.
And if you're not interested in the subject, like if you're like it is dead to me, it's over.
Also, that's like just not relatable.
Especially the people that don't know who you are.
That's really not relatable.
When I was young, I had this stupid idea in my mind that you should stray away from meditation or enlightenment or anything because it would get in the way of being funny.
It would get in the way of chaos.
So you're doing it to yourself?
At least you know it's crazy.
But it's a weird time for the real estate market right now.
Oh, and you go to Ithaca and what, just watch TV?
So you just like being in a small town?
Well, my family's there.
Did the cigarettes get him?
Oh, I don't want to believe in God.
What's weird is the guy who founded AA did it.
He used acid to get off of alcohol.
But he doesn't – Talk about that.
Yeah, I've heard a lot of people do that.
I never thought of it that way.
It's like you're not trusting yourself.
You're like, I got it.
I'm not going back to school.
God, it seems debilitating.
I've met people that have it.
Some people, it gets worse as their success grows, which is really crazy.
Howard Hughes type shit.
There's a little something to that.
There's a little wisdom behind that.
Because people do kind of adopt the mindset of people they're around.
Whack people can ruin everything.
Really shitty human beings that you have kept in your life for whatever fucking weird reason.
They can just derail your whole life.
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take payments and streamline bookings all in one place go to squarespace.com slash rogan for a free trial and when you are ready to launch use the code rogan to get 10 off your first purchase of a website or domain it's sinister it is a problem yeah there's people in your life that just for whatever fucking reason will never get it together and at a certain point in time try to rescue a drowning person they'll drown you
Did you see that fucking Netflix documentary about that little girl who was in a small town who's getting harassed by someone that turned out to be her mom?
I heard about this, but I did not see it.
Her mom didn't have a job.
The father thought the mom had a job.
The mom was just all day trolling and fucking with her daughter for years.
And you know what the girl said at one point in time?
She's like, I miss my mom because her mom was there to protect her from the bad world.
But really the only bad world was her mom pretending to be someone else.
Because she thought her mom was a sweet person that protected her, and she found out her mom was a fucking monster.
Well, that's that thing that some crazy people do.
It's Munchausen's by proxy.
You hurt them so that you could help them.
She was the one who was trolling her own daughter.
She was someone else online attacking her own daughter, calling her a whore, calling her horrible things.
I think you noticed that, too.
The moment I saw you, I noticed it.
I didn't get that far.
With stuff like that, when people are mean to their kids, I'm like, I can't do this.
I don't love it, but I fucking fall asleep to that horrible shit.
It's hard if you love your kids.
Seeing someone being that... It's not just... It's fucking evil beyond belief.
How old are your kids?
She torched that... I have a 28-year-old daughter.
Well, it's not my biological.
There's something to be said for growing up poor.
You know, I grew up poor.
I think I understand hard work.
You know, I understand what it's like to have to have a job to get stuff like, you know, you want to buy a new pair of pants.
You need to get a fucking job.
You know, you need to get a car.
Well, you have to save up.
But all those things you're describing you can do.
Well, my parents didn't fight.
My stepmom and my, excuse me, my stepdad and my mom have been together for a long time and they have a very good relationship.
So that like modeled for me when I was a kid.
My parents got split up, my biological dad and my mom when I was five.
And my mom married my stepdad when I was like seven.
But my stepdad's a great guy.
They modeled a good relationship when I was a kid of people that don't yell at each other, don't fight.
They have disagreements and stuff.
Yeah, they have disagreements, but they're nice to each other, kind to each other.
And, you know, if you see that when you're a kid, you go, oh, this is possible.
But if you see like chaos all the time and everyone's fighting and screaming and yelling at each other, you're like, keep me the fuck away from whatever this is.
Because I remember I'd watch my grandmother and my grandparents.
My grandmother was always yelling at my grandfather.
I was like, oh, don't stay married, whatever you do.
When I was a little kid, I was like, you've got to get out while you can.
Well, there's a lot of cucked out men out there.
cucked out by their job cucked out by life you know you just stop being a man and then you stop getting any respect from the people that know you because they know you're kind of a bitch the people that really know you like your wife and your kids really know you like oh harry harry's a fucking bitch yeah there's so many boomers like that though there's so many where it's the dad is so quiet and so distant and the mom is just so up everyone's ass thoreau wrote about that like
what whenever he wrote this he said most men live lives of quiet desperation that's yeah that's but that's real but why does it happen well there's a whole bunch of reasons because you stop challenging yourself or you never did
You stop growing and you don't have any character.
You don't exhibit a strong will and you don't have discipline.
And then, you know, you're emotionally disconnected from the life that you've chosen.
And then you have a job where you have to pretend to be someone you're not for eight hours a day and work for a boss who's a piece of shit.
And then you're a broken man.
And then you're like 46 years old and they're telling you to learn to code.
A lot of people, they don't know what to do and they didn't get good advice when they were young.
They didn't get a good direction.
You know, they didn't they didn't find something that they could focus their energy on and realize like, oh, if I focus my energy on something, whatever it is, I can get better at stuff.
I'll start off sucky, but you keep working at it and eventually you get some people never learn that.
You know, it's just fucking some people are just beaten.
They wanted to be spider man.
Well, maybe it's the way they were raised, you know.
I would have figured it out.
I just don't believe that.
If I lost my job doing something, I would find another job.
I would figure it out.
You don't just stay still if the path doesn't work out.
Well, that's why they love unemployment, because they could just get a check and just wallow in depression.
Yeah, well, that's even sillier, I guess.
Yeah, people are weird, you know?
Well, philosophy itself is a strange thing because you're just thinking about a structure of how you interface with the world.
My favorite book of philosophy I started reading when I was like, I guess I was 16, is The Book of Five Rings by Miyamoto Musashi.
He's a samurai who killed 60 men in one-on-one combat with swords.
But he was all about the way to become a great sword fighter is you have to be balanced.
Like you can't have any holes in your game as a human being.
You have to be an artist.
You have to be a poet.
You have to learn calligraphy.
You have to be completely balanced.
And you have to see the thing for what it is.
You can't have any bullshit.
You can't have any fat, right?
We were talking about fat and bits.
You can't have any bullshit.
There's no bullshit when you're sword fighting.
And things can go sideways.
Well, that's what's a good thing about stand-up.
It's like it smacks you every time you do it wrong.
yeah you gotta do it right it's you it's crazy how true it is that you're only good as good as your last set you are it's crazy yeah that's why like if you have a bad set you can't wait to get on stage again like get me up there dude i was like i'm doing no sets in austin bomb last night hitting rebecca up i'm like what do you got it's crazy let me bust out some old shows fuck it mothership yeah come tonight what are you doing tonight my show oh okay do it what time's it at seven
We were in the green room the other day and someone had called us like some alt-right white supremacist club.
I was in the room with Brian Simpson, who's black, Derek Poston, who's black, Ahsan Ahmad, who's Muslim.
It was Tony Hinchcliffe, Ron White, and me.
I'm like, this is a pretty diverse lineup.
It was a video of someone that one of the guys was playing.
It was like, look how fucking stupid this is.
The idea that this, like, that you had to be, like...
I'm not even a Republican.
I voted for Trump because I thought we were going in a terrifying direction where there was not really a president for four years and the same people are now going to be running the government.
Weren't you like a Bernie bro?
So I've only voted Republican once in my life.
The idea that you have to be a Republican to get in at that club is so ridiculous.
That club is filled with gay people, black people, straight people, white people, Asian.
You're just doing comedy.
Whoever you are, whatever you believe, we have tons of lively discussions.
He came with his daughter.
He's been there a few times.
Yeah, he was on Kill Tony.
Post Malone had no idea, and I brought him on stage.
He had no idea what the show was, no idea what anything was.
I just brought him up there.
Once with Post Malone and once with Tucker Carlson.
I was having dinner with Tucker Carlson.
I'm like, you want to go by and go see Kill Tony?
And they were there and I told Tony and he's like, bring him on stage.
I go, I'm not even going to tell him what it is.
So I go, dude, we're going to go on stage.
He was cracking jokes with the comedians back and forth.
It was really surprisingly great.
Look, I think the idea of socialism is wonderful if everybody had their shit together and everybody was disciplined.
And I think that human nature.
Unfortunately, you're going to need some socialism though, right?
You're going to need the fire department.
This is one of the things that I point to all the time.
People say, oh, socialism doesn't work.
The fire department is an entirely socialist idea.
We all pay into it and they take care of everybody's fire, right?
You can't have only the rich people have a fire department and the poor people, their fucking house burns down all the time.
Well, that should be the same with education.
That should be the same with health care.
Are we a fucking community or are we not?
And if we're a community, you have to take care of the downtrodden and you have to do it because it's bad for them and it's also bad for you.
We're all in this together.
So you have to have a social safety net.
I believe in all that.
But I also believe you can't just give people free money because then they rely on it.
And they become dependent on it and then it takes away their ambition and then they don't do anything.
It doesn't mean you're not compassionate.
I don't like either one of these parties.
I don't think there's a solution that's correct.
I think you have overcorrection after overcorrection.
I think you have the country goes one way and then it's –
Swings hard the other way.
And then it swings the other way.
Now we're the new America and America's this way.
It's like everyone's so tribal and everyone's so locked into their idea that they're the good guys and these are the bad guys.
We got to get them back and we're going to get them in the midterms.
We're going to get them in the fucking next elections.
That's how comedy is, too, swinging back and forth like that.
It's all in who you talk to with comedy.
It's like there's a lot of bitter people out there.
But, you know, that's that old expression.
I forget who said that.
We brought this up before that all criticism is the tragic result of unmet needs.
It's a paraphrase, but there's a lot of that there.
You're not an idiot because both sides have points.
That's why you can be swayed one way or the other.
Yeah, but I mean doubling down is just going down the rabbit hole of whatever that ideology believes because they probably have a really good pitch.
That's an interesting thing to say to someone.
You're too strong with your convictions.
Did the girl give you an example?
Well, I mean, there's gotta be some sort of a psychological reason why all those people went along with that.
But there's a little bit of that.
But then there's also there's a tribal mentality that kicks in.
Like there's a default switch that happens to people.
And in this country, you saw a lot of it during covid.
It was like the vaccinated people were hating on the unvaccinated.
They should have their children taken away and like put them into camps.
Like, do you hear yourself?
I don't think you can call that long COVID.
Long COVID is people that are exhausted and they have like heart palpitations.
You just got to upgrade on your nose.
Bro, candy wrecks your shit.
Ooh, a little candy slut.
I wasn't eating anything.
Long COVID can cause altered smell or a parasomia where things smell distorted, foul, or different than they used to, even if the initial COVID-19 symptoms have passed.
So did you get this after you got, like, when did this start happening?
Because you got vaccinated.
People who didn't get vaccinated got it once or twice.
They fucked everybody.
They fucked everybody with that goddamn stupid thing.
It's a long conversation.
It would take a long time to explain what was wrong.
But it all boils down to the same thing that it always does, which is money.
They distorted the facts.
They distorted the research.
They distorted the efficacy.
They distorted what it was actually designed to do just because they wanted money.
They made a shit ton of money.
It might have been free for you.
I'm not an anti-vax person.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I believe that all medications should be subject to scrutiny.
They should all go through rigorous, double-blind, placebo-controlled trials to find out
what the side effects are, what the efficacy rate is, what's the real facts behind it.
Then they'll just lie about that.
The problem is pharmaceutical drug companies do their own research.
Not only do they do their own research, but they do their own research that they hide.
So they'll do multiple studies that show no efficacy.
And then they'll rig one study where they can show just like a little bit of improvement, and then they just sell it.
And they start going with it.
And they've done that before.
They got sued because of Vioxx.
Vioxx killed 50,000, 60,000 people.
And through internal emails, the pharmaceutical drug company was saying, we're going to have these problems.
And it listed all the different things that people wound up getting, including strokes.
We're going to have these cardiovascular problems, cardiopulmonary problems, but whatever the wording was, I don't want to be quoted on it, but it will be good for us financially.
We'll do well with this.
We'll do well with this.
It killed 50 to 60,000 people.
A friend of mine got a stroke.
He got on Vioxx because he had knee problems.
It was an anti-inflammatory medication.
Yeah, because it's from Mexico.
We talked about that the other day with a guy who runs a pharmacy.
The problem with it is that when they're dosing it out to people, they're giving everyone the same dose.
And it should be dependent upon, like, how much weight are you trying to lose?
What is your body weight?
There's a bunch of different factors.
Well, it doesn't seem to be good for you.
Poop stays in your body a little longer and food digests slower.
And it kills your appetite.
But if you're morbidly obese and you might die from that, this is probably a good solution.
So it's like don't throw out the baby with the bathwater.
But if I did, if I was 600 pounds and someone said, look, I can give you this thing.
It'll kill your appetite.
So it's beneficial for that.
And then there's a problem with muscle loss and bone density loss.
But my friend Brigham, who was on the other day, the episode's out now, he was saying that the issue is that they're giving them too much of a dose.
And if you mix it with other peptides, you can actually eliminate those problems.
So there's a way to dose it out for people that are – and you would just lose nothing but fat.
It just has to be done correctly.
So he was explaining that.
And right now it's willy-nilly.
Well, right now everyone is just getting on it instead of just going to the gym.
There's people that need to lose 20 pounds.
They're getting on a Zemp.
You can lose 20 pounds in a couple months.
And you are still eating all that sugar?
Right, but think about what you had to go through with acid to get off the OCD.
Now imagine you're 600 pounds and you've been eating candy for 35 years.
That's, you know, it's a big switch.
You can't just fucking... I think recovery helps.
You gotta turn that motherfucker around.
Did you see his sugar diet going viral earlier this year?
Yeah, I know Mark Bell was really into that.
Unlimited sugar, restricted protein, ever be a good thing.
What is the good about it?
So he weighs 95 kilograms, which is, what is that, like 225 pounds?
Oh, he's a handsome guy.
But it doesn't work with him because he's really fit and he's been doing a bunch of different stuff his whole life.
Like he was carnivore diet for a long time.
No, this is the new thing.
He was always like this.
This is what he looked like forever.
And he used to be gigantic.
Show what he looks like, Jamie.
Go to his Instagram and wait.
You see how fit this guy is.
This guy is in tremendous shape.
Well, he's always had those.
Like, click on that one on the right-hand side.
Like, look, that's what we're talking about.
So for him to do this diet and say, you know, look, I've got this body.
Well, bitch, you always had that body.
I'm like, I don't know.
It doesn't even seem like it's real.
If you just ate nothing but steak, you would lose weight.
Everyone's like, no way.
Like, yeah, because your body would regulate correctly.
When you're done, you're done.
If you sit down and you have a 16-ounce steak, if you really only need 12 ounces, after 12 ounces you'll stop eating.
That's all you're eating.
But if you have mashed potatoes there and then a bowl of pasta and then an ice cream and then a cake.
Also, your gut biome switches and your gut biome doesn't crave sugar anymore.
It's that candida cycle.
Isn't that bizarre that your gut biome has an effect on your personality?
We are a literal ecosystem.
We want to think of ourselves as a person, but we're really like a life form that houses life forms.
Body awareness of what you are as a whole.
But that's also a lot of people don't do anything with their body.
So their body is just like a truck that they drive around.
It's definitely thinking.
Your heart thinks too.
There's neurons in your heart.
Well, if we could have an understanding that you're an actual system, it would be a lot better for people.
Because so many people just think like, oh, I don't want to worry about my body.
I'm worrying about my brain.
Like they think it's almost like vain to think about your body.
It's okay, but there's no virtue in being a weak piece of shit.
Like, that's not good for you.
Yeah, and it just impacts your brain.
Yeah, it's not intelligent to not take care of your body.
Also, you start getting anxiety.
You're like, oh, start freaking.
Yeah, kind of, but not for long periods of time.
I haven't drank in a long time, but I will.
Like I'll have a glass of wine, but it's been like, it was many months before I had anything.
And then I had like a margarita and I was like, okay.
I mean, I didn't do it because I was an alcoholic.
I did it because it's bad for you.
I was like, why am I doing this?
Because I drink at my club.
I'll have a couple of drinks at the club, a couple nights a week.
And then I'll go out with my wife, have a drink or two.
And then maybe I'll do a podcast with someone who wants to have a drink.
And so we'll have like a little whiskey, clink glasses.
And we're talking, get a little tipsy.
After a while, you're like, you're poisoning yourself.
yeah you're drinking 7 10 15 15 drinks in a week yeah like that's not good and then i stopped and i was like oh my god it feels so much better and then i felt stupid i felt stupid for not doing it i did the same thing i'm a sugar addict and a love addict i'm not an alcoholic but i was like i can't i can't be having extra sugar where i'm not where i don't need it because i'm eating so much candy so you got off the alcohol because of the sugar
That's not good either.
Because your body's not used to it.
Yeah, I think a lot of people more now than I think ever before are abstaining from alcohol.
There was just a study recently about young people, about alcohol consumption in young people is down by, what was the number?
I think it's something crazy, like 25%.
Well, it's because they're not having sex.
You need to touch that.
That's Harlan Williams' snake.
I love Harlan Williams so much.
It was on the table when Trump was here, and he got so happy at his snake.
So he had that snake in his pants the entire time he was doing a podcast, and he told me that he got a tapeworm, and then he named his tapeworm Dimitri.
And I'm like, you have a worm?
And at the end, he's like, oh, the worm's coming out.
He had it the whole time.
He pulls out this fucking snake and he puts it on the table and it's been there ever since.
So when I had Trump on the podcast, he was so happy that Dimitri the snake was on the table.
A white guy who lives with the chimpanzees and figures it out.
He lives with the apes, becomes the king, of course.
I mean, this was a Google.
This could have been one of my things.
I don't think I've ever read it.
I think I've read the comic books.
I don't think I've ever read Tarzan.
But they fucked up with the Chinese thing, huh?
It was the one accent that you can't make fun of.
Well, you know, people approve dumb shit all the time.
Fear Factor, they approve people drinking cum.
Well, they made them drink cum.
Donkey cum and donkey urine.
They had to play horseshoes to see how much donkey cum and donkey urine you drank.
I think we said sperm.
See, that's what got the show canceled.
Well, people drank the cum and didn't win.
The gals chose the urine over the cum.
Or the cum, rather, over the urine.
But I think the guys would rather.
The episode's called Donkey Juice.
But I don't know if that's really what it's called.
See, the thing is, it never aired.
I think Donkey Juice was like the internal name for the episode or the stunt.
But so it did air in other countries, though.
That's why you can still watch it on YouTube because it aired in I think it aired Denmark or some shit.
I used to had a bit about it in my act.
And they shove it up the donkey's ass and they shock their prostate.
You're abducting this donkey and forcing it to come.
And then, you know, they got like a...
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The tube in the end where they're collecting it all.
How many donkeys got jacked off?
Because there was buckets of it.
no no yeah yeah oh yeah you know what I always assumed that was fake oh no it was super real what 100% yeah that's crazy there's laws like there's laws which was really good because like people say how do I get on Fear Factor like if you've ever met me you can't get on the show so you can't talk to me about it if you want to get on the show you can't talk to me right now yeah and it will like get me out of conversation that's good yeah
Because I can't help anybody get on the show.
Like, you can't say it's Donkey Cum when it's not Donkey Cum.
Yeah, otherwise your show's not a game show anymore.
Yeah, and then cockroach farms where the people that eat cockroaches, you had to put them on a specific diet for X amount of time before they're allowed to be consumed by people.
Yeah, you can't just have them eating garbage and rotten meat.
I literally signed up for it because I thought it was going to be canceled immediately and I'd have a lot of material.
No, they limited the shit out of you?
If I said something that they thought was controversial, most of the time they would edit it out.
Did Jackass come... Jackass was after Fear Factor?
No, I think it was before.
I was obsessed with- The first one was Survivor.
Survivor was the first one on TV.
Where you're like, yo.
Which is still on the air, which is crazy.
Well, that was a reality show.
There was ones before that, right?
There was Totally Pauly.
That was kind of a reality show.
He had a very famous MTV reality show called Totally Pauly.
Just traveled around, met people.
It was a reality show.
But I'm not wrong, right?
Wasn't Survivor the first one of those kind of shows?
You know, like a game show, but a reality show.
So Survivor was the first one.
I just can't believe it's still on the air.
Oh, so it was only like a year before Fear Factor, because Fear Factor started in 2001.
They're going to do a new one now.
Who the hell is hosting it?
I think there's a new Fear Factor that Johnny Knoxville is going to host.
So it all comes full circle.
No, no, I didn't hate it.
It's just like it was a job.
You were really sweet to the people.
There's that, but I would also, some people would be scared to do a stunt and I'd be like, look.
We have to make money.
You know, people that have never really completely challenged themselves are not sure of where their boundaries lie and they get really scared when something new and crazy is about to happen.
They get overwhelmed by anxiety and you can get them and go, hey, listen to me.
You know that voice in your head telling you not to do this?
And when you get done, you're going to be so happy.
You're going to be so happy.
But you just have to do it.
It's not going to be nearly as bad as you think it is.
Just force yourself to do it and you can do it.
Yeah, it's because when I was a kid, from the time I was like 15 years old, I was teaching martial arts.
So I'm used to coaching people.
I would bring people to tournaments and people that were scared and they were going to have to fight and compete.
And I would coach them.
Yeah, I have friends that still spar.
I'm like, stop doing that.
There's a few that don't.
Like Max Holloway for a while wasn't sparring because he was trying to preserve himself for fights.
But then when he had to fight Dustin Port, or when he had Justin Gaethje, I think it was.
Justin Gaethje's like, I got to start sparring again because I'm going to fight someone who's really dangerous.
Well, the real rough one is when you talk to guys that are in their 50s and they've been retired for years and they're slurring their words.
You barely understand what they're saying.
Well, some of them don't even have the money anymore.
Usually they go through a few divorces because they're crazy.
No one can stay with them.
They're out of their fucking mind.
And they're probably alcoholics because their brain's completely shattered.
It depends entirely on the individual.
Yeah, they can get aggressive too.
They get real impulsive, men and women that have brain damage.
They can't control their instincts, their impulses rather.
um they have addiction problems because they feel off right so they want to drink alcohol to get to calm down or do cocaine a lot of them wind up doing coke to feel up because they're fried you're fried your brain's cooked your endocrine system's all fucked up your pituitary gland's been bouncing around inside your fucking skull is your brain fucked probably a little bit yeah like just the right amount yeah yeah yeah when did you stop
Well, I stopped fighting when I was 22, I think, was my last fight.
And I stopped sparring when I was like 27 or 28.
I did a little bit of sparring later when I was in my 30s.
Do you grapple with you?
Yeah, but the brain damage you get from that is rare.
It's super good for you.
There's nothing better to like relieve stress than hitting the bag.
Don't stop doing that.
I mean, definitely keep hitting pads, but don't get any brain damage.
You're just going to black out the moment someone even comes close to choking you out.
Stuck in a triangle, you're just going to fall asleep and some chicks laugh.
It is rough, but it's super addictive.
Once you do it and you get used to it, it's very addictive.
Yeah, you're playing a game.
And you get better at the game the more you play it.
The game is get somebody in an armbar.
You have to tap so your arm doesn't get broke.
You couldn't break their arm?
You've never been put to sleep?
No, I've never been put to sleep.
Are you scared to be put to sleep?
No, I just tap when I know I'm about to go out.
No, you gotta know when you're going, right?
So if you're getting choked, if someone's got my back and they've got a choke in, there's a point in time where I know I'm not getting out of this.
It's stupid to fight it off because you get injured.
And then you wind up being really fucked up.
Oh, yeah, but that's a boxing match.
You should go to a UFC live.
Are you at the club this weekend?
No, I'm in Rochester this weekend.
I was going to say there's a UFC in San Antonio on Saturday night.
Whenever it's in New York.
It's going to be in Madison Square Garden in November.
I'm going to wear a fur coat.
And seeing it in the garden is kind of special.
Madison Square Garden has got a lot of energy in that room, too.
There's something crazy about that room.
It's just like the amount of concerts and fights and events that have taken place.
You feel it in the building when you walk in.
Like when you go to a new arena and they're brand new and you walk in the door and it's empty and you're wandering around like, wow, cool place.
But you walk in the garden, you're like, yo, this place is alive.
It's got memories in here.
Yeah, they have history.
It's the best way, though, because it's the only way you can do an arena where it's intimate.
So what we're talking about is a stage that's round.
The good thing about it is, though, it makes the show intimate even though there's 16,000 people there.
Because there's people on this side facing people on the other side.
So everybody realizes they're all in it together.
Well, that's the good thing about the round, too.
You can have your back to them and they totally can still see your face.
I know, but I'm always worried about my butt.
Kinnison used to wear a trench coat.
I'm obsessed with Trinity.
Did you ever hear that lady that claims that she wrote the Matrix and they stole the idea from her?
It's Tomb Raider and Matrix.
She says she wrote both of them.
Is there any credibility to what she says?
It's a great movie, and I think we're about to literally live it.
You think that AI is going to help people not hurt things?
How do you think that's going to happen?
Yeah, that's definitely the best case scenario use for it.
The problem is they've already shown that these large language models can be programmed with ideology.
So did you ever see the disaster they had with Google Gemini when they first launched it where they said show us images of Nazi soldiers and they had multiracial Nazi soldiers?
An Asian woman was a Nazi soldier, a black woman, an Indian.
They had a Native American lady who was a Nazi.
Okay, so your ideology, by making everything diverse, you've distorted history.
So your ideology interfered with truth.
Right, but we're not that.
Right, but we're not supposed to be this large language model.
This large language model is supposed to be eventually super intelligence in artificial form, right?
So a super intelligence wouldn't do that.
It would know that Nazis were German and they were –
I know, but it did show German soldiers that were wearing Nazi swastikas that were multiracial.
I mean, they were terrified when people first developed trains.
They thought people's bodies were going to explode if they went over 35 miles an hour.
No, there's definitely a lot of pluses.
The problem is control.
It's always the problem.
And every person that has an enormous amount of power should be carefully scrutinized.
And the kind of power that you're going to have if you are in control of essentially a digital god –
It becomes a problem when human beings are involved.
Now, if they become completely autonomous, then you have a problem with us being irrelevant.
You know, I'm not saying it would.
I don't think it would.
I don't think it would kill us, but it would probably give us incentive to not breed, which I think if I was intelligent life force, I would kind of do it exactly the way our society is already going.
Yeah, we're already right now.
We're doing it to ourselves.
But that might be by design.
It might be that in order to not alarm us that this artificial intelligence has engineered our diet and our environment to kill our reproductive system.
And it's already doing, but it's doing it in a very innocuous way with microplastics and a bunch of, it's doing it in a way where we don't even know what's happening.
And it's just happening nice and slowly.
I don't think that's going to happen.
I think what's going to happen is we're going to become hybrids.
We're going to become a cyborg, like a real legitimate cyborg.
You'd be first in line?
I don't know what's going to happen, but I do know it's going to be unprecedented.
It's going to be a new thing.
There's a lot of people wearing the metal glasses everywhere, which is like...
At one point you're like, oh, well, it's cool.
And the other thing you're like, but yeah, but people probably don't even fucking know they're getting recorded.
And that's kind of crazy.
When you say, I want to be a cyborg, you're going to hold all of it and you're going to have a hard drive.
So instead of having a memory where it's fallible right now, like your memory is like weird, like when did we do that?
Oh my God, that was November?
You'll have an actual memory just like you have on your phone where you can go back to the like for you, you know, like, you know, like it suggests you on this day and you go to like 2017 like, oh, my God.
But the unit you can just put down.
You think it'll be... You can put the unit down.
It might not even be a chip.
It might be a wearable.
They might be able to have something that you put on the top of your head, you know, with electrodes that touch your temples and it just sends signals into your brain and works from there.
And then once AI gets into the picture, right, and AI, if you get sentient AI and you get AI that understands like how human neurotransmitters work and what to stimulate, what not to stimulate, it might devise ideas that we never even anticipated.
In terms of like how to implement this technology and it'll probably figure out how to make it better.
And then it'll be off to the races.
That's what's creepy is that your fucking Instagram knows what you're texting to your friends.
Yeah, but doesn't that just mean it's a coincidence?
That means you're relying on coincidence.
Did you watch this thing I sent you yesterday?
Why does it have – what's this music?
Yeah, now you're different, right?
I like how you swing one way or the other.
I'm going to use my alter ego to go...
Spindly little people with big heads.
That's what's going to happen.
I think no matter what we do, technology is going to keep moving.
China's going to do it.
Russia's going to do it.
Everybody with power is going to do it.
Anybody that has the resources, they're going to keep pushing this technology.
And if you just think, where's it going?
Well, it's going in that direction.
You're going to become a part of some fucking giant hive mind.
We're all going to be sharing thoughts together and some bizarre buzz of information that we all suck from.
It's going to be real weird.
Well, that's what it's going to be when you go to the club and you put your phone in the yonder bag.
I think it's one of the reasons why people love going to a comedy club now.
And especially when you make them put their phone in the yonder bags.
You could actually pay attention.
You're living in the present moment instead of constantly checking your tweets.
People, you know, it's it's an addiction, man.
It's one that didn't exist for our parents.
They never had to deal with it.
And we're growing up with this very bizarre connection to the whole world.
And a lot of it's negative.
A lot of it's and it's also manipulated.
I won't try and do ever just disconnect your.
It probably doesn't have our nasty chemicals for the dyes.
It's so silly that raw milk is illegal and you go buy whiskey at Costco.
And for a lot of people that have lactose intolerance.
Oh, Jason Ellis the comedian.
Yeah, it's really good for you.
It's just don't get it bad.
Don't get it where it's contaminated.
Probably get fucking rancid diarrhea.
Well, I think your body, when it's homogenized and pasteurized, it's like, what is this with no enzymes?
What is this water protein you're making me drink that I'm going to fart out?
Probably not better than Red 40.
Well, let's Google ammonium chloride.
I feel like that's what's been smelling salts.
White crystalline water-soluble salt formed from ammonia and hydrogen chloride used primarily as a fertilizer.
An expectorant in cold medications and a component in soldering and galvanizing fluxes to clean metal surfaces.
Also found in dry cell batteries such as a flavoring agent in its natural form.
It's called salamoniac.
Well, it's like monosodium glutamate.
Everybody was scared of that for the longest time.
And Bourdain and I were talking about it, and he's like, no.
He's like, it makes the food taste better.
I go, what do you think about all the stuff about it being bad for you?
He goes, I think it's bullshit.
It's just a – Monosodium glutamate is like what they would always put – the thing was it was always – you would hear that it was used in Chinese food.
But it was used in a lot of food.
I remember when I worked at Newport Creamery, they used to have some laying around.
I think – God, what was the name of the stuff?
Oh, yeah, you go into places where you can – MSG is every time?
Yeah, but there was a name that – there was a product –
MSG enhances umami flavors with less sodium, about one-third the sodium of salt.
That's just table salt, NACL.
Wasn't it called Accent?
Wasn't there something like that where there was a monosodium glutamate product that they would have for restaurants?
God, I can't remember what it was called.
Global food company known for amino science.
So they'd have like a tub of that stuff.
You'd throw it in whatever the fuck you're cooking.
It made it taste better.
What was the- But monosodium glutamate was like the thing that everybody was always blaming.
Oh, I got to stay away from Chinese food.
That fucking MSG kills me.
And he was like, that's bullshit.
It's probably one of those things that we got stuck with, like saturated fat's bad for you, because some cunt got a lot of money from the sugar lobby, and so they wrote some fake science, and everybody bought into it.
Like the non-fat diet, yeah.
Those guys fucked everybody so hard, and they did it for 50 grand.
They did it for 50 grand like the 1960s, and forever we've been fucked.
60 years, everybody's been like, oh, stay away from it.
The perceptions of MSG's danger stem from the anecdotal reports and flawed early studies, not from consistent scientific evidence.
For most people, MSG does not cause health problems.
However, a small subset of the population may be sensitive to it and experience temporary mild symptoms.
So what's the mild symptoms?
Headaches, nausea, drowsiness, flushing or sweating.
Maybe you just ate too much, you fat fuck.
It was once called Chinese restaurant syndrome.
Now known as MSG symptom complex.
These symptoms often appear within two hours and are typically mild.
Yeah, but also you probably ate like a pig.
Difficulty breathing in rare severe cases.
He probably drank beer and ate 50 bowls of noodles, you fat fuck.
No, he thinks you should know what's bad for you.
And if you want to take it, there should be a label on the food letting you know that the stuff in there has been shown to cause X, Y, and Z.
He doesn't say we need to get rid of cigarettes or we need to get rid of whiskey.
If you don't say that, those two things, if you don't say no more cigarettes, no more whiskey, if you don't say that, then shut up.
So the left is worried about deregulation, right?
They're worried about deregulation.
Yeah, with environmental concerns.
I'm sure they're worried about deregulation with banking and industry.
They're worried about deregulation.
Is there any party that's just pro-regulation?
I think the Democrats are much more interested in regulating things.
Like if you look at the most regulated states, they're Democrat-run states.
Like California has a lot of red tape and regulations if you want to get anything done.
Yeah, because they want control.
They want more control from the government.
They have a bigger, bloated government, and the way to keep that functioning is you've got to go through hoops and ladders to get through anything.
Some regulation is good.
Your parents are contractors, right?
There's a good example.
Too much regulation, but you need inspectors.
You can't say that because if your family does a good job, and I'm sure they do, that's fine.
But there's a bunch of fly-by-night fuckheads that make a house and don't follow code, and then shit goes sideways and falls apart.
I think there's a comfortable medium.
My stepdad was an architect, so I grew up around construction sites as well.
I do, but I also know that there's a lot of shady motherfuckers that are involved in construction.
And you've got to make sure these assholes follow code.
Otherwise, this house is going to collapse and kill everybody inside.
They do things all half-assed.
And you need someone to go and inspect it.
And it's really bad for you.
Psychologically, it might be one of the worst things that's ever happened to, like, collectively society.
Like, if you look at Jonathan Haidt's book, have you ever read his book, The Coddling of the American Mind?
But I love Jonathan Haidt.
It's all about social media and then self-harm with girls.
Self-harm, suicidal ideation, suicidal thoughts.
That all comes like this because it ramps way up when social media gets introduced.
There should just be elected committees, elected psychological committee, elected philosophical committee.
Who's going to tell you you can and can't do it?
Who's going to say you should and shouldn't say things?
If you don't like it, you should get off of it.
I just stay off of it for the most part.
Yeah, but these kids are just...
I know, but so is booze, right?
This could ruin your life too.
And it'll also suck your time away.
Who's going to be the one?
Who's going to tell you what we – I don't want anybody telling me I can't go on Twitter.
If I'm at home and I have nothing to do and I pay taxes, I fucking – my bills are paid, I want to just fuck off.
I don't have alerts on.
Well, they should shut that shit off.
Someone should teach them how to use it correctly.
And also tell them, like, hey, this is a lot of negativity.
And a lot of these people are wasting their life on this shit.
You're wasting your time.
I mean, it would be rough.
15-year-old Joe would be tweeting horrible shit at every celebrity.
Yeah, under fake accounts, you can make 30 different accounts.
Make a new Gmail address.
All they have is your IP address.
Yeah, but then the thing is whistleblowers are important, right?
If someone is in the government and there's some shady shit going on and you can expose it and you don't want to die.
You don't want to get Seth Riched.
yeah billboards don't go viral you gotta you gotta be able to express yourself without fear of consequences because there's a lot of people that don't have any power and there's a government or maybe you find out that the corporation you work for is doing some horrible and they're bypassing some environmental regulation and dumping toxic stuff into the ocean like
You can't make money off of – That's a problem because they didn't – we didn't know when we all signed up for it that data was going to be this massive commodity.
Not only is it very valuable, but then it gives them insane power.
The people that have all that money and have all that power, now they're in control of essentially all social discourse.
Because when they do regulate it, then it's like – did you ever read the Twitter files?
Did you read any of the stuff that Matt Taibbi and Schellenberger and all these guys – when Elon purchased Twitter, one of the things they found out was the intelligence communities had been deeply embedded into Twitter.
And then they were involved in suppressing certain narratives and pushing other ones.
And it was like really sketchy stuff, like dangerous, dangerous stuff.
Because if they have the power to suppress accurate, real information, then you're propagandizing to the entire country.
You're shifting narratives.
You're changing the way people think about things.
This can affect elections.
This can affect public health.
This can affect everything.
And they were doing that.
And they were doing it because they had regulation over social media.
Elon comes along and he's like, fuck that.
It's Wild West time and opens it wide up.
And everyone's like, oh, it's all racist now.
There's Nazis like, yes, there's more of that now because it's not getting banned.
But also there's more people that, you know, can talk about virtually anything that they want to.
And you can debate it out.
You can talk about the climate.
You can talk about the moon.
You can talk about asteroids.
You can talk about foreign governments.
You can talk about anything.
It's better to have people say horrible shit but also be able to say true shit than not be able to say anything.
They can also get radicalized.
They can also become Christians.
They can also become like hikers.
They could also like really get into jujitsu.
They could also like – ISIS.
They could also do whatever the fuck they want to do.
I mean, this is just we got to duke it out in the battlefield of ideas.
And that's that has to be able to take place.
You can't have people decide what you can and can't discuss, because the problem with that is like then they have power over you and they have power over the most important thing that we do as a culture, which is figure out what's right and what's wrong.
Figure out who's correct and who's incorrect.
What's a fact and what is a lie?
Why have they made so much money pushing this thing where there's no science behind it?
And if you say – then they say trust the science.
Well, show me what the science is.
And then you have people that are looking at the science that are actual scientists that get –
boycotted and banned from Twitter.
That's one of the things that happened during this whole FBI infiltration of Twitter or whatever the organization was that the government had that was deeply – it was multiple organizations deeply embedded.
They were kicking people off.
They were like Stanford scientists.
They had a different view of how the pandemic should be handled.
Who's going to regulate the regulators.
I think that's better.
I think this is the world we're living in and it's a weird world.
But this is the reality of the world and you need to prepare them for the reality of the world.
Don't shield them from it.
Yeah, but it's also fun for kids, too.
They're doing Snapchats.
They're having a good time, too.
It's not all negative.
And the pylons, like with people like that lady, what she did to her daughter, which is the most evil fucking thing ever.
But there's groups of kids that will go after a kid and pile on them and attack them anonymously.
And kids kill themselves over things like that.
How do they deal with it?
They're remarkably healthy.
They have social media, but they're crazy about it.
Yeah, one of them just got off of everything.
She wants to concentrate on her schoolwork.
She hasn't been on any social media in over 90 days.
But that's an addiction to be like, 90 days, I'm clean.
Yeah, but it's also she can do it.
It's not an addiction like, oh, my God, if you ever get on social media again, now you're going to be homeless and snorting social media.
No, it's like it's a thing that's not necessarily good for you.
Don't eat cake all day.
But if you want to have a birthday cake or you want to occasionally have a piece of cake, you have dinner.
Let's get some dessert.
There are laws, right?
So, like, there's free speech, but if you threaten someone, there's laws against that.
If you threaten a group?
If you say, I want to kill all the Greeks in America.
But if you just said something like that, yeah, someone would visit you from the FBI if you make threats against people.
But we have existing laws that already protect people from that.
I just think most people should say the fuck off of it because most of the people that are doing it are wasting their life.
Also, I had no idea that this was going on with you.
You can never be woke enough because it's all horseshit.
And it's a cult that is mostly perpetrated by people that don't have a religion.
So it behaves like a religion.
You can get excommunicated.
You can get cast out of the kingdom for life.
If you follow those rules, you'll be good.
If you're not, you're a heretic.
And it's a religion for people that don't have a religion.
Because there's a fucking weird part of our brain that whether you are a Democrat or a Republican, it fits that spot.
So if you don't have something in your life that you think of as a higher power or at least have some sort of ethical and moral foundation and some higher goal that you ascribe to, something will fill that spot.
There's a spot in your brain, and that spot will be, I'm a Republican, or that spot will be, I'm a liberal, and we got these goddamn racists and all these white people.
We got to get rid of white people.
White people say that.
The real problem is white people.
They'll say that, and they'll pat themselves on the back while they're saying it because they think they're being a good wokester.
And that's why it takes the place of religion for people who don't have religion.
It's a big part of it.
No, but I mean there's a spot in our brains.
That religion has always been there and we've filled that spot with whatever the fuck it is, leftist politics, right-wing ideology, whatever the fuck it is.
You find a thing that becomes your religion.
People are fucking broken.
But we're also wonderful.
When we, you know, when we work right.
And that's what most people are doing on Instagram and on Twitter because it's just such an easy thing to do.
And especially if your life sucks, it's a great distraction.
You can pay attention to other people and tell fucking Jordan, fucking cunt and just say horrible shit.
And it distracts you from whatever is wrong with your life.
Well, think about what we're talking about with OCD, those tight grooves of behavior that just get just just it's so easy to slide into those grooves.
They've been used so many times, just an instantaneous decision to go down those pathways.
It's hard for people to snap out of them, especially people that are fragile and that are worried about getting attacked themselves.
Those are the most vicious.
The most fragile people are the most vicious.
They're the most mean, the ones that are worried about being criticized themselves.
Hurt people hurt people.
It's a normal part of being a person.
It's just the social media thing –
There's very little value and a lot of negativity.
Or you could use it correctly if you're a journalist or if you're someone who's curated a good feed and you just want to find out what's actually happening.
Because the world's filled with crazy shit that happens all the time that you don't know about unless you get on Twitter.
If you just paid attention to the mainstream news, you'd miss 80% of what's going on in the world.
Most of my time I spend, if I'm fucking off on my phone, is on YouTube.
And I don't have a problem with that because most of that is like videos.
Yeah, I would not have been able to be a contractor without YouTube.
Yeah, I should have called my business YouTube.
There's so much you can learn if you just do it right.
Like YouTube is the most amazing resource if you just do it right.
Oh, there's so much good how-to stuff that's available online.
Or you can get on Twitter and just start yelling about the Jews.
Figure out a thing, whatever it is.
You know, people go crazy.
I'm worried about everybody's future.
I'm worried about their future.
I don't want anything bad to happen to them.
I don't want anything bad to happen to anybody.
But when people say that, like, I wouldn't want to have kids today.
I'm like, yeah, why would you with all the books and medicine and shit?
People had kids before they figured out doors.
Not only that, there's a lot of people in my life that I love.
I have a lot of good friends.
I have a lot of people that I love.
The only way you make people is they have to be babies.
And they grow up to be people that you love.
You have to... If you love people, you probably love kids.
You just don't know it.
And you probably are, you know, terrified of responsibility, which is real.
Do you think everybody should do it?
I think you could have a rich and full life and never have children.
I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
And I always resented that when I didn't have children.
Did it change anything?
Yeah, it changes everything.
Chappelle had the best quote about this.
He said, not only did it change the amount of love that I have, it changed my capacity for love.
You don't know like how much you love your dog.
And I know you love your dog.
I've seen you with your dog.
You love your kids times a million.
You just have to learn and grow and just deal.
This is just part of the thing.
You can't just be safe forever.
You're not going to live.
You just have to exist.
And, you know, you have to like when you don't see your friend like bye.
And, you know, they get on a plane like, oh, my God, the plane crashes.
What if I never see them again?
You can't live like that.
And then you still, you only chill so much.
You love them so much, it's hard.
But I think there's a reason why societies like people to have children, because it makes you much more concerned with law and order.
It makes you much more concerned with cleanliness and pollution and all of the harm that could happen to your child.
You worry more because if it's just, you're selfish and you're by yourself, fuck everybody.
I'm going to go get a whore.
You're not really a part of this thing.
You're just kind of like, you're a leech, you know, like this, this thing is all of us together.
Because they could vote for negative things about your kids.
Well, there's a lot of those selfish shitters and eaters too that think that somehow – because this is one of the things that people are being taught today that somehow or another because there's so much money in the world, like you're owed something and they should just – we should have universal basic income and your needs should be met.
There's a bunch of people that –
Don't think that you should provide a value, that your needs should be met because there's so much wealth in the world and that everything else, whatever the wealthy people have on top of that, that should only exist once their needs are met because there's a fake scarcity crisis in this country.
And it's really because the wealthy people have gotten so much.
But that's the Bernie bro.
Well, there's some truth to that though, right?
Like if someone acquires all the money and everybody else is poor, obviously you have a broken system.
Bernie's idea was to take a small amount of stock market exchanges, just like a fraction of a penny for each one of these, and that money –
would all be an incredible resource that would go to education and healthcare and all these different quality of life things that would have a legitimate impact on society.
That's what I was interested in.
That was my most compelling thought that he had, the most compelling thought to me.
I was like, that seems like that would work.
That seemed like that would have a big impact and it would change a lot of things.
Well, the weird thing is that they have the ability to donate insane amounts of money towards congressional campaigns and Senate races.
It's not even just that.
It's funding super PACs.
There's a lot of shit that goes on that's just really about influence.
Well, not a bad idea, but...
You've got to be able to make money.
The real problem with corporations is they have to always make more money.
Like if you have a responsibility for your shareholder, if you're a CEO, every quarter you have to make more money.
Like the idea is like you're doing really well, you're making more money.
And the only way to really keep making – they never go, we're good.
Hey, everybody, we're good.
Because like you get to this.
That's the game they're playing.
They're playing the I want more money game.
They're not playing the let's make the world a better place game because it's a corporation.
It acts like a sociopath.
You ever seen like when they've done these studies where they like, well, look at the behavior of a corporation.
It's basically a psychopath.
What they really fucked up was with the stock market in general in the first place.
But it's crazy that everybody gets to be involved in like...
You're not allowed to do that.
The thing is, it is a real thing and it does work.
She's got half a billion dollars.
She did it a shady way.
My friends who are like I'm going to make her live longer.
She's she's 82 fucking years old.
Like it's the end is nigh.
Some people have and they've made a lot of money.
It's like the same people that stay off social media.
You like back and forth?
I like fighting, yeah.
Fighting in the makeup sex?
There's a way to do it with tact.
Yeah, you got to be able to do it with someone when you calm them down and say it rationally.
And you got to say you love them first.
And you got to say nice things first.
Yeah, I'm on the fence about microdosing, but I think for some people it seems to be a giant quality of life enhancer.
Well, that's probably good too.
It's probably like most things.
You know, you shouldn't drink every day.
If you want to go on a vacation for two weeks, you're going to get hammered.
I know some people that got addicted to the idea of like spiritual awakening.
Some of those people get cooked.
They get overcooked and they start reading poetry on Instagram.
No, that's cool, though.
Someone just saying they love you is nice.
Ari sent me an I love you message the other day.
I was like, what were you on?
He's off the fucking reservation.
Well, he's very smart.
Yeah, he's very smart.
Ari's very strong in his beliefs.
Some of his opinions are terrible, though.
Ari famously told me to never put out a three-hour podcast.
In the beginning, he goes, why is your podcast three hours?
I said, because that's how I felt like talking for three hours.
No one's going to listen for three hours.
I always did it three hours.
I'm like, they don't have to.
It's a time warp in here.
Because we're locked in.
So if you're really locked in, if you haven't really locked in with someone, you really haven't.
It seems like three hours.
Some podcasts are nuts.
You're like, God, I have nothing in common with this guy.
Have you ever had it be your fault?
I mean, at this point, I'm pretty good at it.
So I know like how to...
finagle a conversation you know generally i look for a blunt i'm like okay i gotta get this oh i have to change my brain i gotta fucking fire this up and make fun of this oh you're pro weed you're weed guy i love weed you love weed oh i love it okay i just started using weed for sleep and well it's weird for sleep okay but it's the only thing that's ever worked ever oh really do you use edibles
But the thing is, I think it prevents you from going into REM sleep or it hinders your REM sleep.
because every morning you wake up and you go i don't remember falling asleep but on weed you're like this is it here it is here we go yeah no i know a lot of people that use it for sleep i know a lot of people that always hated weed and used to like when i would smoke they were like why what weed makes you lazy i'm like it doesn't i'm telling you it doesn't you're lazy weed does not make you lazy that's me i always thought weed makes you lazy but i'm using it for sleep
Yeah, I thought it too until I was 30.
I met my friend Eddie.
My friend Eddie Bravo was the one who got me high for the first time when I was like 30 years old.
I hadn't gotten high since I think I got high like maybe a small handful of times when I was a comedian, when I first started doing comedy rather, and then before I was a comedian.
Like maybe my whole life, maybe seven, eight times ever being high ever until I was 30.
No, I just didn't like not being in control.
You know, I always associated people who did drugs with people who never got anything done and they were a bunch of fucking losers.
And I never wanted to be that.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I've gotten paranoid before.
But you just ride it out?
I had to figure out why.
And generally, it's like there's something bothering me in life.
So the real thing about it is it exposes something that's bothering you.
Well, you should go probably fix that.
You have a different mind than me, I guess.
I wouldn't recommend it for everybody.
I know people who can't smoke.
They don't like being paranoid.
I like being a little scared.
I like being a little scared.
But also it's good to know like maybe you have blinders on and there's some real vulnerabilities in the world and you should probably consider them sometimes.
I've just been real paranoid before.
Just super high, like, yikes!
And then you calm down, you're like, whew.
Once it's over, you're fine.
Yeah, if anybody should be paranoid, I should probably be a little paranoid.
But anybody in the public eye should be a little paranoid.
Yeah, I've gotten high and deleted some stuff.
For sure, but like, whoa, this has got to come down.
Well, I think marijuana is a tool like everything else.
I think you can learn things from it, and I think it's like steroids for comedy.
You can come up with some stuff when you're high that I don't think is available.
Yeah, I don't think those thoughts are available if you're sober.
There's things that I wrote when I was high that I was like, there's no way I was writing that without any help.
Oh, yeah, the sweet spot.
Oh, so you know in case.
That's a scary, addictive one.
Jordan Peterson, speaking of which, he was on that shit.
Well, he was definitely on benzodiazepine for a long time.
And so that's one of the ones where you get off of Xanax where you could die.
There's only a couple of drugs where if you get off of it, you could die.
Yeah, but Xanax is another one.
And it's really hard for people.
Just like break glass in case of war.
I was on a flight once with a lady and she said, there is nothing in this world that's better than a Xanax and a glass of wine.
And I was like, I don't think you're supposed to drink with Xanax.
How many times did you do it?
I think it gives you instant brain damage.
I think it cooks your brain.
I wonder what's worse for you, amyl nitrate or boxing?
What's the side effects of amyl nitrate?
Because I know a lot of the gay fellas like it when they bought them.
And so amyl nitrate reduces that?
Also relaxes that booty hole.
I think other things have to happen for you to shit your pants.
Yeah, a gay man has to try and have sex with me.
Someone has to pound you in the asshole.
Side effects, headaches, dizziness, flushing, rapid heart rate, more severe risk, life-threatening blood condition called methemoglobinemia and dangerous drops in blood pressure, especially when combined with other drugs.
Does it cause brain damage?
Google does amyl nitrate brain damage.
It can cause both acute and long-term brain damage.
Why wouldn't it come up immediately?
Primarily through two long-term, acute and long-term brain damage.
Primarily through two mechanisms, oxygen deprivation and direct neurotoxicity.
Severe or prolonged exposure can lead to permanent cognitive and neurological issues.
Oh, but way more, right?
I did Whip-Its at the Newport Creamery place that I worked at, because we had real Whip-Its.
With a giant Whip-Cream canister, like a huge one.
Like the real things where you make the Whip-Cream, where you'd have to pour the sugar and pour the cream and then mix it in.
We had the actual gas back there.
One of the kids that we worked with was a total dirtbag, and he knew how to get high off the gas.
We would all go back there and get high with this guy.
I only did it like once or twice because you hit it and you like, you like have like almost like an out of body, like whoa, whoa.
And it only lasts like 15, 20 seconds.
And I was like, oh my God, you're dumbing up as it is.
It's definitely probably not good for kids.
Getting high all the time with your kids.
Like, you're developing.
Your brain's developing while it's constantly being bombarded by THC.
But I told them we've had conversations about drugs.
And I said the most important thing is stay away from any and all pills for a bunch of reasons, not just because what the pill supposedly is is bad for you, but because I bet what's in that pill is not what's supposed to be in there because of fentanyl.
I think Coke is the worst.
Well, it's all fentanyl now.
There's so much fentanyl, and there's fake Xanaxes, and they're all fentanyl.
There's Molly, fake Molly.
Well, it's so small, the amount that can kill you.
Have you ever seen the amount of fentanyl that is lethal?
No, like have you ever seen like in comparison to a penny?
There's a photograph on the internet of the amount of fentanyl in comparison to a penny that's lethal.
That will 100% put you in the fucking ground.
What did you get surgery on?
Did they give you fentanyl?
How painful was that?
Must be happy now, right, that you did it?
I've only caught my dick in my zipper like two or three times in my life.
How do you catch it in there?
But he's just not paying attention, like going raw dog.
The balls on the outside is the dumbest fucking invention of all time.
That's not the problem.
The problem is getting kicked there.
We have so many problems.
It's just to keep them from overheating because you need sperm.
Well, they have to be able to cool in the breeze because if they're getting overheated, it's not good for you.
And it's the most vulnerable part of your body other than your eyeballs.
And it's just hanging out there.
That you have a spot to hit.
Well, imagine if you didn't have to get hard to have sex.
Like you didn't have to be aroused.
Animals just have a bone.
But they have a bone, though.
There's a bone in there.
You could break your dog's dick?
What is that bone called again?
We have one out there.
A giant fossilized walrus bone.
Baculum, that's right.
I think all animals have it except human beings.
Do monkeys have a baculum?
They're always jagging off.
Chimps, gorillas, monkeys.
It's designed to be jacked off.
It's right there where your hand drops.
I'm pretty sure deer do.
Matter of fact, I know they do.
And so do moose and elk and what mammals don't.
Primates, oh, it's present in some species within the orders of primates, rodents, and carnivora.
I don't know what that is.
Bears, dogs, and walruses all have a bone.
Because, like, you don't have time to get hard, okay?
You're out there in the wild.
Just ram it in there.
Our primate ancestors did have one, suggesting it was lost through evolution.
Probably lost when the aliens came down and manipulated us.
But cats have like a hook dick where they get stuck.
Have you ever heard cats where they're stuck together?
And they're fucking ass to ass and they can't get loose.
They're fucking kicking each other.
Not present in humans.
Present in the penates of some primates.
Gorillas and chimpanzees have baculums.
So I'm going to rub my monkey butt.
Well, other species also.
I bet we probably got rid of it as soon as we figured out habitation.
So as soon as we figured out homes and doors and we could structure, you know, like keep people out.
And you'd be like, that monkey can't build a door.
Proposed honest advertising is an evolutionary explanation for the loss of the baculum.
The hypothesis states that if erection failure is a sensitive early warning of ill health, aha, physical or mental, females could have gauged the health of a potential mate based on his ability to achieve erection without the support of a baculum.
Are you only dating comics?
Well, it's a crazy new thing, right?
Like, what did they do in the 60s?
Here's the things that I could use for me to help that won't work on everybody.
But this is like the selection thing.
It would keep those guys from breeding.
People of ill health.
Like there's probably a reason why your dick can't get hard.
That's somebody else's fucking... He's afraid to be here.
You get guys that are afraid?
Oh, that's it, because you're funny.
And if you're funnier than the guys you're fucking, that's a real problem.
Right, and then you're in her act.
Yeah, the dating app thing is wild.
When I see people just like constantly scrolling and picking people and choosing people, my single friends that are on dating apps, that's an addiction unto itself because there's always someone waiting.
There's always some new... This is not... I don't like the way she smiles.
And then next thing you know, you've got three or four more dates lined up and...
But I think women are worried about guys getting fixated on them and then not leaving them alone and texting them and fucking with them and start and then being mean when they get rejected.
All that's going to go away when you put on the headset.
When it goes... We all lock in the cyborg hive mind.
And we'll just be able to tell them, fuck off.
Well, you're going to read their minds, too.
You're going to know, oh my God, this guy's a total sociopath.
He doesn't give a fuck about anybody but himself.
Everything he's saying is a lie.
For people with OCD who are like, what if I kill that cat?
You'll probably be able to see why they think that way.
Like, oh, no, no, no, you're okay.
Like, you're just freaking out.
And maybe you won't think that way when you're embraced by this hive mind.
Maybe you'll abandon all that.
Maybe that'll be like one of the great side effects of it.
Well, we had the guy on who had the very first Neuralink, and he's paralyzed.
he paralyzed like a diving accident and um he uses his head now to control his computer like he can play video games with just the chip so he can't move his arms and he's playing video games and he says it's like i have an aim bot because i point to what i want to shoot and like immediately shoot at it eye movement his brain his brain moves the cursor around
Somehow or another, the way the computer interfaces with the neurochip, so the brain interfaces with the chip, which interfaces with the computer, and somehow or another, you can control movement.
And they're getting better and better at it.
Which is a problem for the people that got the first one.
Okay, are you going to be able to pull that out and give me a new one?
I asked him about that.
I was like, is this like it?
And he's like, I think this is the only one that I can get.
I mean, maybe as technology advances, they'll be able to take this one out and put a new one in.
But at one point in time, like the wires were coming out and it wasn't working anymore.
And so they had to like re-inject them back in.
Well, that's the ultimate goal of Neuralink is to restore movement.
It's going to be able to replace your entire spinal system.
You'll be able to, this thing will tell your muscles and your brain to fire.
So if you're breaking your spinal cord, it'll be able to bridge that and you'll be able to use your body like you normally would.
If you touch her ears, she'd get pumped.
We're probably about five years away from an unrecognizable world.
What about structures?
I mean, it'll be recognizable in terms of buildings.
But I think like the way the world interfaces, the way we interface with the world is going to be very different.
Yeah, probably weirder than that because there probably won't be people working there.
There's got to be cameras filming people fucking.
There's cameras and people don't care.
Yeah, they're like, let's go.
Put on a fucking Nixon mask and fuck, let's go.
But I really like them.
Well, it's certainly probably safer.
They don't really get in that many accidents.
If they do, it's usually somebody else's fault, not the Waymo's fault.
They're going to be replaced.
They're going to be replaced with AI.
AI is going to fly all the planes.
How about they have strokes?
They got that fifth booster and they fucking stroke out.
People are stroked out while they're flying.
That's what God's going to do.
Smite the comic with a big ego?
The people that take the photos in front of the private jet, they're the ones that are going to get smitten.
You post it right before you get on the flight.
Thanks for being here.
It's available right now on Netflix.
I'll see you tonight.
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