Jordan Klepper
Appearances
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Hits 100 Days & Canada Celebrates By Electing the Anti-Trump | Katherine Maher
As head of NPR, you were recently asked to testify at the anti-American airwaves hearing.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Hits 100 Days & Canada Celebrates By Electing the Anti-Trump | Katherine Maher
What kind of anti-American shenanigans are you getting up to over at NPR?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Hits 100 Days & Canada Celebrates By Electing the Anti-Trump | Katherine Maher
Yeah. That was it. At some point, Americans deserve big desks, and you guys have really been pushing this tiny desk narrative for so, so long. Efficiency. Efficiency, right? I mean, did you ever imagine that you would be having to defend yourself in front of Marjorie Taylor Greene and trying to defend the whole purpose of NPR? Was that on your dream board?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Hits 100 Days & Canada Celebrates By Electing the Anti-Trump | Katherine Maher
I saw a picture here. We have a picture here. I want to know, what was going through your mind in this? Were you asking for help from a higher being? What was going through your head there?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Hits 100 Days & Canada Celebrates By Electing the Anti-Trump | Katherine Maher
Because you're used to tiny desks. Like, this is just too large. This is too large.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Hits 100 Days & Canada Celebrates By Electing the Anti-Trump | Katherine Maher
I mean, it's, you know, NPR, PBS is often, it's part of the conversation. I think there's been a lot of push for many, many years to take funding away. But in like 2025, the criticism from the right is, what do we need public funds to go towards NPR for? What is that argument? People are getting their news from all sorts of people. Most people just get
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Hits 100 Days & Canada Celebrates By Electing the Anti-Trump | Katherine Maher
their news from the TikTok feed from their neighbor. So why do they need their taxes to go to a place like NPR?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Hits 100 Days & Canada Celebrates By Electing the Anti-Trump | Katherine Maher
Oh, this is, okay, all right. Bring that NPR shit here. Oh, I get it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Hits 100 Days & Canada Celebrates By Electing the Anti-Trump | Katherine Maher
Kalamazoo, Michigan, yes.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Hits 100 Days & Canada Celebrates By Electing the Anti-Trump | Katherine Maher
Exactly.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Hits 100 Days & Canada Celebrates By Electing the Anti-Trump | Katherine Maher
Oh, my God! This is how divided we've become under Trump. We can't even agree on how counting works. Apparently, Wednesday is now a partisan issue. I mean, it's hard to think of a better metaphor for how the first 100 days have gone. But here's one.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Hits 100 Days & Canada Celebrates By Electing the Anti-Trump | Katherine Maher
So what does that look like? So... I mean, the threat right now... The threat right now is they take a billion dollars away from NPR, PBS over the next couple years, correct?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Hits 100 Days & Canada Celebrates By Electing the Anti-Trump | Katherine Maher
What does that look like? If that goes through, if they take a billion dollars away, what happens?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Hits 100 Days & Canada Celebrates By Electing the Anti-Trump | Katherine Maher
Now, it's interesting, though. Folks on the right are complaining there's a liberal bias in places like NPR. And we're in a politically charged time, and you have to, as the CEO, you have to walk what that line is and appeal to all of America. But I also fear from the left, they feel like moving towards the right looks like capitulation.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Hits 100 Days & Canada Celebrates By Electing the Anti-Trump | Katherine Maher
In some ways, I feel like you're between a rock and a hard place. How do you balance this? I don't see a situation where there's an articulation of fairness that both sides can agree upon. The right asks you to be less progressive or less liberally biased. I think any actions towards that will be seen as strict capitulation from the left. Is that where you're at?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Hits 100 Days & Canada Celebrates By Electing the Anti-Trump | Katherine Maher
Have you thought about... I mean, if you really want to expand that tent, have you thought about rebranding, like, Terry Gross Presents the American Man Cast Ear Hole? Like, really, like, let Terry lean into it, you know?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Hits 100 Days & Canada Celebrates By Electing the Anti-Trump | Katherine Maher
Yeah, exactly. Just sipping bourbon, you know? Yeah, pushing ivermectin every now and then. Like, is Terry interested in this?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Hits 100 Days & Canada Celebrates By Electing the Anti-Trump | Katherine Maher
Oh, no, no, no. America's doing great. We're doing great. Yeah, sure, some of our fighter jets are kamikaze-ing themselves instead of serving under the Hegseth regime, but things are fine. I will say, you know who this is good for? The Little Mermaid. You know? Think of how excited she was when she found a fork. Now she's got an F-18 fighter jet. legs, I got wings, baby! Whoo!
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Hits 100 Days & Canada Celebrates By Electing the Anti-Trump | Katherine Maher
This is... Get to the bottom of this, NPR.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Hits 100 Days & Canada Celebrates By Electing the Anti-Trump | Katherine Maher
Catherine, before you leave, it seems only right for us to give you a Daily Show tote bag. Um... I know this is currency. I believe this is considered the Bible in the NPR world, so I wanted to pass it along.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Hits 100 Days & Canada Celebrates By Electing the Anti-Trump | Katherine Maher
Is that right? Okay, very nice. Catherine Marr, everybody. We're going to take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. That's our show for tonight, but before we go, my new Fingers the Poll special is coming out soon. It's called MAGA, The Next Generation, where I'll be investigating the rise of young Trump voters. It premieres May 19th, and I gotta tell you, it's a banger.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Hits 100 Days & Canada Celebrates By Electing the Anti-Trump | Katherine Maher
Be sure to check it out. Tomorrow night, Desi Lydic will be continuing our coverage of Trump's first 100 days. Do not miss it. Now, here it is.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Hits 100 Days & Canada Celebrates By Electing the Anti-Trump | Katherine Maher
You're part of my world now, bitch. So, yeah, bit of a shock. But the good news is the military says the plane can be salvaged. They just need to get it out and plop it into a really big bowl of rice. Good as new. Okay, so that was a bit awkward. And to put an even bigger damper on Trump's 100-day celebration, our neighbor to the north celebrated last night in a very disrespectful way.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Hits 100 Days & Canada Celebrates By Electing the Anti-Trump | Katherine Maher
What have we done? We've turned Canada's cutest nanas into foul-mouthed expletive machines. And I know, I'm sorry to say he's an asshole doesn't sound bad to us, but in Canada, she's Cardi B. Cardi B.C., you know, British Columbia. But yes, thanks to Trump, the Liberal Party just pulled off a historic comeback, winning all the major Canadian demographics.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Hits 100 Days & Canada Celebrates By Electing the Anti-Trump | Katherine Maher
Hockey moms, hockey dads, hockey non-binaries, hockey seniors, hockey hockey players, and of course, hot Ryans. But the winner of all this anti-Trump energy was new Prime Minister Mark Carney. And his victory is all the more impressive when you see that he is not the most traditionally electric candidate.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Hits 100 Days & Canada Celebrates By Electing the Anti-Trump | Katherine Maher
Wow. This lady was trying to be his hype man, and he's like, ma'am, please, this is a victory party. This is no place for excitement. Was Mark Carney doing that the whole campaign? What do we do? Fight! No, no, no. Quiet down. That was rhetorical. It's not what this is about. But look, let's step back for a minute, because here on the 100th day, it might be worth taking stock of where we are.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Hits 100 Days & Canada Celebrates By Electing the Anti-Trump | Katherine Maher
I'm George Clapper. We got so much to talk about because today is a big deal. It's the 100th day of Donald Jonestown Trump's second term. We're at cruising altitude, people. The seatbelt sign is off and the pilot is aiming straight for the mountainside. So, let's get right into it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Hits 100 Days & Canada Celebrates By Electing the Anti-Trump | Katherine Maher
Because right now, all the vibes are terrifying. Trump is overreaching, he's breaking rules, he's ignoring judges, he's collecting all the infinity stones, he convinced the Pope to do the eat a hot dog without chewing challenge. Rest in peace. You lost fair and square, Pope, sorry.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Hits 100 Days & Canada Celebrates By Electing the Anti-Trump | Katherine Maher
But if there's one silver lining to this Dictatory 100 days, it's that when anyone pushes back, he folds like a cyber truck in a fender bender. Like this, look at what happened with his tariff policy. He's been hyping up tariffs for decades. It was the centerpiece of his campaign last year.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Hits 100 Days & Canada Celebrates By Electing the Anti-Trump | Katherine Maher
He says tariff like I'm trying to take a bone out of his mouth. Tariff. Tariff. It took less than a week of market turmoil, and suddenly Trump was like, backsies.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Hits 100 Days & Canada Celebrates By Electing the Anti-Trump | Katherine Maher
I mean, what kind of autocrat bails at yippy? Putin wasn't like, I was going to annex Crimea, but then they gave me the stink eye, so... Dasvidaniya. And tariffs are just the most famous example. He's been backtracking all over the place. Just for example, he unfired federal workers he had fired. He put back DEI webpages he had taken down. He uncanceled student visas that he canceled.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Hits 100 Days & Canada Celebrates By Electing the Anti-Trump | Katherine Maher
He unnominated the attorney general he already nominated, and so on, and so on, and so on. At a certain point, You've gotta ask, does Trump even want to be a dictator? Because I've never heard a dictator call backsies this much. Say what you want about Hitler, which is a... Which is a sentence I immediately regret saying. But the guy stuck to his guns. It's Mein Kampf, not Mein Bad.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Hits 100 Days & Canada Celebrates By Electing the Anti-Trump | Katherine Maher
But maybe, maybe my favorite recent example is when he started suggesting he would illegally fire Fed Chairman Jerome Powell.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Hits 100 Days & Canada Celebrates By Electing the Anti-Trump | Katherine Maher
All right. Wow. Now, when I first saw that, I thought, here we go. Some dictator shit's about to go down. But then, same old story. The markets got spooked, and then so did Trump.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Hits 100 Days & Canada Celebrates By Electing the Anti-Trump | Katherine Maher
Never did? I love Jerome. I did say he's a major loser, but in a friendly way. Hey, my loser. You know, no hard R. I mean, it's good that he backtracked, but it does make it a little awkward that he already called him an incompetent loser. It's like hearing someone say, that guy is the worst, dumbest moron I have ever had the displeasure of knowing. My days are darker and sadder in their presence.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Hits 100 Days & Canada Celebrates By Electing the Anti-Trump | Katherine Maher
Anyways, I do. Look, the point is this. The point is, the point is, Trump basically does the presidential version of posting a picture, then deleting it if it doesn't get enough likes. Which makes it all the more frustrating to see so many law firms and universities and companies bending the knee to Trump. They don't have to. Chances are, if you push back, he'll take it back.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Hits 100 Days & Canada Celebrates By Electing the Anti-Trump | Katherine Maher
Either that, or he'll send you to El Salvador for a few years. But then you get a selfie with Kristi Noem, so it's worth it. When we come back, Desi Lydic prepares for the Dogepocalypse. So go away. Welcome back to The Daily Show. We all know how uncomfortable it is to listen to Elon Musk, but how bad is it to get fired by him? Desi Lydic sat down with some people who found out.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Hits 100 Days & Canada Celebrates By Electing the Anti-Trump | Katherine Maher
Yes, it has been 100 days of Trump in the Oval Office. I mean that figuratively. Obviously, he spent lots of those days in the steam room at Mar-a-Lago. Picture it. I'll wait. Can you see him glistening? Picture it. Ooh, yeah? Yeah? Ooh, put it in your head. Put it in your head. Don't make me put up a picture, all right? I'm doing it. Yeah. Yeah. Even hotter than your imagination, huh?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Hits 100 Days & Canada Celebrates By Electing the Anti-Trump | Katherine Maher
What were we talking about? Right. It's Trump's 100th day. I think.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Hits 100 Days & Canada Celebrates By Electing the Anti-Trump | Katherine Maher
Thank you, Desi. When we come back, Catherine Marr will be joining me on the show. Don't go away. Welcome back to The Daily Show. My guest tonight is the president and CEO of NPR. Please welcome Catherine Marr. Welcome. Thank you. Good to be here. Happy 100 days. I know. A lot has happened in the last 100 days.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
I love this kid. Ora Khan deserves these endorsement deals because he's done the impossible. He put McNeese on the map. Before Khan, I thought McNeese was the name of the third Culkin brother. Now, now I know it's the best school in the state of... I want to say McNeese. I don't know.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
I'm about to blow my brain down over there.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Anyway. Moving on. From the balls on the court to balls off the court. Away from the basketball arenas, a different kind of March Madness is underway.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Okay. Look, much like your penis, your argument is completely mangled. Look, these vasectomies are a disaster. If people are having vasectomies, they aren't having kids. If people aren't having kids, then those kids aren't playing sports. And if they're not playing sports, then I can't bet on their Little League games.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Now I look like a psycho betting on Little League games when there's no children on the field. I'm not a psycho, Ronnie. I just need little Arlo to bat over 500 so Daddy can get back to even. Which brings me to my ball buster bet of the night. Will the Bakersfield Junior Astros score more than 22 runs in the Pee Wee quarterfinals? Brought to you by gambling. It's like a vasectomy for your wallet.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
That's it. That's all the time we have. Join us next week when we debate whether Vanessa Trump would look better with Tiger Woods or Tony the Tiger. Okay, it's hard to say, Jordan. Tony the Tiger is a massive dog.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
He's naked. He's naked.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Somebody made a mistake and it happens. Yeah, look, it's a mistake and we gotta move on.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
What's up, numbnuts? I'm Ronny Chieng. And I'm Jordan Klepper. This is Sports War, the show where we are legally not allowed to agree with each other. For example, if I say that athletes should be allowed to take steroids to get bigger... Then I say that athletes should be getting smaller.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Come on, how would they even pick up a basketball?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
I watched your Marvel movie. What was it called? Right. Nobody remembers. Oh, really? Well, how many Marvel movies were you in? I'm more of a theater guy. Thank you very much. Ibsen or something like that. Anyway, let's start things off with March Madness, the time of year when people yell Gonzaga, and not just during orgasm. But this year, the Ides of March didn't bring much of the madness.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Okay, we get it. Sucks!
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Ronnie... I can't tell which is more busted, your bracket or your face. Look, this has been an incredible tournament. I only want to watch major colleges, not some team like Mount Sinai Bum getting shellacked by a top dog in the Sweet 16. Honestly, this is the most excited I've been for a Sweet 16 since Ronnie's quinceañera.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Wow. That layover in Madrid did some wonders, Ronnie. Which brings us to our super sweet 16, bed of the night. Which college mascot will be the first to do over the pants stuff at the sweet 16? As always, brought to you by gambling. It's the fun way to sell your house.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's First Day, Jan. 6 Pardons, Klepper Crashes Inauguration | Stephanie Hsu
I don't know.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's First Day, Jan. 6 Pardons, Klepper Crashes Inauguration | Stephanie Hsu
Welcome back to The Daily Show.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's First Day, Jan. 6 Pardons, Klepper Crashes Inauguration | Stephanie Hsu
It was so crazy. Thank you, yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's First Day, Jan. 6 Pardons, Klepper Crashes Inauguration | Stephanie Hsu
I think the US should be entitled to get half of TikTok. And congratulations, TikTok has a good partner. See?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
Tren de Aragua. Tren de Aragua. Tren de Aragua. You know the members of that gang are like, is that us she's talking about? Trump sounds like my grandfather ordering Chipotle. I'll take the Barbaracoa! Buenos Nachos! And over the weekend, Trump announced he was deporting hundreds of these suspected Venezuelan gang members all the way back to El Salvador. So... Close enough.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
Louis Black, everyone. We come back as we play.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
Welcome back to The Daily Show. My guests tonight are journalists and co-authors of the new book Abundance. Please welcome New York Times Opinion columnist Ezra Klein and staff writer for The Atlantic, Derek Thompson. Meine Damen und Herren, ihr lest ein Buch über ein optimistisches Zukunft, über die Reform der amerikanischen Institutionen. Warum geht es um Sci-Fi?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
You cribbed that sentence. Yes, absolutely.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
Das Buch ist für die Linke geschrieben. Es ist ein Kredo, worauf wir uns freuen sollten. Was ist diese Idee von Abundanz? Was sprechen wir hier im Allgemeinen?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
Ja. Maybe I want to tweak that optimistic look at the future. You speak about this. You talk a lot about the regulations in places like California, in places like New York. Is the answer to make California look more like Texas? Is that what we're talking about?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
And of course, these suspected gang members would be afforded a rigorous legal procedure, including a trial, the presentation of evidence and all the rights of due process. I'm just f***ing with you. He did it, Trump.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
We're building an argument for building, for coming together. Obviously you're writing this book before this past election. And there's times where I'm hearing about this vision of if we can get people together to get on the same page. We can fix big issues like the housing crisis, like the environment. It feels like we're talking about like we can make this Titanic run beautifully.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
But then the election hits and we hit the iceberg. So how much of this is still applicable to a democratic movement that feels very hobbled right now?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
Das ist... Ezra, das ist das Problem mit Liberalen heute. Sie schauen eine Comedy-Show und denken, soll ich lachen? Soll ich darüber nachdenken? Wie fühle ich mich? Lass mich ein paar Fokusgruppen machen. Wie fühlst du dich, Ezra? Ich habe mich in den letzten Wochen enttäuscht.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
Now, it's interesting you talk about messaging. I get to the end of the book and you bring up Operation Warp Speed. And I'm like, oh, I forgot about Operation Warp Speed. So did everybody else.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
Last used to round up Japanese Americans during World War II. Why does Trump always have to pick the oldest, most racist laws to do what he wants to do? Cutting taxes under the authority of the It's Okay to Drown Italians Law of 1863. It's not just that it's archaic. Invoking that law has some big problems.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
But you're talking about long-term visions. You mentioned having this lens of abundance. It's sort of what you're proposing here. But I think you go out and you talk to people and we are the politics of short-term results. Everything is about what can you get me now. We're not even thinking about the giant medical miracle of Operation Warp Speed from a few years ago.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
How does something like this resonate with folks who are on their phones, they're flipping through, they want an answer right now, they want to be angry right now, they want action right now. How do you speak to a grander idea when it feels like the world is moving faster than
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
In looking at the democratic field right now, Democrats, I think, are hearing this message and then they're saying, maybe we should go on more podcasts. It feels like they're taking baby steps to this. Who is carrying this message? Who do you see as somebody... We come out here and we talk to audiences in between acts.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
And more often than not, people are desperate for an answer, whether that looks like resistance or whether that looks like a vision of the future that they can get behind. And we're desperately missing some of those voices out there. Do you see this message being carried by anybody articulately?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
Das fühlt sich leise an. Wow, ja. Just to take a picture of war and peace. The second part. We'll just do the second part.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
One is that if you're deporting gang members but there's no due process, then you don't really know if you're deporting gang members. You're just deporting people who you think look like gang members. And if you start deporting every shady looking guy with questionable tattoos, I mean, who's gonna go to Jets games? But... You know what?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
You can make a weekly television show about it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
Well, it's a fascinating read. Abundance is available now and also check out the Ezra Klein Show and Derek's Plain English Podcast. Ezra Klein and Derek Thompson. We'll take a quick break. That's our show for tonight. Now here it is.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
I'm sure Donald Trump has the cultural understanding to carefully discern who is a member of... What's that gang name again? Trendy Uruguay. Yeah, yeah, you guys are f***ed. There's another problem with invoking this law, which is, it's supposed to be used in wartime. So, to make this work, Trump had to pretend that we're at war with Venezuela, which we're not.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
Not to mention, a pretend war is an extremely complicated concept to throw at the Secretary of Defense on St. Patrick's Day. So, man... Okay, so, bottom line, bottom line here. Okay, there's a lot of legal questions up in the air. So, on Saturday, a federal judge decided to pump the brakes.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
Well, it was a good try, Donald, but the judge has ruled and that's the way the system works. So, Trump brought the Venezuelans back, gave them due process, did the whole constitution thing. I'm f***ing with you again! He ignored the judge.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
My God. I mean, if you had told me that Donald Trump would trigger a constitutional crisis just seven weeks into his term, I would have said, that is a lot later than I thought. I mean... Donald showed a lot of restraint. I mean, Trump's really becoming presidential. Of course, the administration didn't just come out and say, we don't listen to judges from now on.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
They had the respect for the judicial branch to come up with some bullshit.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
It didn't count. Is that how rulings work? You have to put it in writing, you can't just say it? Well, this is definitely not the first time that Trump has defended himself by arguing that oral doesn't count. Look it up. Look it up. Look, the judge wasn't terribly impressed with that argument, so Trump's lawyers went with another response, which was, can't catch me, force field!
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
Yes, okay, apparently the constitution is not in effect over international waters. That explains Carnival Cruise Line's new ship, the SS Cruel and Unusual Punishment. And while the Trump administration is saying that it has the right to ignore judicial orders, President Trump himself is somehow going even further.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
So, there you have it. Donald Trump went from, oh sorry, we would have listened to this judge if we had heard it in time, to actually, this lunatic judge should be impeached. And if you would have told me that that all happened in 48 hours, I would have said, wow, again, longer than I expected. Now, some of you might be thinking, Jordan, Jordan, Jordan! Enough about this constitutional crisis.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
I want to hear about another constitutional crisis. Well,
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
It's not enough that he's fighting the judicial branch in the present. He's also fighting the executive branch in the past. He's causing more problems in the multiverse than Jonathan Majors. Yes, I guess Donald Trump just found out about Autopens, which leads us to one of the most annoying events in a Trump presidency. Donald learns about something new, so we all have to learn about it too.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
Thomas Jefferson? Ich meine, ich glaube, das macht Sinn. Wenn man so viele geheimen Kinder hat, sind das viele Geburtstagskarten, die man signen muss. Busy man. Nun, um es Trump recht zu sagen, sagt er nicht nur, dass Joe Biden ein Autopenn benutzt hat. Es ist etwas viel sinnigeres.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
Eine Verschwörung, die so dreckig war, dass Trump sich Zeit aus seinem berühmten Zeitraum, auf dem er auf dem Flughafen wartet, um zu diskutieren.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
Yes, good question. Did Joe Biden really sign the pardons that he said several times he signed? Or did a radical left lunatic sneak into the Oval Office and start signing whatever was in the room? Pardons, laws, doctor's notes, yearbooks. I mean, did Joe Biden really want Cindy to have a great summer or was it the deep state?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
My favorite part of this whole story is how Trump tried to claim that he would never use an Autopen, only to remember that he actually did use an Autopen.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
If I'm doing important things like pardoning January Sixers, I'll sign it myself. But for doing stupid shit like writing letters to sick kids, DocuSign is fine. Either way, Trump basically just admitted that he doesn't personally sign any of the get well letters he sends to young people who aren't feeling well. Now, obviously that's not the important part of this story.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
What's important is the danger that... Excuse me, Jordan. Jordan. Oh, Troy Iwata, everybody.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
So, let's get right into it. Now one of Trump's big promises for his second term was deporting violent immigrants from America. And he often mentioned one violent gang in particular.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
There he goes, that was the last one. Okay. Are we sure it was their broken hearts? It wasn't whatever medical condition they were dealing with?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
Okay, look... Troy, Troy, I don't get this. Trump has been so cruel to sick kids. He's cut cancer research and medical services. He's threatening their health insurance. I mean, what do they love so much about Trump?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
It's a real tragedy. It is. You're right, you're right. I mean, I don't... I don't know how their families are gonna live with this.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Defies Court Order & Deports Migrants, Lewis Black vs. Air Travel | Ezra Klein & Derek Thompson
Oh, shit. Everyone's dead. Everyone's dead. Tragic stuff. Troy, you wanna, everyone? When we come back, Louis Black is grounded. So, stick around.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
And most of it does not inspire confidence. He's been accused of sexual assault. He was accused of nearly running a veterans group into the ground. And he has a documented history of excessive drinking, which we learned even more about today.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
Of course. Thank you. Just in watching that scene, a convincing drunk. Right. Yes. You're both Johnny Cash and an inebriated Johnny Cash in that specific scene. How do you prepare? Do you go method in a drunk scene?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
I was going to say. It's really hard to keep that up. Yeah, what do you do in that? I've heard details. Sometimes they say you pretend not to be drunk, and that's how you become drunk or look drunk.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central, it's America's only source for news. This is The Daily Show with your host, Jordan Klepper.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
Just trying to just bump into things. And literally, they let you do this with a car. That's right, yeah. So you play Johnny Cash, which is a tough thing to do. An iconic character in American history. But James Mangold, who directed this, also directed Walk the Line. Famously, Joaquin Phoenix played Johnny Cash. So you're walking into the... You got a lot of tripwires. Big shoes to fill.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
Big shoes to fill. Did you guys discuss, like, how your Johnny Cash would be different than Johnny Cash? Or how is there an MCU, metaverse, separate thing going on here? Right.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
Now, the letters are fascinating because they truly are. They show, like, a personal side to Cash in that Kind of they found, they lived isolated lives in their own fame, but were able to sort of reach out and talk to one another. Did you see those letters? Did you work off of those letters? I know they show up in the film. The film just seems very honest to that part of the history.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa, Hegseth is rolling up to breakfast like, I'll have the steel-cut oatmeal and three gin and tonics, please. You know what they say, beer before liquor, never been sicker. Liquor before liquor, I'll have another liquor. This definitely raises some questions for the person you may want to put in charge of the nukes. So, let's jump into today's confirmation hearing.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
Without stationery.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
Yeah? Isn't that such a comment on fame? You think it's so famous, but you can't afford stationery, and you're at the top of your game at this time.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
This film takes a lot of efforts to be honest to the time period, and a lot of nerds, Dylanologists, go over little bits and pieces of this movie, call out things, and... This movie takes good care. And as somebody who's definitely not a Dylanologist or a weird nerd like this, I had a question about the bugles that you used in that scene.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
There's a moment in that drunk scene where you're holding bugles and you offer them to Bob Dylan. And a nerdy Dylanologist might point out the fact that bugles weren't nationally around in 1964, let alone in Newport, Rhode Island. And I wonder if that was a choice that you were making
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
Why the Bugles?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
Well, I mean, you can get bugles. My mom puts bugles in Chex Mix, which is a real good hack for anybody out there at home. Is it a musical reference? Because the bugle itself is musical, and it says, if Johnny Cash is passing the torch, the musical, the conch shell of the music. I didn't want to spell it out for you that much.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
Leave a little bit of mystery out there as well, right? Yeah. Do you like... Do you like creating a character based on somebody that already exists? Or do you like the idea of creating a character from scratch?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
Yeah. I'm curious what response you've gotten, because even just as an audience, People watch your performance, but they know what you're aiming at. They have a reference point for the attempt. In some ways, in watching your performance, it's sort of like watching you as a trapeze artist. We know what the pratfalls could be and what your goal is at the end.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
as opposed to watching a complete creation, a new creation, which was sort of investing in the discovery of what you find. Have you noticed a different response from movies where you are portraying people who do exist that an audience watches?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
Yeah. I'm curious, because sort of embedded in this relationship are these two artists who sort of found a companionship through these weird times. Is there a, in your creative life, is there somebody else who's a Cash or a Dylan in your creative pursuit? Are you writing on the back of any kind of barf bags to anybody?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
And you know what, I'm not saying he showed up drunk, but it did start at 10 a.m., So how about we start with a quick sobriety test? You know, something simple. Pete, how about name your kids?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
This must be awkward for you. Yes, yes, it is. It is strange. Well, I... I hope I lived up to everything that was in your head.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
And when you get to play me in that biopic years down the line... Could we get a pic after this? We could totally get a pic. We could totally get a pic, all right? But don't... But just let me know if you use Bugle. I'll give you a little secret. For me, it's not Bugles, okay? It's Fritos, okay?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
That's our show for tonight.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
Explore more shows from the Daily Show Podcast universe by searching The Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch The Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount+.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
Little tipsy, okay. Big deal. All right, no biggie. My dad was always mixing up me and my siblings' names, and he launched perfectly successful counteroffensive rapid deployment amphibious incursions into Iran all the time. Although Pete probably should have given his kids names he could remember more easily.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
Maybe like Don Julio, Jim Beam, Johnny Walker, Jose Cuervo, and don't forget little Michael Hard Lemonade. Anyway, now that that's over, it's time for the grilling. Republicans, I know he's your guy, but I also know you love the military, so I'm sure you've got some hard questions for the man who wants to run it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
Follow-up question, sir. I have this jar. Could a big, strong man like yourself open it? Okay, okay, but Democrats made up for those softballs with a couple pitches that were really high and inside.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
Tim Povich. Although, come on, Tim. Come on. You're asking why didn't Hank Seth tell Trump about how many times he cheated on his wife? Maybe because if he did, Trump would hi-fi him so hard it would break both their hands. Okay, that was a pretty wild line of questioning from Tim Kaine. Any Republican want to jump to his defense here? How many senators have showed up drunk to vote at night?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
Are you happy now, Mark Wayne? I don't know if this was really the defense that Hegseth wanted, though. Look, we're all pieces of shit here. Let he without an Ashley Madison premium account cast the first stone. I'll tell you who else probably didn't appreciate that defense. The other senators. They probably got home and their wives were like, I saw Mark Wayne at the confirmation hearing today.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm Jordan Clapper. We got a big show tonight. Congress is super horny. Republicans pretend to vet Trump's cabinet. And we get mixology tips from Pete Hegseth. So, let's get into another installment of Trump 2.0 coming for the White House. I'm gonna come. I truly hate that. So, Donald Trump becomes president on Monday, and that means... I know. I hate Mondays, too.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
He said that everyone in the Senate cheats on their wives. Honey, honey, you can't trust Mark Wayne. He's confused. The man has two first names smushed together. It's insanity. Okay, but after that, they did, in fact, get into Hegseth's policy positions. And there was one in particular policy that had people very worked up.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
Yeah. Are you saying moms can't be lethal? Does the name Casey Anthony mean nothing to you? No. Yes. Exit has a long record of insisting that women have no place in combat. And you know what? I'm sorry, Libs, but that's just the way Pete is. Maybe he's not good at leadership or management or money or vows or driving home past 10 a.m. But the one thing he does is stand his ground.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
Tell him, Pete, no women in combat roles.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
From Washington, D.C., The Flash, apparently official at 1125 standard time. Pete Hegseth went woke. You know, perhaps the most damning comment about Pete Hegseth came from Pete Hegseth himself when he was explaining what the military needs in its leadership.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
Oh, I know what his next kid's going to be named. You heard him, though. You heard him, folks. A military cannot function unless it's staffed by a system based on pure merit, where only the most qualified people rise to the top.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
So says your next Secretary of Defense, who will run the most complicated, powerful, deadly organization the world has ever known and whose only qualification is that Trump liked watching him sit on a couch on Saturday mornings. But... But listening to Republicans today, it seems like that's going to be enough to get him confirmed.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
Well, that's not what the breathalyzer said, but... But okay. Okay.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
Desi, we know Hegseth apparently has a history of being drunk and abusive and corrupt. What else has your reporting uncovered?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
What do you mean? There's got to be more shady stuff in his past.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
Desi, transparency is important. We need to know the extent of his drinking problem.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
Desi, it's not that simple.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
Okay, stop it. All right. No, there's no way that's my dad.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
Oh, God, that's my dad.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
So what, you're just gonna ignore it and not do your job?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
Actually, Kristi Noem did kill a puppy.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
Because she's nominated for Homeland Security. Stop it, stop it, stop it. You can't just give up knowing things, Desi. Democracy dies in darkness.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
But it means we're invading Greenland on Tuesday. So, we got to decide who is going to lead the armada, which is why today the Senate held its first confirmation hearing for Pete Hegseth, Trump's nominee for defense secretary and dude who makes sure everyone at the frat house has their stories straight. Now, since he was nominated a couple months ago, we found out a lot about Hegseth.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
No, Desi, no. Look, I know it is hard, Desi. I know it's scary. But it is the sacred duty of journalists to investigate our leaders, to uncover the truth, no matter how uncomfortable or upsetting it may be.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
Ignorance is bliss. Desi Lydic, everyone.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pete Hegseth Grilled in Senate Hearing, Boyd Holbrook on Playing Johnny Cash
Welcome back to The Daily Show. We've been following the confirmation hearings from Secretary of Defense all day. But who is the real Pete Hegseth? Let's find out in a brand new Daily Showography.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
You're listening to an iHeart Podcast. You're listening to Comedy Central. From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central, it's America's only source for news. This is The Daily Show with your host, Jordan Cleveland.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
What? A horse escort? I got to say, when you hear that Trump got a horse escort, This is the best version of that story. But, but, I gotta tell you, Saudi Arabia, oh man, they went all out. It wasn't just the horse escort. They greeted Trump with a full brass band that was... really trying their best, you know? And then it was time for Trump to walk down the famous purple carpet. Ah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
You get dogs that objectify women and also trucks that objectify women. Yeah. Are you a sea lion because I would like to see you lying in my bed, sweetie?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
I'm 46.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
In the end, young people just want influencers who connect with them, politicians who address their concerns, and social media that doesn't break their brains. Thank you, Sean Piker. And for more about the rise of young Trump fans, check out my new special, MAGA, The Next Generation, airing next Monday, May 19th, right after The Daily Show, right here on Comedy Central.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
When we come back, Matt Wolf will be joining me on the show. Don't go away. Welcome back to The Daily Show. My guest tonight is an award-winning filmmaker whose new HBO documentary is called Pee Wee As Himself. Please welcome Matt Wolfe. I saw this. I saw the doc, two-part doc. People are clamoring for it. There's a lot of love for Pee Wee Herman and Paul Reubens.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
And I think what we just saw in that clip, I want to go right at that. It tells the story of Paul Reubens and Pee Wee Herman and who is Paul Reubens within the story of Pee Wee Herman and outside of it as well. But what you leave in, you're a part of this. You're off camera. And in that moment right there, there's a tension. between you and Paul. Walk me through, what is happening right there?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
What was the inherent tension that we're seeing there and the tension you had in making this documentary?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
Well, you coming into something like that, what is the story you wanted to tell? He says you have an agenda in that clip. It's interesting.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
I mean, it's interesting because it feels like the documentary looks at the arrests and sort of what happened post-Pee Wee or the initial run of Pee Wee, but he's reticent. in telling that story, even to the point where he avoided you at the end of filming, right? Do you feel like you were able... Like, what did he want to say and what was he able to actually reveal?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
Well, this is what's crazy. You didn't, you make it very clear, but you didn't know he was dying. Paul Rubens was battling cancer at the end for years, but you were unaware of this while you were working with him.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
Yeah, but he came, and then he basically blocks you off for a little while.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
Really? Oh, I mean, it's heartbreaking. You talk about his stubbornness and his creative control. You also show a big part of this is celebrating Pee Wee Herman and the character he created, which that creative control allowed him to create something that really is unlike what people see today. I'm a father to a four-and-a-half-year-old, so I watch a lot of kids' entertainment.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
It's sort of an antidote to watching CNN all the time. It's like you throw on a Bluey and life is good. And it's curious. Bluey, outstanding. That's a wonderful show. But for the most part, they sand off certain edges to it. And you revisit what Paul Rubens was doing with Pee Wee's Playhouse. And it really, it pushes boundaries. It's empathetic. It speaks to kids and adults at the same time.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
It's a show about inclusivity without making that direct focus. Like, it still feels cutting edge revisiting it in your documentary.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
You were a fan growing up.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
Yeah, yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
What's happening off camera, as you have some of those tense moments? You said 40 hours of interviews with Paul Reubens? 40 hours, yeah. There's moments that you show where I see him pushing back on you. And what I'm watching with him, from a performer's perspective, I'm curious as to whether he's being... He's frustrated with you, the director.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
Or I'm curious if he's playing a character who finds humor in being the foil to the overbearing director. Did you feel like you were talking to a character? Paul Reubens playing a comedic persona even in his conversations with you?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
Yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
Yeah, yeah. So he passes. And you're already having this dynamic where there's a battle for control over who gets to tell that story. He passes. You have a new responsibility. How does that change how you're putting together a documentary?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
Did you creatively change what you were imagining? Yeah. You owe his creative vision more after that? Did you feel more constrained by that responsibility?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
Yeah. What would he have cut from this film?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
Yeah. Do you think you would have enjoyed seeing it and seeing the response it gets?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
Yeah, yeah, yeah. What did you learn spending all this time with him that was outside of what you expected coming into it?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
And so he walked. And he walked. Kept walking. You know, it feels like you could have stayed in the car for some of the... Oh, now we take an escalator. Great, we're done with... No, we're still walking. Yep, that's fine. It's a cool 108 degrees. This guy can handle it, you know? You know Trump's looking at the carpet going, you know, these things fly here, right?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
Yeah. Well, I mean, somebody who is also so much of the trauma in his life and what you discuss is a media looking at his life, trying to put a story to his life. Do you feel that was embedded in the armor that you had to sort of get through?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
We'll be right back.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
That's our show for tonight. Now, here it is.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
Explore more shows from the Daily Show Podcast universe by searching The Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch The Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount+.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
Don't they show me a whole new world or some shit like that? But look, a horse guard and purple carpets, that might impress the average world leader. But Donald Trump is no average world leader. And Saudi Arabia knows how to cater to a man with such refined tastes.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
Perfect. Perfect. Oh, I gotta tell you, it is nice to see they got another use out of the horses once they were done with that ice cold. It's good to know. It's good. It's good. It's good. You gotta hand it to the Saudis, though. They know the fastest way to Trump's heart is through his stomach, out the colon, with a little bit staying behind in his arteries.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
You know, but not everything in the royal kingdom was to Trump's liking. Now, after they arrived, the Saudis served some coffee, but while everyone else drank theirs, Donald Trump just held his in his hand the whole time. Look at that. Look at that, right? It looks like he was waiting to give a urine sample to the nurse. Yeah, I got to tell you, I get this. Honestly, I get it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
Unfamiliar coffee on a trip is risky. One sip is all it takes to go from traveler's constipation to traveler's, you guys go without me, I'm going to hang out in the room for a while. Smart move. It's a smart move, Mr. President. You don't want to throw a wrench into that perfect gut biome you've created.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
Now, that being said, that being said, Trump may be regretted not taking that caffeine shot a few minutes later.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
Mr. President, come on. You can't fall asleep there. This isn't an intelligence briefing. Come on, man. Look, look, it's not actually a big deal for the president to have jet lag. I'm not so much of an asshole that I make fun of someone for nodding off a bit on a trip. But you know who is that much of an asshole?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
Well, well, well. Look who's sleepy now. Well, well, well. I tell you what. I tell you what. Joe Biden, you must be loving. Oh, he's passed out. Never mind. Never mind. Of course, it's in the Saudis' interest to give Trump the royal treatment, but I'm sure the president of the United States understands that the Saudi crown prince is not without baggage.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
We got so much to talk about tonight. Qatar is bribing the friendly skies. Hassan Piker suggests that Democrats try to win. And President Trump is out of the country. So someone lock the f***ing doors. Let's get into all of it with our new segment, Trump Meets World.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
It was just a few years ago that he murdered an American journalist, so I'm sure the president will keep a healthy distance from the crown prince.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
Yeah, I agree. You might like him too much. Regardless, you know what? It was a very nice start to this trip abroad, where he'll visit not just Saudi Arabia, but then Qatar and then the UAE. But you might be wondering, why did Trump pick these countries for his first foreign trip? Well, there's a strong geopolitical balance. I'm f***ing with you! No!
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
The Trump boys have projects in all three countries. I never thought I'd say this, but can't these countries go back to doing something more constructive, like funding terrorism? Donald Trump doesn't see any of these business conflicts as a problem. In fact, if anything, he's taking conflicts to a new height, as in heights like the sky.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
Yeah, you know, I think we could stop pretending that this airplane is going to be transferred to his presidential library. This is like the news reporting your aunt is bringing her good friend Linda to Thanksgiving. Don't lick the cooter, people. That's what's happening, okay?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
Look, now apart from being a security concern and a potential bribe, it seems clearly unconstitutional to give the president a gift like this. You know what? What do I know? Attorney General Pam Bondi, what say you?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
There you go. There you have it, right? Trump hasn't given them anything, and it's been, like, 36 hours. You know what? I trust her. She's the attorney general. You know, just as a quick fact check, what did she do before she was the attorney general?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
You know, it looks bad. But if you have to understand, that's a lot of money. And money feels good to have and to spend. So now I get it. For more on Trump's visit to Saudi Arabia, we go live to our very own Michael Kosta. Michael. Michael. Michael.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
I mean, because they're an oppressive dictatorship that mistreats women and they did 9-11.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
All right, Michael, you know, a lot of people think that the Gulf states are just bribing Trump to get what they want. It kind of seems like these bribes might be working. Whoa.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
Oh. You know what? Being an American president is hard. People criticize your policies. They nitpick your moral deficiencies. Every time you even suggest removing habeas corpus, people start whining. No, we need that. Boo. You know, sometimes, You just want to go somewhere where people don't pick apart your flaws, and they treat you like a king.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
No. No, you-you didn't give me anything. You just got shit-faced and tackled my grandmother during the electric slide.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
This is the pathway to corruption. If Trump takes bribes, he's going to favor that country in decisions regarding American policy.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
I see it. I see it. I see it. Look, look. OK. I got to tell you, Michael. Very clever. But this whole thing just, it just doesn't feel good.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
Okay, that's good. Michael Kosta, everyone. We'll come back. I talk with Sean Piper. Don't go away. Welcome back to The Daily Show. You know, it's common knowledge that the podcast world is full of MAGA right-wingers, but the left has some big players, too. I spoke to one of their biggest. After 10 years of covering the Trump campaign, I thought nothing could shock me anymore.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
But somehow, in 2024, young voters, and most especially young men, went hard for a 78-year-old who uses pancake makeup.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
Yes, Trump reached voters by engaging with right-wing influencers in what's called the Manosphere. It's a collection of online content and social media promoting bro culture, and it's a space that the left seems to ignore. But someone saw this as a mistake. Were you surprised that so many young people showed up and voted for Donald Trump? No. Not even a little bit. This is Ahsan Piker.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
He's a progressive who has intellectual sit-downs with Bernie and AOC and still manages to post thirst trap workout videos to his 2.8 million followers on the platform Twitch. This combo has liberal media asking if he is the magical connection to young male voters. This is where you Twitch from. Yeah. What is a Twitch? It's basically like YouTube, but you're live streaming.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
It's a podcast for people who are like, I wish this podcast were longer. Yeah. Yet his lefty bona fides might have made him a target for Donald Trump's Homeland Security, which recently detained Piker at the airport. How do you see the left communicating with, like, young men in this time of the manosphere?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
But is there room for the Democrats to create a left-wing manosphere to talk about the social safety net and protein powder?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
Now I have to worry about a new fascism? I'm just getting used to the old fascism.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
Yeah, yeah. Because I'm anti-body fascism, so people are like, oh, are you lazy? I'm like, no, I'm a socialist with my body. Yeah, no, respect. And it's not young men just being drawn to the right. Some technology is giving them a push. A recent study created generic TikTok accounts for imaginary 16- to 18-year-old boys to see how the algorithm acted.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
And within 23 minutes, they were fed masculine, anti-feminist, extremist content.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
So I was excited to dip my toe into this cesspool. So I set up this account as a 16-year-old pretending. That's what the pedophile hunters do as well. I'm not in that world. So walk me through some of the stuff we see here. So this is what my algorithm is essentially feeling. First up, some content from Charlie Kirk. Kirk is a right-wing influencer known for trolling liberals on college campuses.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
He's a podcaster.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
This dog, see, there's just so much going on here. Does this dog want to a woman? Is that what's happening here? I don't know what's going on. Who am I?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Saudi Arabia Gives Trump the Royal Treatment With McDonald's & a Mid-Meeting Nap | Matt Wolf
Who are you, Jordan? This TikTok makes me very existential. I'm going to like it. I'm going to smash that heart. What are these trucks? What is going on? I like this one, though. This is interesting. Me, cheat. The only thing I do behind your back is look at your ass. See, this is actually kind of sweet. But it's like, why is it always trucks?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
I am, Ronny Chieng. I'm Jordan Klepper. This is Sports War, the show where we are legally not allowed to agree with each other. So if I say the Super Bowl should have fewer commercials... Then I say all the players should be dressed like Flo from Progressive. Oh, come on. No one wants to see Travis Kelsey in an apron. Yeah, tell that to my Pornhub search history, Ronny.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
Now, Sunday officially marked the end of the football season. We laughed. We cried. Ronnie tried to kiss me after every touchdown. And we crowned the Philadelphia Eagles our new champions.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
That was the worst Super Bowl in history. The Eagles dominated the entire evening. And just like Ronnie, after eating dairy, the Chiefs shit the bed. You know what? I think I speak for everyone when I say no more Super Bowls. NFL, you had a good run. You ended racism, cured breast cancer, and found a woman under 30 who wants to see Bill Belichick naked.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
You look like Ronnie out there, completely lost with the terrible haircuts. The Chiefs were my ticket out of this hellhole. And now I owe a lot of money to a very, very bad man.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
Now, while Philly dominated the big game, it's important to remember, the Chiefs weren't the only ones getting dragged all over the field on Sunday.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
I've had it with these motherfucking Drakes on this motherfucking plane! Hey, Kendrick, the world's on fire, the president's in the stands, and you're using the biggest stage on the planet to go after Drake again? We get it. You don't like him. Save your petty beef for the group chat. Like Ronnie's fake accent, you're overdoing it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
And finally, let's not forget about a huge update rocking the world of gambling.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
It's with a C, you dipshit. And you keep my mother's maiden name out of your mouth. See, this is my point. Gambling shouldn't be about hurting the people closest to you. Whatever happened to doing it the old-fashioned way? Making dogs fight each other. As someone who had their identity stolen by a certain Japanese coworker, this is a disgrace.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
Well, I know you can't be talking about me because I'm Malaysian. Oh. Stop making up new types of Asians. It's offensive. Which brings us to my Jordan's big dinger, bed of the night. Which Malaysian celebrity will go to jail next for Otani's gambling? As always, brought to you by gambling. Gambling. It got Pete Rose into heaven. Why not you? Well, that's all the time we have for Sports War.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
52 makes the most sense.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
Welcome to the Daily Show. I'm Jordan Klepper. We've got so much to talk about tonight. Donald Trump is reaching across the prison yard aisle. The military gets half-woke. And we'll tell you how New York's mayor stays smooth as a dolphin. But first, let's get into another installment of the second coming of Donald J. Trump. Donald Trump has been imposing a lot of tariffs since he took office.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
Welcome back to The Daily Show. My guest tonight is an Academy Award-nominated actor who wrote, directed, and stars in the Oscar-nominated film A Real Pain. Please welcome Jesse Eisenberg. Beloved, Jesse.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
No, no, no, no.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
That's respect right there, right?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
This is what a career in the arts gets you in America.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
God bless you. The movie is great. Thank you, thank you. Were you thinking like, oh... Thank you. Were you thinking, oh, I'm going to do a Holocaust film, but with humor? Were you like, oh, that trope again?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
Well, this film really dissects grief and how we deal with grief, how we internalize it. But it also places grief next to historical grief.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
Is that something you were grappling with early on in the writing process? Is that sort of the nugget you wanted to unpack?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
And so after going through this process, you still have that lack of meaning and clarity.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
Yeah. Is that what your next film will be about? Like, ambition and the emptiness there and the confusion you have? Exactly, exactly, exactly. It's called The Abyss. The Abyss? Yeah. Oh, I got bad news for you. That movie might exist. Does it really?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
Yeah, make something completely different. I really, I love this. I want to talk about a scene. I don't think it's a spoiler. Okay. There's a scene in this movie where Kieran Culkin is a complicated, difficult person. And he says goodbye to the tour guide after some time with this tour guide.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
And there's this beautiful scene where the tour guide sort of explains to him how meaningful he was, even though he was so difficult. And then he says goodbye to you in a heartbeat and walks away. And we left. I was in the theater. Everybody laughed. It was a very funny moment. And I talked with my wife about this afterwards. I was like... who do I want to be in this moment? I'm curious.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
There is this character who is complicated, but consequential, and in a lot of pain. And this other character who lacks consequence in other people's lives, but in some ways, less pain. It's stable. It's somewhat stable. Yeah, exactly. When you are writing that and working through that, like, where do you project yourself in? Who should I be in that situation?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
And if the nature and scope of these tariffs confuses you, don't worry. You're not the only one.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
Yeah, I mean, when you originally were conceiving this, you imagined yourself playing the other character, correct?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
Yeah, and so you find yourself flipped and playing this character. How would this movie be different if you had flipped? Would you be happier?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
Yeah. But you're also wearing, you're a director, writer, and actor there. Yes. You feel like somebody who's thinking through every moment there.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
And do you see that as, like, part of his genius, or is he just sort of being a dick to you and unprofessional?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
Are you open? Is there improv in a process like this? Does it start with open space to, like, find and discover, as somebody who wrote this and sat with this for quite some time?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
No, but I just... You weren't doing a Holocaust movie, right? You know what I mean? Well, we got some, you know, we got some pretty risque suggestions back in the day.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
Give us a location. Okay, well, maybe a new location. Yeah, exactly, okay. Well, no, so with this- It feels like Kieran is a, if not an improviser, is loose in his performance style.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
Oh. This film is very thoughtful, a lot of very deliberate choices. One choice I was curious about. You, throughout the film, are wearing a shirt that you button, one button. That's right. Not at the top, but the second button, and none of the bottom buttons beyond that. That's right. What is that choice all about?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
I need to watch these things closer. You've sat in this movie. You've created this film. It's now out in the world. People really enjoy it, so much so that you have Academy Award nominations. Yeah. I like you for that. Thank you so much. With that comes promotion for Academy Award nominations. So you're on shows like this. You're doing all of this publicity tour.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
How does that sit with someone like you? Do you like doing publicity for a movie like this?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
Stick on this one.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
It's about time. It's a truly remarkable film, and it feels like an adult film about grief that has so many entrance points for people who are sitting with these conversations in their own hands. So thank you for making that.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
A Real Pain is in theaters streaming now on Hulu. Jesse Eisenberg. We're going to take a quick break. Right back after this. Thank you so much. Jesse Eisenberg. That's our show for tonight. Now, here it is, your moment of zen.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
Do you understand what that means? I mean, why don't you tell me, President of the United States, what this means? Explain ad valorem to me like I was a child. This is Trump's own policy, and he's so bored by it. And you can tell, because at one point, he gets so bored, he just starts peeking into a random folder on the desk. Like, what's in here? Candy? Picture of boobs? What do we got?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
Oh, oh, oh, just more falters. Why is this guy still talking? Trump's not the only one making moves. Yesterday, there was a big announcement from Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth, Trump's top cabinet member, if you go by blood alcohol level. Now, Hegseth got the gig by promising to go to war against woke, and yesterday, he won another decisive battle.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
Yeah, suck it, libs! You didn't want this military base to honor a traitor to America? Too bad. Woke is dead, and Confederate General Braxton Bragg is alive.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
You renamed Fort Bragg after a different Bragg? So after all that bitching about not giving in to woke history, you're basically admitting that we shouldn't name military bases after Confederate generals. Well, it's a good thing woke is over because I think I can say this now. That's a pussy move, Hank Sandler. Just to be totally clear, Roland Bragg is not a famous figure in military history.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
He's just someone who worked for this weird name switcheroo idea. Pete Hanks has basically said, find me a guy named Bragg who served in the army and didn't own slaves. I mean, he didn't even have a Wikipedia entry until today. Today, today, do you know how obscure you have to be to not even have a Wikipedia page? There's a Wikipedia page for cats that look like Hitler.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
Hegseth, look, I say either commit to honoring a Confederate general or don't. But trying to find some kind of name loophole is just silly. I mean, why do I get the feeling Pete's going to try to pull this with his wife? Baby, baby, I didn't cheat on you. Her name was also Susan, okay? I'm restoring greatness to our marriage.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
Now, with all this tariff imposing and Fort renaming, you might be wondering, is there anyone who's benefiting from Trump's actions? Yes.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
Curious. What was it about Adam's case that convinced Trump to drop the charges?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
Oh, God. Trump really loves getting his ass kissed, doesn't he? This probably explains why all his suit pants have that little trap door on the butt like old-timey long underwear. Now, to be fair... Now, to be fair, the Justice Department didn't say they let Adams off because he kissed Trump's ass. They had an even dumber reason.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
Yes, yes, of course. Trump didn't drop the charges so he could hold them over him for the rest of his term. Trump did it so Adams could focus on enforcing Trump's immigration policies. And now that Adams has the time, I'm sure he's bringing a new laser focus to the job.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
You don't have to do an interview right now. I mean, should we go? This feels like a private moment for you. I mean, I thought I wanted more transparency in my government, but now I'm thinking, perhaps some secrecy is for the best.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
So while Eric Adams might waste his workday getting pampered at local businesses, we're doing the hard work to get to the bottom of this story, starting with our very own Grace Kulenschmidt. Grace. Grace, what's the latest?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
I'm sorry. Grace, are you getting your hair done when you should be working?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
Okay, yeah, I guess. It just doesn't seem very professional.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
Okay, I mean, I am due for a balayage. I mean, let's get more analysis now from Troy Iwata. Troy, come on. I mean, come on. Troy, what's going on?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
I'm sorry.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
Okay, forget it. Let's go to Michael Kosta. Michael, look. Okay, good. Thank you. I'm glad someone's taking this seriously. What's your take on the Adams situation?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
Woo! Jordan? Michael, can you please not get your anus waxed during your report?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
No. No, you can't put your spa services on the show's credit card. That's embezzlement, Michael. That's a felony.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
Grace, Troy, and Michael, everyone. That's totally useful. We'll come back. We'll decide who won the Super Bowl. Stick around.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
Welcome back to The Daily Show. I think I speak for everyone when I say politics drools and sports rules. For a full recap of the biggest stories in the world of jocks and straps, we turn to Sports War.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
That's too much smoke grenade, you idiot.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Hey, what's up, chosen show debts? I'm Ronny Chieng. And I'm Jordan Klepper. This is Sports War, the show where we are legally not allowed to agree with each other. So if I say college athletes should not be paid... Then I say everyone in college should be paid, even the professors. Uh... The professors do get paid, dipshit. Clearly not your professors, Ronny. I mean, what did you even major in?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Let me guess. Eating by yourself in the dining hall? Oh, like you or Mr. Popular.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Okay. It was two. The third we never saw again. Enough about college. Let's talk college sports. It was rivalry week for college football, and on Saturday, things got extra rivalry-y.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Boom! I love it. As my grandfather used to say, if there's grass on the field, play ball. Just realize that's not what he was talking about.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Ronnie, you're a dumb man with dumber takes. Look, this melee was fantastic. A football game turned into a UFC fight. That's incredible. More sports should be combined like this. Imagine an NBA game ending and then, boom, LeBron and Kevin Durant start competitive lugeing. Ooh. Ooh. And bonus, more sports equals less time with my family.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Three children, that can't be right. Moving on to a trend in football that doesn't involve steroid-induced violence, but still is all the rage.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie, you know I support your anti-war jack sessions. Totally support. But you're dead wrong here. We need more politics in sports. Liberal athletes can do this too. You score a touchdown and then you hit that Joe Biden.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
You're a Monday thing. I'll you. I'm a Thursday thing. Oh, yeah. Best I could do is Wednesday thing. Deal. Look, my point still stands, Ronnie. There should be more politics in sports. NHL goalies should be senators, and the slam dunk contest should be all Supreme Court justices. Which brings us to my big baller, Bet Bananza. What would so-and-so to my owner's signature dunk be called?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
As always, brought to you by gambling.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
All right, moving on, Ronnie. As you know, it's not just football season. It's also the holiday season.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Yes, and to you, I wish a happy Buddhism Day.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Thank you very much. Point being, this year there's a new movie that combines the best of both seasons.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
I hate this trend. Athletes should play sports and actors should act. Except O.J. Simpson, you know? He could do both. That guy killed it at everything.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Ronnie, you don't understand. These football players are moving into our territory. They're trying to plant their flag in our TV industry, and we have to fight them. Okay, well, I'm not fighting alongside you, okay? Where do you work out? Dress barn? You know what? They politely asked me to stop working out there years ago.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
I'll have you know I do a high-intensity circuit workout designed specifically for elderly lesbians.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Well, that's all for this week's Sports War. Join us next week when we debate, should NFL teams get one smoke grenade per game?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | In the Field Pt. 3
Get him out because, I mean, I'm expected to follow federal law, local law, state law. I would expect the same thing from our leader of our state.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart Slams CNN’s “Bombshell” Biden Book Promo Amidst Cancer Diagnosis | Patrick McGee
Okay, right.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart Slams CNN’s “Bombshell” Biden Book Promo Amidst Cancer Diagnosis | Patrick McGee
Well, I don't want to interrupt your week, but my new special is airing tonight right after The Daily Show. So...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart Slams CNN’s “Bombshell” Biden Book Promo Amidst Cancer Diagnosis | Patrick McGee
Yeah, that's exactly what it's called. Oh, yeah?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart Slams CNN’s “Bombshell” Biden Book Promo Amidst Cancer Diagnosis | Patrick McGee
That nailed it. That's spot on. That's what it is. Yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart Slams CNN’s “Bombshell” Biden Book Promo Amidst Cancer Diagnosis | Patrick McGee
Yeah, all of that. All of that is true. Yes. But, like, why are you using that voice?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart Slams CNN’s “Bombshell” Biden Book Promo Amidst Cancer Diagnosis | Patrick McGee
You know, actually, you know, some of us, we're going to go out and watch it together. You're welcome to come.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart Slams CNN’s “Bombshell” Biden Book Promo Amidst Cancer Diagnosis | Patrick McGee
Special.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart Slams CNN’s “Bombshell” Biden Book Promo Amidst Cancer Diagnosis | Patrick McGee
This is the greatest day of my life!
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart Knocks Dems' Lack of Vision Countering Trump Agenda | Sen. Chris Murphy
Well, John, John, I got to tell you, it is March Madness, a month of exciting college basketball tournament starts this week. And I've already got my bracket filled out. It's already busted. Damn it. Damn it. There goes Jordan Jr. 's little college fun.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart Knocks Dems' Lack of Vision Countering Trump Agenda | Sen. Chris Murphy
The New England Conservatory of Music.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart Knocks Dems' Lack of Vision Countering Trump Agenda | Sen. Chris Murphy
It's fish or cut bait time for Senator Schumer. He's gotta either urinate or get off the pot. Vivid imagery there from Senator John Kennedy.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart on LA Wildfire Blame Game, Canada Not Into Statehood
I don't think... Do you have a charger? Maybe a charger? No, you don't. On books, you don't swipe up the pages. I've turned out a book before, okay? I've forgotten how to read. All right.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Thanks Qatar for Their Generous Jet Bribe & Accidentally Does a Socialism | General Stanley McChrystal
Come on. What are you covering this week? Well, John, Mother's Day is coming up next Sunday, so we'll be looking at all the best ways to show the mother in your life how much you love her.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Thanks Qatar for Their Generous Jet Bribe & Accidentally Does a Socialism | General Stanley McChrystal
Was it? Damn it. That's okay. That's okay. I can make it up to her on her birthday. When is your birthday, Jordan? May 2nd.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Thanks Qatar for Their Generous Jet Bribe & Accidentally Does a Socialism | General Stanley McChrystal
Okay. All right. I'll make it up to her next week on Cinco de Mayo. She loves margaritas.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Air Travel
All my flight attendants, all my flight attendants, all my flight attendants, put your hands up. All right, stop. Buckle up and listen.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
DOGE Protestors Turn on Tesla & Astronauts Make It Home | Anthony Carrigan
Thank you, Michael. We'll come back. Anthony Kerrigan will be joining me on the show. Don't go away.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
DOGE Protestors Turn on Tesla & Astronauts Make It Home | Anthony Carrigan
Welcome back to The Daily Show. My guest tonight is an Emmy-nominated actor whose new film is called Death of a Unicorn. Please welcome Anthony Kerrigan. Welcome, Anthony.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
DOGE Protestors Turn on Tesla & Astronauts Make It Home | Anthony Carrigan
This death of a unicorn, they tell you what happens right there in the title.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
DOGE Protestors Turn on Tesla & Astronauts Make It Home | Anthony Carrigan
I was going to say, unicorns are real in this horror comedy.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
DOGE Protestors Turn on Tesla & Astronauts Make It Home | Anthony Carrigan
Did you find out, they didn't go into it in the movie, is the unicorn blood what keeps Paul Rudd's face so young and smooth?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
DOGE Protestors Turn on Tesla & Astronauts Make It Home | Anthony Carrigan
They did use real unicorns.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
DOGE Protestors Turn on Tesla & Astronauts Make It Home | Anthony Carrigan
Yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
DOGE Protestors Turn on Tesla & Astronauts Make It Home | Anthony Carrigan
I feel like they moved through the space almost like velociraptors.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
DOGE Protestors Turn on Tesla & Astronauts Make It Home | Anthony Carrigan
Although I wanted it to be a little bit more real. Not that unicorns aren't real, but that if they were, RFK Jr. would be eating them, you know?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
DOGE Protestors Turn on Tesla & Astronauts Make It Home | Anthony Carrigan
You're silent for the majority of this. It's true, yes. How do you prep for this? To be a, to find the, are you looking in the mirror? Are you practicing responses? How do you find your silence?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
DOGE Protestors Turn on Tesla & Astronauts Make It Home | Anthony Carrigan
Donald Trump has released 64,000 pages of long, secret JFK files. So we could finally learn who really killed JFK. And guess what? Turns out it was heart disease. Yeah, the man loved his French fries. But speaking of a once-in-a-generation charming sex machine, Elon Musk. Now... Oh, baby. I love it. I love it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
DOGE Protestors Turn on Tesla & Astronauts Make It Home | Anthony Carrigan
So you can't just bullshit with words?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
DOGE Protestors Turn on Tesla & Astronauts Make It Home | Anthony Carrigan
Trust me, it's a great tactic. I use it often. Totally. You find so much in all the characters that you do. I loved you on Barry as NoHo Hank. And, yeah, amazing. Thank you. Is it true that you were only supposed to be in the first episode and you were going to die at the end? Yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
DOGE Protestors Turn on Tesla & Astronauts Make It Home | Anthony Carrigan
Is that right?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
DOGE Protestors Turn on Tesla & Astronauts Make It Home | Anthony Carrigan
But what do you think, what was it? You guys just had a connection? It was like, oh, there's more here than just killing somebody in a car?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
DOGE Protestors Turn on Tesla & Astronauts Make It Home | Anthony Carrigan
Yeah, you're not a Chechnyan gangster.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
DOGE Protestors Turn on Tesla & Astronauts Make It Home | Anthony Carrigan
I was going to say, that's a fun one to play around with.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
DOGE Protestors Turn on Tesla & Astronauts Make It Home | Anthony Carrigan
Ben Affleck isn't creating some wild drama right now that you could sneak into?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
DOGE Protestors Turn on Tesla & Astronauts Make It Home | Anthony Carrigan
You've also been working on the new Superman movie.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
DOGE Protestors Turn on Tesla & Astronauts Make It Home | Anthony Carrigan
Yeah, you get to do it. Can you tell us right now, do you hide who you are in this movie with an accent?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
DOGE Protestors Turn on Tesla & Astronauts Make It Home | Anthony Carrigan
100%.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
DOGE Protestors Turn on Tesla & Astronauts Make It Home | Anthony Carrigan
Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching The Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch The Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount+.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
DOGE Protestors Turn on Tesla & Astronauts Make It Home | Anthony Carrigan
Now, he's the world's richest man, the leader of Doge, and guy who thinks Sauron is the hero of the story. And say what you want about Elon, but he certainly has his fans.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
DOGE Protestors Turn on Tesla & Astronauts Make It Home | Anthony Carrigan
I'm not saying Donald Trump is racist, but that man does love a hard R. But if you step outside of the White House, you'll find a backlash brewing against the founder of Tesla.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
DOGE Protestors Turn on Tesla & Astronauts Make It Home | Anthony Carrigan
Oh, tough crowd. You know you're in trouble when you even pissed off the kid with the cherry eight ball sweater. like the chillest sweater there is.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
DOGE Protestors Turn on Tesla & Astronauts Make It Home | Anthony Carrigan
These crowds have been so angry towards these congressmen, some of them have decided to stop holding town halls altogether, which feels a little thin-skinned, considering this is basically the same kind of vitriol an Applebee's bartender gets when the white wine's not filled to the brim. Again, Kyle, I'm sorry I flew off the handle. Papa needs his pinot grige.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
DOGE Protestors Turn on Tesla & Astronauts Make It Home | Anthony Carrigan
And some people are not content to just scream about Elon in a high school gym. They're taking to the streets or the parking lots.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
DOGE Protestors Turn on Tesla & Astronauts Make It Home | Anthony Carrigan
Wow, you guys like petty acts of domestic terrorism, huh? Cool. Wow. Okay, let me just say, nobody should be breaking the law and blowing up Teslas. Especially because if you just wait a few minutes, they'll probably do it by themselves. And in case you're wondering why people might do this, some have been leaving helpful messages.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
DOGE Protestors Turn on Tesla & Astronauts Make It Home | Anthony Carrigan
I think you might have wanted to blur out a little more there because now it just looks like they just wrote. Obviously, Elon has a lot of kids, so he's got a lot of, you know. You don't have to be so overt. The point is, there's a ton of rage directed at Elon right now, which is why last night he went on Sean Hannity and made the case for his victimhood.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
DOGE Protestors Turn on Tesla & Astronauts Make It Home | Anthony Carrigan
I shouldn't have to explain this to Elon, but it's not about the Teslas. Teslas are actually pretty cool as a car. It's got that all-glass thing going on, kind of like a Popemobile that f***s. It's got door handles that are hard to find, which is what everybody wants in a door handle. Everything in the car is electronic, so if it malfunctions, you just drown in it, you know?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
DOGE Protestors Turn on Tesla & Astronauts Make It Home | Anthony Carrigan
It's like a free coffin. It's cool. It's cool. I give them credit. I don't think people, though, are mad at you because of the Teslas, Elon. If I were to hazard a guess... but why they'd be mad.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
DOGE Protestors Turn on Tesla & Astronauts Make It Home | Anthony Carrigan
It might be because in the last several weeks, you fired tens of thousands of federal workers, you made cuts to veterans care, life-saving foreign aid and food banks, you canceled important medical research, sometimes so abruptly that this happened.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
DOGE Protestors Turn on Tesla & Astronauts Make It Home | Anthony Carrigan
Yeah! People might get a little upset if you stop their medical trial halfway through them. Imagine you had to stop getting your malaria medication or going home with half a butt lift. Imagine it! Imagine it! You'll never buy pants off the rack again. Or here, here's another guess. Maybe people are mad at you because you don't seem to know what the f*** you're doing. I'm guessing. I'm guessing.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
DOGE Protestors Turn on Tesla & Astronauts Make It Home | Anthony Carrigan
I'm guessing. I'm guessing. Because... You fired aviation safety staff, then you had to hire them back. You fired nuclear safety inspectors, then you had to hire them back. You cut funding for Ebola prevention and then said, oopsie.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
DOGE Protestors Turn on Tesla & Astronauts Make It Home | Anthony Carrigan
Yeah, I think we do. And if someone just accidentally cut it, I think we'd all be pretty mad. I might even Banksy some Third Reich ejaculate. Look, I could come up with more reasons, but let's be honest. Elon knows why people are mad at him. We know he's not as smart as he pretends to be, but he's also not as dumb as he's pretending to be right now.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
DOGE Protestors Turn on Tesla & Astronauts Make It Home | Anthony Carrigan
And when he goes on Sean Hannity to complain about why people hate him, he's just proving that the troll king of the internet can't handle the consequences of the real world. But you know what? You know what, Elon? You know what? No. Here, Elon, Elon, if you genuinely want people to not hate you, you could focus on the things you are good at. I mean, you did get those astronauts back.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
DOGE Protestors Turn on Tesla & Astronauts Make It Home | Anthony Carrigan
It was a beautiful moment.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
DOGE Protestors Turn on Tesla & Astronauts Make It Home | Anthony Carrigan
You know what? I think that's great. Look, I have to not be a hater for a second, okay? Elon brought them back safely from space after being stranded there for months, and dolphins even showed up to say hi. That is incredible. I mean, I wish the dolphins hadn't welcomed them back with a Sieg Heil, but still, still. It's a beautiful moment for humanity.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
DOGE Protestors Turn on Tesla & Astronauts Make It Home | Anthony Carrigan
Now, it was a joyous moment, but those astronauts were gone a long, long time. Thankfully, the good folks at NASA prepared a video to help them acclimate to the world they're coming back to.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
DOGE Protestors Turn on Tesla & Astronauts Make It Home | Anthony Carrigan
When we come back, we honor the luck of the Irish. Don't go away.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
DOGE Protestors Turn on Tesla & Astronauts Make It Home | Anthony Carrigan
This is The Daily Show with your host, Jordan Klepper.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
DOGE Protestors Turn on Tesla & Astronauts Make It Home | Anthony Carrigan
Welcome back to The Daily Show. Monday was St. Patrick's Day, when Irish Americans honor their heritage with careful readings of the writings of James Joyce, group performances of traditional Irish music, and a somber reflection of the beauty of the Celtic language. But how do you celebrate being Irish in the Donald Trump era? Michael Kosta hit the streets to find out.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
DOGE Protestors Turn on Tesla & Astronauts Make It Home | Anthony Carrigan
Welcome to the NHL, Gordon Clapper. We got so much to talk about tonight. Elon Musk wants you to stop bullying his cars. Michael Kosta finds out the meaning of St. Patrick's Day. And those astronauts finally return to Earth. And boy, did they have a lot of unread emails. So, let's get into headlines. First, first, some big breaking news.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
Do you understand the difficulty I'm having right now? Just trying to walk the road of a... I'm just saying you're doing a really good job.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
You don't think I'm afraid of being murdered? I go to Trump rallies every other weekend. Come on! What I find really refreshing and interesting about this special, you deal with big issues. Yeah. But you also, you have a quote in here. You said, transphobia is merely a distraction from our shared humanity. Yeah. We should be talking about the fact that we're all going to f***ing die. Yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
Talk to me about that.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
That's true.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
It's... There's something unifying about that absurdism. Like if I were to make a pretentious reference, Albert Camus would talk about imagining Sisyphus happy. That it's an absurd life that we lead. Can you just give me my space? Will you give me my space? Camus would say imagine Sisyphus happy as he pushes this rock up because all of existence is inherently meaningless.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
And so reckon with that and then connect with your neighbors.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
I want to quote you back at yourself, and I want you to talk about this, too. You also say humorlessness is what loses any campaign for social change. Talk to me about that.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
It's no secret a lot of people do feel scared right now. They feel like it's a time for social change, activist movements, and I think they can be called... They don't see a space for humor.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
Do you fear that the people who are looking to make a change in the next regime, whether it's this next administration or just the time that we're in, that they will lose that sense of humor and, in fact, lose some power with that?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
Yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
You speak about that. You speak about death a lot. It's funny you say this. Eric Idle was here from Monty Python a month ago saying that exact same thing. The humor that you find in death, in funerals, is sort of our humanity.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
Looking at the news right now, places like Meta, we see what's happening with Mark Zuckerberg and the threat of a MAGA administration, and they're removing any kind of guardrails they had towards hate speech. How do we combat something like that in your mind?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
That's the number one worst thing? I mean, we did slavery in America. I mean, let's at least call it a tie, shall we? TikTok users are upset about this, but there's not much they can do. Congress passed a bill, the president signed it, and the Supreme Court seems ready to rule that the ban is constitutional, which I don't think we can be surprised by, because this is...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
Tell me, there's a name on here that's very exciting to see as well. You're a specialist executive produced by Christopher Guest. Yes.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
My God, yes.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
I hope people go out and see it. Biology is available now to stream now at alokvmenon.com.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
That's our show for tonight, but before we go, please consider supporting the California Fire Foundation. They are on the ground working with local fire agencies and community organizations to provide support to impacted residents, if you can. Please donate at the link below. Now, here it is. Your moment is then.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
is not exactly TikTok's core demographic. I mean, they're more of a Walgreens app type of crowd. They're old and sickly, is what I'm saying. I mean, the last time the Supreme Court heard the sound TikTok was when death was following RBG around. Although, there's still a chance that TikTok can be saved before the Costco guys are euthanized on Sunday.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
So TikTok would be allowed to keep operating if it's sold to an American owner, and there's no shortage of interest.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
Yes! There is still a chance TikTok could be sold to one of America's many rich weirdos. Apparently, Lex Luthor wasn't available. So this is the best America has to offer. I mean, I actually heard myself say, man, I hope that TikTok goes to someone sane, like Mr. Beast. I mean, can't there be one cool potential buyer? Shaquille O'Neal, I'm talking to you.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
Stop buying so many Papa John's franchises and get real about your investment future. The trad wives and the big-headed bitches with the trench coats buttoned up to the top need you. But if no American buyer emerges, there's still one more wild card. The wild card. Donald Trump. Now, he tried to ban TikTok during his first term, but he's now trying to save the app.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
And you'll never guess why he had a change of heart.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
That's right. TikTok helped Trump. So now TikTok is good. And by the way, if you're wondering whether Trump won the youth vote by 34 points or 36 points, the answer is he lost the youth vote by 11 points. Slight, just a slight discrepancy right there. Basically the same thing. So all this is up in the air. But TikTok users are not waiting around to find out how this is going to play out.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm George Knapper. We got so much to talk about tonight. Joe Biden gets a win, Jack Smith drops his receipts, and Americans are on the brink of losing their favorite way to waste time on the toilet. So, let's get into headlines. Let's kick things off with the big news of the day.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
Yeah! Good job, U.S. government. You told Americans they couldn't see China anymore, and now they're running off to Vegas with it. I mean, this has got to be so frustrating for Kamala. She just spent a whole election fighting accusations that she's a socialist, and now every American is like, I would literally pledge to be a Chinese socialist for a good TikTok replacement.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
The question is, why would Americans be so cavalier about the threat of China spying? Maybe it's because after years of receiving monthly emails about how every American company has lost or stolen our data, we've become cynical about the concept of privacy. Or maybe we actually get off on knowing China is spying on us the whole time.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
Maybe it's gotten so bad, I can't even enjoy a cat video anymore unless I know Xi Jinping is watching me from some digital cuck chair in the corner. So... Looks like this new app, Red Note, is exploding. And the last time something from China went this viral was... It's not important. But we need to see what people are discovering once they're onto it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
$7.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
That's not a good sign for America. I was made to think a communist dictator was bad, but check out these corn prices. Daddy likey. Come on, America, fight back. If Chinese people show you their cheap corn, you show them a robust free press. Okay, no, okay. Or you show them our fair and impartial justice, not that, okay. Dave and Busters. Show them our Dave and Busters.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
Hell yeah, in your commie faces. For more on all the TikTok alternatives, let's go live to Beijing with Michael Kosta. Michael. Michael, what do you think about apps like Lemonade and Red Note?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
Of course.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
Hold on. Michael, Michael, don't you want a social media platform that isn't stripping you of all your personal information and influencing you into carrying out the agenda of authoritarian rulers?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
You know what? Never mind. Tell me more about this app.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
Huzzah! Whoa! Yeah! What a historic moment. Joe Biden articulately got through a sentence. And also a ceasefire. And the time he couldn't be better for Biden. There's still time for him to win Michigan, so... Now, we're in the early stages of figuring out what this means, and we'll be following it closely.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
Okay, yeah. Michael Kosta, everybody. When we come back, we bring Donald Trump to justice. Don't go away. Welcome back to The Daily Show. Donald Trump becomes president on Monday, but that hasn't stopped Jack Smith, the special prosecutor and son of Kevin McAllister's scary neighbor. Now, yesterday he released this, his special report on Trump trying to overturn the results of the 2020 election.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
And it's very damning.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
That's right. You hear that, Mr. Trump? No man, and I mean no man, is above the law.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
One man is above the law. But that doesn't mean this report is useless. No. We can frame it, and we can put it on our wall, and we can pretend it had meaningful results, like we do with our liberal arts degrees. And is democracy wildly unstable? Sure. You know what isn't? A wobbly table after I jammed this report under one of its short legs.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
But it seems like Trump's election has allowed him to avoid accountability for all of his crimes. It's a strategy that law firms might start picking up soon.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
We come back. Alok will be joining me on the show. Don't go away. Welcome back to The Daily Show. My guest tonight is a comedian, actor, and poet whose new comedy special is called Biology. Please welcome Alok. Welcome. First of all, congratulations on your first comedy special. How does it feel?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
But for now, let's talk about another crisis just as serious as what's happening in the Middle East. I'm talking about TikTok. A.K.A. the reason your thumb is so frickin' jacked. I find that genuinely disturbing. TikTok is the hottest app in the U.S., and next week, it's frickin' gone.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
Yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
Oh, I thought that was a creative choice. You know?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
It's not that color. It feels like a vulnerable choice to show that you carry sickness into performance and you let us see that part of you.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
Yeah, and you perform with that kind of confidence and privilege. It's very nice.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
You didn't necessarily come from a comedy background. Is that fair to say? Did you just ask me where I came from? Oh, boy.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK
Well, that was the fourth. I was going to warm up to the genitals. I always like to end with a good classic genitals question.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Greeted By Sword Dancers in Qatar & RFK Jr. Swims Up S**t Creek | Colum McCann
I know. Those are some big young gentlemen and a big trophy as well. Big dudes, yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Greeted By Sword Dancers in Qatar & RFK Jr. Swims Up S**t Creek | Colum McCann
That puts a lot of pressure on his trip tomorrow to the UAE. I bet they're sweating right now. We're just going to give them an edible arrangement. What the f*** are we going to do? Of course, Cutter didn't just give him a sword dance show. They also offered him a $400 million luxury jumbo jet. Now, this plane has become a huge controversy. It's a security risk. The optics are terrible.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Greeted By Sword Dancers in Qatar & RFK Jr. Swims Up S**t Creek | Colum McCann
Listen, Jones, everybody, when we come back, Colin McCann will be joining me on the show. Don't go away. Welcome back to The Daily Show. My guest tonight is a National Book Award-winning author whose latest novel is called Twist. Please welcome Colin McCann. Colin, welcome. Thank you. Welcome. I am a big fan. I'm a fan of many of your books, but you also wrote a book to writers.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Greeted By Sword Dancers in Qatar & RFK Jr. Swims Up S**t Creek | Colum McCann
And in that book, you ask writers to not write what they know, write towards what they want to know.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Greeted By Sword Dancers in Qatar & RFK Jr. Swims Up S**t Creek | Colum McCann
And this book, Twist, is about underwater sea cables. Yes. What the hell did you want to know about underwater sea cables?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Greeted By Sword Dancers in Qatar & RFK Jr. Swims Up S**t Creek | Colum McCann
I'm staying up top most of the time. I'm mostly worried about UV rays coming from the sun.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Greeted By Sword Dancers in Qatar & RFK Jr. Swims Up S**t Creek | Colum McCann
It's clearly unconstitutional. So you got to wonder, why does Trump want it so bad?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Greeted By Sword Dancers in Qatar & RFK Jr. Swims Up S**t Creek | Colum McCann
The tits that are at the bottom of the sea doesn't get talked about enough.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Greeted By Sword Dancers in Qatar & RFK Jr. Swims Up S**t Creek | Colum McCann
Yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Greeted By Sword Dancers in Qatar & RFK Jr. Swims Up S**t Creek | Colum McCann
So this book looks at, I mean, it really looks about, there's so many big themes that deal with what's happening today, but sort of looks at the information and the connectedness that we have that is so fragile, is hidden at the bottom of the sea. Like, what did you notice in doing research for this? Like, where were the weaknesses?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Greeted By Sword Dancers in Qatar & RFK Jr. Swims Up S**t Creek | Colum McCann
A pen every now and then? No, those... Oh, just like a steel lever to open manhole covers? Yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah, I carry those all the time. Okay, yes. Yes, yes, yes. I'm constantly, if you see me on the street around New York, I'm like a ninja turtle just getting in there, you know?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Greeted By Sword Dancers in Qatar & RFK Jr. Swims Up S**t Creek | Colum McCann
I like this. Wait a minute, there's free porn under the streets? You just reach down and scoop it up. I like to imagine you as a writer just climbing over these fences with these giant steel rods trying to get this information and people catching you and being like, oh, no, no, I'm writing a novel. Don't worry about it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Greeted By Sword Dancers in Qatar & RFK Jr. Swims Up S**t Creek | Colum McCann
The shit we would get done? Yes, exactly. Can you imagine the connections we would have? The ability to talk to one another?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Greeted By Sword Dancers in Qatar & RFK Jr. Swims Up S**t Creek | Colum McCann
Oh, my God. I would build a relationship with my son in a way that I never did before. We would actually work together to try to pass like a reliable bill that Medicaid a part of it as well. We would have friends again.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Greeted By Sword Dancers in Qatar & RFK Jr. Swims Up S**t Creek | Colum McCann
This is I love because you have said, you know, just to be clear, you might be talking about terrorism. But you say it was such a jaunty manner. I think you can really sell some people on it. This book also takes place at sea. I love a good, what is it about the sea that writers are drawn to? I feel like this has allusions to Conrad and Melville in it. What is it?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Greeted By Sword Dancers in Qatar & RFK Jr. Swims Up S**t Creek | Colum McCann
Well, that's interesting you say that, because I think that comes through here. And if we zoom out, a lot of the stuff we talk about, I think America is a pretty pessimistic place right now. The idea of repair embedded in that is a sense of hope. Yes. You talk to people nowadays, it feels like they're not interested in repairing.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Greeted By Sword Dancers in Qatar & RFK Jr. Swims Up S**t Creek | Colum McCann
They're more interested in burning things down or at least they've lost the hope that repair can happen. Why is that such a why is that such a potent theme now?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Greeted By Sword Dancers in Qatar & RFK Jr. Swims Up S**t Creek | Colum McCann
You have an amazing organization. Yes. Narrative 4. Yes. What is Narrative 4?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Greeted By Sword Dancers in Qatar & RFK Jr. Swims Up S**t Creek | Colum McCann
We still talking about planes? Look, we're on the tarmac next to each other. You know, I know you're not supposed to just look straight ahead, but I took a little peek over there, a little peek over there. Cockpit was huge, man. Honestly, it's getting a little embarrassing watching Trump fly around the Middle East getting sword dances and free jets.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Greeted By Sword Dancers in Qatar & RFK Jr. Swims Up S**t Creek | Colum McCann
Cowboy Carter. I mean, how do you not listen to it, right?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Greeted By Sword Dancers in Qatar & RFK Jr. Swims Up S**t Creek | Colum McCann
You believe in the availability of hope. I do. I think you can find it in literature. This is a lovely book. Twist is available now. Colin McCann. We're going to take a quick break.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Greeted By Sword Dancers in Qatar & RFK Jr. Swims Up S**t Creek | Colum McCann
Paramount Podcasts.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Greeted By Sword Dancers in Qatar & RFK Jr. Swims Up S**t Creek | Colum McCann
I mean, is he going to do any actual policy stuff?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Greeted By Sword Dancers in Qatar & RFK Jr. Swims Up S**t Creek | Colum McCann
Well, you know what? I spoke too soon. This seems like maybe, maybe, actually a good idea. You know, Syria has just thrown off decades of dictatorship, and Trump thinks the new government deserves a chance to find its feet free of U.S. sanctions. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I was wrong about this guy. You know, he doesn't just think about himself.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Greeted By Sword Dancers in Qatar & RFK Jr. Swims Up S**t Creek | Colum McCann
Syria's new president, Ahmed al-Sharra, reportedly offered to build a Trump Tower in Damascus.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Greeted By Sword Dancers in Qatar & RFK Jr. Swims Up S**t Creek | Colum McCann
God damn it! God damn it! I spoke too soon about speaking too soon! But hey, you know what? Good on you, Syria. Whatever it takes. You know what, PBS? Maybe you could learn a lesson from this. Instead of whining about Trump cutting children's programming, have you thought of offering him a Trump Tower on Sesame Street, you know? Could be a win-win. But let's move on.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Greeted By Sword Dancers in Qatar & RFK Jr. Swims Up S**t Creek | Colum McCann
Just because Trump's out of the country doesn't mean his team isn't shaking things up at home. Today, at a congressional hearing, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., health secretary and human wet market, faced some tough questions about whether he wants his own children to be alive.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Greeted By Sword Dancers in Qatar & RFK Jr. Swims Up S**t Creek | Colum McCann
Then what is your job? You know what? You know what? Call me an idealist, but it'd be nice if people could take medical advice from the... health secretary. Maybe it's actually pretty good advice to not listen to RFK's advice. Because here's how he spent his weekend.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Greeted By Sword Dancers in Qatar & RFK Jr. Swims Up S**t Creek | Colum McCann
Robert Kennedy Jr. may be Secretary of Health and Human Services, but if you want to stay healthy, don't go swimming in a sewage-contaminated creek. And for sure, don't take your grandkids in there.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Greeted By Sword Dancers in Qatar & RFK Jr. Swims Up S**t Creek | Colum McCann
Whoa, whoa, hey, hey. RFK promised us he'd find the cause of autism, remember? At this point, it's like RFK Jr. is going out of his way to be gross. Does he just go on Google Maps and search disgusting things near me? These pictures are so wild. The fact that he went swimming in jeans is the most normal part of this story.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Greeted By Sword Dancers in Qatar & RFK Jr. Swims Up S**t Creek | Colum McCann
We got so much to talk about tonight. Syria is getting a fresh start. RFK Jr. is up Schitt's Creek without a shirt on. And Leslie Jones is going to make J.D. Vance wish he stayed in Greenland. But first, Donald Trump is on day two of his Middle East era's tour. So let's kick things off with another installment of Trump Meets World.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Greeted By Sword Dancers in Qatar & RFK Jr. Swims Up S**t Creek | Colum McCann
And maybe, maybe if he was just taking a fecal dip himself, you know, we'd just, we'd let it slide. But he, he brought his grandkids. And as a parent, this is a whole new level of grandparent overstepping. Usually it's just like, we asked you not to give the kids candy. Not, we asked you not to take them swimming in E. coli tainted sewage runoff.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Greeted By Sword Dancers in Qatar & RFK Jr. Swims Up S**t Creek | Colum McCann
Conservatives are sending really mixed messages about protecting children. They're like, kids shouldn't be at drag shows. They should be bobbing for apples in a porta potty. And listen, it's not lost on me that there is a whole other story here about how America just has bodies of water out in the open filled with sewage and human shit.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Greeted By Sword Dancers in Qatar & RFK Jr. Swims Up S**t Creek | Colum McCann
Yes, that is definitely something we should look into and fix. But until we do, don't go f***ing swimming in them. For more on RFK Jr. 's fecal dip, we go live to Rock Creek with Troy Iwata. Troy.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Greeted By Sword Dancers in Qatar & RFK Jr. Swims Up S**t Creek | Colum McCann
Because you're a reporter, Troy. You have to get into the story to understand it. Just like we had to get into the Qatari jet story with our very own Grace Kulinschmidt. Grace, Grace. Grace, what's your report?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Greeted By Sword Dancers in Qatar & RFK Jr. Swims Up S**t Creek | Colum McCann
Thank you, Grace. Excellent reporting. How is what Grace is doing reporting?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Greeted By Sword Dancers in Qatar & RFK Jr. Swims Up S**t Creek | Colum McCann
Grace, that is a great point, Grace. Journalism's about experiencing things firsthand. For example, Troy, how can you be sure that what you're standing in is poop water? Well, Jordan, because I can see poop and I can see water. Great. See? Now you're reporting. I'm proud of you, sport. Grace, back to you. What can you tell us about Qatar gaining access to sensitive information?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Greeted By Sword Dancers in Qatar & RFK Jr. Swims Up S**t Creek | Colum McCann
And Troy, you see anything interesting down there? Nope, just poop and water. Come on, Troy. Journalism, remember?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Greeted By Sword Dancers in Qatar & RFK Jr. Swims Up S**t Creek | Colum McCann
Wow. Grace, so brave of you. See, Troy, at least you don't have to deal with something like that.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Greeted By Sword Dancers in Qatar & RFK Jr. Swims Up S**t Creek | Colum McCann
Great choice. Great choice, everyone. When we come back, Leslie Jones. So, don't go away. Welcome back to The Daily Show. We all know I've got great opinions, but I'm not the only one. Studies show that other people also have opinions. So, here with another installment of In My Opinion is our good friend Leslie Jones.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Greeted By Sword Dancers in Qatar & RFK Jr. Swims Up S**t Creek | Colum McCann
Indeed. Now, today, Trump's visit to the Middle East brought him to Qatar. It's also acceptable to say Qatar. However, keytar is not acceptable under any circumstances. Pick an instrument, you synth pop coward. Now, yesterday, Saudi Arabia greeted Trump with horses. And today, Qatar said, oh, you think that's cool? How about horses and camels and motherf***ing sword dancers? Yeah. Whoa.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Greeted By Sword Dancers in Qatar & RFK Jr. Swims Up S**t Creek | Colum McCann
What's more challenging, going to Mars or taking on Washington?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
My guest tonight is an Emmy-winning actor who has his second consecutive Oscar nomination for his role in the film Sing Sing. Please welcome Coleman Domingo. What a warm welcome. They love it. Did you feel, even in that clip, we show a 13-second clip, and there's a beat, and the audience is silent, and the teardrops. That's some top-notch acting right there, Colvin DeMego. Thank you so much.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
You are feeling in that moment.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
It's gorgeous. I wish you could just bottle the joy and the hope that's in this film and just pass it out to everybody here right now.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
You're all getting his gifts. Oh, that's great.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
There's a little bit of joy underneath all your seats. It is a beautiful story, the transformative power of art. Did you have a moment for you as somebody who's been in the arts on stage, in front of the camera? Like, what do you think of when you think back on that?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
There's no problem, and nobody's going to question it? Trump is like a Jedi who doesn't have the force. I'll take Gaza. Nobody's going to question it. Nobody. Is this thing working? Is this thing... Is this... Trump has another plan to convince the haters. A charm offensive.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
And a lot of the... A lot... Many of the actors in the film were a part of this program, were formerly incarcerated.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
It's remarkable. What is it like? What is it like collaborating with folks who were formerly incarcerated compared to Hollywood nepo babies? Like, were you just relieved to be like, oh, there's no nepo babies on the call sheet today?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
When you're even working with, like, one of your close friends who you're sort of paired with within the film, Clarence, you have scenes where you're actually working about going over lines and what have you, which in some ways is almost meta as to the things that you were doing off-camera.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
Yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
Yeah. You know what I found really remarkable... It's such a lovely film. It feels so... It feels insular in that, like, I've seen many films that take place inside a prison that have so many external plots that act on these characters. And I think this movie lives so much within the characters.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
And there's a world that exists outside of it and consequences that exist within the prison itself, but it really sits with people kind of dealing with their own emotions and how they...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
Okay. So it's going to be an ethnic cherishing. I got it. Okay, okay. I mean, how did that start like a Mussolini speech and end as a Boyz II Men song? We will take the land, it will be ours, and we're gonna make love to you. Like you want us to, and I'll hold it tight, baby, all through the night.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
Keep a little bit of hope and a connection to one another.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
And that's based on, there's some little clips at the end.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
So you're going to win an Oscar for this. Do you have your speech written? No. No? No. What do you do? Are you going to prep one? No.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
You can't.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
You are going to kill it, though.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
Yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
Yes. Okay. I appreciate that. It would mean more on stage. Yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
Okay. Note taken. Note taken, good. You're a co-chair of the upcoming Met Gala? Yes. So that's... I mean, that's a lot. That's a lot. I mean, does that add pressure? Like, now, can you even go to the store anymore without thinking about, like, you need to dress?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
One thing I find weird about Donald Trump saying he wants to run Gaza is that from what we've seen so far, he barely wants to run the United States. For weeks, people have been raising alarms about how Trump seems to be handing way too much power over to Elon Musk. And yesterday, Trump replied, I hear you. You want me to give more power to Elon Musk.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
Right? I 100% did, because people are like, oh, Colman Domingo's coming out. He's going to look fantastic. Get that blue suit out. They're like, get the blue suit. No, get the extra blue suit. Good, good. Yeah, this is me pushing boundaries here.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
I'm going to work on my style. Yeah. And thank you for the film. It truly is. It truly is a wonderful piece of art. And if you have even just like just a little shout out from that stage, just even just like a quick thank you, Jordan, it'll go.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
One of these one of these Carol Burnett.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
I'll take it. One hundred percent. Take it. Sing Sing is available to watch at home on all major platforms. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. That's our show for tonight. Now, here it is. Your moment of fact.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
Let me just ask you, and maybe your last answer is a preview of, I think, what you could say here, but I want to hear why. But do you think that calling Elon Musk a dick is effective messaging for confronting what is a potentially irreversible transformation of the U.S. government?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
Yes, Elon Musk is now in charge of all government hilings, hirings, hirings. I didn't... Sorry. I didn't say that right. Right. I didn't say it right.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
I don't know why I keep Hitler. Misspeaking. I don't know why I keep misspeaking. So this was already a pretty unusual thing for a president to do. But Trump being Trump, he had to make it even more ridiculous by introducing it with a full-on circus act in the Oval Office. And look at this scene.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
Musk is holding court with his hands tented like a Bond villain, probably to stop him from doing a Nazi salute. With his... With his four-year-old child in tow. I mean, that poor kid. His dad literally runs SpaceX, and Elon took him to a meeting on federal spending. Dad, are we gonna get to see the rockets? No, son, we're gonna discuss budgets because I'm a shitty dad.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
I mean, everything about this event was so bizarre. Trump was sitting quietly for half an hour, retreating to his happy place, thinking about Arnold Palmer's giant doge. And who thought cloning Stephen Miller was a good idea? I mean, is it for spare parts? I mean, they look like a before and even more before picture. Okay? I mean... Okay, but all right.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
Leaving aside this Renaissance painting done by the dogs playing poker guy, it's good that we have Elon Musk here, because we've been watching him slashing programs and shuttering agencies for a month now, and we can finally ask Elon, why are you doing this?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
Wow. Wow. I mean, you see why this guy's a genius. You don't want an unelected bureaucrat running the country. It makes a lot of sense. No questions here. I do have one question, though.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
I mean... I mean, am I... Am I going crazy? Because it feels like I'm watching Drake sing Not Like Us at karaoke. Does he not know? Is having this one unaccountable bureaucrat in charge better than having those other unaccountable bureaucrats in charge? Because at least the others have to follow transparency laws. The only thing transparent about Doge is Elon's skin. I mean...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
His financial disclosure is being kept secret, Doge is exempt from open records laws, and when someone on Twitter merely identified some of the people who work for Doge, Elon suspended their account and said, you have committed a crime, which we tried to fact check with career officials at the FBI, but they're all working at a Panera now.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
So, Elon, I gotta tell you, I don't think you're being that transparent.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
Oh! Well, I did the exam, and what an asshole! I don't want to give you a proctology exam. I just want to know what you're doing, because another advantage of federal bureaucrats is that they can't have conflicts of interest, whereas you seem to have every conflict of interest. SpaceX has government contracts. Tesla is under government oversight. X is under government investigation.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
And his hair plugs are being investigated by the Department of No One's Buying This. You're basically a walking conflict of interest. Is that not a huge problem?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
No? No? Nothing happened? There's no accountability and nothing matters? Great. Perfect system. Well, f*** it. He's not going to be transparent. And he's riddled with conflicts of interest. But at least he's a genius. And the work he's going to do will be flawless.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
Nobody's going to bat 1,000. You made up a $50 million conspiracy of sending condoms to Gaza. You're not grounding out to third. You're puking into the umpire's mouth. And just for the record, of course the United States didn't send $50 million worth of condoms to Gaza. We sent $5 million of vibrating sex swings to North Korea, and I believe it stopped nuclear war. But don't quote me on that.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
I'm not going to bat 1,000. So, to summarize, he's not transparent, he has tons of conflict, he believes any lie he hears, and he spreads false rumors that go global. Honestly, I'd be pretty mad at him right now if he didn't have so much gosh darn charisma.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
Welcome to the Daily Show. I'm Jordan Klepper. We have a lot to talk about tonight. Trump gets romantic at the worst possible moment. Marco Rubio has the ultimate glow-up. And the White House celebrates Bring Your Elon to Work Day. So, let's get into another installment of the second coming of Donald J. Trump. Yesterday was a busy day at the White House.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
Look, if you want to see more of that kind of comedy, then don't worry, because there's a new special coming out that's just for you.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
Oh, when we come back, we find out about the man who's going to get us into war. Don't go away.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
Welcome back to The Daily Show. Every time Donald Trump farts out a new idea for buying a foreign country or slapping tariffs on imported salami, the person who has to translate that into policy is his Secretary of State, Marco Rubio. But how did Rubio get such an exciting job? Let's find out in a brand new Daily Showography.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Elon Crashes the Oval Office, Trump Pushes Gaza Takeover | Colman Domingo
First, Trump met with the king of Jordan, the country, Jordan. You're not the boss of me, King Abdullah II, okay? Of course, Trump invited the king to discuss his plan to displace two million people and turn Gaza into the Atlantic City of the Middle East, which sounds pretty clear-cut to me, but apparently the nitpickers in the media still have questions.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Proposes Gaza Takeover, Ko$ta Doin' Business | Julia Stiles
Yeah, maybe it's not crazy. Maybe it's so good it sounds crazy, Desi. Maybe it's time to think outside the box, you know? They say it's better to beg for forgiveness than to ask for permission. But what if we did neither, you know? That's outside the box thinking.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Proposes Gaza Takeover, Ko$ta Doin' Business | Julia Stiles
I'm desperately trying not to, Desi. I'd rather not contemplate American culpability here. So let's just think of this as the brainstorming phase. No bad ideas.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Proposes Gaza Takeover, Ko$ta Doin' Business | Julia Stiles
Bad idea, okay? Come on, Desi. Let's be serious here. You don't want to drive the Palestinians out? Fine. We'll drive them up. Put the entire Gaza Strip on 10-foot stilts, create a bunk bed situation. Palestinians on top, sing lullabies to the Israelis below, you know? Who says no to the top bunk? No one.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Proposes Gaza Takeover, Ko$ta Doin' Business | Julia Stiles
Don't think of it as displacement, especially if you're a prosecutor at the Hague. Instead, how about this? How about this? Let's get some cruise ships and the Palestinians can explore the world. After a few years, they can come back refreshed with one of those little Jamaican hair braids, maybe a weird French accent whenever they say croissants, you know.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Proposes Gaza Takeover, Ko$ta Doin' Business | Julia Stiles
Call in elevators, lifts, all that bullshit. Yes.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Proposes Gaza Takeover, Ko$ta Doin' Business | Julia Stiles
No, then they get right back on the boat, you know? Another trip around the world, hair braids for all.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Proposes Gaza Takeover, Ko$ta Doin' Business | Julia Stiles
Come on, Desi! If that idea existed the whole time, then what's happening right now would make us the bad guys. So let's just keep spitballing, okay? Here's one. We take every Israeli and Palestinian and surgically swap their faces. Now they don't know who's who, you know? Are you my wife or my neighbor? I can't tell.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Proposes Gaza Takeover, Ko$ta Doin' Business | Julia Stiles
Okay. Do you have a better idea from a Nick Cage movie that doesn't make us complicit in war crimes?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Proposes Gaza Takeover, Ko$ta Doin' Business | Julia Stiles
I don't know what else to do, Desi. Maybe AI is the solution.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Proposes Gaza Takeover, Ko$ta Doin' Business | Julia Stiles
That's the first thing we'll ask AI.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Proposes Gaza Takeover, Ko$ta Doin' Business | Julia Stiles
You know what, Desi? You might be right, but hear me out. What if Palestinians stole the Declaration of Independence?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Desi Lydic
My real name's Jordan Bedford, but I go by the Alligator Man.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Desi Lydic
We all different. Well, I'm different from the rest, because I do the wrong thing in the right way, if that makes sense.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Desi Lydic
No? See, you're not from Florida, so you don't understand my language, what I'm talking right now, but I do the wild things. Anything you think of, I'll probably do it. Anything? Anything. I catch gators.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Desi Lydic
Anything. Well, not anything. Oh. But basically anything, when it comes to the reptile animals. Mainly the alligators, though. The way like here in Florida, you're not allowed to catch an alligator. I mean, I didn't know that before, but I know now. I just had a little fun, put them on a leash and danced with the last one they seen.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Desi Lydic
The alligator man dance. You gotta kick your feet, spell alligator in the sand as you're dancing, as you're going around, you spell an alligator and you end it with a stomp. The alligator man got a commercial, too. You have a commercial? Yeah, he got a commercial. He got a theme song. Everybody sing like, na-na-na-na-na, it's the alligator man.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Desi Lydic
If there's a lake, there's a gator. I promise you. So that's everywhere. There's gators everywhere.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 2
People have no sense of there being a gray area or being unsure of how something should play out. And it doesn't mean you shouldn't be strong in your convictions, but I think you need to leave space to be wrong and to be curious. And so I think with a total amount of certainty and a lack of uncertainty comes a lack of curiosity, in which case we just become these people lost in those silos.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 2
And so... I think my job as a dad, how I see it, in terms of, like, what am I supposed to do? I'm supposed to feed and water it, right? I think I got that. You can water this child. But I think I need to instill and maintain a sense of curiosity, a sense of confidence to walk into the world, and a sense of finding virtue in uncertainty as opposed to certainty.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 2
And then from there, he needs to walk his own path. But that's simply because I can't afford it past 18, you know? Yeah. Yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 2
We're so many talented people here at The Daily Show, and a day or two before we go out into the field, we're watching the news. We're having the same conversations you're probably having at home about people are talking about this. I hear the arguments on the right are this. I see hypocrisies here.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 2
And we sort of have almost debate prep among producers and writers here where we sit down in a room, we're like... Where do you see holes in these arguments? We start to find the humor in those holes, the obvious hypocrisy in those arguments. And when we go out there, we've kind of talked through, like, where we see these holes that you could sometimes drive a pickup truck through.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 2
But then I'm an improviser. That's where I came from. I'm not a standup. I spent 15 years doing improv in Chicago and New York. And the big thing about improv is when you get out there, you let it all go and you let go of your preconceived notions and you listen and you listen hard. And so in those moments,
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 2
I have a great team behind me that we've done the prep work, and then you just, you try to engage and be present because the things that you find, the moments of humor or the moments of revelation of a point of view that you haven't heard before, but you see somebody now spouting this at me, they come from that person feeling comfortable in the conversation with me,
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 2
They come from that person saying something unique and me being open enough to actually hear it and to try to spin it. So I think it's a skill set that you use in improvisation. It's a skill set that you use in being a good husband. And it's basically like, get out of your head and listen to what that person's saying. I'll tell you this, though.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 2
A skill set that doesn't help being a good husband is finding that weird thing they say and try to use it against them. Now that... I will say, my wife might say that that is, it's a double edged sword, if you will.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 2
The legacy I want to leave to my audience? Oh, my. I got to tell you, I haven't been here long enough for that. Give me some time to accrue some legacy, and then we'll move on. I'll tell you this, though. Perhaps... I was a fan of The Daily Show before I was a worker at The Daily Show. I used to watch it in college. It was one of my first forays into being interested in news.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 2
In fact, I watched it before that. I watched Craig Kilbourne host the show when I was in high school, and I loved it. I thought it was so funny. I love Craig Kilbourne. He looked great in a suit. We were the same height. It was perfect. In comes Jon Stewart, and he's so insightful, thoughtful. And at college, it was like, oh, he makes the news compelling.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 2
I understand that he's not kowtowing to one side. He's just calling out bullshit. And I like this guy. And I was a fan before ever getting a chance to ever audition and be a part of the show. And so the legacy that it left in me was like, be interested. Don't be afraid to challenge bullshit. Um, uh, and always look somewhere for more.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 2
And, uh, and I think, like, that-that thirst and that hunger to know more, and I think that, um, that basic idea of call out bullshit where you see it, I think it's sort of built into the institutional legacy of this show. And so that-that is what I'm most proud of here.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 2
Oh my gosh. What advice do I tell my child? He's three and a half, so I keep him away from all news. I truly do. And even PAW Patrol, which is just teaching him, indoctrinating a love of police and authority. So that's a problem as well. You see it seep in. To me, I think exposure is the first step. Expose yourself to kids. Is that what I'm telling you?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 2
Yes. That's my fam. I got my parents, my sister, my brother, my aunt, my uncle, my other uncle up there. Am I nervous? No, I'm f***ing excited to do it in front of my family. I will say this. As cool as it is that my parents are here, it is not surprising Because they came to every gosh darn show I've done and that they could come to.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 2
And... And a big part of why I am here is because I got into improv at Kalamazoo, Michigan. Kalamazoo College. And I... I got on the improv team Munkapult and we did shows in a little black box theater for 95 college students and two 50-somethings. 40-somethings, sorry. My parents would come and they would support me.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 2
And I was a math major at the time and I was spending my time doing improv and then traveling to the Improv Olympic here in Chicago. And then I came to Chicago and I found another family at places like the ImprovOlympic. I think Sharna Halpern is here tonight as well. There she is. Founder of the ImprovOlympic, gosh darn, long form improvisation, Sharna Halpern right there.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 2
She gave me a space to fail and to succeed and to fail and fail and fail again. And more often than not, my parents would hop in the car and they would drive over to Chicago and they would watch these shows at weird times with their son who wasn't making any money. He was a substitute teacher at Chicago Public Schools making a little bit of money during the day, not a lot.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 2
And my parents wouldn't judge it. They would just support it. They would love it. And I look back on that. And when I look back on it, frankly, I think it's irresponsible. Not a smart move to let your child just do improv in Chicago for a decade. Getting paid peanuts. But I loved it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 2
She let me find, my family let me find my people, the things that I loved, be surrounded by people who were interested in the things that I loved and the things I liked to do. Supported me when I went to New York and got to try out for fun things like this. And then, a long 17 years later, no, a long...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 2
24 years later, I get to come to the Athenaeum Theater where I used to do improv for the Chicago Improv Festival, and I get to do a great show on The Daily Show with you guys. So thank you. Truly, thank you.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 2
I mean, it comes from meeting other people, talking to other people, and staying curious enough to understand where they come from. I think I've talked about this a little bit before, but when I go out in the road and I talk to people at rallies, and it's rallies, MAGA rallies, and even rallies on the left as well, I think the thing that I find... least appealing is certainty.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | 4/20
Get the upgrade you and your devices dream of. Switch to Frontier Fiber Internet. Plan starting at $29.99 per month for Fiber 200 Internet. Hurry now and get free premium Wi-Fi and free expert installation. Frontier Fiber. Good to go. In select areas, price for 12 months at Auto Bay. ETF terms apply. Max speeds wired. Actual average Wi-Fi speed varied.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | 4/20
I want to dig into all these angles with the greatest news team in the world. Let's go to the airport right now with Roy Wood Jr. Roy!
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | 4/20
Roy, you interviewed the flight attendants. What did the flight attendants say?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | 4/20
Oh, my God. Roy, you interviewed the flight attendants, right?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | 4/20
Roy, you literally just told me it's 420. That is April.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | 4/20
Damn it, Roy. Damn it. I'm disappointed. Sorry, folks. It's very unprofessional. Let's just, let's go to Southwest headquarters to get the corporate reaction from our own Desi Lydic. Desi. Desi. Desi, is Southwest policy on baby attendance going to change?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | 4/20
No, that's not what I meant. Honestly, folks, look, I'm sorry. This is a total lack of professionalism. You deserve better. It's unbelievable. Let's try this one more time. Michael Kosta, are you there with us?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | 4/20
What are you doing? There's a plane coming. Roy. Roy.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | 4/20
I know. It's so good. How did you even get there? You weren't even at the airport.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | 4/20
You can be in the back. Go ahead and get hit by a plane. I can't believe you all got high at work without me. Desi, Roy, and Michael, everyone.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | 4/20
Well, for the first time ever, daily marijuana use is outpacing daily alcohol use.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | 4/20
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The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | 4/20
Get the upgrade you and your devices dream of. Switch to Frontier Fiber Internet. Plan starting at $29.99 per month for Fiber 200 Internet. Hurry now and get free premium Wi-Fi and free expert installation. Frontier Fiber. Good to go. In select areas, price for 12 months on auto pay. ETF terms apply. Max speeds wired. Actual average Wi-Fi speed varied.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Groundhog Day
John, thank you. John, it has been a whale of a day here. And I'm happy to report that Westchester Wally did not see his shadow. So Sprig is on the way.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Groundhog Day
Because you look... A little scrappy. It was a little... All's well that ends well.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Groundhog Day
Oh, he won't. I've made sure of that. You'll see your shadow in hell, Wally.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
When they told us that Jon Stewart was coming back, there was such an air of relief and focus in this studio. One, they're like, thank God we still have all these small suits. We didn't know what to do with it. Thank God we can use these. He's very tiny. But also, I think, like, we were ready to get started. This year is a dumpster fire, and it's more important than ever.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
Well, I remember that moment that I, as a man, stepped in and was like, you ladies look lost. Follow the dude, Gloria Steinem. Come over here. I would say one of the fun, like, it is, it's such a small little building, and you see guests wandering around all the time. I remember Paul McCartney was here, and I know, have you heard him? From the Eagles, great, great musician. Love the Eagles.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
But he came on, and he was one of the few guests where we were sort of told internally, don't be in the hallways. Yeah. Because sometimes you can find yourself in the hallway bumping into people and be like, oh, hey, President Clinton. I want to say hi. And so McCartney, they're like, stay in your edit bays. And I remember hearing Paul McCartney walk through the hallway singing as he does.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
We get it. We get it. And nobody interrupted with him. He went out. He did his piece. And I was editing a piece in an edit bay. And he came off the show. And he walked through. And I saw, out of the corner of my eye, the door was open. I saw McCartney walk by. And then he came into our edit bay. He turned around, walked into our edit bay. And he was like, so what's this?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
What are you guys playing with? What are you fucking around with here? What is this? What are you doing? What are you doing? Did he give notes? Well, immediately we jumped into bits. Like, I don't know. This music in here sucks. What do you want to do? And he started playing the game of making fun of everything in there.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
And you realized, I realized in that moment, it was like he just wanted to play. Like, he shows up to places, this creative, fun guy. And the world, like, shuts down around him, not to bother Paul McCartney. But he was just like this element of joy that walked through the space that just wanted people to play with him. And so we told him to get the fuck out, and that was it. Yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
And this building is made to comment on the news, talk about it, find humor in the bullshit, and call out the BS wherever you see it. And John invented it. He built the foundation of this place. And when he walked back in that door, like, we had... We had a great year without a permanent host, and it was really fun getting to hear so many different voices and so many talented people.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
Never call him again. Haven't heard from him since.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
Well, I mean, the biggest issues... I mean, obviously, we... What I would love... I'd love to do some boring things. I think term limits would be amazing right now. I think I'd like them to functionally focus on ways in which we could break this divided quagmire we are in. You can talk about the big issues, like, we're a divided country, all this. All that stuff is true.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
I think a big problem we have is the way we are set up is a... problem. And you have people trying to get into office and stay there forever. It's not a lifetime job. People should be doing that job for a couple years in the House. Do it for six years, get the hell out. Supreme Court, do it for 12, let somebody else come in. I think we should be...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
We should talk about ways in which we can rework this that is more a reflection of the modern political environment that allows more ideas to come in and less stagnation. So whatever we can do to focus on that, I think, is hugely important. And then secondarily, I'm always...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
always so flabbergasted that we can't do anything about gun violence in this country and you watch the news today before we come out here there's another goddamn shooting and I think yet again we know what we're going to see and so I think there's issues like that that are so if there is ever a need for a government to step in and protect its citizens
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
It's on issues like that where we see people, harmless people, being attacked by careless people who aren't given enough, whether it's mental health and security, but are also given weapons of war and put in places that they shouldn't be.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
And if we don't have a society that can look at that issue and put any partisan bickering aside and try to help kids who are scared to go to school, then, like, what help do we have in balancing a budget? Like, I think there's basic things for... If you want this... this community and citizens to believe that government can actually do something for it, that it can be effective in your lives.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
Like, you have to take care of the most vulnerable, and you have to stop being a dipshit who's worried about getting re-elected and be a human who's worried about saving a kid.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
It's the best. Like, I can't get in?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
You've got to go to it. Yeah, if I get one recommendation, go to Times Square. Spend the rest of your time at Times Square. Eat the pizza in Times Square.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
But I think John came in and was like, I'm gonna do this one day a week. And I think the rest of the news team was like, hell yeah, we got your back. We are honored and excited to be here. There's no better place, no other place I'd rather be than right here at this desk. And I think, like, you have a team that has got eyes focused on this next election and ready to go.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
It's a classic New York. Yeah, P.F. Chang's is great.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
No. No. Uh, no, I don't think that's, uh... That's something I've gotten super close to. I will say, though, in the last piece that we did, we went down to South Carolina, and we talked to a woman who was there on January 6th. She got arrested for being inside, spent 60 days in jail, and she came out, and she changed her opinion. And... and it was... Give her a round of applause. Great.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
And now you guys just clap for an insurrectionist. See how easy it is? Wow. And so it was good to talk to her. I think, like, she was somebody, and I did ask her, I was like, I don't run into many people who feel like they've been through it and then come out on the other side. And she said, I think, jail shook her.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
And I think she started doing her own research, as she said, and a couple of these things didn't line up, and she felt like she was taken in. And so she felt it was her duty to come out to this Trump rally and talk to people about what she'd been through. They weren't necessarily great at listening to her, but there's a little glimmer of hope in there. Yeah, up in the back.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
Anything will convince them otherwise. Here's what I think. Changing somebody's mind is hard to do. And I think if you are approaching something like, I want to change their mind, you ain't going to get anywhere. I think the problem we have right now is a crisis of certainty. I talk to everybody on all sides who are very certain about their beliefs.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
And if you actually want somebody to see something that they haven't seen before and cross that divide into believing something else, they have to acknowledge that they have a sense of uncertainty. And if they're being approached by somebody else, you have to acknowledge that you have a sense of uncertainty as well.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
And so I think in order to change somebody's mind, you have to be a bit of a loser to begin. That sounds strange, but you have to concede something to get anywhere. And so is it going to happen on a TV show? Doubtful. But with friends and family, there's an opportunity. One, because there is a connection there and hopefully some love, although I know it's been a hard few years.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
But I think if you can approach that not from a place of judgment and from a place of uncertainty, concede something that you don't know. Because guess what? You are probably a lot like me and you wish you were as certain about the things that you want to be. But you had to put up these guards because people are coming at you with knives all the time.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
And it feels like the other side is so dangerous. And in many cases, they are. But if you can't relate to them like another human being and say, I, too, am uncertain about some of these things, then you will never reach them as a human being in asking them to come over to a side of better understanding. So I think our only option is a step towards concession. Yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
Sure. Uh, January 6th was a funny time. Uh... I-I, uh... I mean... I will tell you a funny January 6th story. Uh, I was there on January 6th, working, to be clear. And I had four security guards with me, because I'm a comedian, and it's 2020, and that's what you do nowadays. Uh, and I talked to a man who was swinging a pitchfork. And he was ranting about revolution.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
I'm talking to this man with security. We all come around. I talked to this man about swinging a pitchfork. And as I'm interviewing him, we're interrupted by another man who's screaming obscenities at us. And obscenity man gets shushed by pitchfork man who said, you do not speak for me, leaving me grateful to the more level-headed man swinging a pitchfork.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
And I swear, I swear, we made eye contact and he rolled his eyes as if to say, could you believe this guy? Here's where I have an issue with the pizza debate, is Jon Stewart comes on the show and he's a lovely guy, right? He is the loveliest four foot two person you're ever gonna meet. Very insightful. He has a lot of insightful things about the way of the world.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
But where he's wrong is on his pizza, his vitriol for Chicago-style pizza. I will say, as somebody from the Midwest who spent a decade in Chicago, you need to understand and appreciate that there are different types of pizza. And the Chicago style is deep, a different experience. Sometimes you want to go deeper into something. Sometimes you want to spend time moving through it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
You want to work your muscles trying to get through the cheese, the mozzarella, all of the sauce at the time. Sometimes you want to eat it and then feel like you're going to defecate yourself at any moment. That's an experience you want to go through. And I hold Chicago pizza in high regard at the same time as holding New York pizza in high regard.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
And I think as a society, we need to get to a point where we can enjoy all those types of pizzas.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The War on Climate Change
Trump's America isn't just attacking immigrants, the transgender, and apprentice ratings. It's also planning to take out climate change debt. Luckily, an underground movement is trying to stop it. My first contact in this group is waiting at an undisclosed location. Score. As I descended into her secret bunker, I could practically smell the Pulitzer. Or maybe that was urine. This place was creepy.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The War on Climate Change
It was... Okay, this was taking too long. What's the situation on the ground?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The War on Climate Change
So maybe we should hide them in a place it wouldn't look like in an intelligence briefing.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The War on Climate Change
This public climate data is stored on federal websites like the EPA, NASA, and the Department of Energy, and climate scientists depend on it for all kinds of research. But now that Trump is in charge, these scientists are worried he's going to hide or destroy that data just because he's threatened to do exactly that.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The War on Climate Change
So you're telling me all this data could be completely forgotten, like Taylor Lautner?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The War on Climate Change
I'm just saying, just because you're part of a tentpole movie doesn't mean that you're going to have any kind of relevance five years later.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The War on Climate Change
I want in. These hackers were going to be even more secretive than Bethany. Given the importance of this mission, I destroyed all traces of their existence. Was that 3420 or 30... You know what? Can you just put in my phone? To gain access to the hackers, I'd have to become one of them. And the only way to be a hacker is to dress like a hacker.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The War on Climate Change
But, like the rest of America, I hadn't rollerbladed in like 16 years. Either way, it was time to meet these code freaks at their secret underground lair. I'm looking for the hackers.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The War on Climate Change
I thought you'd be dressed a little bit cooler, you know? Like this?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The War on Climate Change
That was super boring. Do you mind explaining that with a hacking montage? So basically what happens is these nerds scroll through every single publicly available URL and document on government sites and make a carbon copy. But sometimes this data is hidden in ways that can't be scraped by human nerds. So they write code to burrow into the sites and rescue the data that's really hidden.
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TDS Time Machine | The War on Climate Change
Then they release the data on sites like Data Refuge and the Internet Archive, which is backing up everything in Canada for safekeeping if it gets really bad. That's where I come in, taking this data to Canada to save the world. Let's do this. So with the data safely secured away, I began the long journey north.
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TDS Time Machine | The War on Climate Change
It wasn't easy, but after what felt like a lifetime, I made it to the airport for my almost hour-long flight to Canada. Time to hit up my connect, codename Poutine, a professor from the University of Toronto who's been collecting all this data, which was feeling pretty ripe at this point. Poutine? Poutine? Poutine, are you guys here for a clandestine meeting? No, poutine. Are you Michelle?
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TDS Time Machine | The War on Climate Change
Here's the data, all the way from America.
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TDS Time Machine | The War on Climate Change
The cloud. So I didn't have to smuggle this thing up my ass?
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TDS Time Machine | The War on Climate Change
That's us. You're talking about us.
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TDS Time Machine | The War on Climate Change
She was right. While Canada was snowing, America was burning. Do you mind actually keeping a couple other things from America safe?
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TDS Time Machine | The War on Climate Change
Can you hold on to the Bill of Rights? This is birth control, Meryl Streep's Oscars, and then I'll be back in like four to, let's just say eight years to be safe. And just like that, it took an American to save the day.
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TDS Time Machine | Fashion
Let's kick things off with last night's Met Gala. Now, the magical night when the world's most fashionable cultural icons try to figure out how the they're gonna fit their spiky headdress into an Uber pool.
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TDS Time Machine | Fashion
Okay. Okay. A dress made of sand is super impressive. Who are you wearing? Coney Island. Thank you very much. I like how she had four people carry her up the stairs. I bet Joe Biden saw that and turned to the Secret Service like, let's just do that from now on.
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TDS Time Machine | Fashion
Well, I tried to return something in there one day and they treated me like dirt.
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TDS Time Machine | Oh, Canada...
Three weeks ago, north of the border, a new kind of protest emerged. The trucker convoy has arrived in Ottawa.
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TDS Time Machine | Oh, Canada...
So I traveled to Ottawa, expecting to find some Canada nice. But their messaging was a bit more coarse. These trucks shut down businesses and made roads impassable. Can I go... Can I go around here? How do I... How do I get around? But how long were the protesters planning to paralyze Canada's 8th best city? David, how long have you been here? I've been here since day one. Holding down the fort?
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TDS Time Machine | Oh, Canada...
Pretty much. I'm not going anywhere. I'm coming in from New York. I go by Brooklyn's Kindest on the CB. There you go.
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TDS Time Machine | Oh, Canada...
You're committed to being here for two years?
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TDS Time Machine | Oh, Canada...
How are you going to keep up the energy to be here for two years?
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TDS Time Machine | Oh, Canada...
Are you worried at all with weed paranoia? No. That might creep in? No.
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TDS Time Machine | Oh, Canada...
No. Do you think the government is coming for you?
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TDS Time Machine | Oh, Canada...
So what exactly was the point of interrupting the supply chain? So what is this all about? You know what? Sorry. What is this all about?
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TDS Time Machine | Oh, Canada...
We're setting up essentially a truck barrier to keep everybody together so they can be united.
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TDS Time Machine | Oh, Canada...
Yeah, we might as well lock them in. Sort of like a parrot who locks the door and says, you guys are in here. Until the water runs out, you become friends or democracy crumbles.
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TDS Time Machine | Oh, Canada...
That's a freedom that everyone should have. Is the Germany comparison a stretch here in Canada?
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TDS Time Machine | Oh, Canada...
Are you afraid of cultural appropriation? Probably. American cultural appropriation, because we use the German excuse all the time. Oddly enough, that wasn't the only thing Canadians were appropriating.
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TDS Time Machine | Oh, Canada...
He stole it from another guy before him. I see the Q army on your head. Isn't Q the American thing trying to find JFK Jr.? Exactly, yeah. Yes. Exactly. What Q shit is going down here? Q? No, Q is a more, a USA. Oh, so this is like a Yankees hat. Ah, exactly. Okay, the Q thing might just be a fashion choice, but they're definitely reading the same internet as many Americans.
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TDS Time Machine | Oh, Canada...
You're afraid the government will sterilize you?
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TDS Time Machine | Oh, Canada...
Spending two weeks in the cab of a truck, pissing in a Mountain Dew can, can't be too good for the sperm production. Probably stare out of a wedding, so what's the difference? So Margaret Atwood audiobooks are apparently a thing with Canadian truckers. And while shutting down a city seems to have many obvious downsides... Hey. Excuse me. Hey. Hi. Have you seen a Prius around here?
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TDS Time Machine | Oh, Canada...
Some see an opportunity coming from literal gridlock.
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TDS Time Machine | Oh, Canada...
This is essentially a tourist boom for Ottawa right now. You can feel the tourism in the air, right? You can smell it. It smells like amphetamines and drifter blood.
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TDS Time Machine | Oh, Canada...
The flood of 18-wheeler-driving tourists and their Canadian AF outfits created legitimate tension with residents of the city. The downtown was shut and there was palpable anger directed at local media.
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TDS Time Machine | Oh, Canada...
We're getting booed over here. We've been walking around here. There seems to be a real distrust of media here. Oh, for sure. There's a lot of cameras up in your face, cameras on cameras... And while Canadian authorities have finally enacted emergency measures to try to clear the convoy, so far the trucks are still there.
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TDS Time Machine | Oh, Canada...
And a well-funded, never-ending street party infused with misinformation and nationalism feels remarkably possible in our own land of the free. Where does this movement go from here?
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TDS Time Machine | Oh, Canada...
You think this is inspiring the dickheads in America?
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TDS Time Machine | Oh, Canada...
This is inspiring the dickheads in America?
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TDS Time Machine | Oh, Canada...
Okay, if they do come to America, then maybe I'll finally get my f***ing end table.
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After the Cut - 2025 Part 1
A question over here in the back, yeah. Over there, yeah. How did you find your interview character? Some guy just skid on the floor when you were singing.
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After the Cut - 2025 Part 1
Worst interview ever. Just wouldn't leave. Yeah, it is a crazy experience to become a US citizen the same day you're supposed to interview Bill Murray. So I guess that's a... It's been a long day. I had to go for the interview. They asked you like 100 questions. It's questions which I bet none of you could f***ing answer.
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After the Cut - 2025 Part 1
And I had to memorize how many colonies there were and there was like a state and who's the president right now. It was very difficult.
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After the Cut - 2025 Part 1
A moment of empathy that stuck out with me?
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After the Cut - 2025 Part 1
No, that is a good question. You know what? There is one of the last rallies. Well, not even the last one. This last election cycle, I went to a rally in Green Bay, Wisconsin. And it was terrible weather, and we were talking to people in the morning. And as I was talking to people, there was this guy who dresses in a brick suit suit. It's a bespoke suit that looks like Trump's wall.
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After the Cut - 2025 Part 1
And he has a handlebar mustache. And he dresses like the wall. And he's one of the first people in line. And Trump often brings him up on stage. So he's a mini celebrity there. And he started hounding us at this rally. And he was live streaming. And he was saying, fuck these guys. Don't talk to these guys. These guys are fake news. And to be fair, he's right.
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After the Cut - 2025 Part 1
But he sort of trolled us for hours that day. He literally took out a phone and he stuck it into a wall. He's obsessed with walls. to try to capture something. Our crew was on a smoke break, and he wanted to try to capture something to get them in trouble. And it was a long, hellish day of filming, and it was a snowstorm.
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After the Cut - 2025 Part 1
And so we rushed to the airport, and we got snowed in to Green Bay, Wisconsin for the night, because we usually try to leave. And so we stay in Green Bay. And the next day, we all leave on different flights. And I go to the airport alone. And I show up at the airport, and my flight is delayed three and a half hours. And who is there? but Brick Suit Man.
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After the Cut - 2025 Part 1
And this is the Green Bay Airport, so nobody else is there. And he looks at me and he says, do you want to talk? And obviously I'm like, no, I don't want to talk. This is a nightmare. This is before I'm traveling with four security guards. And Real Talk Security Protocol has changed the story. But I sat down with him. And for the first half hour, we're all sort of feeling each other out.
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After the Cut - 2025 Part 1
But then once we got past this fear, his fear that I got a camera crew trying to catch him, and my fear that he's trying to have some sort of gotcha moment with me as well. We started talking about shit. I started to learn about him. He started to learn about me. I asked him about things I thought were BS about Donald Trump.
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After the Cut - 2025 Part 1
He was open and vulnerable about the things and the weaknesses he saw in Donald Trump. There wasn't a middle ground that we found, but there was a softening in those relations. And I'd like to tell you that, like, Brick Suit Guy was crazy, and he's not. He was a smart guy. He was an ideological guy. He was a conservative guy, more libertarian, loved to be a shit poster on the internet.
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After the Cut - 2025 Part 1
But he wasn't an idiot. We talked for three and a half hours. And as we walk, we literally get on the plane. We walk. We're talking all the way up to get on the plane. And I show my ticket to the ticket taker. And she goes, oh, you're in an exit row. And I'm like, oh, and I'm like, she says, do you accept the responsibilities of being the exit row? And I say, yes, I do.
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After the Cut - 2025 Part 1
And then I turn to Brick Suit Guy and I say, I hope this freaks you out. And then you know what happens? He laughs. And to me, that is the whole thing. Like, he wasn't offended. He didn't take it personally. He found humor in that moment. And I'm like, I find optimism in that. I don't know how to recreate three and a half hours in a Green Bay airport with a nemesis of yours.
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After the Cut - 2025 Part 1
But I know that there's a softening when you remove the cameras. when you move the fear that this conversation isn't just transaction for a got-you moment, but an actual conversation about the things that you care about and things you're unsure about.
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After the Cut - 2025 Part 1
I think that kind of vulnerability, that kind of uncertainty is paramount in any kind of situation that you hope to find any kind of humanity or common ground. And so I think that is there. I don't think we live in a media environment that cultivates that situation, but I think we are humans that necessitate it.
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After the Cut - 2025 Part 1
And so that has not been erased by Donald Trump, but it has been pushed to the sides of the conversation. And so if we can find a way to allow that conversation to not exist only on the periphery, but somewhere in our own lives, I think we're going to get through that. Cool? Let's do some Zen. Yeah.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
So I traveled to Ottawa, expecting to find some Canada nice. But their messaging was a bit more coarse. These trucks shut down businesses and made roads impassable. Can I go... Can I go around here? How do I... How do I get around? But how long were the protesters planning to paralyze Canada's 8th best city?
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
It was a mix of hardcore anti-vaxxers, people who are okay with vaccines but hated the mandate, and then, of course, some people who put together a Joker costume once, loved the attention, so now that's pretty much all they do.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
I go by Brooklyn's Kindest on the CB. There you go.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
You're committed to being here for two years?
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
How are you going to keep up the energy to be here for two years?
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Are you worried at all with weed, paranoia? No. That might creep in? No.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
No. Do you think the government is coming for you?
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
So what exactly was the point of interrupting the supply chain?
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
We're setting up essentially a truck barrier to keep everybody together so they can be united.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Yeah, we might as well lock them in. Sort of like a parent who locks the door and says, you guys are in here until the water runs out, you become friends or democracy crumbles.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
That's a freedom that everyone should have. Is the Germany comparison a stretch here in Canada?
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Are you afraid of cultural appropriation? Probably. American cultural appropriation, because we use the German excuse all the time. Oddly enough, that wasn't the only thing Canadians were appropriating.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
To be honest, it wasn't even his. He stole it from another guy before him. I see the Q army on your head. Isn't Q the American thing trying to find JFK Jr.? Exactly, yeah.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Okay, the Q thing might just be a fashion choice, but they're definitely reading the same internet as many Americans.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
You're afraid the government will sterilize you?
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Spending two weeks in the cab of a truck, pissing in a Mountain Dew can, can't be too good for the sperm production. Probably stare out of a wedding, so what's the difference? So Margaret Atwood audiobooks are apparently a thing with Canadian truckers. And while shutting down a city seems to have many obvious downsides... Hey, excuse me. Excuse me. Hi. Have you seen a Prius around here?
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Some see an opportunity coming from literal gridlock.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
This is essentially a tourist boom for Ottawa right now. You can feel the tourism in the air, right? You can smell it. It smells like amphetamines and drifter blood.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
What? What do you mean? Like, completely wiped out?
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
The flood of 18-wheeler-driving tourists and their Canadian AF outfits created legitimate tension with residents of the city. The downtown was shut and there was palpable anger directed at local media.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
We're getting booed over here. We've been walking around here. There seems to be a real distrust of media here. Oh, for sure. There's a lot of cameras up in your face, cameras on cameras. And while Canadian authorities have finally enacted emergency measures to try to clear the convoy, so far the trucks are still there.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
And a well-funded, never-ending street party infused with misinformation and nationalism feels remarkably possible in our own land of the free. Where does this movement go from here?
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
What does it mean their DNA is wiped out?
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
It's going to come to America?
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
You think this is inspiring the dickheads in America?
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
This is inspiring the dickheads in America?
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Okay, if they do come to America, then maybe I'll finally get my f***ing end table. I'm in Johnson County, NC, marching with anti mask protesters to what has become America's new Thunderdome school board meetings. North Carolina parents are desperate to get their kids back into schools, but with packed ICUs and COVID cases in children four times what they were last year,
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Because I would say, like, COVID wiped out 600,000 DNAs.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
New studies in the CDC are recommending masks as a way to keep in-person learning. But packed school board meetings and new stars of the right are upset because putting on a piece of cloth is just too much.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
What kind of issues has he had?
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
So if you had to choose, No. What's wrong with having children wear masks in school?
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
There's been some new studies that have come out both by the CDC and by even Duke University talking about masks being helpful, especially in a school situation.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
So there's science and then there's the smell test and you're going with the smell test.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
What are some of the ways kids suffer when they have to wear masks?
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Wearing a mask helps stop the spread of COVID in settings like a school.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Well, we're outside right now. When you go inside, isn't it beneficial to wear a mask if you're close to someone?
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
The science says it is helpful to wear a mask so it doesn't spread when you're in close proximity indoors.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
So some people are bewildered by science, both the practice and the word, but maybe scary images like full ICUs would have an impact. Wearing a mask, what's the harm?
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
So many more than from the vaccine.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Do you think not being able to see people's lower halves of face outweighs the dangers that COVID might pose to kids and communities?
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
You have ICUs full of people suffering from COVID right now.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Now I'm worried about COVID and security measures at North Carolina hospitals. Like so many of these school board battles, it was never about just one thing. but more of a general airing of grievances.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Here in North Carolina, they don't need to learn about racism in school.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
It was hard to sum up the outrage of that afternoon. There were many thoughtful political statements being made. But looking around, it was difficult to miss the real catchphrase of the day.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Well, you don't want to co-parent with the government. Don't get pregnant in Texas.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Your kids go to private school?
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Isn't that kind of co-parenting with the government?
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Right. So you work with the government.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
You're in public school. So you do kind of co-parent with the government. In that regard, I guess, yeah. If you want to say my taxes pay for that, yeah. But you're giving back your child tax credit. This crowd that was ready to fight for what they believed in was using the power of democracy that was bestowed upon all of us by our founding fathers. Did you vote for school board?
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
That's a lot of quotes. People from both sides of the issue came from far and wide to express their hate or love of vaccines.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
You could vote for somebody who reflects your values.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
But at the end of the day, they saw this as a fight against something much more disturbing than kids' face coverings.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Wearing a mask is a sign of slavery.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Good. Finally some good news.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
No fears, but a healthy belief in Satanism and its effect on the COVID.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Vaccination is still going a bit slow in America, and we should be past this talk by now, but we're not, and it's definitely gonna come up at your holiday gatherings. So that you're prepared for those conversations, here is our gift to you. These are moments from past rallies we haven't shown before with some truly unique arguments from the vaccine-hesitant crowd.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Right now in North Carolina, 92% of the people who are in the hospital because of COVID are unvaccinated. Does that worry you?
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
No. Where nowadays can the unvaccinated congregate? Basically nowhere unless they form a group. Yeah, unless it's the ICU.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
That tends to be where many of the unvaccinated congregate. Okay, yeah.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
This is why I love doing interviews in New York. You're from Pennsylvania.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
A full ICU is just a full ICU. Kids need to see the lower half of other kids' faces.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
So your issue is that maybe they rushed this through too fast.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Do you feel like it was an issue that America moved at warp speed?
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Who did you support in the last election?
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Do you think he deserves more credit for what he did with the vaccine?
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
So Trump deserves more credit or less credit?
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Which is move the vaccine at warp speed. Which you were against like a second ago. Do you have a distrust about some of the narratives that are going on?
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Where are you getting your information about the vaccine?
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Where do you go for your information?
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
How important is it like that to think ahead to protect something before it gets out of control?
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Specifically? What are you going to miss out on if this mandate prevents you from doing it?
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Comparing yourself to MLK are big words for a guy wearing 80s b-boy jeans.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
That's the empathy that the young Republicans bring. Thank you. Where are you getting your information?
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
If you got to see the workers at Pfizer's make you a vaccine burrito, would you trust that? No. No.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Tens of thousands of people? Where do you get that stat?
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Right. Like, that's why it's important for everybody to get a vaccine, squash it before it gets out of control.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
You feel like what's going on right now is back to 60s America?
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
That's a crazy comparison. Asking people to get a COVID vaccine, Holocaust comparison, a little much. Jim Crow feels about right.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
When someone asks you what they can get you for Christmas, just tell them to get vaccinated.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
It's important that we take the vaccine, squash it, get curcumin.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
What were you talking about?
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
What were you talking about?
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Well, you were just talking about getting ahead of it.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
The mandate is what's spreading.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
You see why I'm confused, though. Clearly, putting potentially harmful toxins into your body was something these anti-vax mandate health nuts were very concerned about.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
The Republicans of New York were clearly trying to move on from the past, and in some cases, forgetting it completely.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Oh, he's a lower founding father.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
What are you going to miss out on if this mandate prevents you from doing it?
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
If only the city had a seamless way to get food to their door, fresh, direct way to get there. Maybe that's it. Their point is this mandate is a slippery slope that only leads to... Hyperbole.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Maybe you can help me out. I'm seeing signs that say vaccine mandates are fascism and also signs that say vaccine mandates are communism. Which one is it?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
It's both. Those are diametrically opposed ideologies.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
That's what's happening right now?
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Because you can't go to a concert?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Do you think that's what it was like in Nazi Germany? People were bitching about not going to a gym? Regardless of our differences, this was still New York. A melting pot crammed onto an island, then pushed into a subway car with a rat eating pizza. You're not left or right. You're a new Yorker, and we're in this together.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
The we the people thing holds no sway for you.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Who are the people of the We the People that you are willing to support?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Which is a bummer because the Supreme Court has upheld it many times.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
All right, well, enjoy. I hope you don't get sick. Good luck to everyone out there and may you get the Patsy U our founding fathers said you deserve to eat inside during a global pandemic. The discussion around vaccines and mandates tends to pit red state versus blue. But I had heard there was vaccine hesitancy and misinformation in the elitist of the elite blue corners of the US.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
So I headed to a protest in sunny Southern California. I came to California curious if the anti-vax mandate crowd would talk to me. Then I realized I brought a camera and we're in Southern California. I think I'll be fine. Is this an anti-vaccination?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
What do you support? People's freedom of choice. Don't you benefit from a society that supports that by getting vaccinated?
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Polio is mandated for students going to school.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
I mean, there's 750,000 people who have a pretty good idea. Dig it. Do you trust the vaccine whatsoever?
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
The vaccine is all about depopulation.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
So this is just Bill Gates' pet project to depopulate the globe.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Which are who? No crew. It's a big claim to say there is a giant plan to kill half the population and not have a Thanos to point to. So why does the conversation on this SoCal boardwalk sound like a Shoney's in Lancaster, PA? I talked to Derek Barris, who's been tracking this coastal elite anti-vax movement for years.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Bodily sovereignty sounds a lot like what I told my parents I was doing freshman year of high school.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Yeah, this is my body, I can do what I want with it as often as I wanna do, wherever I want in the living room. You're still here. People hear about anti-vax and they think MAGA world, but now we're seeing this wellness, which we see maybe more to the left.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Turns out ignoring the advice of the medical experts and sacrificing the health of the community at large could actually be quite profitable for the wellness business.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
You can breathe your way out of COVID.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
That's a class you can pay for.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
So, like, how many smoothies does one have to ingest to get to the point where they can completely disregard the health of the community they live in?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
I never knew there was that many parts of honey to ingest.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
I wanted to talk to these people, so I set up outside of the bougiest health food market in Venice Beach. And I also had a hankering for an activated charcoal bone broth rose hip smoothie cure-all. Are you vaccinated?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Are you fearful of catching COVID?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
So what do you recommend for basic public health?
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Do you often take medical advice from a cat?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
From nature. What do you think of the COVID vaccine?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Where did you hear this? A Siamese cat? You recommend for public health people meditating? Of course. People working out in groups? Definitely. Eating healthy? Definitely. COVID vaccine? No. No. Coffee enema? Possibly. Okay, maybe on the coffee enema. Definite hard no on the COVID vaccine. No. I'm not a anti-vaxxer per se. I'm a staunch anti-mandate person. Can I ask, are you both vaccinated?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Normally when I'm in search of an angry mob of people screaming anti-science, deep state, vaccine, microchip, conspiracy jazz, I head to the heartland of America. But it turns out I can find those very same people right here in my own backyard in New York City. That's right.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
I can tell. Cold, but fair. Now, what say you, dude? I want to talk about wellness and public health. And trust me, we'll get to your script later. Can I ask you, are you vaccinated? I am. Do you find that most people in Los Angeles that you encounter are vaccinated?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
So if more Americans were dangled a trip to Tulum, we might get that vaccination rate up in the 90s? Maybe so, yeah. No matter what part of the anti-vax world they come from, there's one comparison they just can't resist making.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
And you're equating it to World War II era Germany.
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TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
But, like, Jewish people are fleeing Poland because they can't get into gyms?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
But is that comparison, though... You just didn't get the point.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Well, maybe historical dramas aren't big in L.A., but certainly there is commercial viability in saving humanity, right? We're in LA, maybe there's an elevator pitch here, right? So, zoom in on a country at war with itself, and then a magical cure comes along that helps people take care of the rest of their community by making a choice to help other people. Would you buy that ticket?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Last week, outside of Mayor Bill de Blasio's home, there was a group protesting his new mandate that customers show proof of vaccination in order to enter restaurants, gyms, and theaters.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Klepper vs. Anti-Vaxxers
Three weeks ago, north of the border, a new kind of protest emerged. The trucker convoy has arrived in Ottawa.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Blames Plane Crash on DEI, Lewis Black on Dry January | Vince Beiser
How do you think, Kosta? Patel's a conspiracy theorist who believes the 2020 election was rigged, follows QAnon, and most shockingly, thinks toddlers want to read a pop-up book about Russiagate. I mean, just listening to him speak gave me brain damage so much that I think listening to him speak gave me brain damage. Clearly, Kash Patel is the least qualified of all of Trump's nominees.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Blames Plane Crash on DEI, Lewis Black on Dry January | Vince Beiser
What are you talking about, Desi? First, my hair looks fantastic. And Tulsi was at least in Congress. She spent time in the government. The only thing Patel has spent time in is the comments section of the Pizzagate subreddit. He's the most unqualified.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Blames Plane Crash on DEI, Lewis Black on Dry January | Vince Beiser
Baldoni. No, no. Look, my guy wrote a children's book about Russiagate. The only reason you write a children's book about Russiagate is you can't write an adult book about Russiagate. He used more exclamation points than a white woman's email.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Blames Plane Crash on DEI, Lewis Black on Dry January | Vince Beiser
Kash Patel, if you're watching, a bear is the one that goes grrr.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Blames Plane Crash on DEI, Lewis Black on Dry January | Vince Beiser
Yeah, current day Stephen Hawking. Because Kash Patel is brain dead. At least they have brains.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Blames Plane Crash on DEI, Lewis Black on Dry January | Vince Beiser
Michael, because the reporter covering that specific hearing gets the right to use a somber but serious Pulitzer contending voice when they say, in the opinion of this reporter, Kash Patel is the least qualified nominee in American history.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 1
We all know Donald Trump isn't a details kind of guy. We elected him to come up with big, brilliant ideas, like renaming the Gulf of Mexico. No one else could have thought of that or should have thought of that. But it's OK that he's not big on details, because during the campaign, he promised us that he knew a guy.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 1
Oh, don't take the bait, Desi. Don't take the bait. Be the bigger person. Be the bigger person. That's right, Elon Musk, the world's richest man and guy who cheers in the wrong parts of Saving Private Ryan. Trump promised us that he'd give Elon full access to the federal government. Pull it to the side and get all up in it. And unlike his wedding vows, this is a promise he kept.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 1
Yeah. Yeah, Elon Musk has access to your social security number, and that is not cool. If you want our personal data, Elon, you go buy it off the dark web like everyone else, okay? Now, you might be thinking, I don't want white nationalist Tony Stark to have sole control of the inner workings of the federal government, but relax. It's not just Elon. He has a fully equipped team.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 1
Great, Big Bowls has my Social Security number. Now I feel better. But Elon Musk isn't the only one having people finger-banging their eggs Florentine with excitement. Donald Trump is also reducing the government workforce, although his interests seem to be less about cost-cutting and more about sweet, sweet revenge.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 1
What the f***? These agents were doing their job enforcing the law, and now they're getting fired? That is not how it works. I cannot believe I have to explain firing to the star of The Apprentice. That was your whole fake job. And this is obviously just the beginning, because Trump is going to be targeting everyone that's ever come after him. And I just want to say, I'm not scared.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 1
So, Mr. Trump, bring it on, okay? Bring it on. That's coming from me, Jordan Klepper. K-L-E-P-P-E-R.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 1
OK, let me just ask, what? And also, what?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 1
What the ? Trump is gonna turn Gaza into the Riviera? He couldn't even turn Atlantic City into a nicer Atlantic City. If anything, they tore down so many of his casinos, he turned Atlantic City into Gaza. But OK, he wants to rebuild it, and he wants to turn it into Mar-a-Lago. At least the Palestinians will have a place to go back to.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 1
Okay, just so I'm clear, your idea is to take over Gaza, rebuild it into Mar-a-Lago, and make sure that the Palestinians who live there can't go back? That is the craziest thing he's said since yesterday and until tomorrow. Even his chief of staff was shocked. Look at that. Look at her face. She looks just like she won Best Country Album at the Grammy Awards. And of course she's shocked.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 1
He's effectively advocating for ethnic cleansing. Who could possibly be okay with that?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 1
No, they usually scratch their heads and they say, what the are you talking about? Of course, Bibi is ecstatic at Trump's idea. Look at him. He looks happier than a teenager getting a handjob in the back of a birthright bus. But Bibi aside, this proposal is giving a lot of people whiplash. Trump ran his whole campaign on America first, and now he's out there chanting from the Riviera to the sea.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 1
Yesterday, Donald Trump unveiled his big plan to relocate Gazans and turn their homeland into the world's holiest hard rock hotel and casino. And today, the reviews are in. The Arab world hates it. Democrats condemn it. Republicans have problems with it. And the Palestinians won't abide by it. Or as Trump says... Everybody loves it. I stand corrected. I guess everybody loves it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 1
And even though the plan was totally perfect in every way, his staff spent the entire next day walking back every single part of it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 1
Trump's press secretary just had her first walk back. This is an important rite of passage for Trump's spokespeople. Their bull mitzvah, if you will. She was spending so much time walking back the plan that at one point she ran out of English words.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 1
Yeah, so true. Remind me how it got unhabitable again. Even worse for Caroline, while she was scrambling to salvage Trump's plan, Trump was on Truth Social readjusting it on the fly, which left everybody even more confused.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 1
A backtrack and a double down? And now, on the uneven bars, Donald Trump will attempt the rare combination backtrack double down. And let's see if he breaks every bone in his body. But while his team tries to fix his Gaza plan, Donald Trump has already moved on because he's basically the norovirus. Every day he spews executive orders all over the place.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 1
And while we struggle to clean up all the puke, he comes out the other end with something even worse. He tried to buy out the entire workforce of the CIA. His DOJ is going after anyone who's investigated him. And now he has defeated America's biggest threat.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 1
You notice how we paused right before invade your locker rooms? Like, maybe we won't make that illegal. Should have proofread this. Look, it's bad enough that he's banned trans women from sports, but spare us the performance of pretending that this is a top issue for women in this country. Maybe start with, I don't know, reproductive rights or pay inequality.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 1
Or why it's 2025 and still none of my clothes have pockets. Now, you might be wondering, is this really going to be the entire Trump presidency, just divisive executive orders every day for the next four years? Probably. But on the bright side, he did have one executive order today that felt relatively harmless.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 1
Excuse me, sir. Americans already have a national garden, and it sells unlimited breadsticks. I never thought I'd say this, but Elon, I got some government waste for you right here. Does anyone have the phone number of the Department of Government Efficiency? Actually, they're all 12-year-olds. Does anyone have the Roblox usernames of the Department of Government Efficiency?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 1
Do you view Ukraine as an equal member of this peace process?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 1
Let's kick things off with the war in Ukraine. Donald Trump promised he could secure a peace deal within one day of taking office, which means he is now negative 34 days ahead of schedule. Good work, sir. As we know, the Ukraine war began in 2022 when Putin invaded Ukraine on three separate fronts while launching missile attacks on Ukrainian cities. Or as Donald Trump puts it...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 1
That's an interesting interpretation in that it's not what happened. In fact, it's the exact opposite of what happened. And this has set off alarm bells for a lot of conservatives, including Brian Kilmeade, Trump's buddy and the Joey Tribbiani of Fox & Friends. He tried to gently push back when Trump started to blame the destruction of Ukraine on President Zelensky.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 1
But this is how off the rails Trump is. His beloved Fox News is saying, Mr. President, you sound crazy. And I believe DEI causes tornadoes. And he's right. Not about the DEI causing tornadoes. We all know trans people cause tornadoes. But about this war. Under Donald Trump, America has fully taken Russia's side, which means are we the bad guys now? Well, that didn't answer that.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 1
But I think we might be the bad guys. It's not just Republicans who are alarmed. The entire continent of Europe is freaking the out. If the United States will help Russia take over Ukraine, who's next? Poland? Latvia? Slovenia? Slovakia? Albania? Estonia? Yeah. I got a 97 in AP geography. Thank you. Thank you. I would have gotten 100, but I misspelled my name.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 1
So yesterday, Europe tried to get Trump back on its side by sending over its most charismatic Trump whisperer, Emmanuel Macron of France. And right from the start of that meeting, you could really see how he let his guard down.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 1
Yeah, Trump just loves the French accent, probably because it's the native tongue of his hero, Pepe Le Pew. Something about that pervert skunk that Trump finds so relatable. But Macron's accent gives him a lot of leeway to gently correct Trump every time he spews bullshit.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 1
Look at him. Look at that smile. The guy is smitten. Usually, if someone confronts him about being wrong, he takes away their security detail, but he's letting Macron do whatever he wants. I think a sexy accent is his kryptonite. I assumed it was vegetables, but... To be fair, it's not just Macron. Trump was swooning over anyone with a sexy accent.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 1
Oh, oh, Italy. I love that restaurant with the grocery store attached. Oh, now... I love it. So good. Now tell me, which section are you from? Fromaggio? Produce? Self-checkout? By the way, Trump is the only person on earth who has ever asked an Italian person to talk louder. Of course, as we saw last week, not every accent does it for him. Sometimes it just confuses him.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 1
Come on. If you don't understand what someone is saying, don't be rude and dismiss them. Just laugh and go, oh, my God, that's so crazy, like a normal person. I mean, is Trump sure that he wants to be president? Because this is the worst job in the world if you don't understand accents. It's like working as an escort if you're still not 100% sure which hole it's supposed to go in.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 1
Although, would that actually make you a great escort? Hmm. I guess we'll never know. By the way, if you're wondering how tough Indian accents are for Trump, he had to get a translator for it. Not for the language, for the accent.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 1
But if you do have to have a translator for accents, why does the translator also have an accent? Maybe the plan was to have a string of translators with slightly less of an accent until they finally got to something Trump could process. Eventually, it'll just be the word Bangladesh written across the boobs of a swimsuit model. Oh, now I get it. Anyway, back to Macron.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 1
Now, you might think that it's not wise for Europe to hinge its survival on the seductive power of Macron's accent, but Trump himself admitted that it works.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 1
Hold on. Hold on. Forget the accent. What was going on with that handshake? Are they doing the, no, you hang up, but with their hands? Trump has been getting some stuff done. For example, yesterday he signed an executive order that forces hospitals to be transparent with their prices. And look, that seems like a good idea. And I am perfectly capable of admitting it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 1
When Donald Trump did something good... When Donald Trump did something good. When Donald Trump did something good. I can't say it. I can't say it. Why is this so hard? Oh, thank God those don't come along very often. Of course, because it's Donald Trump, most people will never hear about this price transparency thing because at the same meeting, he seemed more interested in doing stuff like this.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 1
Okay, first of all, that is way too much text, guys. If your hat needs a bookmark, it's not a good hat. And look, I hate to quibble with the hat, but Trump wasn't right about everything, okay? There were a couple of small things. I don't know. Haitian immigrants weren't eating cats and dogs. There wasn't $50 million worth of condoms sent to Gaza. Belgium is not a city.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 1
The 2020 election wasn't stolen. China doesn't... China doesn't operate the Panama Canal, nor does it. And the best taco bowls are not made at the Trump Tower Grill. But yes, other than that, Trump was right about everything. Now, I'm not trying to be a hater, but if you're gonna own a hat with a ridiculous lie on it, at least make it a fun, ridiculous lie, which is why I'm selling these.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 1
Garfield did 9-11 hats. Get yours today before he finishes the job. But obviously, Trump didn't bring everybody into the Oval Office just to sell hats. He was there to sell something much more fancy.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 1
Oh. Oh, green card privileges plus. See, I was still getting America with ads. Quick question. Quick question, if I'm unhappy with America, can I cancel my subscription after seven days? I am curious, what does this gold card do?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 1
Did this guy just put a cover charge on America? It's $5 million to get in, but he'll waive it if you bring in three hot girls with you. I mean, I guess it beats the old way of becoming a citizen, which was to marry Donald Trump, but still. I feel like immigrant stories are going to be a lot less inspiring in the future.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 1
My grandfather came to this country with nothing but $5 million and the clothes in his custom Louis Vuitton five-piece trunk set. Although I have to admit, I don't totally hate the idea of buying your way into a country. Hey, Canada. How you doing, girl? I'm just going to come out and say it. I want to be in you.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 1
And listen, I don't have $5 million, but I do have $4 and a cough drop and this orange hat. Let's talk about it. Now, you might be thinking, wait a second. If the US is just going to put citizenship up for sale, doesn't that mean that any monster can buy one as long as they're rich? Well, according to Trump, mm-hmm.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 1
It seems like Trump watched Anora and his takeaway from that movie was, we need to do more to help out that rich Russian teenager. He's so good at sex. But if you're letting Russians come into the country, you've got to be careful, OK? I don't want to engage in stereotypes.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 1
But if you let a Russian in, then there's going to be a smaller Russian inside of him, and then an even smaller Russian inside of him, and on and on and on. There's always another.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
Thank you, Michael. When we come back, Peter Wolff will be joining me on the show. Don't go away.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
Welcome back to The Daily Show. My guest tonight is a legendary musician and artist who was the front man of the Jay Giles Band. His new memoir is called Waiting on the Moon. Please welcome Peter Wolfe. Thank you. Peter Wolf! Can I say, not only legendary frontman of the Jay Giles Band, auteur, but also now New York Times best-selling author, Peter Wolf. Is that right? Congratulations. Thank you.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
Thank you very much. How does that feel?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
Thank you very much. Jesus.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
The best thing about half-empty is it's closer to a refill. There you go. That's pretty good, right? Oh! Well... Okay. Okay.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
Oh, dear Lord. Can we get something from Kentucky in here, please? Oh, my God. We'll go blind, Peter.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
Or should we just... Let's celebrate. Celebrate. Celebrate. Yeah, that tastes like Southwest Michigan, baby. Or what about Flint water? It's a little healthier than Flint water. I know. I have to say, as we're getting personal, this is a special moment to me in that the sounds in my household growing up were the sounds of the J. Giles Band.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
Oftentimes Full House, oftentimes the Bloodshot album, and My father would come out singing bright and early on Saturday morning. And more often than not, he would sing you saying the phrase, take out your false teeth, mama. I want to suck on your gums. And I have you to thank for both that comedy and the little scar that it left on my heart.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
You did, he came, yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
Mark Klepper, he's over there in the corner, yes. All the way from Calvin, Michigan. We gotta get him out. Can we get him out for one quick shake? You wanna get him out? Yeah, one quick shake. Mark Klepper, come on out here, this is my dad. Come on, come on. You wanna come out here?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
Yes, yes. The more you say that something is real, the more people believe you. My real, real girlfriend lives in real Canada. She's just, not just sort of my girlfriend, she's my real girlfriend. She's real, and I touched her real boobies. By the way, what room is that? I feel like the beast must have Belle trapped in the room next door, right?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
You brought down the house. I mean, it's... This book is great. I read this. You're sort of the Forrest Gump of music and culture of the last 50 years. You have chapters in here. They're little vignettes with Eleanor Roosevelt, Andy Warhol, John Lennon, Norman Rockwell, David Lynch. These little moments that you find yourself in. Why frame your experience through that lens?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
A chapter that I loved is you talk about being in the Greenwich Village in the 60s, sort of as Dylan is coming up. And you're a little bit younger than Dylan. And sort of coming up and watching what was happening and being a part of that scene. What did that scene feel like? I think right now there's sort of this new focus on that era in music with the movie that came out.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
But it seems so dynamic and yet so intimate at the same time.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
Aretha Franklin.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
But yes, Trump promised his presidency would be marked by competence. And now that we're two months in, let's see how that's going.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
Smart move.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
You're going to have to buy it, everyone, is what you're saying. Or go to the library. Go to the library to get it. What I love about some of these stories is it does feel like you have these wonderful stories with Muddy Waters and John Lee Hooker, and that essentially are you working your way into carrying musical equipment to get close to folks?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
It feels as if music and also tradition was being passed shoulder to shoulder, literally, or perhaps Merlot to Merlot, whoever you're stealing liquor from. Bourbon to bourbon, yeah. In some ways, your book is like a testament to the art of hanging out.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
Whoa, man, looks like 304556622 is really upset about that leak. Man, social security numbers, addresses, full names. The only thing that wasn't in the JFK papers was who killed JFK. And Trump's poor, poor lawyer. He's probably like, oh man, I never would have represented you in your 2020 election fraud case if I knew you'd be untrustworthy. But we can't be surprised.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
Well, Peter, nothing but wonderful stories in this. Waiting on the Moon is available now. Peter Walsh, we're going to take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. That's our show for tonight. Now, here it is. Your moment is in.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
Everything Trump has done so far has been sloppy. Whether it's Doge not knowing who they're firing, ICE not knowing who they're deporting. Turns out they can't even do a classic DEI purge right.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
Oh. Don't blame us. Blame our racist software. We should have never used Chat KKK. Classic mistake. Classic mistake. Be careful where it is. The Jackie Robinson mistake wasn't even the most embarrassing anti-DEI flop.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
That's how lazy they were with this. They just Control-F'd for gay-sounding keywords and deleted anything that showed up. Now, kids won't know about the Enola Gay, they won't know about transport planes, and they'll never hear about the heroic service of Captain Grinder McScissory. Tragic.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
What's extra tragic is this could have all been avoided if they had just named the plane Enola Gay No Homo, you know? But maybe getting things right isn't this administration's top priority. They have a crisis on their hands. Tesla stock is in the toilet. And they can't let that happen. Crisis. They can't let that happen because Elon Musk is a key member of the Trump administration.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
And more importantly, Republican Party sugar daddy. So, last night they sent Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick to Fox News to make a pitch.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
This is gross, a bit gross. Cabinet members should not be shilling for companies. And that includes those Henry Kissinger hymns.com ads. But to be fair, he wasn't just out there shilling Tesla stocks. The Commerce Secretary was pushing Elon products that hadn't hit the market yet.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
Yeah! You hear that? People who don't buy a $30,000 robot that isn't on the market yet and will probably strangle you in your sleep. You're gonna look silly. These poor everyday Fox viewers must be so confused. They came here for the xenophobia and pretty ladies, and now they have to mortgage their house to buy a robot with a thigh gap.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
It's so embarrassing that this guy is using his position on TV to sell shit to the American people. Why are you so hungry for muss approval when you should be hungry for a Taco Bell build-your-own-craving box? A Chalupa Supreme, a burrito, a side, and a drink for under seven bucks? It's called integrity. And it's how you live muss. You know, it's not just the Trump administration.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
The whole team over at Fox News is doing their part.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
Troy!
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
Well, okay, whoa, whoa, Troy, Troy, are you running a charity for Elon Musk?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
Okay, wait, no, no. Stop the music, please. Look, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just don't understand why it's our responsibility to help a man who's destroying his own brand with deeply unpopular policies.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
No, Troy, Troy, sorry. No, stop. No, this is insane. Also, why is the number getting higher? I just don't get why Elon Musk's choices should be America's problem. Okay, you know what the real problem is? You keep f***ing interrupting me. Okay, all right, fine. I think it's on Elon to fix his own mess. But I'm sorry. Didn't mean to interrupt you.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
Come on, Troy. Jordan, I am trying to help someone. Okay. It's bad enough that the executive branch of the U.S. government is devoted to hyping Elon's businesses. Shouldn't we help the less fortunate?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
All right, you know what? Never mind. Troy Iwata, everybody. When we come back, we'll find out how to survive the end of the world. Don't go away.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
Welcome back to The Daily Show. Everyone is worried about the world right now, but even with the Trump administration, there's only a 40% chance of an apocalypse, at most. But are you ready for that chance? Michael Kosta spoke to some people who are.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
GOP Shills for Tesla, Trump Admin Flubs JFK File Release & DEI Scrubbing | Peter Wolf
Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm George Blackmon. That's so much to talk about tonight. The DOD only wants hetero bomber jets. Jackie Robinson gets benched. And Republicans start a GoFundMe for the richest man on earth. So, let's get right into it. I'm going to cop it. Donald Trump made lots of promises during the presidential campaign, and he emphasized one thing in particular.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
This morning, Donald Trump said goodbye to Qatar, but not before making an appearance at an American military base, where he sashayed for the soldiers. Oh, look at that. That's sexy, right? Oh, that's sexy, yeah. Show the boys what we're fighting for over there, right? Sexy baby.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
And zero humans. That is correct. But the philosophy of effective altruism pretty much boils down to this. your feelings.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
They look like shit. And traditional charities make us feel like we're helping, but the math doesn't always add up. Where's all that ASPCA money going? Sarah McLachlan's third summer house?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
I agree. So f*** this shrimp.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
Yeah. The Shrimp Welfare Project is a stupid, effective altruism charity that focuses on electrocuting shrimp. And they don't poke their eyes out.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
They still kill shrimp by the trillions. They just suffer a bit less.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
What? So this is okay? The shrimp thing is okay?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
There's now evidence that... Wait, did he just make shrimp warm and fuzzy? Maybe they do deserve peace and happiness on the way to becoming my scampi. The more I listened to Andreas, the more inspired I got. I needed to get out there and make a difference. Hi, friend. Do you care about ecology? Hey, you want to talk about shrimp today? Hey, you have five minutes to save the shrimp?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
Kind of annoying, isn't it? This wasn't enough I was only saving a few shrimp at a time But I had an idea to reach millions of people and make them see that shrimp deserve our love Every hour 50 million shrimp are harvested on shrimp farms painfully But last year, 2.7 billion shrimp were given a helping hand.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
And of course, Trump once again was serenaded in person by proud-to-be-an-American singer Lee Greenwood, which begs the question, did Donald Trump kidnap Lee Greenwood? I mean, I get having him sing at a campaign rally, but dragging him all the way to Qatar? Is Greenwood like that Mad Max guitarist? You know, is he just chained to Trump's podium at this point?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
Thank you, Ronnie.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
When we come back, Congressman Jake Auchincloss will be joining me on the show. Don't go away.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
Welcome back to The Daily Show. My guest tonight represents Massachusetts' 4th District in Congress. Please welcome Democratic Congressman Jake Auchincloss. You had a big week, right? There's this big, beautiful bill that's coming through Congress right now. Republicans have put it up, and you just got through a 27 1⁄2 marathon markup session. Is that right?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
You're part of the House Energy and Commerce Committee.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
I feel like I've done that in Pennsylvania before. I go to a lot of these rallies, and I can feel it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
Yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
I mean, I think that seems to be the first swing. It seems to be the response people have to begin with, but... There's a lot of conversation about these Medicaid cuts, right? And first of all, we'll see where this bill lands. But the Republicans are pushing back. They're saying, why are we giving Medicaid to the topic? They're saying, able-bodied, no dependents.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
What's wrong with making some concessions there? Is there a place in the middle you guys can find some common ground there? Why can't you give in to that request?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
Lee, Lee, Lee, are you being held against your will? If you are, give us a sign. Struggle to hit the high note.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
I mean, do you think there are ears on the other side that are willing to hear this? I mean, Josh Hawley has been pushing back against some of these cuts. I mean, these are affecting people in red and blue districts. Is that a... I mean, that will play well, perhaps, in the Daily Show's audience here. But in red states, will that play?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
Yeah. Talk to me about the TikTok ban. You were a co-sponsor of the TikTok ban. It passed in both houses, signed into law by President Biden. And now Trump is refusing to enact it. Is this a constitutional crisis? Are we there?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
He likes to do that.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
I mean, just the price alone, because I'm a very cheap father. But yeah, the idea of giving that into a child, it's like a loaded weapon.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
I mean, I like this idea. An attention tax is a... And a fascinating idea. I guess I'm curious, specifically with the TikTok ban, this does feel like a moment where Donald Trump has been told to do something and is not doing it. There's an executive order. It's passed through Congress. You could make the argument this is a constitutional crisis. Is this the constitutional crisis? I don't know.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
But you are in Congress right now. The president is not willing to follow the laws of Congress and the previous president. What can you do? What should you do?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
Oh, God. Oh, God. Someone call Liam Neeson! Or... or Mel Gibson, probably. He'll do it. Yes. Anyway, after blue-balling our troops, Trump was off to the United Arab Emirates, the country Americans always click on accidentally on the drop-down menu. Remember when we used to be at the top all the time? You know what? You want to win my vote? Make that your campaign promise.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
What do you say, though? But what do you say to someone who's like, all right, this is a constitutional crisis. What do we need to do? I hope Apple sues somebody and we'll wait a year and a half till we get some power. Like, okay, that sounds like a plan. But, I mean, shouldn't you impeach the president?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
Isn't there something you can do now and through a governmental process to stop a president from clearly putting us in this constitutional moment?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
What is that? I've heard, like, there's this abundance agenda people are talking about. Ezra Klein was on. Ezra Klein, Derek Thompson were on the show talking about this as well. I know you've talked about this. What is this vision for a future Democratic Party that people can get behind?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
Where do you see that? Is there an example where you see that happening? Yes. Like, where? What is the city that is building at a pace and in the way that you think Democrats could emulate?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
And then Joe Rogan and Elon Musk moved it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
So you think we should look to Texas for some of these answers? Texas has been building more homes than Newsom's California has. Interesting. Now, when you look at the Democratic Party, are they focusing too much on messaging right now, or do they need to be the party of ideas?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
So you want me to do better than my parents? I want your son to do better than you. OK, that's that's a nice way of putting it. To be fair, the ego in me, I'd be I'd be fine if my son did just as good as me. I think that that would be. Let's aim for that and see if we can find some consensus there. All right. Congressman Jake. We're going to be taking a quick little break.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
Be right back after that. Thank you. That's our show for tonight, but before you go, are you not seeing yourself represented in your local government because you're under 100 years old? Then take matters into your own hands and be the leader you've been complaining for. Go to the link below to learn more from our friends at Headcount about how you can actually run for office.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
We look forward to your unsolicited text asking for campaign donations. Now here it is, your moment of zen.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching The Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch The Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount+.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
What the is that?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
A group audition for a Pantene commercial? Is that a threat? Like, work with us or we'll clog your drains? But look, look, this wasn't a sightseeing trip. Trump was there to talk business. So the main event of the day was a roundtable with some of America's top defense contractors. A chance for Trump to be focused on selling American goods. So make that sales pitch and bring it home.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
Uh-oh. Okay. Okay, this was about drones. We're getting off track here. Not about trees or the Timberman, so let's get back to the drones and forget about Sean Duffy.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
Okay, airports, Joe Biden. Oh, shit. I know what's about to happen. Okay, everyone stay calm. We're entering a weave. Okay. All right. That's the weave. Buckle up, everyone. The man's been up for four days. This is a jet lag weave, all right? This could get bumpy.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
So Pete Buttigieg should have taken a plane to work? Is that what... I'm overthinking it. I'm overthinking it. It's a weave. You got to steer into the spin.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
Have you ever been in a corn maze and you just can't find your way out? Okay, yeah, okay, all right, all right. Buttigieg for president, I mean, who knows? Probably not worth speculating about with a bunch of Middle East businessmen. Can we just get back to what we were talking about?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
You're listening to Comedy Central. From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central, it's America's only source for news. This is The Daily Show with your host, Jordan Clemens.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Wasn't about lumberjacks. Not about lumberjacks, okay? You were talking about drones. Forget about the lumberjacks.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
He's a great Sean! We're just ranking Sean's now. You got Sean Hannity, Sean Spicer, Sean of the Dead, Shonda Rhimes. At this point, everyone in the room was probably like, can we just give you our bribe and go home? Mr. President, look, no. No. I believe. No, I believe. I believe. I believe. Mr. President, I believe in you. You can find your way back to the drones. Take us home, Donnie.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
Look at those faces. This man right here is a Boeing executive. His planes fall out of the sky, and he's sitting here like, now this is a disaster. Can you imagine the translator at this event listening to all of this shit? Like, uh, uh, he said he loves it here. I don't know. All right, so, okay, just to recap here. All right. What do we have?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
So we went from drones to lumberjacks to to Sean Duffy to Pete Buttigieg back to Sean Duffy as a sexy lumberjack. And I won't play the rest for you because he went on for 13 more minutes with mentions. And this is all true of the stock market. He got into there for a little bit. Lee Greenwood, obviously. And how the 2020 election was rigged.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
And in case you're wondering when he weaved his way back to the drones, he never f***ing did. Leader of the free world, everyone. So, that was the end of President Trump's visit to the Middle East. The question is, after visiting three countries in four days, did the whole thing yield any results? To find out, let's go live to United Arab Emirates with Josh Johnson.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
Okay. What was your takeaway, Josh, from the trip? It seemed like kind of a business as usual for Trump.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
Yeah, I mean, he seemed to not like Muslims.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
It's beautiful. Yeah, I don't know if it was all of that. It might just be the free jets.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
Wait, that's you who keeps taking my yogurts?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
Okay, Josh, I hate to be that guy, but I don't think you're remembering black history correctly.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
We have so much to talk about tonight because Donald Trump spent the week in the Middle East as part of his dictator study abroad program. But you know what? Today was his last day. So let's see how it all came together with another installment of Trump Meets World.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
Okay, you know what? What if... What if I gave you a yogurt? I appreciate your culture. Thank you very much. Josh Johnson, everybody. We come back. Ronnie Chang loves seafood too much. Don't go away.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
Welcome back to The Daily Show. There's a lot of good causes you can donate your money to, but what about confusing causes? Ronny Chieng discovered one.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
There's nothing I'm more passionate about than donating to charity. Hey, do you want to save the environment? No. And I'm not the only softie out there. Over 3 billion people a year... You got a dollar, man? Shut up, man. I'm trying to talk about charity here. Donate their time and money.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
But for do-gooders like myself, how do you pick between so many deserving causes? Meet finance bro turned philanthropist Andreas Jimenez Zoria.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
Oh, so you're helping refugees?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
What?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
Why do you care about shrimp? It's shrimp.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
So you decided to dedicate all your time and money into saving the lives of shrimp?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
So after all your work is done, they still die?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
How did you make this even stupider? That's right. The Shrimp Welfare Project is a charity improving the lives of appetizers.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
Okay, so you're electrocuting shrimp. That's right. This is a sex thing, right? This is a kink thing.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
Sure. This doesn't sound like the charity pictures I'm used to. It's all part of a new movement called effective altruism.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
And that's bad?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Bores UAE Businessmen About Sean Duffy & Lee Greenwood Cameos in Qatar | Rep. Jake Auchincloss
Okay. Please don't be offended by this. Are you just saying this because you're bad at math? No. Effective altruists are like the young Sheldons of the charity world, using logic to find the most cost-efficient ways to relieve suffering, which sometimes means malaria prevention. But other times, it leads to this.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Gets "Hot" for Kennedy Center, RFK Confirmed, Eggflation Rampant | Brady Corbet
Welcome to The Daily Show. I am Jordan Klepper. We got so much to talk about tonight. Trump gets horny for the performing arts. Russia and Ukraine agree to couples therapy. And things are finally looking up for the measles. You know, congrats, guys. So let's get into another installment of the second coming of Donald J. Trump. I'm gonna come.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Gets "Hot" for Kennedy Center, RFK Confirmed, Eggflation Rampant | Brady Corbet
Thank you, Josh. When we come back, Randy Corbett will be joining me on the show. Don't go away.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Gets "Hot" for Kennedy Center, RFK Confirmed, Eggflation Rampant | Brady Corbet
Welcome back to The Daily Show. My guest tonight is a writer and director whose film The Brutalist is currently up for ten Oscar nominations. Please welcome Brady Corbett. Brady, I loved it. I loved the Brutalist. I really did. I thought, what a beautiful piece of art. Thank you so much.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Gets "Hot" for Kennedy Center, RFK Confirmed, Eggflation Rampant | Brady Corbet
Here's the thing that also I love. When I start talking to people about The Brutalist, more often than not, people come up to me like, did you know Laszlo Toth, the main character, is not a real person? Like, there seems to be a confusion. A lot of people think that it's based on a real Brutalist architect.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Gets "Hot" for Kennedy Center, RFK Confirmed, Eggflation Rampant | Brady Corbet
Let's start with the big news from Donald Trump's cabinet. Robert F. Kennedy Jr., Trump's nominee for health secretary and guy currently fighting a vulture for his lunch, has been officially confirmed. Now... I know. They said it couldn't be done. Excuse me. They said it shouldn't be done. But now it has happened. So you can now add employment to the list of things he's tested positive for.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Gets "Hot" for Kennedy Center, RFK Confirmed, Eggflation Rampant | Brady Corbet
And I can't tell whether that's a compliment for the world building that you do or just a commentary on American ignorance.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Gets "Hot" for Kennedy Center, RFK Confirmed, Eggflation Rampant | Brady Corbet
Yeah, yeah. When you started creating this story, what was the nugget? What was the thing that got you interested?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Gets "Hot" for Kennedy Center, RFK Confirmed, Eggflation Rampant | Brady Corbet
Yeah, well, I mean, you connect it also to the story, like the immigrant experience, right? I mean, one of the most evocative moments is that first shot, which is sort of someone coming forth upon Ellis Island and the Statue of Liberty. Right. How do you tie for somebody who doesn't? I mean, I'm as experts in brutalist architecture.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Gets "Hot" for Kennedy Center, RFK Confirmed, Eggflation Rampant | Brady Corbet
How would you tie for the layperson how, like, how brutalist architecture is connected to sort of the immigrant experience and what that says about sort of an American experience?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Gets "Hot" for Kennedy Center, RFK Confirmed, Eggflation Rampant | Brady Corbet
Now, it's interesting. This film, there's so many wonderful performances in it. There's a scene that really stuck with me. There's a scene when Adrian Brody gets off the train and he sees his cousin for the first time. And his cousin lets him know that his wife is still alive. And... They embrace, and the whole scene is shot so close, and there's so much physicality between the two of them.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Gets "Hot" for Kennedy Center, RFK Confirmed, Eggflation Rampant | Brady Corbet
They're touching each other's face the whole time. It's so intimate and real and emotional, and frankly, I'd never seen such a physical, intimate scene contextualize something like that. I'm curious, how do you direct something? Was the physicality and the closeness intentional in your direction there? How are you working with actors on something like that?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Gets "Hot" for Kennedy Center, RFK Confirmed, Eggflation Rampant | Brady Corbet
Is it true you didn't audition the actors, most of the actors, for their roles?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Gets "Hot" for Kennedy Center, RFK Confirmed, Eggflation Rampant | Brady Corbet
But let's move on to a big development in the war in Ukraine. And remember, during the campaign, Donald Trump made some big promises about how quickly and easily he was going to end that war.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Gets "Hot" for Kennedy Center, RFK Confirmed, Eggflation Rampant | Brady Corbet
They usually give me the one or two line parts. They're like, if you could just sip this Pepsi and say this one line, we'll see if you're right for the role. Yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Gets "Hot" for Kennedy Center, RFK Confirmed, Eggflation Rampant | Brady Corbet
Yeah, yeah. Or maybe people you've met for the first time and have sort of a rapport with.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Gets "Hot" for Kennedy Center, RFK Confirmed, Eggflation Rampant | Brady Corbet
Absolutely. It happens. You made this movie. I mean, this movie is up for 10 Academy Award nominations, including Best Picture, Best Director, Best Screenplay. And rightfully so. It feels like a film. It's beautiful. You made it for $10 million? Yeah. My understanding is to make a film that people go and see, you have to spend $80 million to make something like that.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Gets "Hot" for Kennedy Center, RFK Confirmed, Eggflation Rampant | Brady Corbet
But this is a massive honking film for $10 million. What are these other films doing wrong?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Gets "Hot" for Kennedy Center, RFK Confirmed, Eggflation Rampant | Brady Corbet
Oh, yeah, totally. Classic 1950s misdivision.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Gets "Hot" for Kennedy Center, RFK Confirmed, Eggflation Rampant | Brady Corbet
Tell me more, Brady, about VistaVision and brutalist architecture.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Gets "Hot" for Kennedy Center, RFK Confirmed, Eggflation Rampant | Brady Corbet
We could never book Ariana Grande. You know what? It's funny. You joke about this, and it is true. This movie, I will say, I say this. I truly love this film. I hope you have nothing but success at the Academy Awards. On paper, nobody sees this film, right? Sure, yeah. It's three hours and... It's three and a half hours? Yeah, it's three hours and 35 minutes. There's an intermission in it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Gets "Hot" for Kennedy Center, RFK Confirmed, Eggflation Rampant | Brady Corbet
It's about brutalist architecture made for under $10 million, right? It's a great pitch. It's a great pitch. LAUGHTER Shot on VistaVision, inspired by 1950s melodramatic cinema. This, up against the latest Marvel movie, is a tough pitch. But I would say what is fascinating is the experience, it feels like such an experience to go to it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Gets "Hot" for Kennedy Center, RFK Confirmed, Eggflation Rampant | Brady Corbet
We had Francis Ford Coppola on this show, and he talked about his most recent film, and he really wanted to eventize It's like so many people are watching this at home now. And going to see it in the theater, experiencing the intermission with people at the theater, hearing people talk about it as they're getting popcorn, using the restroom. Like, it's changing.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Gets "Hot" for Kennedy Center, RFK Confirmed, Eggflation Rampant | Brady Corbet
It feels different than watching it at home. It feels different than watching just a regular hour and a half Marvel film. Do you think there might be some trend towards things that are a little bit longer, that intermission might be something that more?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Gets "Hot" for Kennedy Center, RFK Confirmed, Eggflation Rampant | Brady Corbet
I'm gonna do it back to the future and end this war before it even starts. Go back in time, kiss my mom, maybe have sex with her. What am I talking about? What was I talking about? So here we are, one month into that first 24 hours, and Donald Trump is finally ready to negotiate.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Gets "Hot" for Kennedy Center, RFK Confirmed, Eggflation Rampant | Brady Corbet
Thank you for being here.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Gets "Hot" for Kennedy Center, RFK Confirmed, Eggflation Rampant | Brady Corbet
But it's going to be tough, which is why he started out with a quick warm-up negotiation first, an old-fashioned prisoner swap with Russia. Let's see how it went.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Gets "Hot" for Kennedy Center, RFK Confirmed, Eggflation Rampant | Brady Corbet
What? You traded a cybercrime kingpin for public school teacher Mark Fogle? This is like if the Dallas Mavericks traded Luka Doncic for public school teacher Mark Fogel. I mean, at least the teacher we got back is the cool teacher. He smokes weed and he's been to jail. I mean, you know, you know he's showing movies in fourth period. Also, Americans, stop smoking weed in Russia.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Gets "Hot" for Kennedy Center, RFK Confirmed, Eggflation Rampant | Brady Corbet
If you need to relax, try not being in Russia. Okay, now that Trump got all warmed up, it's time for the main event.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Gets "Hot" for Kennedy Center, RFK Confirmed, Eggflation Rampant | Brady Corbet
I'd like to know what those various other subjects were. I mean, it's a tad suspicious. It's like a husband coming back from a Vegas bachelor party saying, yeah, we ate some great food, we saw the sphere, did various other things. Anyway, you should get a prescription for Valtrex. So, Trump has now set the stage for face-to-face negotiations with Putin on the future of Ukraine.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Gets "Hot" for Kennedy Center, RFK Confirmed, Eggflation Rampant | Brady Corbet
But Trump won't be going into this alone. He also has Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth, a man who does not take no for an answer, according to police reports. So, get ready, Putin, because you're about to face the toughest negotiations of your life.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Gets "Hot" for Kennedy Center, RFK Confirmed, Eggflation Rampant | Brady Corbet
Okay. So, before negotiations even start, America gave up the two things Russia most wants? I mean, how do Hank Seth and Trump not know how to negotiate? Between the two of them, they've been divorced 97 times. I mean, if your opening move is giving away the house, the car, and the kids, best case scenario, you're leaving court with half of a golden retriever.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Gets "Hot" for Kennedy Center, RFK Confirmed, Eggflation Rampant | Brady Corbet
I mean, no one's gonna be happy with that, except for maybe RFK Jr. But... I guess there's still plenty of stuff to negotiate. For example, you know, which animal will Zelensky be fed to once the Russians take over? Probably a lion, but could be a shark, you know? There's room there. Whichever animal it is, it'll probably fall out of a window.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Gets "Hot" for Kennedy Center, RFK Confirmed, Eggflation Rampant | Brady Corbet
Regardless, Trump is not going to go driving a hard bargain on Ukraine's behalf, and that's fine. But as long as Ukraine is an equal member of this peace process, they'll get some of what they want.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Gets "Hot" for Kennedy Center, RFK Confirmed, Eggflation Rampant | Brady Corbet
Yikes. That's like when my dentist asks if I floss. That's an interesting question. I gotta go. Okay, so this is not looking good for Ukraine. Imagine not even being invited to your own peace negotiations. It's like if your wife told you she wanted a threesome and then asked what night she'll be away on business. Have so much fun, sweetie. I'm strong enough for this.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Gets "Hot" for Kennedy Center, RFK Confirmed, Eggflation Rampant | Brady Corbet
It's okay, I had it coming after Vegas. Now, you might think it's unfair to put Ukraine in this position after they were the ones invaded, but that's not exactly how Trump sees things.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Gets "Hot" for Kennedy Center, RFK Confirmed, Eggflation Rampant | Brady Corbet
Not a good war to go into? They were invaded. It wasn't their idea. Little advice for the back of Abraham Lincoln's head. Don't get hit by a bullet. Not smart. Look. Here. Clearly, this is going to be a complex negotiation, and it couldn't have come at a worse time for Trump, because he's also busy with his second job.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Gets "Hot" for Kennedy Center, RFK Confirmed, Eggflation Rampant | Brady Corbet
Last week, he declared himself the chairman of Washington's Kennedy Center for the Arts, the government's premier arts institution. And if you're thinking, wait, Trump is completely unqualified to think about art, don't worry. He brought along an equally unqualified board to help him out.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Gets "Hot" for Kennedy Center, RFK Confirmed, Eggflation Rampant | Brady Corbet
Okay, okay. First of all, what's up with this photo? Oh, you need a headshot of Mr. Scavito? Unfortunately, the only picture that exists of him is from when he walked in on his parents bumping uglies. But hey, Donald Trump loves arts and entertainment, and you could hear his genuine passion in a phone call he had with the board.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Gets "Hot" for Kennedy Center, RFK Confirmed, Eggflation Rampant | Brady Corbet
I'm sorry. Hot? Only Trump would look at a building and go, eh, un- Yeah. Performing arts centers have gotten very wokey. Like that theater that kicked out Lauren Boebert for giving one little tug job. F***ing blocking it over the khaki jack session. Not in my America. You heard Trump, though. No more woke theater. Only plays written by straight men like... Tennessee Williams? Damn it! So close.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Gets "Hot" for Kennedy Center, RFK Confirmed, Eggflation Rampant | Brady Corbet
Okay, so what will Trump's new role mean for the Kennedy Center? We at The Daily Show just got our hands on an exclusive look at what we can expect. The Kennedy Center, America's most prestigious home for the highest arts, is about to get hot. Hot!
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Gets "Hot" for Kennedy Center, RFK Confirmed, Eggflation Rampant | Brady Corbet
Arthur Miller. Arthur Miller. When we come back, Josh Johnson ruins the most important meal of the day. Don't go away.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Gets "Hot" for Kennedy Center, RFK Confirmed, Eggflation Rampant | Brady Corbet
Welcome back to The Daily Show. Donald Trump campaigned on lowering egg prices, but he's been president for almost 14 years now, and eggs just hit their highest price yet. Which raises the question, how are New Yorkers handling the expense? Josh Johnson hit the streets to find out.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Carter Funeral Guest List, Politicizing LA Fires, Sports War: Bonuses vs. Ratings
Well, that's all the time we have for Sports War.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Carter Funeral Guest List, Politicizing LA Fires, Sports War: Bonuses vs. Ratings
No way, no way. Secretary of Interior.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Carter Funeral Guest List, Politicizing LA Fires, Sports War: Bonuses vs. Ratings
Check your brains.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Carter Funeral Guest List, Politicizing LA Fires, Sports War: Bonuses vs. Ratings
I'm Jordan Klepper. This is Sports War, the show where we are legally not allowed to agree with each other.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Carter Funeral Guest List, Politicizing LA Fires, Sports War: Bonuses vs. Ratings
The umps, the hot dog vendors, the 90-year-old organists. Choke up, Seymour.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Carter Funeral Guest List, Politicizing LA Fires, Sports War: Bonuses vs. Ratings
I'd like to see you try that again when I'm sober.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Carter Funeral Guest List, Politicizing LA Fires, Sports War: Bonuses vs. Ratings
Now with the final game of the season, you get those players going all out to earn big time bucks, hitting incentives, escalator clauses in their contracts. Von Miller needed just one sack to stack $1.5 million in bonus. He barely gets a couple of fingers on the quarterback, but it counts. Miller only played three snaps in this game, but that's all he needed.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Carter Funeral Guest List, Politicizing LA Fires, Sports War: Bonuses vs. Ratings
The Tampa Bay Bucks could have just taken a knee with seconds to go, but their future Hall of Famer needed just five more yards to earn $3 million in a bonus.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Carter Funeral Guest List, Politicizing LA Fires, Sports War: Bonuses vs. Ratings
And he got it. Whoa! $3 million bonus. These players are putting the damn in irreversible brain damage. And I got to tell you, Desi, I love it. You can't put a price on $3 million. I mean, if you did, it'd probably be $3 million.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Carter Funeral Guest List, Politicizing LA Fires, Sports War: Bonuses vs. Ratings
Wrong again, Lydic. It's what my face looks like with a beard in the 1970s. My point is, Desi, how could you not like this? Even we get performance bonuses. Every time I interrupt you, I make an extra 50 bucks.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Carter Funeral Guest List, Politicizing LA Fires, Sports War: Bonuses vs. Ratings
Interrupting, interrupting. Whoa! Easy 50 bucks. The system works.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Carter Funeral Guest List, Politicizing LA Fires, Sports War: Bonuses vs. Ratings
You keep Tilda's name out of your filthy mouth. God, I wish you were adopted but didn't know it. That way I could break it to you when you were at your lowest and most vulnerable. Which brings me to my Can't Lose Bed of the Week. Which notorious serial killer is probably Desi's real father? Brought to you by gambling. Gambling. It's barely addictive when you compare it to smoking crack.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Carter Funeral Guest List, Politicizing LA Fires, Sports War: Bonuses vs. Ratings
The NBA is in trouble. TV ratings for pro basketball games have flopped this season. Viewership is down nearly 20%. What's the blame? According to many, the three-point shot. Critics accuse teams of becoming excessively reliant on the deep ball in recent years.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Carter Funeral Guest List, Politicizing LA Fires, Sports War: Bonuses vs. Ratings
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. The ratings are down because of three-pointers? Hard disagree. In fact, I got three-pointers for you right here, huh? Yeah. And you want to guess where the third one is?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Carter Funeral Guest List, Politicizing LA Fires, Sports War: Bonuses vs. Ratings
Correct. What is happening to my body? But they are so fun. I love these three-pointers. So why would fans stop watching because of three-pointers?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Carter Funeral Guest List, Politicizing LA Fires, Sports War: Bonuses vs. Ratings
Whoa, Desi. Desi, look, I'm surprised you don't like diversity, given you were a diversity hire for this job. Why? Because I'm a woman? No, because you're a moron, Desi. Which brings me to my Jordan's juiced and jacked bed of the night. Could Desi correctly spell D-E-I if given both the D and the I? Brought to you by gambling. Gambling.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Carter Funeral Guest List, Politicizing LA Fires, Sports War: Bonuses vs. Ratings
You know, if you rent a storage unit, they don't check if you're sleeping in it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Carter Funeral Guest List, Politicizing LA Fires, Sports War: Bonuses vs. Ratings
Wow, wow, I love this. We should be able to eat more mascots. It's funny how everyone's happy about the Pop-Tart, but when I put the Philly Phanatic in my mouth, it's sexual assault. How was I supposed to know that was his penis?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
She... This is a Fox News special report.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
The U.S. military, the most powerful and respected organization in the entire world. Few have what it takes. The discipline, the strength, the bravery, the sacrifices made to serve our country. But according to the Trump White House, there's an enemy within.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
And I had some hard-hitting questions. So, as The Daily Show's senior war correspondent, only I had the guts to... Ah!
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
Ah! Ah! Once recovered, I met with some transgender individuals to hear their unqualifications.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
They seem qualified to me, but there are others who think their weakening are military.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
If we don't have Viagra in the military, then who is going to take care of Pete Hegsass' whiskey dick? I mean, that's not how I want to serve my country. Turns out the U.S. military spends eight times more on Viagra than gender-affirming care. Over 37 million more, to be exact.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
And on top of that, replacing transgender troops could cost an estimated $960 million in recruiting and training, which ain't easy.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
I did theater camp. It's tough. My tour of duty was South Pacific.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
Being too weak for both, I was curious why anyone would want to kick out these dedicated individuals.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
Because everyone knows when you're fighting on the front lines, the real enemies are the preferred pronouns of the person next to you.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
I'm curious what the reaction has been to you being trans in the military.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
Must be nice to have respectful co-workers. I work with this guy, Ronnie, who's a total dick. He's just a dick. So if the people in the military itself don't care, then why did the administration impose an executive order stating this?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
Would you leak war plans on Signal? Are you that disciplined?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
If the world's on fire, these are the folks I want in the foxhole. But would they want me? Do you guys think I would be an asset in the US military?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
It's sort of like jazz. It's all about the push-ups you don't do. And right now, I'm not doing millions. How fast can you run two miles? Well, I can drive it in under 40 seconds.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
Yeah, that's not going to work for me. If I'm in the sun for more than seven minutes, I get heat rash just like that.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
Yeah, and they told me that it was just a little fracture in my foot.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
While lawsuits are still pending and the fight's not over, I imagine these troops have lost the appetite to fight for a country that refuses to acknowledge they even exist.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
First American Pope Makes History and MAGA Catholics Already Have Issues | Michelle Buteau
Sounds like patriotism to me, but what do I know? I didn't serve because of Bo's church.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Tariffs Send Markets Plunging, Penguins Waddling to a Trade War | Scott Glenn
Yeah. Ryan Glenn's questions are so good, they're actually just statements. You know what? It's all a clever setup, like a hunter setting a trap. Butter him up and then hit him hard. Show them how it's done, Brian.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Tariffs Send Markets Plunging, Penguins Waddling to a Trade War | Scott Glenn
Thank you very much. Oh, amazing reportage. The way you know you're speaking truth to power is when power tells you, what a great question. It's like if Frost Nixon was just Nixon. And these days, Brian Glenn is showing he'll chase down a story no matter where it takes him, from the streets to the sheets.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Tariffs Send Markets Plunging, Penguins Waddling to a Trade War | Scott Glenn
Brian Glenn from Real America's Voice. He is the boyfriend of Marjorie Taylor Greene.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Tariffs Send Markets Plunging, Penguins Waddling to a Trade War | Scott Glenn
I'll see you later for the sex. Man, can you feel that erotic heat, you know? Violating journalistic ethics by not disclosing you're sleeping with the politician you're interviewing is wrong. I don't want to be right. And man, think about this. Think about this relationship. What does Marjorie Taylor Greene hate most in the world? Jews, maybe. But right after that, reporters and drag queens.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Tariffs Send Markets Plunging, Penguins Waddling to a Trade War | Scott Glenn
And Brian Glenn is both. You know what? That's... That's the power of good journalism. It doesn't just change minds. It changes hearts. So kudos to you, Brian Glenn. You went from embarrassing yourself on local news to embarrassing all of us on the national stage. But, hey, at least you wore a suit. I'm Jordan Klepper. Good night, and seriously, good f***ing luck.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Tariffs Send Markets Plunging, Penguins Waddling to a Trade War | Scott Glenn
Tonight, we highlight a journalist who has quickly established himself as the new paragon of the free press, chief White House correspondent for Real America's Voice, Brian Glenn, who recently made a name for himself when he pressed Ukrainian President Zelensky on a matter of global importance.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Tariffs Send Markets Plunging, Penguins Waddling to a Trade War | Scott Glenn
Thank you. Thank you. Finally, the questions that matter. Now, most lamestream reporters would never dream of asking a question like that. They'd call it stupid or unnecessary or Jesus Christ, Brian, the man's fighting for his country's survival. What kind of f***ing question is that? I don't know. I don't know. You know, that is not Glenn's style.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Tariffs Send Markets Plunging, Penguins Waddling to a Trade War | Scott Glenn
And if this was your first time hearing about Brian Glenn, then good sir, you need to accept your uncle's Facebook friend request. Glenn got his start in Dallas, Texas, where he honed his craft covering the most dangerous stories. All right, do I just jump in? One, two, three. Oh, this is inviting me to go dance.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Tariffs Send Markets Plunging, Penguins Waddling to a Trade War | Scott Glenn
Yes. Now there's a man who knows how to dress appropriately for work. Take notes, Zelinsky. It's right here. Glenn has proved time and time again that good journalism comes down to grit, heart, proximity to horses, and, above all, costumes. I'm kicking these shoes off, but I may keep the pantyhose on. It does feel kind of good, actually. Wow. Wow. What courage. What bravery.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Tariffs Send Markets Plunging, Penguins Waddling to a Trade War | Scott Glenn
I mean, dressing in drag in Texas. I mean, reporters haven't put their asses on the line like that since Saigon. So, naturally, it was only a matter of time before Glenn was hired by Right Side Broadcasting Network, which is as legitimate as it sounds. And it was there at RSBN where he combined his love of human interest stories with his hate of most of human beings.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Tariffs Send Markets Plunging, Penguins Waddling to a Trade War | Scott Glenn
Wow. I love hearing about women's looks from a guy whose general vibe is sunburnt divorcee who's no longer allowed at his kids' t-ball games. Yes. You know what? There's something here. There's something right here. People don't want spin. They want reporters to deliver unbiased, fact-based, hard news about which voters they bang.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Tariffs Send Markets Plunging, Penguins Waddling to a Trade War | Scott Glenn
And it was these hot takes that brought Glenn all the way from the campaign trail to the steps of Air Force One.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
What's up, morons? I'm Ron Chan. And I'm Jordan Klepper. This is Sports War, the show where we are legally not allowed to agree with each other.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
We were born with a helmet. It's called a skull.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
That's right. There's more balls flying around than that time Ronnie wore his Daisy Dukes to the office. Well, that's on you for looking. And nowhere is the sports gang paying hotter right now than here in New York. Between the Liberty, the Mets, the Yankees, the Knicks, this city could only be happier if Ronnie announced he was leaving it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
Okay, in a way, here's your stat right here. Eat shit, okay? Moving on. We are officially 72 days away from the Olympics in Paris, and the organizers are finding themselves in deep duty, literally.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
Nice one, Ronnie. I hope you get circumcised in your sleep. And while many New York sports fans are celebrating, there's one team showing us that Boeing ain't the only one with imploding jets.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
J-E-T-S, suck, suck, suck. Oh, man. What a terrible move by the Jets. Coach Sala wasn't the problem. It's clearly Aaron Rodgers. That's like me firing the camera guy for the stupid shit that comes out of Ronnie's mouth.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
The only thing getting raw-dogged is your brain. You can't let a bunch of NFL players coach themselves. They need Google Maps just to get out of the huddle. But we all know there's only one, maybe two people crazy enough to take a job coaching the Jets, which brings us to our Jordan Klepper locked and loaded triple VIP bed of the night. Which Menendez brother will be the next coach of the Jets?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
As always, brought to you by gambling. Gambling. If you think you have a problem, stop thinking.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
Okay, okay, okay. Rate it in, you private school nerds. Winning is exciting, but show a little class. You don't gloat in front of the other team's fans. You bully them online like a normal person.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
And finally, moving on to a more somber story as we honor the passing of one of America's greatest heroes.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
Now, I don't want to discount what Jackie Robinson did, but what Pete Rose accomplished was a billion times more important. He's a legend in two of America's pastimes, gambling as a player and gambling as a coach. Pete Rose definitely belongs in the Baseball Hall of Fame. Jordan...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
Boy, Ronnie, I really wish God took you instead of Pete Rose. Which brings us to my Jordan's Champagne Room boom bat of the night. What will Pete Rose gamble on first in heaven? As always, brought to you by gambling. Gambling. When it stops being fun is when it gets good. All right, and that's all the stories this week.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
Yeah, we'll debate if it counts as cheating on your wife if you do it with a tackling dummy. Well, obviously not. Wait, do we agree on this one? Wait, no, we can't agree on that.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
Ooh, the River Seine is filled with E. coli? That is gross. These athletes are gonna pick up a disease at the Olympics. It should be the old-fashioned way. Unprotected sex in the Olympic Village. Only way to do it. The only way to do it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
Oh, you love, you love, you love E. coli, Ronnie.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
You love it. The last time I came to your house for a barbecue, you were sprinkling E. coli on chicken kebabs like Salt Bae, you know? Yeah, I love that stuff. Your hospitality was for the birds, Ronnie, the birds. Two stars. I was puking all night. Yeah, well, I puke from just looking at your oblong face. Oblong face?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
Is that how you say it? The point is, just like the Fourth of July at Ronnie's house... The Olympics are going to be rife with E. coli, which brings us to J. Klepp's bet of the week, where you can pick which country will get the most E. coli in the 2024 Olympics. Brought to you by gambling. Gambling. Start spending. You've already won.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
I told you I don't like that code. It's not you, okay? It's a different clever. It is? Okay, that's fine, then. That's okay. No, I'm just kidding. It's you because you suck. Okay, I suck. I suck. You blow. Who cares? We're all dead inside. Get over it. Let's talk about sports.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
Scrubs, I'm Ronny Chieng. And I'm Jordan Klepper. This is Sports War, the show where we are legally not allowed to agree with each other. That's right. I mean, that's wrong. Yeah, no, you're wrong. Let's get right to the biggest story of the night. Kaitlyn Clark made her pro debut and learned everything gets a little less fun after college.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
you, Ronnie. I told you that in confidence. Moving to a new school is difficult. It was a natural way to make friends. Anyway, this kicker thing, this kicker thing raises a larger problem. Why do we have people kicking in American sports? Americans handle balls with our hands, like Ronnie's mom, you know? That's what she does. That's wrong, Jordan.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
Gambling, it will fix everything. Speaking of gambling, let's move on to our final story.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
Hard disagree. Hard disagree, Ronnie. The problem isn't interpreters. It's languages. We should only have one. I suggest English.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
No, English, English is going to be the dominant global language for at least five more years. Look, I'm speaking the major league language here. Why would I go back to AAA and learn Finnish?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
It is! It's what they speak in Canada. Ronnie, read a book, alright? But do it on your own time, because we are on to the big bet of the night. Is this Otani story yet another sign that America's normalization of gambling is corroding society? Brought to you by gambling. Remember, gambling? Bet now, live forever. Well, we're out of time. Join us next time on Sports War.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
We'll be debating Michael Jordan versus Caitlin Clark. Who's more likely to contract E. coli? Good night, America. Gambling! What's up, morons? I'm Ronny Chieng. And I'm Jordan Klepper. This is Sports War, the show where we are legally not allowed to agree with each other. For example, if I say Ronny Chieng doesn't suck... Well, then I have to disagree with you on that, Jordan.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
Yes. You left out that you're also rude to service workers. Let's start with the biggest story in sports, the show I've heard round the world.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
Throw the flag! Send her to the Hague! Come on! Kaitlyn Clark is clearly getting bullied. I'm sick of it. You can't just push people in sports. unless it's football, hockey, dude basketball, the Little League World Series, or being drunk dad at the Little League World Series.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
Are you saying my penis is soft or nonexistent? Whichever hurt your feelings more. Joke's on you, Ronnie. I'm dead inside. Look, I relate to Caitlin Clark, a superstar at the top of her game, surrounded by jealous peers. Caitlin, I see you. I am you. And we're not going to let bottom feeders like Ronnie Chang push us around. Which brings us to tonight's Jay Cleps Can't Lose Bed of the Week.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
What's the source of Ronnie Chang's crippling inferiority complex? Brought to you by gambling. Gambling. You can only lose if you stop.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
Oh, yeah, that's good advice, Bronny. You should take it. Of course, Bronny should join the NBA. The children of great people are always great themselves. Don Jr., RFK Jr., Carl's Jr. All great men! The only pressure here is on LeBron. If his sperm can't produce a 12-time NBA all-star who reinvigorates the Space Jam franchise, LeBron is overrated.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
So you made love to my mother poorly?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
Finally, we turn to the shocking retirement of a sports legend.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
Holy shit! This guy can't tell when he's hungry or full. It sounds like his stomach just pulled a Jerry Maguire on him. Just grabbed the goldfish, said adios to the kidney, and walked right out. Does not sound like it was worth it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
Hey, hey, you are wrong. You're wrong, Rodney. I fully support his decision to step away from the game. Which brings us to our Double Down Bed of the Night. Which Asian that hosts this program will retire next? Brought to you by gambling. Have you lost the ability to experience sensation? Try gambling. See how worse it can get. Well, we are out of time. Well, I'm not retired. Well, it's too late.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
The fans have spoken, Roddy. Join us next time on Sports War. We'll be debating pickleball. Better with guns? No, no. I think it is. I do. Are you kidding?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
I'm going to hit you with my car and leave the scene. Let's look at the stats here, Ronnie. Look at these things. She scored 20 points. That's four more than Michael Jordan had in his rookie debut, which mathematically makes her stronger, faster, and better equipped to open a steakhouse than Michael Jordan.