Jordan Klepper

As head of NPR, you were recently asked to testify at the anti-American airwaves hearing.

What kind of anti-American shenanigans are you getting up to over at NPR?

Yeah. That was it. At some point, Americans deserve big desks, and you guys have really been pushing this tiny desk narrative for so, so long. Efficiency. Efficiency, right? I mean, did you ever imagine that you would be having to defend yourself in front of Marjorie Taylor Greene and trying to defend the whole purpose of NPR? Was that on your dream board?

I saw a picture here. We have a picture here. I want to know, what was going through your mind in this? Were you asking for help from a higher being? What was going through your head there?

Because you're used to tiny desks. Like, this is just too large. This is too large.

I mean, it's, you know, NPR, PBS is often, it's part of the conversation. I think there's been a lot of push for many, many years to take funding away. But in like 2025, the criticism from the right is, what do we need public funds to go towards NPR for? What is that argument? People are getting their news from all sorts of people. Most people just get

their news from the TikTok feed from their neighbor. So why do they need their taxes to go to a place like NPR?

Oh, this is, okay, all right. Bring that NPR shit here. Oh, I get it.

Kalamazoo, Michigan, yes.

Exactly.

Oh, my God! This is how divided we've become under Trump. We can't even agree on how counting works. Apparently, Wednesday is now a partisan issue. I mean, it's hard to think of a better metaphor for how the first 100 days have gone. But here's one.

So what does that look like? So... I mean, the threat right now... The threat right now is they take a billion dollars away from NPR, PBS over the next couple years, correct?

What does that look like? If that goes through, if they take a billion dollars away, what happens?

Now, it's interesting, though. Folks on the right are complaining there's a liberal bias in places like NPR. And we're in a politically charged time, and you have to, as the CEO, you have to walk what that line is and appeal to all of America. But I also fear from the left, they feel like moving towards the right looks like capitulation.

In some ways, I feel like you're between a rock and a hard place. How do you balance this? I don't see a situation where there's an articulation of fairness that both sides can agree upon. The right asks you to be less progressive or less liberally biased. I think any actions towards that will be seen as strict capitulation from the left. Is that where you're at?

Have you thought about... I mean, if you really want to expand that tent, have you thought about rebranding, like, Terry Gross Presents the American Man Cast Ear Hole? Like, really, like, let Terry lean into it, you know?

Yeah, exactly. Just sipping bourbon, you know? Yeah, pushing ivermectin every now and then. Like, is Terry interested in this?

Oh, no, no, no. America's doing great. We're doing great. Yeah, sure, some of our fighter jets are kamikaze-ing themselves instead of serving under the Hegseth regime, but things are fine. I will say, you know who this is good for? The Little Mermaid. You know? Think of how excited she was when she found a fork. Now she's got an F-18 fighter jet. legs, I got wings, baby! Whoo!

This is... Get to the bottom of this, NPR.

Catherine, before you leave, it seems only right for us to give you a Daily Show tote bag. Um... I know this is currency. I believe this is considered the Bible in the NPR world, so I wanted to pass it along.

Is that right? Okay, very nice. Catherine Marr, everybody. We're going to take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. That's our show for tonight, but before we go, my new Fingers the Poll special is coming out soon. It's called MAGA, The Next Generation, where I'll be investigating the rise of young Trump voters. It premieres May 19th, and I gotta tell you, it's a banger.

Be sure to check it out. Tomorrow night, Desi Lydic will be continuing our coverage of Trump's first 100 days. Do not miss it. Now, here it is.

You're part of my world now, bitch. So, yeah, bit of a shock. But the good news is the military says the plane can be salvaged. They just need to get it out and plop it into a really big bowl of rice. Good as new. Okay, so that was a bit awkward. And to put an even bigger damper on Trump's 100-day celebration, our neighbor to the north celebrated last night in a very disrespectful way.

What have we done? We've turned Canada's cutest nanas into foul-mouthed expletive machines. And I know, I'm sorry to say he's an asshole doesn't sound bad to us, but in Canada, she's Cardi B. Cardi B.C., you know, British Columbia. But yes, thanks to Trump, the Liberal Party just pulled off a historic comeback, winning all the major Canadian demographics.

Hockey moms, hockey dads, hockey non-binaries, hockey seniors, hockey hockey players, and of course, hot Ryans. But the winner of all this anti-Trump energy was new Prime Minister Mark Carney. And his victory is all the more impressive when you see that he is not the most traditionally electric candidate.

Wow. This lady was trying to be his hype man, and he's like, ma'am, please, this is a victory party. This is no place for excitement. Was Mark Carney doing that the whole campaign? What do we do? Fight! No, no, no. Quiet down. That was rhetorical. It's not what this is about. But look, let's step back for a minute, because here on the 100th day, it might be worth taking stock of where we are.

I'm George Clapper. We got so much to talk about because today is a big deal. It's the 100th day of Donald Jonestown Trump's second term. We're at cruising altitude, people. The seatbelt sign is off and the pilot is aiming straight for the mountainside. So, let's get right into it.

Because right now, all the vibes are terrifying. Trump is overreaching, he's breaking rules, he's ignoring judges, he's collecting all the infinity stones, he convinced the Pope to do the eat a hot dog without chewing challenge. Rest in peace. You lost fair and square, Pope, sorry.

But if there's one silver lining to this Dictatory 100 days, it's that when anyone pushes back, he folds like a cyber truck in a fender bender. Like this, look at what happened with his tariff policy. He's been hyping up tariffs for decades. It was the centerpiece of his campaign last year.

He says tariff like I'm trying to take a bone out of his mouth. Tariff. Tariff. It took less than a week of market turmoil, and suddenly Trump was like, backsies.

I mean, what kind of autocrat bails at yippy? Putin wasn't like, I was going to annex Crimea, but then they gave me the stink eye, so... Dasvidaniya. And tariffs are just the most famous example. He's been backtracking all over the place. Just for example, he unfired federal workers he had fired. He put back DEI webpages he had taken down. He uncanceled student visas that he canceled.

He unnominated the attorney general he already nominated, and so on, and so on, and so on. At a certain point, You've gotta ask, does Trump even want to be a dictator? Because I've never heard a dictator call backsies this much. Say what you want about Hitler, which is a... Which is a sentence I immediately regret saying. But the guy stuck to his guns. It's Mein Kampf, not Mein Bad.

But maybe, maybe my favorite recent example is when he started suggesting he would illegally fire Fed Chairman Jerome Powell.

All right. Wow. Now, when I first saw that, I thought, here we go. Some dictator shit's about to go down. But then, same old story. The markets got spooked, and then so did Trump.

Never did? I love Jerome. I did say he's a major loser, but in a friendly way. Hey, my loser. You know, no hard R. I mean, it's good that he backtracked, but it does make it a little awkward that he already called him an incompetent loser. It's like hearing someone say, that guy is the worst, dumbest moron I have ever had the displeasure of knowing. My days are darker and sadder in their presence.

Anyways, I do. Look, the point is this. The point is, the point is, Trump basically does the presidential version of posting a picture, then deleting it if it doesn't get enough likes. Which makes it all the more frustrating to see so many law firms and universities and companies bending the knee to Trump. They don't have to. Chances are, if you push back, he'll take it back.

Either that, or he'll send you to El Salvador for a few years. But then you get a selfie with Kristi Noem, so it's worth it. When we come back, Desi Lydic prepares for the Dogepocalypse. So go away. Welcome back to The Daily Show. We all know how uncomfortable it is to listen to Elon Musk, but how bad is it to get fired by him? Desi Lydic sat down with some people who found out.

Yes, it has been 100 days of Trump in the Oval Office. I mean that figuratively. Obviously, he spent lots of those days in the steam room at Mar-a-Lago. Picture it. I'll wait. Can you see him glistening? Picture it. Ooh, yeah? Yeah? Ooh, put it in your head. Put it in your head. Don't make me put up a picture, all right? I'm doing it. Yeah. Yeah. Even hotter than your imagination, huh?

What were we talking about? Right. It's Trump's 100th day. I think.

Thank you, Desi. When we come back, Catherine Marr will be joining me on the show. Don't go away. Welcome back to The Daily Show. My guest tonight is the president and CEO of NPR. Please welcome Catherine Marr. Welcome. Thank you. Good to be here. Happy 100 days. I know. A lot has happened in the last 100 days.

I love this kid. Ora Khan deserves these endorsement deals because he's done the impossible. He put McNeese on the map. Before Khan, I thought McNeese was the name of the third Culkin brother. Now, now I know it's the best school in the state of... I want to say McNeese. I don't know.

I'm about to blow my brain down over there.

Anyway. Moving on. From the balls on the court to balls off the court. Away from the basketball arenas, a different kind of March Madness is underway.

Okay. Look, much like your penis, your argument is completely mangled. Look, these vasectomies are a disaster. If people are having vasectomies, they aren't having kids. If people aren't having kids, then those kids aren't playing sports. And if they're not playing sports, then I can't bet on their Little League games.

Now I look like a psycho betting on Little League games when there's no children on the field. I'm not a psycho, Ronnie. I just need little Arlo to bat over 500 so Daddy can get back to even. Which brings me to my ball buster bet of the night. Will the Bakersfield Junior Astros score more than 22 runs in the Pee Wee quarterfinals? Brought to you by gambling. It's like a vasectomy for your wallet.

That's it. That's all the time we have. Join us next week when we debate whether Vanessa Trump would look better with Tiger Woods or Tony the Tiger. Okay, it's hard to say, Jordan. Tony the Tiger is a massive dog.

He's naked. He's naked.

Somebody made a mistake and it happens. Yeah, look, it's a mistake and we gotta move on.

What's up, numbnuts? I'm Ronny Chieng. And I'm Jordan Klepper. This is Sports War, the show where we are legally not allowed to agree with each other. For example, if I say that athletes should be allowed to take steroids to get bigger... Then I say that athletes should be getting smaller.

Come on, how would they even pick up a basketball?

I watched your Marvel movie. What was it called? Right. Nobody remembers. Oh, really? Well, how many Marvel movies were you in? I'm more of a theater guy. Thank you very much. Ibsen or something like that. Anyway, let's start things off with March Madness, the time of year when people yell Gonzaga, and not just during orgasm. But this year, the Ides of March didn't bring much of the madness.

Okay, we get it. Sucks!

Ronnie... I can't tell which is more busted, your bracket or your face. Look, this has been an incredible tournament. I only want to watch major colleges, not some team like Mount Sinai Bum getting shellacked by a top dog in the Sweet 16. Honestly, this is the most excited I've been for a Sweet 16 since Ronnie's quinceañera.

Wow. That layover in Madrid did some wonders, Ronnie. Which brings us to our super sweet 16, bed of the night. Which college mascot will be the first to do over the pants stuff at the sweet 16? As always, brought to you by gambling. It's the fun way to sell your house.

I don't know.

Welcome back to The Daily Show.

It was so crazy. Thank you, yeah.

I think the US should be entitled to get half of TikTok. And congratulations, TikTok has a good partner. See?

Tren de Aragua. Tren de Aragua. Tren de Aragua. You know the members of that gang are like, is that us she's talking about? Trump sounds like my grandfather ordering Chipotle. I'll take the Barbaracoa! Buenos Nachos! And over the weekend, Trump announced he was deporting hundreds of these suspected Venezuelan gang members all the way back to El Salvador. So... Close enough.

Louis Black, everyone. We come back as we play.

Welcome back to The Daily Show. My guests tonight are journalists and co-authors of the new book Abundance. Please welcome New York Times Opinion columnist Ezra Klein and staff writer for The Atlantic, Derek Thompson. Meine Damen und Herren, ihr lest ein Buch über ein optimistisches Zukunft, über die Reform der amerikanischen Institutionen. Warum geht es um Sci-Fi?

You cribbed that sentence. Yes, absolutely.

Das Buch ist für die Linke geschrieben. Es ist ein Kredo, worauf wir uns freuen sollten. Was ist diese Idee von Abundanz? Was sprechen wir hier im Allgemeinen?

Ja. Maybe I want to tweak that optimistic look at the future. You speak about this. You talk a lot about the regulations in places like California, in places like New York. Is the answer to make California look more like Texas? Is that what we're talking about?

And of course, these suspected gang members would be afforded a rigorous legal procedure, including a trial, the presentation of evidence and all the rights of due process. I'm just f***ing with you. He did it, Trump.

We're building an argument for building, for coming together. Obviously you're writing this book before this past election. And there's times where I'm hearing about this vision of if we can get people together to get on the same page. We can fix big issues like the housing crisis, like the environment. It feels like we're talking about like we can make this Titanic run beautifully.

But then the election hits and we hit the iceberg. So how much of this is still applicable to a democratic movement that feels very hobbled right now?

Das ist... Ezra, das ist das Problem mit Liberalen heute. Sie schauen eine Comedy-Show und denken, soll ich lachen? Soll ich darüber nachdenken? Wie fühle ich mich? Lass mich ein paar Fokusgruppen machen. Wie fühlst du dich, Ezra? Ich habe mich in den letzten Wochen enttäuscht.

Now, it's interesting you talk about messaging. I get to the end of the book and you bring up Operation Warp Speed. And I'm like, oh, I forgot about Operation Warp Speed. So did everybody else.

Last used to round up Japanese Americans during World War II. Why does Trump always have to pick the oldest, most racist laws to do what he wants to do? Cutting taxes under the authority of the It's Okay to Drown Italians Law of 1863. It's not just that it's archaic. Invoking that law has some big problems.

But you're talking about long-term visions. You mentioned having this lens of abundance. It's sort of what you're proposing here. But I think you go out and you talk to people and we are the politics of short-term results. Everything is about what can you get me now. We're not even thinking about the giant medical miracle of Operation Warp Speed from a few years ago.

How does something like this resonate with folks who are on their phones, they're flipping through, they want an answer right now, they want to be angry right now, they want action right now. How do you speak to a grander idea when it feels like the world is moving faster than

In looking at the democratic field right now, Democrats, I think, are hearing this message and then they're saying, maybe we should go on more podcasts. It feels like they're taking baby steps to this. Who is carrying this message? Who do you see as somebody... We come out here and we talk to audiences in between acts.

And more often than not, people are desperate for an answer, whether that looks like resistance or whether that looks like a vision of the future that they can get behind. And we're desperately missing some of those voices out there. Do you see this message being carried by anybody articulately?

Das fühlt sich leise an. Wow, ja. Just to take a picture of war and peace. The second part. We'll just do the second part.

One is that if you're deporting gang members but there's no due process, then you don't really know if you're deporting gang members. You're just deporting people who you think look like gang members. And if you start deporting every shady looking guy with questionable tattoos, I mean, who's gonna go to Jets games? But... You know what?

You can make a weekly television show about it.

Well, it's a fascinating read. Abundance is available now and also check out the Ezra Klein Show and Derek's Plain English Podcast. Ezra Klein and Derek Thompson. We'll take a quick break. That's our show for tonight. Now here it is.

I'm sure Donald Trump has the cultural understanding to carefully discern who is a member of... What's that gang name again? Trendy Uruguay. Yeah, yeah, you guys are f***ed. There's another problem with invoking this law, which is, it's supposed to be used in wartime. So, to make this work, Trump had to pretend that we're at war with Venezuela, which we're not.

Not to mention, a pretend war is an extremely complicated concept to throw at the Secretary of Defense on St. Patrick's Day. So, man... Okay, so, bottom line, bottom line here. Okay, there's a lot of legal questions up in the air. So, on Saturday, a federal judge decided to pump the brakes.

Well, it was a good try, Donald, but the judge has ruled and that's the way the system works. So, Trump brought the Venezuelans back, gave them due process, did the whole constitution thing. I'm f***ing with you again! He ignored the judge.

My God. I mean, if you had told me that Donald Trump would trigger a constitutional crisis just seven weeks into his term, I would have said, that is a lot later than I thought. I mean... Donald showed a lot of restraint. I mean, Trump's really becoming presidential. Of course, the administration didn't just come out and say, we don't listen to judges from now on.

They had the respect for the judicial branch to come up with some bullshit.

It didn't count. Is that how rulings work? You have to put it in writing, you can't just say it? Well, this is definitely not the first time that Trump has defended himself by arguing that oral doesn't count. Look it up. Look it up. Look, the judge wasn't terribly impressed with that argument, so Trump's lawyers went with another response, which was, can't catch me, force field!

Yes, okay, apparently the constitution is not in effect over international waters. That explains Carnival Cruise Line's new ship, the SS Cruel and Unusual Punishment. And while the Trump administration is saying that it has the right to ignore judicial orders, President Trump himself is somehow going even further.

So, there you have it. Donald Trump went from, oh sorry, we would have listened to this judge if we had heard it in time, to actually, this lunatic judge should be impeached. And if you would have told me that that all happened in 48 hours, I would have said, wow, again, longer than I expected. Now, some of you might be thinking, Jordan, Jordan, Jordan! Enough about this constitutional crisis.

I want to hear about another constitutional crisis. Well,

It's not enough that he's fighting the judicial branch in the present. He's also fighting the executive branch in the past. He's causing more problems in the multiverse than Jonathan Majors. Yes, I guess Donald Trump just found out about Autopens, which leads us to one of the most annoying events in a Trump presidency. Donald learns about something new, so we all have to learn about it too.

Thomas Jefferson? Ich meine, ich glaube, das macht Sinn. Wenn man so viele geheimen Kinder hat, sind das viele Geburtstagskarten, die man signen muss. Busy man. Nun, um es Trump recht zu sagen, sagt er nicht nur, dass Joe Biden ein Autopenn benutzt hat. Es ist etwas viel sinnigeres.

Eine Verschwörung, die so dreckig war, dass Trump sich Zeit aus seinem berühmten Zeitraum, auf dem er auf dem Flughafen wartet, um zu diskutieren.

Yes, good question. Did Joe Biden really sign the pardons that he said several times he signed? Or did a radical left lunatic sneak into the Oval Office and start signing whatever was in the room? Pardons, laws, doctor's notes, yearbooks. I mean, did Joe Biden really want Cindy to have a great summer or was it the deep state?

My favorite part of this whole story is how Trump tried to claim that he would never use an Autopen, only to remember that he actually did use an Autopen.

If I'm doing important things like pardoning January Sixers, I'll sign it myself. But for doing stupid shit like writing letters to sick kids, DocuSign is fine. Either way, Trump basically just admitted that he doesn't personally sign any of the get well letters he sends to young people who aren't feeling well. Now, obviously that's not the important part of this story.

What's important is the danger that... Excuse me, Jordan. Jordan. Oh, Troy Iwata, everybody.

So, let's get right into it. Now one of Trump's big promises for his second term was deporting violent immigrants from America. And he often mentioned one violent gang in particular.

There he goes, that was the last one. Okay. Are we sure it was their broken hearts? It wasn't whatever medical condition they were dealing with?

Okay, look... Troy, Troy, I don't get this. Trump has been so cruel to sick kids. He's cut cancer research and medical services. He's threatening their health insurance. I mean, what do they love so much about Trump?

It's a real tragedy. It is. You're right, you're right. I mean, I don't... I don't know how their families are gonna live with this.

Oh, shit. Everyone's dead. Everyone's dead. Tragic stuff. Troy, you wanna, everyone? When we come back, Louis Black is grounded. So, stick around.

And most of it does not inspire confidence. He's been accused of sexual assault. He was accused of nearly running a veterans group into the ground. And he has a documented history of excessive drinking, which we learned even more about today.

Of course. Thank you. Just in watching that scene, a convincing drunk. Right. Yes. You're both Johnny Cash and an inebriated Johnny Cash in that specific scene. How do you prepare? Do you go method in a drunk scene?

I was going to say. It's really hard to keep that up. Yeah, what do you do in that? I've heard details. Sometimes they say you pretend not to be drunk, and that's how you become drunk or look drunk.

From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central, it's America's only source for news. This is The Daily Show with your host, Jordan Klepper.

Just trying to just bump into things. And literally, they let you do this with a car. That's right, yeah. So you play Johnny Cash, which is a tough thing to do. An iconic character in American history. But James Mangold, who directed this, also directed Walk the Line. Famously, Joaquin Phoenix played Johnny Cash. So you're walking into the... You got a lot of tripwires. Big shoes to fill.

Big shoes to fill. Did you guys discuss, like, how your Johnny Cash would be different than Johnny Cash? Or how is there an MCU, metaverse, separate thing going on here? Right.

Now, the letters are fascinating because they truly are. They show, like, a personal side to Cash in that Kind of they found, they lived isolated lives in their own fame, but were able to sort of reach out and talk to one another. Did you see those letters? Did you work off of those letters? I know they show up in the film. The film just seems very honest to that part of the history.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa, Hegseth is rolling up to breakfast like, I'll have the steel-cut oatmeal and three gin and tonics, please. You know what they say, beer before liquor, never been sicker. Liquor before liquor, I'll have another liquor. This definitely raises some questions for the person you may want to put in charge of the nukes. So, let's jump into today's confirmation hearing.

Without stationery.

Yeah? Isn't that such a comment on fame? You think it's so famous, but you can't afford stationery, and you're at the top of your game at this time.

This film takes a lot of efforts to be honest to the time period, and a lot of nerds, Dylanologists, go over little bits and pieces of this movie, call out things, and... This movie takes good care. And as somebody who's definitely not a Dylanologist or a weird nerd like this, I had a question about the bugles that you used in that scene.

There's a moment in that drunk scene where you're holding bugles and you offer them to Bob Dylan. And a nerdy Dylanologist might point out the fact that bugles weren't nationally around in 1964, let alone in Newport, Rhode Island. And I wonder if that was a choice that you were making

Why the Bugles?

Well, I mean, you can get bugles. My mom puts bugles in Chex Mix, which is a real good hack for anybody out there at home. Is it a musical reference? Because the bugle itself is musical, and it says, if Johnny Cash is passing the torch, the musical, the conch shell of the music. I didn't want to spell it out for you that much.

Leave a little bit of mystery out there as well, right? Yeah. Do you like... Do you like creating a character based on somebody that already exists? Or do you like the idea of creating a character from scratch?

Yeah. I'm curious what response you've gotten, because even just as an audience, People watch your performance, but they know what you're aiming at. They have a reference point for the attempt. In some ways, in watching your performance, it's sort of like watching you as a trapeze artist. We know what the pratfalls could be and what your goal is at the end.

as opposed to watching a complete creation, a new creation, which was sort of investing in the discovery of what you find. Have you noticed a different response from movies where you are portraying people who do exist that an audience watches?

Yeah. I'm curious, because sort of embedded in this relationship are these two artists who sort of found a companionship through these weird times. Is there a, in your creative life, is there somebody else who's a Cash or a Dylan in your creative pursuit? Are you writing on the back of any kind of barf bags to anybody?

And you know what, I'm not saying he showed up drunk, but it did start at 10 a.m., So how about we start with a quick sobriety test? You know, something simple. Pete, how about name your kids?

This must be awkward for you. Yes, yes, it is. It is strange. Well, I... I hope I lived up to everything that was in your head.

And when you get to play me in that biopic years down the line... Could we get a pic after this? We could totally get a pic. We could totally get a pic, all right? But don't... But just let me know if you use Bugle. I'll give you a little secret. For me, it's not Bugles, okay? It's Fritos, okay?

That's our show for tonight.

Explore more shows from the Daily Show Podcast universe by searching The Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch The Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount+.

Little tipsy, okay. Big deal. All right, no biggie. My dad was always mixing up me and my siblings' names, and he launched perfectly successful counteroffensive rapid deployment amphibious incursions into Iran all the time. Although Pete probably should have given his kids names he could remember more easily.

Maybe like Don Julio, Jim Beam, Johnny Walker, Jose Cuervo, and don't forget little Michael Hard Lemonade. Anyway, now that that's over, it's time for the grilling. Republicans, I know he's your guy, but I also know you love the military, so I'm sure you've got some hard questions for the man who wants to run it.

Follow-up question, sir. I have this jar. Could a big, strong man like yourself open it? Okay, okay, but Democrats made up for those softballs with a couple pitches that were really high and inside.

Tim Povich. Although, come on, Tim. Come on. You're asking why didn't Hank Seth tell Trump about how many times he cheated on his wife? Maybe because if he did, Trump would hi-fi him so hard it would break both their hands. Okay, that was a pretty wild line of questioning from Tim Kaine. Any Republican want to jump to his defense here? How many senators have showed up drunk to vote at night?

Are you happy now, Mark Wayne? I don't know if this was really the defense that Hegseth wanted, though. Look, we're all pieces of shit here. Let he without an Ashley Madison premium account cast the first stone. I'll tell you who else probably didn't appreciate that defense. The other senators. They probably got home and their wives were like, I saw Mark Wayne at the confirmation hearing today.

Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm Jordan Clapper. We got a big show tonight. Congress is super horny. Republicans pretend to vet Trump's cabinet. And we get mixology tips from Pete Hegseth. So, let's get into another installment of Trump 2.0 coming for the White House. I'm gonna come. I truly hate that. So, Donald Trump becomes president on Monday, and that means... I know. I hate Mondays, too.

He said that everyone in the Senate cheats on their wives. Honey, honey, you can't trust Mark Wayne. He's confused. The man has two first names smushed together. It's insanity. Okay, but after that, they did, in fact, get into Hegseth's policy positions. And there was one in particular policy that had people very worked up.

Yeah. Are you saying moms can't be lethal? Does the name Casey Anthony mean nothing to you? No. Yes. Exit has a long record of insisting that women have no place in combat. And you know what? I'm sorry, Libs, but that's just the way Pete is. Maybe he's not good at leadership or management or money or vows or driving home past 10 a.m. But the one thing he does is stand his ground.

Tell him, Pete, no women in combat roles.

From Washington, D.C., The Flash, apparently official at 1125 standard time. Pete Hegseth went woke. You know, perhaps the most damning comment about Pete Hegseth came from Pete Hegseth himself when he was explaining what the military needs in its leadership.

Oh, I know what his next kid's going to be named. You heard him, though. You heard him, folks. A military cannot function unless it's staffed by a system based on pure merit, where only the most qualified people rise to the top.

So says your next Secretary of Defense, who will run the most complicated, powerful, deadly organization the world has ever known and whose only qualification is that Trump liked watching him sit on a couch on Saturday mornings. But... But listening to Republicans today, it seems like that's going to be enough to get him confirmed.

Well, that's not what the breathalyzer said, but... But okay. Okay.

Desi, we know Hegseth apparently has a history of being drunk and abusive and corrupt. What else has your reporting uncovered?

What do you mean? There's got to be more shady stuff in his past.

Desi, transparency is important. We need to know the extent of his drinking problem.

Desi, it's not that simple.

Okay, stop it. All right. No, there's no way that's my dad.

Oh, God, that's my dad.

So what, you're just gonna ignore it and not do your job?

Actually, Kristi Noem did kill a puppy.

Because she's nominated for Homeland Security. Stop it, stop it, stop it. You can't just give up knowing things, Desi. Democracy dies in darkness.

But it means we're invading Greenland on Tuesday. So, we got to decide who is going to lead the armada, which is why today the Senate held its first confirmation hearing for Pete Hegseth, Trump's nominee for defense secretary and dude who makes sure everyone at the frat house has their stories straight. Now, since he was nominated a couple months ago, we found out a lot about Hegseth.

No, Desi, no. Look, I know it is hard, Desi. I know it's scary. But it is the sacred duty of journalists to investigate our leaders, to uncover the truth, no matter how uncomfortable or upsetting it may be.

Ignorance is bliss. Desi Lydic, everyone.

Welcome back to The Daily Show. We've been following the confirmation hearings from Secretary of Defense all day. But who is the real Pete Hegseth? Let's find out in a brand new Daily Showography.

You're listening to an iHeart Podcast. You're listening to Comedy Central. From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central, it's America's only source for news. This is The Daily Show with your host, Jordan Cleveland.

What? A horse escort? I got to say, when you hear that Trump got a horse escort, This is the best version of that story. But, but, I gotta tell you, Saudi Arabia, oh man, they went all out. It wasn't just the horse escort. They greeted Trump with a full brass band that was... really trying their best, you know? And then it was time for Trump to walk down the famous purple carpet. Ah.

You get dogs that objectify women and also trucks that objectify women. Yeah. Are you a sea lion because I would like to see you lying in my bed, sweetie?

I'm 46.

In the end, young people just want influencers who connect with them, politicians who address their concerns, and social media that doesn't break their brains. Thank you, Sean Piker. And for more about the rise of young Trump fans, check out my new special, MAGA, The Next Generation, airing next Monday, May 19th, right after The Daily Show, right here on Comedy Central.

When we come back, Matt Wolf will be joining me on the show. Don't go away. Welcome back to The Daily Show. My guest tonight is an award-winning filmmaker whose new HBO documentary is called Pee Wee As Himself. Please welcome Matt Wolfe. I saw this. I saw the doc, two-part doc. People are clamoring for it. There's a lot of love for Pee Wee Herman and Paul Reubens.

And I think what we just saw in that clip, I want to go right at that. It tells the story of Paul Reubens and Pee Wee Herman and who is Paul Reubens within the story of Pee Wee Herman and outside of it as well. But what you leave in, you're a part of this. You're off camera. And in that moment right there, there's a tension. between you and Paul. Walk me through, what is happening right there?

What was the inherent tension that we're seeing there and the tension you had in making this documentary?

Well, you coming into something like that, what is the story you wanted to tell? He says you have an agenda in that clip. It's interesting.

I mean, it's interesting because it feels like the documentary looks at the arrests and sort of what happened post-Pee Wee or the initial run of Pee Wee, but he's reticent. in telling that story, even to the point where he avoided you at the end of filming, right? Do you feel like you were able... Like, what did he want to say and what was he able to actually reveal?

Well, this is what's crazy. You didn't, you make it very clear, but you didn't know he was dying. Paul Rubens was battling cancer at the end for years, but you were unaware of this while you were working with him.

Yeah, but he came, and then he basically blocks you off for a little while.

Really? Oh, I mean, it's heartbreaking. You talk about his stubbornness and his creative control. You also show a big part of this is celebrating Pee Wee Herman and the character he created, which that creative control allowed him to create something that really is unlike what people see today. I'm a father to a four-and-a-half-year-old, so I watch a lot of kids' entertainment.

It's sort of an antidote to watching CNN all the time. It's like you throw on a Bluey and life is good. And it's curious. Bluey, outstanding. That's a wonderful show. But for the most part, they sand off certain edges to it. And you revisit what Paul Rubens was doing with Pee Wee's Playhouse. And it really, it pushes boundaries. It's empathetic. It speaks to kids and adults at the same time.

It's a show about inclusivity without making that direct focus. Like, it still feels cutting edge revisiting it in your documentary.

You were a fan growing up.

Yeah, yeah.

What's happening off camera, as you have some of those tense moments? You said 40 hours of interviews with Paul Reubens? 40 hours, yeah. There's moments that you show where I see him pushing back on you. And what I'm watching with him, from a performer's perspective, I'm curious as to whether he's being... He's frustrated with you, the director.

Or I'm curious if he's playing a character who finds humor in being the foil to the overbearing director. Did you feel like you were talking to a character? Paul Reubens playing a comedic persona even in his conversations with you?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. So he passes. And you're already having this dynamic where there's a battle for control over who gets to tell that story. He passes. You have a new responsibility. How does that change how you're putting together a documentary?

Did you creatively change what you were imagining? Yeah. You owe his creative vision more after that? Did you feel more constrained by that responsibility?

Yeah. What would he have cut from this film?

Yeah. Do you think you would have enjoyed seeing it and seeing the response it gets?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What did you learn spending all this time with him that was outside of what you expected coming into it?

And so he walked. And he walked. Kept walking. You know, it feels like you could have stayed in the car for some of the... Oh, now we take an escalator. Great, we're done with... No, we're still walking. Yep, that's fine. It's a cool 108 degrees. This guy can handle it, you know? You know Trump's looking at the carpet going, you know, these things fly here, right?

Yeah. Well, I mean, somebody who is also so much of the trauma in his life and what you discuss is a media looking at his life, trying to put a story to his life. Do you feel that was embedded in the armor that you had to sort of get through?

We'll be right back.

That's our show for tonight. Now, here it is.

Explore more shows from the Daily Show Podcast universe by searching The Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch The Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount+.

Don't they show me a whole new world or some shit like that? But look, a horse guard and purple carpets, that might impress the average world leader. But Donald Trump is no average world leader. And Saudi Arabia knows how to cater to a man with such refined tastes.

Perfect. Perfect. Oh, I gotta tell you, it is nice to see they got another use out of the horses once they were done with that ice cold. It's good to know. It's good. It's good. It's good. You gotta hand it to the Saudis, though. They know the fastest way to Trump's heart is through his stomach, out the colon, with a little bit staying behind in his arteries.

You know, but not everything in the royal kingdom was to Trump's liking. Now, after they arrived, the Saudis served some coffee, but while everyone else drank theirs, Donald Trump just held his in his hand the whole time. Look at that. Look at that, right? It looks like he was waiting to give a urine sample to the nurse. Yeah, I got to tell you, I get this. Honestly, I get it.

Unfamiliar coffee on a trip is risky. One sip is all it takes to go from traveler's constipation to traveler's, you guys go without me, I'm going to hang out in the room for a while. Smart move. It's a smart move, Mr. President. You don't want to throw a wrench into that perfect gut biome you've created.

Now, that being said, that being said, Trump may be regretted not taking that caffeine shot a few minutes later.

Mr. President, come on. You can't fall asleep there. This isn't an intelligence briefing. Come on, man. Look, look, it's not actually a big deal for the president to have jet lag. I'm not so much of an asshole that I make fun of someone for nodding off a bit on a trip. But you know who is that much of an asshole?

Well, well, well. Look who's sleepy now. Well, well, well. I tell you what. I tell you what. Joe Biden, you must be loving. Oh, he's passed out. Never mind. Never mind. Of course, it's in the Saudis' interest to give Trump the royal treatment, but I'm sure the president of the United States understands that the Saudi crown prince is not without baggage.

We got so much to talk about tonight. Qatar is bribing the friendly skies. Hassan Piker suggests that Democrats try to win. And President Trump is out of the country. So someone lock the f***ing doors. Let's get into all of it with our new segment, Trump Meets World.

It was just a few years ago that he murdered an American journalist, so I'm sure the president will keep a healthy distance from the crown prince.

Yeah, I agree. You might like him too much. Regardless, you know what? It was a very nice start to this trip abroad, where he'll visit not just Saudi Arabia, but then Qatar and then the UAE. But you might be wondering, why did Trump pick these countries for his first foreign trip? Well, there's a strong geopolitical balance. I'm f***ing with you! No!

The Trump boys have projects in all three countries. I never thought I'd say this, but can't these countries go back to doing something more constructive, like funding terrorism? Donald Trump doesn't see any of these business conflicts as a problem. In fact, if anything, he's taking conflicts to a new height, as in heights like the sky.

Yeah, you know, I think we could stop pretending that this airplane is going to be transferred to his presidential library. This is like the news reporting your aunt is bringing her good friend Linda to Thanksgiving. Don't lick the cooter, people. That's what's happening, okay?

Look, now apart from being a security concern and a potential bribe, it seems clearly unconstitutional to give the president a gift like this. You know what? What do I know? Attorney General Pam Bondi, what say you?

There you go. There you have it, right? Trump hasn't given them anything, and it's been, like, 36 hours. You know what? I trust her. She's the attorney general. You know, just as a quick fact check, what did she do before she was the attorney general?

You know, it looks bad. But if you have to understand, that's a lot of money. And money feels good to have and to spend. So now I get it. For more on Trump's visit to Saudi Arabia, we go live to our very own Michael Kosta. Michael. Michael. Michael.

I mean, because they're an oppressive dictatorship that mistreats women and they did 9-11.

All right, Michael, you know, a lot of people think that the Gulf states are just bribing Trump to get what they want. It kind of seems like these bribes might be working. Whoa.

Oh. You know what? Being an American president is hard. People criticize your policies. They nitpick your moral deficiencies. Every time you even suggest removing habeas corpus, people start whining. No, we need that. Boo. You know, sometimes, You just want to go somewhere where people don't pick apart your flaws, and they treat you like a king.

No. No, you-you didn't give me anything. You just got shit-faced and tackled my grandmother during the electric slide.

This is the pathway to corruption. If Trump takes bribes, he's going to favor that country in decisions regarding American policy.

I see it. I see it. I see it. Look, look. OK. I got to tell you, Michael. Very clever. But this whole thing just, it just doesn't feel good.

Okay, that's good. Michael Kosta, everyone. We'll come back. I talk with Sean Piper. Don't go away. Welcome back to The Daily Show. You know, it's common knowledge that the podcast world is full of MAGA right-wingers, but the left has some big players, too. I spoke to one of their biggest. After 10 years of covering the Trump campaign, I thought nothing could shock me anymore.

But somehow, in 2024, young voters, and most especially young men, went hard for a 78-year-old who uses pancake makeup.

Yes, Trump reached voters by engaging with right-wing influencers in what's called the Manosphere. It's a collection of online content and social media promoting bro culture, and it's a space that the left seems to ignore. But someone saw this as a mistake. Were you surprised that so many young people showed up and voted for Donald Trump? No. Not even a little bit. This is Ahsan Piker.

He's a progressive who has intellectual sit-downs with Bernie and AOC and still manages to post thirst trap workout videos to his 2.8 million followers on the platform Twitch. This combo has liberal media asking if he is the magical connection to young male voters. This is where you Twitch from. Yeah. What is a Twitch? It's basically like YouTube, but you're live streaming.

It's a podcast for people who are like, I wish this podcast were longer. Yeah. Yet his lefty bona fides might have made him a target for Donald Trump's Homeland Security, which recently detained Piker at the airport. How do you see the left communicating with, like, young men in this time of the manosphere?

But is there room for the Democrats to create a left-wing manosphere to talk about the social safety net and protein powder?

Now I have to worry about a new fascism? I'm just getting used to the old fascism.

Yeah, yeah. Because I'm anti-body fascism, so people are like, oh, are you lazy? I'm like, no, I'm a socialist with my body. Yeah, no, respect. And it's not young men just being drawn to the right. Some technology is giving them a push. A recent study created generic TikTok accounts for imaginary 16- to 18-year-old boys to see how the algorithm acted.

And within 23 minutes, they were fed masculine, anti-feminist, extremist content.

So I was excited to dip my toe into this cesspool. So I set up this account as a 16-year-old pretending. That's what the pedophile hunters do as well. I'm not in that world. So walk me through some of the stuff we see here. So this is what my algorithm is essentially feeling. First up, some content from Charlie Kirk. Kirk is a right-wing influencer known for trolling liberals on college campuses.

He's a podcaster.

This dog, see, there's just so much going on here. Does this dog want to a woman? Is that what's happening here? I don't know what's going on. Who am I?

Who are you, Jordan? This TikTok makes me very existential. I'm going to like it. I'm going to smash that heart. What are these trucks? What is going on? I like this one, though. This is interesting. Me, cheat. The only thing I do behind your back is look at your ass. See, this is actually kind of sweet. But it's like, why is it always trucks?

I am, Ronny Chieng. I'm Jordan Klepper. This is Sports War, the show where we are legally not allowed to agree with each other. So if I say the Super Bowl should have fewer commercials... Then I say all the players should be dressed like Flo from Progressive. Oh, come on. No one wants to see Travis Kelsey in an apron. Yeah, tell that to my Pornhub search history, Ronny.

Now, Sunday officially marked the end of the football season. We laughed. We cried. Ronnie tried to kiss me after every touchdown. And we crowned the Philadelphia Eagles our new champions.

That was the worst Super Bowl in history. The Eagles dominated the entire evening. And just like Ronnie, after eating dairy, the Chiefs shit the bed. You know what? I think I speak for everyone when I say no more Super Bowls. NFL, you had a good run. You ended racism, cured breast cancer, and found a woman under 30 who wants to see Bill Belichick naked.

You look like Ronnie out there, completely lost with the terrible haircuts. The Chiefs were my ticket out of this hellhole. And now I owe a lot of money to a very, very bad man.

Now, while Philly dominated the big game, it's important to remember, the Chiefs weren't the only ones getting dragged all over the field on Sunday.

I've had it with these motherfucking Drakes on this motherfucking plane! Hey, Kendrick, the world's on fire, the president's in the stands, and you're using the biggest stage on the planet to go after Drake again? We get it. You don't like him. Save your petty beef for the group chat. Like Ronnie's fake accent, you're overdoing it.

And finally, let's not forget about a huge update rocking the world of gambling.

It's with a C, you dipshit. And you keep my mother's maiden name out of your mouth. See, this is my point. Gambling shouldn't be about hurting the people closest to you. Whatever happened to doing it the old-fashioned way? Making dogs fight each other. As someone who had their identity stolen by a certain Japanese coworker, this is a disgrace.

Well, I know you can't be talking about me because I'm Malaysian. Oh. Stop making up new types of Asians. It's offensive. Which brings us to my Jordan's big dinger, bed of the night. Which Malaysian celebrity will go to jail next for Otani's gambling? As always, brought to you by gambling. Gambling. It got Pete Rose into heaven. Why not you? Well, that's all the time we have for Sports War.

52 makes the most sense.

Welcome to the Daily Show. I'm Jordan Klepper. We've got so much to talk about tonight. Donald Trump is reaching across the prison yard aisle. The military gets half-woke. And we'll tell you how New York's mayor stays smooth as a dolphin. But first, let's get into another installment of the second coming of Donald J. Trump. Donald Trump has been imposing a lot of tariffs since he took office.

Welcome back to The Daily Show. My guest tonight is an Academy Award-nominated actor who wrote, directed, and stars in the Oscar-nominated film A Real Pain. Please welcome Jesse Eisenberg. Beloved, Jesse.

No, no, no, no.

That's respect right there, right?

This is what a career in the arts gets you in America.

God bless you. The movie is great. Thank you, thank you. Were you thinking like, oh... Thank you. Were you thinking, oh, I'm going to do a Holocaust film, but with humor? Were you like, oh, that trope again?

Well, this film really dissects grief and how we deal with grief, how we internalize it. But it also places grief next to historical grief.

Is that something you were grappling with early on in the writing process? Is that sort of the nugget you wanted to unpack?

And so after going through this process, you still have that lack of meaning and clarity.

Yeah. Is that what your next film will be about? Like, ambition and the emptiness there and the confusion you have? Exactly, exactly, exactly. It's called The Abyss. The Abyss? Yeah. Oh, I got bad news for you. That movie might exist. Does it really?

Yeah, make something completely different. I really, I love this. I want to talk about a scene. I don't think it's a spoiler. Okay. There's a scene in this movie where Kieran Culkin is a complicated, difficult person. And he says goodbye to the tour guide after some time with this tour guide.

And there's this beautiful scene where the tour guide sort of explains to him how meaningful he was, even though he was so difficult. And then he says goodbye to you in a heartbeat and walks away. And we left. I was in the theater. Everybody laughed. It was a very funny moment. And I talked with my wife about this afterwards. I was like... who do I want to be in this moment? I'm curious.

There is this character who is complicated, but consequential, and in a lot of pain. And this other character who lacks consequence in other people's lives, but in some ways, less pain. It's stable. It's somewhat stable. Yeah, exactly. When you are writing that and working through that, like, where do you project yourself in? Who should I be in that situation?

And if the nature and scope of these tariffs confuses you, don't worry. You're not the only one.

Yeah, I mean, when you originally were conceiving this, you imagined yourself playing the other character, correct?

Yeah, and so you find yourself flipped and playing this character. How would this movie be different if you had flipped? Would you be happier?

Yeah. But you're also wearing, you're a director, writer, and actor there. Yes. You feel like somebody who's thinking through every moment there.

And do you see that as, like, part of his genius, or is he just sort of being a dick to you and unprofessional?

Are you open? Is there improv in a process like this? Does it start with open space to, like, find and discover, as somebody who wrote this and sat with this for quite some time?

No, but I just... You weren't doing a Holocaust movie, right? You know what I mean? Well, we got some, you know, we got some pretty risque suggestions back in the day.

Give us a location. Okay, well, maybe a new location. Yeah, exactly, okay. Well, no, so with this- It feels like Kieran is a, if not an improviser, is loose in his performance style.

Oh. This film is very thoughtful, a lot of very deliberate choices. One choice I was curious about. You, throughout the film, are wearing a shirt that you button, one button. That's right. Not at the top, but the second button, and none of the bottom buttons beyond that. That's right. What is that choice all about?

I need to watch these things closer. You've sat in this movie. You've created this film. It's now out in the world. People really enjoy it, so much so that you have Academy Award nominations. Yeah. I like you for that. Thank you so much. With that comes promotion for Academy Award nominations. So you're on shows like this. You're doing all of this publicity tour.

How does that sit with someone like you? Do you like doing publicity for a movie like this?

Stick on this one.

It's about time. It's a truly remarkable film, and it feels like an adult film about grief that has so many entrance points for people who are sitting with these conversations in their own hands. So thank you for making that.

A Real Pain is in theaters streaming now on Hulu. Jesse Eisenberg. We're going to take a quick break. Right back after this. Thank you so much. Jesse Eisenberg. That's our show for tonight. Now, here it is, your moment of zen.

Do you understand what that means? I mean, why don't you tell me, President of the United States, what this means? Explain ad valorem to me like I was a child. This is Trump's own policy, and he's so bored by it. And you can tell, because at one point, he gets so bored, he just starts peeking into a random folder on the desk. Like, what's in here? Candy? Picture of boobs? What do we got?

Oh, oh, oh, just more falters. Why is this guy still talking? Trump's not the only one making moves. Yesterday, there was a big announcement from Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth, Trump's top cabinet member, if you go by blood alcohol level. Now, Hegseth got the gig by promising to go to war against woke, and yesterday, he won another decisive battle.

Yeah, suck it, libs! You didn't want this military base to honor a traitor to America? Too bad. Woke is dead, and Confederate General Braxton Bragg is alive.

You renamed Fort Bragg after a different Bragg? So after all that bitching about not giving in to woke history, you're basically admitting that we shouldn't name military bases after Confederate generals. Well, it's a good thing woke is over because I think I can say this now. That's a pussy move, Hank Sandler. Just to be totally clear, Roland Bragg is not a famous figure in military history.

He's just someone who worked for this weird name switcheroo idea. Pete Hanks has basically said, find me a guy named Bragg who served in the army and didn't own slaves. I mean, he didn't even have a Wikipedia entry until today. Today, today, do you know how obscure you have to be to not even have a Wikipedia page? There's a Wikipedia page for cats that look like Hitler.

Hegseth, look, I say either commit to honoring a Confederate general or don't. But trying to find some kind of name loophole is just silly. I mean, why do I get the feeling Pete's going to try to pull this with his wife? Baby, baby, I didn't cheat on you. Her name was also Susan, okay? I'm restoring greatness to our marriage.

Now, with all this tariff imposing and Fort renaming, you might be wondering, is there anyone who's benefiting from Trump's actions? Yes.

Curious. What was it about Adam's case that convinced Trump to drop the charges?

Oh, God. Trump really loves getting his ass kissed, doesn't he? This probably explains why all his suit pants have that little trap door on the butt like old-timey long underwear. Now, to be fair... Now, to be fair, the Justice Department didn't say they let Adams off because he kissed Trump's ass. They had an even dumber reason.

Yes, yes, of course. Trump didn't drop the charges so he could hold them over him for the rest of his term. Trump did it so Adams could focus on enforcing Trump's immigration policies. And now that Adams has the time, I'm sure he's bringing a new laser focus to the job.

You don't have to do an interview right now. I mean, should we go? This feels like a private moment for you. I mean, I thought I wanted more transparency in my government, but now I'm thinking, perhaps some secrecy is for the best.

So while Eric Adams might waste his workday getting pampered at local businesses, we're doing the hard work to get to the bottom of this story, starting with our very own Grace Kulenschmidt. Grace. Grace, what's the latest?

I'm sorry. Grace, are you getting your hair done when you should be working?

Okay, yeah, I guess. It just doesn't seem very professional.

Okay, I mean, I am due for a balayage. I mean, let's get more analysis now from Troy Iwata. Troy, come on. I mean, come on. Troy, what's going on?

I'm sorry.

Okay, forget it. Let's go to Michael Kosta. Michael, look. Okay, good. Thank you. I'm glad someone's taking this seriously. What's your take on the Adams situation?

Woo! Jordan? Michael, can you please not get your anus waxed during your report?

No. No, you can't put your spa services on the show's credit card. That's embezzlement, Michael. That's a felony.

Grace, Troy, and Michael, everyone. That's totally useful. We'll come back. We'll decide who won the Super Bowl. Stick around.

Welcome back to The Daily Show. I think I speak for everyone when I say politics drools and sports rules. For a full recap of the biggest stories in the world of jocks and straps, we turn to Sports War.

That's too much smoke grenade, you idiot.

I do.

Okay.

Hey, what's up, chosen show debts? I'm Ronny Chieng. And I'm Jordan Klepper. This is Sports War, the show where we are legally not allowed to agree with each other. So if I say college athletes should not be paid... Then I say everyone in college should be paid, even the professors. Uh... The professors do get paid, dipshit. Clearly not your professors, Ronny. I mean, what did you even major in?

Let me guess. Eating by yourself in the dining hall? Oh, like you or Mr. Popular.

Okay. It was two. The third we never saw again. Enough about college. Let's talk college sports. It was rivalry week for college football, and on Saturday, things got extra rivalry-y.

Boom! I love it. As my grandfather used to say, if there's grass on the field, play ball. Just realize that's not what he was talking about.

Ronnie, you're a dumb man with dumber takes. Look, this melee was fantastic. A football game turned into a UFC fight. That's incredible. More sports should be combined like this. Imagine an NBA game ending and then, boom, LeBron and Kevin Durant start competitive lugeing. Ooh. Ooh. And bonus, more sports equals less time with my family.

Three children, that can't be right. Moving on to a trend in football that doesn't involve steroid-induced violence, but still is all the rage.

Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie, you know I support your anti-war jack sessions. Totally support. But you're dead wrong here. We need more politics in sports. Liberal athletes can do this too. You score a touchdown and then you hit that Joe Biden.

You're a Monday thing. I'll you. I'm a Thursday thing. Oh, yeah. Best I could do is Wednesday thing. Deal. Look, my point still stands, Ronnie. There should be more politics in sports. NHL goalies should be senators, and the slam dunk contest should be all Supreme Court justices. Which brings us to my big baller, Bet Bananza. What would so-and-so to my owner's signature dunk be called?

As always, brought to you by gambling.

All right, moving on, Ronnie. As you know, it's not just football season. It's also the holiday season.

Yes, and to you, I wish a happy Buddhism Day.

Thank you very much. Point being, this year there's a new movie that combines the best of both seasons.

I hate this trend. Athletes should play sports and actors should act. Except O.J. Simpson, you know? He could do both. That guy killed it at everything.

Ronnie, you don't understand. These football players are moving into our territory. They're trying to plant their flag in our TV industry, and we have to fight them. Okay, well, I'm not fighting alongside you, okay? Where do you work out? Dress barn? You know what? They politely asked me to stop working out there years ago.

I'll have you know I do a high-intensity circuit workout designed specifically for elderly lesbians.

Well, that's all for this week's Sports War. Join us next week when we debate, should NFL teams get one smoke grenade per game?

Get him out because, I mean, I'm expected to follow federal law, local law, state law. I would expect the same thing from our leader of our state.

Okay, right.

Well, I don't want to interrupt your week, but my new special is airing tonight right after The Daily Show. So...

Yeah, that's exactly what it's called. Oh, yeah?

That nailed it. That's spot on. That's what it is. Yeah.

Yeah, all of that. All of that is true. Yes. But, like, why are you using that voice?

You know, actually, you know, some of us, we're going to go out and watch it together. You're welcome to come.

Special.

This is the greatest day of my life!

Well, John, John, I got to tell you, it is March Madness, a month of exciting college basketball tournament starts this week. And I've already got my bracket filled out. It's already busted. Damn it. Damn it. There goes Jordan Jr. 's little college fun.

The New England Conservatory of Music.

It's fish or cut bait time for Senator Schumer. He's gotta either urinate or get off the pot. Vivid imagery there from Senator John Kennedy.

I don't think... Do you have a charger? Maybe a charger? No, you don't. On books, you don't swipe up the pages. I've turned out a book before, okay? I've forgotten how to read. All right.

Come on. What are you covering this week? Well, John, Mother's Day is coming up next Sunday, so we'll be looking at all the best ways to show the mother in your life how much you love her.

Was it? Damn it. That's okay. That's okay. I can make it up to her on her birthday. When is your birthday, Jordan? May 2nd.

Okay. All right. I'll make it up to her next week on Cinco de Mayo. She loves margaritas.

All my flight attendants, all my flight attendants, all my flight attendants, put your hands up. All right, stop. Buckle up and listen.

Thank you, Michael. We'll come back. Anthony Kerrigan will be joining me on the show. Don't go away.

Welcome back to The Daily Show. My guest tonight is an Emmy-nominated actor whose new film is called Death of a Unicorn. Please welcome Anthony Kerrigan. Welcome, Anthony.

This death of a unicorn, they tell you what happens right there in the title.

I was going to say, unicorns are real in this horror comedy.

Did you find out, they didn't go into it in the movie, is the unicorn blood what keeps Paul Rudd's face so young and smooth?

They did use real unicorns.

Yeah.

I feel like they moved through the space almost like velociraptors.

Although I wanted it to be a little bit more real. Not that unicorns aren't real, but that if they were, RFK Jr. would be eating them, you know?

You're silent for the majority of this. It's true, yes. How do you prep for this? To be a, to find the, are you looking in the mirror? Are you practicing responses? How do you find your silence?

Donald Trump has released 64,000 pages of long, secret JFK files. So we could finally learn who really killed JFK. And guess what? Turns out it was heart disease. Yeah, the man loved his French fries. But speaking of a once-in-a-generation charming sex machine, Elon Musk. Now... Oh, baby. I love it. I love it.

So you can't just bullshit with words?

Trust me, it's a great tactic. I use it often. Totally. You find so much in all the characters that you do. I loved you on Barry as NoHo Hank. And, yeah, amazing. Thank you. Is it true that you were only supposed to be in the first episode and you were going to die at the end? Yeah.

Is that right?

But what do you think, what was it? You guys just had a connection? It was like, oh, there's more here than just killing somebody in a car?

Yeah, you're not a Chechnyan gangster.

I was going to say, that's a fun one to play around with.

Ben Affleck isn't creating some wild drama right now that you could sneak into?

You've also been working on the new Superman movie.

Yeah, you get to do it. Can you tell us right now, do you hide who you are in this movie with an accent?

100%.

Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching The Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch The Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount+.

Now, he's the world's richest man, the leader of Doge, and guy who thinks Sauron is the hero of the story. And say what you want about Elon, but he certainly has his fans.

I'm not saying Donald Trump is racist, but that man does love a hard R. But if you step outside of the White House, you'll find a backlash brewing against the founder of Tesla.

Oh, tough crowd. You know you're in trouble when you even pissed off the kid with the cherry eight ball sweater. like the chillest sweater there is.

These crowds have been so angry towards these congressmen, some of them have decided to stop holding town halls altogether, which feels a little thin-skinned, considering this is basically the same kind of vitriol an Applebee's bartender gets when the white wine's not filled to the brim. Again, Kyle, I'm sorry I flew off the handle. Papa needs his pinot grige.

And some people are not content to just scream about Elon in a high school gym. They're taking to the streets or the parking lots.

Wow, you guys like petty acts of domestic terrorism, huh? Cool. Wow. Okay, let me just say, nobody should be breaking the law and blowing up Teslas. Especially because if you just wait a few minutes, they'll probably do it by themselves. And in case you're wondering why people might do this, some have been leaving helpful messages.

I think you might have wanted to blur out a little more there because now it just looks like they just wrote. Obviously, Elon has a lot of kids, so he's got a lot of, you know. You don't have to be so overt. The point is, there's a ton of rage directed at Elon right now, which is why last night he went on Sean Hannity and made the case for his victimhood.

I shouldn't have to explain this to Elon, but it's not about the Teslas. Teslas are actually pretty cool as a car. It's got that all-glass thing going on, kind of like a Popemobile that f***s. It's got door handles that are hard to find, which is what everybody wants in a door handle. Everything in the car is electronic, so if it malfunctions, you just drown in it, you know?

It's like a free coffin. It's cool. It's cool. I give them credit. I don't think people, though, are mad at you because of the Teslas, Elon. If I were to hazard a guess... but why they'd be mad.

It might be because in the last several weeks, you fired tens of thousands of federal workers, you made cuts to veterans care, life-saving foreign aid and food banks, you canceled important medical research, sometimes so abruptly that this happened.

Yeah! People might get a little upset if you stop their medical trial halfway through them. Imagine you had to stop getting your malaria medication or going home with half a butt lift. Imagine it! Imagine it! You'll never buy pants off the rack again. Or here, here's another guess. Maybe people are mad at you because you don't seem to know what the f*** you're doing. I'm guessing. I'm guessing.

I'm guessing. I'm guessing. Because... You fired aviation safety staff, then you had to hire them back. You fired nuclear safety inspectors, then you had to hire them back. You cut funding for Ebola prevention and then said, oopsie.

Yeah, I think we do. And if someone just accidentally cut it, I think we'd all be pretty mad. I might even Banksy some Third Reich ejaculate. Look, I could come up with more reasons, but let's be honest. Elon knows why people are mad at him. We know he's not as smart as he pretends to be, but he's also not as dumb as he's pretending to be right now.

And when he goes on Sean Hannity to complain about why people hate him, he's just proving that the troll king of the internet can't handle the consequences of the real world. But you know what? You know what, Elon? You know what? No. Here, Elon, Elon, if you genuinely want people to not hate you, you could focus on the things you are good at. I mean, you did get those astronauts back.

It was a beautiful moment.

You know what? I think that's great. Look, I have to not be a hater for a second, okay? Elon brought them back safely from space after being stranded there for months, and dolphins even showed up to say hi. That is incredible. I mean, I wish the dolphins hadn't welcomed them back with a Sieg Heil, but still, still. It's a beautiful moment for humanity.

Now, it was a joyous moment, but those astronauts were gone a long, long time. Thankfully, the good folks at NASA prepared a video to help them acclimate to the world they're coming back to.

When we come back, we honor the luck of the Irish. Don't go away.

This is The Daily Show with your host, Jordan Klepper.

Welcome back to The Daily Show. Monday was St. Patrick's Day, when Irish Americans honor their heritage with careful readings of the writings of James Joyce, group performances of traditional Irish music, and a somber reflection of the beauty of the Celtic language. But how do you celebrate being Irish in the Donald Trump era? Michael Kosta hit the streets to find out.

Welcome to the NHL, Gordon Clapper. We got so much to talk about tonight. Elon Musk wants you to stop bullying his cars. Michael Kosta finds out the meaning of St. Patrick's Day. And those astronauts finally return to Earth. And boy, did they have a lot of unread emails. So, let's get into headlines. First, first, some big breaking news.

Do you understand the difficulty I'm having right now? Just trying to walk the road of a... I'm just saying you're doing a really good job.

You don't think I'm afraid of being murdered? I go to Trump rallies every other weekend. Come on! What I find really refreshing and interesting about this special, you deal with big issues. Yeah. But you also, you have a quote in here. You said, transphobia is merely a distraction from our shared humanity. Yeah. We should be talking about the fact that we're all going to f***ing die. Yeah.

Talk to me about that.

That's true.

It's... There's something unifying about that absurdism. Like if I were to make a pretentious reference, Albert Camus would talk about imagining Sisyphus happy. That it's an absurd life that we lead. Can you just give me my space? Will you give me my space? Camus would say imagine Sisyphus happy as he pushes this rock up because all of existence is inherently meaningless.

And so reckon with that and then connect with your neighbors.

I want to quote you back at yourself, and I want you to talk about this, too. You also say humorlessness is what loses any campaign for social change. Talk to me about that.

It's no secret a lot of people do feel scared right now. They feel like it's a time for social change, activist movements, and I think they can be called... They don't see a space for humor.

Do you fear that the people who are looking to make a change in the next regime, whether it's this next administration or just the time that we're in, that they will lose that sense of humor and, in fact, lose some power with that?

Yeah.

You speak about that. You speak about death a lot. It's funny you say this. Eric Idle was here from Monty Python a month ago saying that exact same thing. The humor that you find in death, in funerals, is sort of our humanity.

Looking at the news right now, places like Meta, we see what's happening with Mark Zuckerberg and the threat of a MAGA administration, and they're removing any kind of guardrails they had towards hate speech. How do we combat something like that in your mind?

That's the number one worst thing? I mean, we did slavery in America. I mean, let's at least call it a tie, shall we? TikTok users are upset about this, but there's not much they can do. Congress passed a bill, the president signed it, and the Supreme Court seems ready to rule that the ban is constitutional, which I don't think we can be surprised by, because this is...

Tell me, there's a name on here that's very exciting to see as well. You're a specialist executive produced by Christopher Guest. Yes.

My God, yes.

I hope people go out and see it. Biology is available now to stream now at alokvmenon.com.

That's our show for tonight, but before we go, please consider supporting the California Fire Foundation. They are on the ground working with local fire agencies and community organizations to provide support to impacted residents, if you can. Please donate at the link below. Now, here it is. Your moment is then.

is not exactly TikTok's core demographic. I mean, they're more of a Walgreens app type of crowd. They're old and sickly, is what I'm saying. I mean, the last time the Supreme Court heard the sound TikTok was when death was following RBG around. Although, there's still a chance that TikTok can be saved before the Costco guys are euthanized on Sunday.

So TikTok would be allowed to keep operating if it's sold to an American owner, and there's no shortage of interest.

Yes! There is still a chance TikTok could be sold to one of America's many rich weirdos. Apparently, Lex Luthor wasn't available. So this is the best America has to offer. I mean, I actually heard myself say, man, I hope that TikTok goes to someone sane, like Mr. Beast. I mean, can't there be one cool potential buyer? Shaquille O'Neal, I'm talking to you.

Stop buying so many Papa John's franchises and get real about your investment future. The trad wives and the big-headed bitches with the trench coats buttoned up to the top need you. But if no American buyer emerges, there's still one more wild card. The wild card. Donald Trump. Now, he tried to ban TikTok during his first term, but he's now trying to save the app.

And you'll never guess why he had a change of heart.

That's right. TikTok helped Trump. So now TikTok is good. And by the way, if you're wondering whether Trump won the youth vote by 34 points or 36 points, the answer is he lost the youth vote by 11 points. Slight, just a slight discrepancy right there. Basically the same thing. So all this is up in the air. But TikTok users are not waiting around to find out how this is going to play out.

Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm George Knapper. We got so much to talk about tonight. Joe Biden gets a win, Jack Smith drops his receipts, and Americans are on the brink of losing their favorite way to waste time on the toilet. So, let's get into headlines. Let's kick things off with the big news of the day.

Yeah! Good job, U.S. government. You told Americans they couldn't see China anymore, and now they're running off to Vegas with it. I mean, this has got to be so frustrating for Kamala. She just spent a whole election fighting accusations that she's a socialist, and now every American is like, I would literally pledge to be a Chinese socialist for a good TikTok replacement.

The question is, why would Americans be so cavalier about the threat of China spying? Maybe it's because after years of receiving monthly emails about how every American company has lost or stolen our data, we've become cynical about the concept of privacy. Or maybe we actually get off on knowing China is spying on us the whole time.

Maybe it's gotten so bad, I can't even enjoy a cat video anymore unless I know Xi Jinping is watching me from some digital cuck chair in the corner. So... Looks like this new app, Red Note, is exploding. And the last time something from China went this viral was... It's not important. But we need to see what people are discovering once they're onto it.

$7.

That's not a good sign for America. I was made to think a communist dictator was bad, but check out these corn prices. Daddy likey. Come on, America, fight back. If Chinese people show you their cheap corn, you show them a robust free press. Okay, no, okay. Or you show them our fair and impartial justice, not that, okay. Dave and Busters. Show them our Dave and Busters.

Hell yeah, in your commie faces. For more on all the TikTok alternatives, let's go live to Beijing with Michael Kosta. Michael. Michael, what do you think about apps like Lemonade and Red Note?

Of course.

Hold on. Michael, Michael, don't you want a social media platform that isn't stripping you of all your personal information and influencing you into carrying out the agenda of authoritarian rulers?

You know what? Never mind. Tell me more about this app.

Huzzah! Whoa! Yeah! What a historic moment. Joe Biden articulately got through a sentence. And also a ceasefire. And the time he couldn't be better for Biden. There's still time for him to win Michigan, so... Now, we're in the early stages of figuring out what this means, and we'll be following it closely.

Okay, yeah. Michael Kosta, everybody. When we come back, we bring Donald Trump to justice. Don't go away. Welcome back to The Daily Show. Donald Trump becomes president on Monday, but that hasn't stopped Jack Smith, the special prosecutor and son of Kevin McAllister's scary neighbor. Now, yesterday he released this, his special report on Trump trying to overturn the results of the 2020 election.

And it's very damning.

That's right. You hear that, Mr. Trump? No man, and I mean no man, is above the law.

One man is above the law. But that doesn't mean this report is useless. No. We can frame it, and we can put it on our wall, and we can pretend it had meaningful results, like we do with our liberal arts degrees. And is democracy wildly unstable? Sure. You know what isn't? A wobbly table after I jammed this report under one of its short legs.

But it seems like Trump's election has allowed him to avoid accountability for all of his crimes. It's a strategy that law firms might start picking up soon.

We come back. Alok will be joining me on the show. Don't go away. Welcome back to The Daily Show. My guest tonight is a comedian, actor, and poet whose new comedy special is called Biology. Please welcome Alok. Welcome. First of all, congratulations on your first comedy special. How does it feel?

But for now, let's talk about another crisis just as serious as what's happening in the Middle East. I'm talking about TikTok. A.K.A. the reason your thumb is so frickin' jacked. I find that genuinely disturbing. TikTok is the hottest app in the U.S., and next week, it's frickin' gone.

Yeah.

Oh, I thought that was a creative choice. You know?

It's not that color. It feels like a vulnerable choice to show that you carry sickness into performance and you let us see that part of you.

Yeah, and you perform with that kind of confidence and privilege. It's very nice.

You didn't necessarily come from a comedy background. Is that fair to say? Did you just ask me where I came from? Oh, boy.

Well, that was the fourth. I was going to warm up to the genitals. I always like to end with a good classic genitals question.

I know. Those are some big young gentlemen and a big trophy as well. Big dudes, yeah.

That puts a lot of pressure on his trip tomorrow to the UAE. I bet they're sweating right now. We're just going to give them an edible arrangement. What the f*** are we going to do? Of course, Cutter didn't just give him a sword dance show. They also offered him a $400 million luxury jumbo jet. Now, this plane has become a huge controversy. It's a security risk. The optics are terrible.

Listen, Jones, everybody, when we come back, Colin McCann will be joining me on the show. Don't go away. Welcome back to The Daily Show. My guest tonight is a National Book Award-winning author whose latest novel is called Twist. Please welcome Colin McCann. Colin, welcome. Thank you. Welcome. I am a big fan. I'm a fan of many of your books, but you also wrote a book to writers.

And in that book, you ask writers to not write what they know, write towards what they want to know.

And this book, Twist, is about underwater sea cables. Yes. What the hell did you want to know about underwater sea cables?

I'm staying up top most of the time. I'm mostly worried about UV rays coming from the sun.

It's clearly unconstitutional. So you got to wonder, why does Trump want it so bad?

The tits that are at the bottom of the sea doesn't get talked about enough.

Yeah.

So this book looks at, I mean, it really looks about, there's so many big themes that deal with what's happening today, but sort of looks at the information and the connectedness that we have that is so fragile, is hidden at the bottom of the sea. Like, what did you notice in doing research for this? Like, where were the weaknesses?

A pen every now and then? No, those... Oh, just like a steel lever to open manhole covers? Yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah, I carry those all the time. Okay, yes. Yes, yes, yes. I'm constantly, if you see me on the street around New York, I'm like a ninja turtle just getting in there, you know?

I like this. Wait a minute, there's free porn under the streets? You just reach down and scoop it up. I like to imagine you as a writer just climbing over these fences with these giant steel rods trying to get this information and people catching you and being like, oh, no, no, I'm writing a novel. Don't worry about it.

The shit we would get done? Yes, exactly. Can you imagine the connections we would have? The ability to talk to one another?

Oh, my God. I would build a relationship with my son in a way that I never did before. We would actually work together to try to pass like a reliable bill that Medicaid a part of it as well. We would have friends again.

This is I love because you have said, you know, just to be clear, you might be talking about terrorism. But you say it was such a jaunty manner. I think you can really sell some people on it. This book also takes place at sea. I love a good, what is it about the sea that writers are drawn to? I feel like this has allusions to Conrad and Melville in it. What is it?

Well, that's interesting you say that, because I think that comes through here. And if we zoom out, a lot of the stuff we talk about, I think America is a pretty pessimistic place right now. The idea of repair embedded in that is a sense of hope. Yes. You talk to people nowadays, it feels like they're not interested in repairing.

They're more interested in burning things down or at least they've lost the hope that repair can happen. Why is that such a why is that such a potent theme now?

You have an amazing organization. Yes. Narrative 4. Yes. What is Narrative 4?

We still talking about planes? Look, we're on the tarmac next to each other. You know, I know you're not supposed to just look straight ahead, but I took a little peek over there, a little peek over there. Cockpit was huge, man. Honestly, it's getting a little embarrassing watching Trump fly around the Middle East getting sword dances and free jets.

Cowboy Carter. I mean, how do you not listen to it, right?

You believe in the availability of hope. I do. I think you can find it in literature. This is a lovely book. Twist is available now. Colin McCann. We're going to take a quick break.

Paramount Podcasts.

I mean, is he going to do any actual policy stuff?

Well, you know what? I spoke too soon. This seems like maybe, maybe, actually a good idea. You know, Syria has just thrown off decades of dictatorship, and Trump thinks the new government deserves a chance to find its feet free of U.S. sanctions. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I was wrong about this guy. You know, he doesn't just think about himself.

Syria's new president, Ahmed al-Sharra, reportedly offered to build a Trump Tower in Damascus.

God damn it! God damn it! I spoke too soon about speaking too soon! But hey, you know what? Good on you, Syria. Whatever it takes. You know what, PBS? Maybe you could learn a lesson from this. Instead of whining about Trump cutting children's programming, have you thought of offering him a Trump Tower on Sesame Street, you know? Could be a win-win. But let's move on.

Just because Trump's out of the country doesn't mean his team isn't shaking things up at home. Today, at a congressional hearing, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., health secretary and human wet market, faced some tough questions about whether he wants his own children to be alive.

Then what is your job? You know what? You know what? Call me an idealist, but it'd be nice if people could take medical advice from the... health secretary. Maybe it's actually pretty good advice to not listen to RFK's advice. Because here's how he spent his weekend.

Robert Kennedy Jr. may be Secretary of Health and Human Services, but if you want to stay healthy, don't go swimming in a sewage-contaminated creek. And for sure, don't take your grandkids in there.

Whoa, whoa, hey, hey. RFK promised us he'd find the cause of autism, remember? At this point, it's like RFK Jr. is going out of his way to be gross. Does he just go on Google Maps and search disgusting things near me? These pictures are so wild. The fact that he went swimming in jeans is the most normal part of this story.

We got so much to talk about tonight. Syria is getting a fresh start. RFK Jr. is up Schitt's Creek without a shirt on. And Leslie Jones is going to make J.D. Vance wish he stayed in Greenland. But first, Donald Trump is on day two of his Middle East era's tour. So let's kick things off with another installment of Trump Meets World.

And maybe, maybe if he was just taking a fecal dip himself, you know, we'd just, we'd let it slide. But he, he brought his grandkids. And as a parent, this is a whole new level of grandparent overstepping. Usually it's just like, we asked you not to give the kids candy. Not, we asked you not to take them swimming in E. coli tainted sewage runoff.

Conservatives are sending really mixed messages about protecting children. They're like, kids shouldn't be at drag shows. They should be bobbing for apples in a porta potty. And listen, it's not lost on me that there is a whole other story here about how America just has bodies of water out in the open filled with sewage and human shit.

Yes, that is definitely something we should look into and fix. But until we do, don't go f***ing swimming in them. For more on RFK Jr. 's fecal dip, we go live to Rock Creek with Troy Iwata. Troy.

Because you're a reporter, Troy. You have to get into the story to understand it. Just like we had to get into the Qatari jet story with our very own Grace Kulinschmidt. Grace, Grace. Grace, what's your report?

Thank you, Grace. Excellent reporting. How is what Grace is doing reporting?

Grace, that is a great point, Grace. Journalism's about experiencing things firsthand. For example, Troy, how can you be sure that what you're standing in is poop water? Well, Jordan, because I can see poop and I can see water. Great. See? Now you're reporting. I'm proud of you, sport. Grace, back to you. What can you tell us about Qatar gaining access to sensitive information?

And Troy, you see anything interesting down there? Nope, just poop and water. Come on, Troy. Journalism, remember?

Wow. Grace, so brave of you. See, Troy, at least you don't have to deal with something like that.

Great choice. Great choice, everyone. When we come back, Leslie Jones. So, don't go away. Welcome back to The Daily Show. We all know I've got great opinions, but I'm not the only one. Studies show that other people also have opinions. So, here with another installment of In My Opinion is our good friend Leslie Jones.

Indeed. Now, today, Trump's visit to the Middle East brought him to Qatar. It's also acceptable to say Qatar. However, keytar is not acceptable under any circumstances. Pick an instrument, you synth pop coward. Now, yesterday, Saudi Arabia greeted Trump with horses. And today, Qatar said, oh, you think that's cool? How about horses and camels and motherf***ing sword dancers? Yeah. Whoa.

What's more challenging, going to Mars or taking on Washington?

My guest tonight is an Emmy-winning actor who has his second consecutive Oscar nomination for his role in the film Sing Sing. Please welcome Coleman Domingo. What a warm welcome. They love it. Did you feel, even in that clip, we show a 13-second clip, and there's a beat, and the audience is silent, and the teardrops. That's some top-notch acting right there, Colvin DeMego. Thank you so much.

You are feeling in that moment.

It's gorgeous. I wish you could just bottle the joy and the hope that's in this film and just pass it out to everybody here right now.

You're all getting his gifts. Oh, that's great.

There's a little bit of joy underneath all your seats. It is a beautiful story, the transformative power of art. Did you have a moment for you as somebody who's been in the arts on stage, in front of the camera? Like, what do you think of when you think back on that?

There's no problem, and nobody's going to question it? Trump is like a Jedi who doesn't have the force. I'll take Gaza. Nobody's going to question it. Nobody. Is this thing working? Is this thing... Is this... Trump has another plan to convince the haters. A charm offensive.

And a lot of the... A lot... Many of the actors in the film were a part of this program, were formerly incarcerated.

It's remarkable. What is it like? What is it like collaborating with folks who were formerly incarcerated compared to Hollywood nepo babies? Like, were you just relieved to be like, oh, there's no nepo babies on the call sheet today?

When you're even working with, like, one of your close friends who you're sort of paired with within the film, Clarence, you have scenes where you're actually working about going over lines and what have you, which in some ways is almost meta as to the things that you were doing off-camera.

Yeah.

Yeah. You know what I found really remarkable... It's such a lovely film. It feels so... It feels insular in that, like, I've seen many films that take place inside a prison that have so many external plots that act on these characters. And I think this movie lives so much within the characters.

And there's a world that exists outside of it and consequences that exist within the prison itself, but it really sits with people kind of dealing with their own emotions and how they...

Okay. So it's going to be an ethnic cherishing. I got it. Okay, okay. I mean, how did that start like a Mussolini speech and end as a Boyz II Men song? We will take the land, it will be ours, and we're gonna make love to you. Like you want us to, and I'll hold it tight, baby, all through the night.

Keep a little bit of hope and a connection to one another.

And that's based on, there's some little clips at the end.

So you're going to win an Oscar for this. Do you have your speech written? No. No? No. What do you do? Are you going to prep one? No.

You can't.

You are going to kill it, though.

Yeah.

Yes. Okay. I appreciate that. It would mean more on stage. Yeah.

Okay. Note taken. Note taken, good. You're a co-chair of the upcoming Met Gala? Yes. So that's... I mean, that's a lot. That's a lot. I mean, does that add pressure? Like, now, can you even go to the store anymore without thinking about, like, you need to dress?

One thing I find weird about Donald Trump saying he wants to run Gaza is that from what we've seen so far, he barely wants to run the United States. For weeks, people have been raising alarms about how Trump seems to be handing way too much power over to Elon Musk. And yesterday, Trump replied, I hear you. You want me to give more power to Elon Musk.

Right? I 100% did, because people are like, oh, Colman Domingo's coming out. He's going to look fantastic. Get that blue suit out. They're like, get the blue suit. No, get the extra blue suit. Good, good. Yeah, this is me pushing boundaries here.

I'm going to work on my style. Yeah. And thank you for the film. It truly is. It truly is a wonderful piece of art. And if you have even just like just a little shout out from that stage, just even just like a quick thank you, Jordan, it'll go.

One of these one of these Carol Burnett.

I'll take it. One hundred percent. Take it. Sing Sing is available to watch at home on all major platforms. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. That's our show for tonight. Now, here it is. Your moment of fact.

Let me just ask you, and maybe your last answer is a preview of, I think, what you could say here, but I want to hear why. But do you think that calling Elon Musk a dick is effective messaging for confronting what is a potentially irreversible transformation of the U.S. government?

Yes, Elon Musk is now in charge of all government hilings, hirings, hirings. I didn't... Sorry. I didn't say that right. Right. I didn't say it right.

I don't know why I keep Hitler. Misspeaking. I don't know why I keep misspeaking. So this was already a pretty unusual thing for a president to do. But Trump being Trump, he had to make it even more ridiculous by introducing it with a full-on circus act in the Oval Office. And look at this scene.

Musk is holding court with his hands tented like a Bond villain, probably to stop him from doing a Nazi salute. With his... With his four-year-old child in tow. I mean, that poor kid. His dad literally runs SpaceX, and Elon took him to a meeting on federal spending. Dad, are we gonna get to see the rockets? No, son, we're gonna discuss budgets because I'm a shitty dad.

I mean, everything about this event was so bizarre. Trump was sitting quietly for half an hour, retreating to his happy place, thinking about Arnold Palmer's giant doge. And who thought cloning Stephen Miller was a good idea? I mean, is it for spare parts? I mean, they look like a before and even more before picture. Okay? I mean... Okay, but all right.

Leaving aside this Renaissance painting done by the dogs playing poker guy, it's good that we have Elon Musk here, because we've been watching him slashing programs and shuttering agencies for a month now, and we can finally ask Elon, why are you doing this?

Wow. Wow. I mean, you see why this guy's a genius. You don't want an unelected bureaucrat running the country. It makes a lot of sense. No questions here. I do have one question, though.

I mean... I mean, am I... Am I going crazy? Because it feels like I'm watching Drake sing Not Like Us at karaoke. Does he not know? Is having this one unaccountable bureaucrat in charge better than having those other unaccountable bureaucrats in charge? Because at least the others have to follow transparency laws. The only thing transparent about Doge is Elon's skin. I mean...

His financial disclosure is being kept secret, Doge is exempt from open records laws, and when someone on Twitter merely identified some of the people who work for Doge, Elon suspended their account and said, you have committed a crime, which we tried to fact check with career officials at the FBI, but they're all working at a Panera now.

So, Elon, I gotta tell you, I don't think you're being that transparent.

Oh! Well, I did the exam, and what an asshole! I don't want to give you a proctology exam. I just want to know what you're doing, because another advantage of federal bureaucrats is that they can't have conflicts of interest, whereas you seem to have every conflict of interest. SpaceX has government contracts. Tesla is under government oversight. X is under government investigation.

And his hair plugs are being investigated by the Department of No One's Buying This. You're basically a walking conflict of interest. Is that not a huge problem?

No? No? Nothing happened? There's no accountability and nothing matters? Great. Perfect system. Well, f*** it. He's not going to be transparent. And he's riddled with conflicts of interest. But at least he's a genius. And the work he's going to do will be flawless.

Nobody's going to bat 1,000. You made up a $50 million conspiracy of sending condoms to Gaza. You're not grounding out to third. You're puking into the umpire's mouth. And just for the record, of course the United States didn't send $50 million worth of condoms to Gaza. We sent $5 million of vibrating sex swings to North Korea, and I believe it stopped nuclear war. But don't quote me on that.

I'm not going to bat 1,000. So, to summarize, he's not transparent, he has tons of conflict, he believes any lie he hears, and he spreads false rumors that go global. Honestly, I'd be pretty mad at him right now if he didn't have so much gosh darn charisma.

Welcome to the Daily Show. I'm Jordan Klepper. We have a lot to talk about tonight. Trump gets romantic at the worst possible moment. Marco Rubio has the ultimate glow-up. And the White House celebrates Bring Your Elon to Work Day. So, let's get into another installment of the second coming of Donald J. Trump. Yesterday was a busy day at the White House.

Look, if you want to see more of that kind of comedy, then don't worry, because there's a new special coming out that's just for you.

Oh, when we come back, we find out about the man who's going to get us into war. Don't go away.

Welcome back to The Daily Show. Every time Donald Trump farts out a new idea for buying a foreign country or slapping tariffs on imported salami, the person who has to translate that into policy is his Secretary of State, Marco Rubio. But how did Rubio get such an exciting job? Let's find out in a brand new Daily Showography.

First, Trump met with the king of Jordan, the country, Jordan. You're not the boss of me, King Abdullah II, okay? Of course, Trump invited the king to discuss his plan to displace two million people and turn Gaza into the Atlantic City of the Middle East, which sounds pretty clear-cut to me, but apparently the nitpickers in the media still have questions.

Yeah, maybe it's not crazy. Maybe it's so good it sounds crazy, Desi. Maybe it's time to think outside the box, you know? They say it's better to beg for forgiveness than to ask for permission. But what if we did neither, you know? That's outside the box thinking.

I'm desperately trying not to, Desi. I'd rather not contemplate American culpability here. So let's just think of this as the brainstorming phase. No bad ideas.

Bad idea, okay? Come on, Desi. Let's be serious here. You don't want to drive the Palestinians out? Fine. We'll drive them up. Put the entire Gaza Strip on 10-foot stilts, create a bunk bed situation. Palestinians on top, sing lullabies to the Israelis below, you know? Who says no to the top bunk? No one.

Don't think of it as displacement, especially if you're a prosecutor at the Hague. Instead, how about this? How about this? Let's get some cruise ships and the Palestinians can explore the world. After a few years, they can come back refreshed with one of those little Jamaican hair braids, maybe a weird French accent whenever they say croissants, you know.

Call in elevators, lifts, all that bullshit. Yes.

No, then they get right back on the boat, you know? Another trip around the world, hair braids for all.

Come on, Desi! If that idea existed the whole time, then what's happening right now would make us the bad guys. So let's just keep spitballing, okay? Here's one. We take every Israeli and Palestinian and surgically swap their faces. Now they don't know who's who, you know? Are you my wife or my neighbor? I can't tell.

Okay. Do you have a better idea from a Nick Cage movie that doesn't make us complicit in war crimes?

I don't know what else to do, Desi. Maybe AI is the solution.

That's the first thing we'll ask AI.

You know what, Desi? You might be right, but hear me out. What if Palestinians stole the Declaration of Independence?

My real name's Jordan Bedford, but I go by the Alligator Man.

We all different. Well, I'm different from the rest, because I do the wrong thing in the right way, if that makes sense.

No? See, you're not from Florida, so you don't understand my language, what I'm talking right now, but I do the wild things. Anything you think of, I'll probably do it. Anything? Anything. I catch gators.

Anything. Well, not anything. Oh. But basically anything, when it comes to the reptile animals. Mainly the alligators, though. The way like here in Florida, you're not allowed to catch an alligator. I mean, I didn't know that before, but I know now. I just had a little fun, put them on a leash and danced with the last one they seen.

The alligator man dance. You gotta kick your feet, spell alligator in the sand as you're dancing, as you're going around, you spell an alligator and you end it with a stomp. The alligator man got a commercial, too. You have a commercial? Yeah, he got a commercial. He got a theme song. Everybody sing like, na-na-na-na-na, it's the alligator man.

Well, it's the alligator man's all now.

It works.

If there's a lake, there's a gator. I promise you. So that's everywhere. There's gators everywhere.

She gone.

People have no sense of there being a gray area or being unsure of how something should play out. And it doesn't mean you shouldn't be strong in your convictions, but I think you need to leave space to be wrong and to be curious. And so I think with a total amount of certainty and a lack of uncertainty comes a lack of curiosity, in which case we just become these people lost in those silos.

And so... I think my job as a dad, how I see it, in terms of, like, what am I supposed to do? I'm supposed to feed and water it, right? I think I got that. You can water this child. But I think I need to instill and maintain a sense of curiosity, a sense of confidence to walk into the world, and a sense of finding virtue in uncertainty as opposed to certainty.

And then from there, he needs to walk his own path. But that's simply because I can't afford it past 18, you know? Yeah. Yeah.

We're so many talented people here at The Daily Show, and a day or two before we go out into the field, we're watching the news. We're having the same conversations you're probably having at home about people are talking about this. I hear the arguments on the right are this. I see hypocrisies here.

And we sort of have almost debate prep among producers and writers here where we sit down in a room, we're like... Where do you see holes in these arguments? We start to find the humor in those holes, the obvious hypocrisy in those arguments. And when we go out there, we've kind of talked through, like, where we see these holes that you could sometimes drive a pickup truck through.

But then I'm an improviser. That's where I came from. I'm not a standup. I spent 15 years doing improv in Chicago and New York. And the big thing about improv is when you get out there, you let it all go and you let go of your preconceived notions and you listen and you listen hard. And so in those moments,

I have a great team behind me that we've done the prep work, and then you just, you try to engage and be present because the things that you find, the moments of humor or the moments of revelation of a point of view that you haven't heard before, but you see somebody now spouting this at me, they come from that person feeling comfortable in the conversation with me,

They come from that person saying something unique and me being open enough to actually hear it and to try to spin it. So I think it's a skill set that you use in improvisation. It's a skill set that you use in being a good husband. And it's basically like, get out of your head and listen to what that person's saying. I'll tell you this, though.

A skill set that doesn't help being a good husband is finding that weird thing they say and try to use it against them. Now that... I will say, my wife might say that that is, it's a double edged sword, if you will.

The legacy I want to leave to my audience? Oh, my. I got to tell you, I haven't been here long enough for that. Give me some time to accrue some legacy, and then we'll move on. I'll tell you this, though. Perhaps... I was a fan of The Daily Show before I was a worker at The Daily Show. I used to watch it in college. It was one of my first forays into being interested in news.

In fact, I watched it before that. I watched Craig Kilbourne host the show when I was in high school, and I loved it. I thought it was so funny. I love Craig Kilbourne. He looked great in a suit. We were the same height. It was perfect. In comes Jon Stewart, and he's so insightful, thoughtful. And at college, it was like, oh, he makes the news compelling.

I understand that he's not kowtowing to one side. He's just calling out bullshit. And I like this guy. And I was a fan before ever getting a chance to ever audition and be a part of the show. And so the legacy that it left in me was like, be interested. Don't be afraid to challenge bullshit. Um, uh, and always look somewhere for more.

And, uh, and I think, like, that-that thirst and that hunger to know more, and I think that, um, that basic idea of call out bullshit where you see it, I think it's sort of built into the institutional legacy of this show. And so that-that is what I'm most proud of here.

Oh my gosh. What advice do I tell my child? He's three and a half, so I keep him away from all news. I truly do. And even PAW Patrol, which is just teaching him, indoctrinating a love of police and authority. So that's a problem as well. You see it seep in. To me, I think exposure is the first step. Expose yourself to kids. Is that what I'm telling you?

Yes. That's my fam. I got my parents, my sister, my brother, my aunt, my uncle, my other uncle up there. Am I nervous? No, I'm f***ing excited to do it in front of my family. I will say this. As cool as it is that my parents are here, it is not surprising Because they came to every gosh darn show I've done and that they could come to.

And... And a big part of why I am here is because I got into improv at Kalamazoo, Michigan. Kalamazoo College. And I... I got on the improv team Munkapult and we did shows in a little black box theater for 95 college students and two 50-somethings. 40-somethings, sorry. My parents would come and they would support me.

And I was a math major at the time and I was spending my time doing improv and then traveling to the Improv Olympic here in Chicago. And then I came to Chicago and I found another family at places like the ImprovOlympic. I think Sharna Halpern is here tonight as well. There she is. Founder of the ImprovOlympic, gosh darn, long form improvisation, Sharna Halpern right there.

She gave me a space to fail and to succeed and to fail and fail and fail again. And more often than not, my parents would hop in the car and they would drive over to Chicago and they would watch these shows at weird times with their son who wasn't making any money. He was a substitute teacher at Chicago Public Schools making a little bit of money during the day, not a lot.

And my parents wouldn't judge it. They would just support it. They would love it. And I look back on that. And when I look back on it, frankly, I think it's irresponsible. Not a smart move to let your child just do improv in Chicago for a decade. Getting paid peanuts. But I loved it.

She let me find, my family let me find my people, the things that I loved, be surrounded by people who were interested in the things that I loved and the things I liked to do. Supported me when I went to New York and got to try out for fun things like this. And then, a long 17 years later, no, a long...

24 years later, I get to come to the Athenaeum Theater where I used to do improv for the Chicago Improv Festival, and I get to do a great show on The Daily Show with you guys. So thank you. Truly, thank you.

I mean, it comes from meeting other people, talking to other people, and staying curious enough to understand where they come from. I think I've talked about this a little bit before, but when I go out in the road and I talk to people at rallies, and it's rallies, MAGA rallies, and even rallies on the left as well, I think the thing that I find... least appealing is certainty.

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I want to dig into all these angles with the greatest news team in the world. Let's go to the airport right now with Roy Wood Jr. Roy!

Roy, you interviewed the flight attendants. What did the flight attendants say?

Oh, my God. Roy, you interviewed the flight attendants, right?

I'm sorry, what's going on, Roy?

Roy, you literally just told me it's 420. That is April.

Damn it, Roy. Damn it. I'm disappointed. Sorry, folks. It's very unprofessional. Let's just, let's go to Southwest headquarters to get the corporate reaction from our own Desi Lydic. Desi. Desi. Desi, is Southwest policy on baby attendance going to change?

God damn it, Desi. Are you high?

No, that's not what I meant. Honestly, folks, look, I'm sorry. This is a total lack of professionalism. You deserve better. It's unbelievable. Let's try this one more time. Michael Kosta, are you there with us?

It's very illegal.

What are you doing? There's a plane coming. Roy. Roy.

I know. It's so good. How did you even get there? You weren't even at the airport.

You can be in the back. Go ahead and get hit by a plane. I can't believe you all got high at work without me. Desi, Roy, and Michael, everyone.

Well, for the first time ever, daily marijuana use is outpacing daily alcohol use.

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John, thank you. John, it has been a whale of a day here. And I'm happy to report that Westchester Wally did not see his shadow. So Sprig is on the way.

Because you look... A little scrappy. It was a little... All's well that ends well.

Oh, he won't. I've made sure of that. You'll see your shadow in hell, Wally.

When they told us that Jon Stewart was coming back, there was such an air of relief and focus in this studio. One, they're like, thank God we still have all these small suits. We didn't know what to do with it. Thank God we can use these. He's very tiny. But also, I think, like, we were ready to get started. This year is a dumpster fire, and it's more important than ever.

The most memorable.

Well, I remember that moment that I, as a man, stepped in and was like, you ladies look lost. Follow the dude, Gloria Steinem. Come over here. I would say one of the fun, like, it is, it's such a small little building, and you see guests wandering around all the time. I remember Paul McCartney was here, and I know, have you heard him? From the Eagles, great, great musician. Love the Eagles.

But he came on, and he was one of the few guests where we were sort of told internally, don't be in the hallways. Yeah. Because sometimes you can find yourself in the hallway bumping into people and be like, oh, hey, President Clinton. I want to say hi. And so McCartney, they're like, stay in your edit bays. And I remember hearing Paul McCartney walk through the hallway singing as he does.

We get it. We get it. And nobody interrupted with him. He went out. He did his piece. And I was editing a piece in an edit bay. And he came off the show. And he walked through. And I saw, out of the corner of my eye, the door was open. I saw McCartney walk by. And then he came into our edit bay. He turned around, walked into our edit bay. And he was like, so what's this?

What are you guys playing with? What are you fucking around with here? What is this? What are you doing? What are you doing? Did he give notes? Well, immediately we jumped into bits. Like, I don't know. This music in here sucks. What do you want to do? And he started playing the game of making fun of everything in there.

And you realized, I realized in that moment, it was like he just wanted to play. Like, he shows up to places, this creative, fun guy. And the world, like, shuts down around him, not to bother Paul McCartney. But he was just like this element of joy that walked through the space that just wanted people to play with him. And so we told him to get the fuck out, and that was it. Yeah.

And this building is made to comment on the news, talk about it, find humor in the bullshit, and call out the BS wherever you see it. And John invented it. He built the foundation of this place. And when he walked back in that door, like, we had... We had a great year without a permanent host, and it was really fun getting to hear so many different voices and so many talented people.

Never call him again. Haven't heard from him since.

Well, I mean, the biggest issues... I mean, obviously, we... What I would love... I'd love to do some boring things. I think term limits would be amazing right now. I think I'd like them to functionally focus on ways in which we could break this divided quagmire we are in. You can talk about the big issues, like, we're a divided country, all this. All that stuff is true.

I think a big problem we have is the way we are set up is a... problem. And you have people trying to get into office and stay there forever. It's not a lifetime job. People should be doing that job for a couple years in the House. Do it for six years, get the hell out. Supreme Court, do it for 12, let somebody else come in. I think we should be...

We should talk about ways in which we can rework this that is more a reflection of the modern political environment that allows more ideas to come in and less stagnation. So whatever we can do to focus on that, I think, is hugely important. And then secondarily, I'm always...

always so flabbergasted that we can't do anything about gun violence in this country and you watch the news today before we come out here there's another goddamn shooting and I think yet again we know what we're going to see and so I think there's issues like that that are so if there is ever a need for a government to step in and protect its citizens

It's on issues like that where we see people, harmless people, being attacked by careless people who aren't given enough, whether it's mental health and security, but are also given weapons of war and put in places that they shouldn't be.

And if we don't have a society that can look at that issue and put any partisan bickering aside and try to help kids who are scared to go to school, then, like, what help do we have in balancing a budget? Like, I think there's basic things for... If you want this... this community and citizens to believe that government can actually do something for it, that it can be effective in your lives.

Like, you have to take care of the most vulnerable, and you have to stop being a dipshit who's worried about getting re-elected and be a human who's worried about saving a kid.

It's the best. Like, I can't get in?

You've got to go to it. Yeah, if I get one recommendation, go to Times Square. Spend the rest of your time at Times Square. Eat the pizza in Times Square.

But I think John came in and was like, I'm gonna do this one day a week. And I think the rest of the news team was like, hell yeah, we got your back. We are honored and excited to be here. There's no better place, no other place I'd rather be than right here at this desk. And I think, like, you have a team that has got eyes focused on this next election and ready to go.

It's a classic New York. Yeah, P.F. Chang's is great.

No. No. Uh, no, I don't think that's, uh... That's something I've gotten super close to. I will say, though, in the last piece that we did, we went down to South Carolina, and we talked to a woman who was there on January 6th. She got arrested for being inside, spent 60 days in jail, and she came out, and she changed her opinion. And... and it was... Give her a round of applause. Great.

And now you guys just clap for an insurrectionist. See how easy it is? Wow. And so it was good to talk to her. I think, like, she was somebody, and I did ask her, I was like, I don't run into many people who feel like they've been through it and then come out on the other side. And she said, I think, jail shook her.

And I think she started doing her own research, as she said, and a couple of these things didn't line up, and she felt like she was taken in. And so she felt it was her duty to come out to this Trump rally and talk to people about what she'd been through. They weren't necessarily great at listening to her, but there's a little glimmer of hope in there. Yeah, up in the back.

Anything will convince them otherwise. Here's what I think. Changing somebody's mind is hard to do. And I think if you are approaching something like, I want to change their mind, you ain't going to get anywhere. I think the problem we have right now is a crisis of certainty. I talk to everybody on all sides who are very certain about their beliefs.

And if you actually want somebody to see something that they haven't seen before and cross that divide into believing something else, they have to acknowledge that they have a sense of uncertainty. And if they're being approached by somebody else, you have to acknowledge that you have a sense of uncertainty as well.

And so I think in order to change somebody's mind, you have to be a bit of a loser to begin. That sounds strange, but you have to concede something to get anywhere. And so is it going to happen on a TV show? Doubtful. But with friends and family, there's an opportunity. One, because there is a connection there and hopefully some love, although I know it's been a hard few years.

But I think if you can approach that not from a place of judgment and from a place of uncertainty, concede something that you don't know. Because guess what? You are probably a lot like me and you wish you were as certain about the things that you want to be. But you had to put up these guards because people are coming at you with knives all the time.

And it feels like the other side is so dangerous. And in many cases, they are. But if you can't relate to them like another human being and say, I, too, am uncertain about some of these things, then you will never reach them as a human being in asking them to come over to a side of better understanding. So I think our only option is a step towards concession. Yeah.

Sure. Uh, January 6th was a funny time. Uh... I-I, uh... I mean... I will tell you a funny January 6th story. Uh, I was there on January 6th, working, to be clear. And I had four security guards with me, because I'm a comedian, and it's 2020, and that's what you do nowadays. Uh, and I talked to a man who was swinging a pitchfork. And he was ranting about revolution.

I'm talking to this man with security. We all come around. I talked to this man about swinging a pitchfork. And as I'm interviewing him, we're interrupted by another man who's screaming obscenities at us. And obscenity man gets shushed by pitchfork man who said, you do not speak for me, leaving me grateful to the more level-headed man swinging a pitchfork.

And I swear, I swear, we made eye contact and he rolled his eyes as if to say, could you believe this guy? Here's where I have an issue with the pizza debate, is Jon Stewart comes on the show and he's a lovely guy, right? He is the loveliest four foot two person you're ever gonna meet. Very insightful. He has a lot of insightful things about the way of the world.

But where he's wrong is on his pizza, his vitriol for Chicago-style pizza. I will say, as somebody from the Midwest who spent a decade in Chicago, you need to understand and appreciate that there are different types of pizza. And the Chicago style is deep, a different experience. Sometimes you want to go deeper into something. Sometimes you want to spend time moving through it.

You want to work your muscles trying to get through the cheese, the mozzarella, all of the sauce at the time. Sometimes you want to eat it and then feel like you're going to defecate yourself at any moment. That's an experience you want to go through. And I hold Chicago pizza in high regard at the same time as holding New York pizza in high regard.

And I think as a society, we need to get to a point where we can enjoy all those types of pizzas.

Trump's America isn't just attacking immigrants, the transgender, and apprentice ratings. It's also planning to take out climate change debt. Luckily, an underground movement is trying to stop it. My first contact in this group is waiting at an undisclosed location. Score. As I descended into her secret bunker, I could practically smell the Pulitzer. Or maybe that was urine. This place was creepy.

It was... Okay, this was taking too long. What's the situation on the ground?

So maybe we should hide them in a place it wouldn't look like in an intelligence briefing.

This public climate data is stored on federal websites like the EPA, NASA, and the Department of Energy, and climate scientists depend on it for all kinds of research. But now that Trump is in charge, these scientists are worried he's going to hide or destroy that data just because he's threatened to do exactly that.

So you're telling me all this data could be completely forgotten, like Taylor Lautner?

I'm just saying, just because you're part of a tentpole movie doesn't mean that you're going to have any kind of relevance five years later.

Canada?

I want in. These hackers were going to be even more secretive than Bethany. Given the importance of this mission, I destroyed all traces of their existence. Was that 3420 or 30... You know what? Can you just put in my phone? To gain access to the hackers, I'd have to become one of them. And the only way to be a hacker is to dress like a hacker.

But, like the rest of America, I hadn't rollerbladed in like 16 years. Either way, it was time to meet these code freaks at their secret underground lair. I'm looking for the hackers.

Seriously?

I thought you'd be dressed a little bit cooler, you know? Like this?

That was super boring. Do you mind explaining that with a hacking montage? So basically what happens is these nerds scroll through every single publicly available URL and document on government sites and make a carbon copy. But sometimes this data is hidden in ways that can't be scraped by human nerds. So they write code to burrow into the sites and rescue the data that's really hidden.

Then they release the data on sites like Data Refuge and the Internet Archive, which is backing up everything in Canada for safekeeping if it gets really bad. That's where I come in, taking this data to Canada to save the world. Let's do this. So with the data safely secured away, I began the long journey north.

It wasn't easy, but after what felt like a lifetime, I made it to the airport for my almost hour-long flight to Canada. Time to hit up my connect, codename Poutine, a professor from the University of Toronto who's been collecting all this data, which was feeling pretty ripe at this point. Poutine? Poutine? Poutine, are you guys here for a clandestine meeting? No, poutine. Are you Michelle?

Here's the data, all the way from America.

The cloud. So I didn't have to smuggle this thing up my ass?

That's us. You're talking about us.

She was right. While Canada was snowing, America was burning. Do you mind actually keeping a couple other things from America safe?

Can you hold on to the Bill of Rights? This is birth control, Meryl Streep's Oscars, and then I'll be back in like four to, let's just say eight years to be safe. And just like that, it took an American to save the day.

Let's kick things off with last night's Met Gala. Now, the magical night when the world's most fashionable cultural icons try to figure out how the they're gonna fit their spiky headdress into an Uber pool.

Okay. Okay. A dress made of sand is super impressive. Who are you wearing? Coney Island. Thank you very much. I like how she had four people carry her up the stairs. I bet Joe Biden saw that and turned to the Secret Service like, let's just do that from now on.

Well, I tried to return something in there one day and they treated me like dirt.

Three weeks ago, north of the border, a new kind of protest emerged. The trucker convoy has arrived in Ottawa.

So I traveled to Ottawa, expecting to find some Canada nice. But their messaging was a bit more coarse. These trucks shut down businesses and made roads impassable. Can I go... Can I go around here? How do I... How do I get around? But how long were the protesters planning to paralyze Canada's 8th best city? David, how long have you been here? I've been here since day one. Holding down the fort?

Pretty much. I'm not going anywhere. I'm coming in from New York. I go by Brooklyn's Kindest on the CB. There you go.

You're committed to being here for two years?

How are you going to keep up the energy to be here for two years?

Stimulants?

Okay.

Yeah.

Are you worried at all with weed paranoia? No. That might creep in? No.

No. Do you think the government is coming for you?

Are you paranoid?

So what exactly was the point of interrupting the supply chain? So what is this all about? You know what? Sorry. What is this all about?

We're setting up essentially a truck barrier to keep everybody together so they can be united.

Yeah, we might as well lock them in. Sort of like a parrot who locks the door and says, you guys are in here. Until the water runs out, you become friends or democracy crumbles.

That's a freedom that everyone should have. Is the Germany comparison a stretch here in Canada?

Are you afraid of cultural appropriation? Probably. American cultural appropriation, because we use the German excuse all the time. Oddly enough, that wasn't the only thing Canadians were appropriating.

He stole it from another guy before him. I see the Q army on your head. Isn't Q the American thing trying to find JFK Jr.? Exactly, yeah. Yes. Exactly. What Q shit is going down here? Q? No, Q is a more, a USA. Oh, so this is like a Yankees hat. Ah, exactly. Okay, the Q thing might just be a fashion choice, but they're definitely reading the same internet as many Americans.

What's Agenda 2030?

You're afraid the government will sterilize you?

Spending two weeks in the cab of a truck, pissing in a Mountain Dew can, can't be too good for the sperm production. Probably stare out of a wedding, so what's the difference? So Margaret Atwood audiobooks are apparently a thing with Canadian truckers. And while shutting down a city seems to have many obvious downsides... Hey. Excuse me. Hey. Hi. Have you seen a Prius around here?

Some see an opportunity coming from literal gridlock.

This is essentially a tourist boom for Ottawa right now. You can feel the tourism in the air, right? You can smell it. It smells like amphetamines and drifter blood.

The flood of 18-wheeler-driving tourists and their Canadian AF outfits created legitimate tension with residents of the city. The downtown was shut and there was palpable anger directed at local media.

We're getting booed over here. We've been walking around here. There seems to be a real distrust of media here. Oh, for sure. There's a lot of cameras up in your face, cameras on cameras... And while Canadian authorities have finally enacted emergency measures to try to clear the convoy, so far the trucks are still there.

And a well-funded, never-ending street party infused with misinformation and nationalism feels remarkably possible in our own land of the free. Where does this movement go from here?

It's going to come to America?

You think this is inspiring the dickheads in America?

This is inspiring the dickheads in America?

Okay, if they do come to America, then maybe I'll finally get my f***ing end table.

A question over here in the back, yeah. Over there, yeah. How did you find your interview character? Some guy just skid on the floor when you were singing.

Worst interview ever. Just wouldn't leave. Yeah, it is a crazy experience to become a US citizen the same day you're supposed to interview Bill Murray. So I guess that's a... It's been a long day. I had to go for the interview. They asked you like 100 questions. It's questions which I bet none of you could f***ing answer.

And I had to memorize how many colonies there were and there was like a state and who's the president right now. It was very difficult.

A moment of empathy that stuck out with me?

No, that is a good question. You know what? There is one of the last rallies. Well, not even the last one. This last election cycle, I went to a rally in Green Bay, Wisconsin. And it was terrible weather, and we were talking to people in the morning. And as I was talking to people, there was this guy who dresses in a brick suit suit. It's a bespoke suit that looks like Trump's wall.

And he has a handlebar mustache. And he dresses like the wall. And he's one of the first people in line. And Trump often brings him up on stage. So he's a mini celebrity there. And he started hounding us at this rally. And he was live streaming. And he was saying, fuck these guys. Don't talk to these guys. These guys are fake news. And to be fair, he's right.

But he sort of trolled us for hours that day. He literally took out a phone and he stuck it into a wall. He's obsessed with walls. to try to capture something. Our crew was on a smoke break, and he wanted to try to capture something to get them in trouble. And it was a long, hellish day of filming, and it was a snowstorm.

And so we rushed to the airport, and we got snowed in to Green Bay, Wisconsin for the night, because we usually try to leave. And so we stay in Green Bay. And the next day, we all leave on different flights. And I go to the airport alone. And I show up at the airport, and my flight is delayed three and a half hours. And who is there? but Brick Suit Man.

And this is the Green Bay Airport, so nobody else is there. And he looks at me and he says, do you want to talk? And obviously I'm like, no, I don't want to talk. This is a nightmare. This is before I'm traveling with four security guards. And Real Talk Security Protocol has changed the story. But I sat down with him. And for the first half hour, we're all sort of feeling each other out.

But then once we got past this fear, his fear that I got a camera crew trying to catch him, and my fear that he's trying to have some sort of gotcha moment with me as well. We started talking about shit. I started to learn about him. He started to learn about me. I asked him about things I thought were BS about Donald Trump.

He was open and vulnerable about the things and the weaknesses he saw in Donald Trump. There wasn't a middle ground that we found, but there was a softening in those relations. And I'd like to tell you that, like, Brick Suit Guy was crazy, and he's not. He was a smart guy. He was an ideological guy. He was a conservative guy, more libertarian, loved to be a shit poster on the internet.

But he wasn't an idiot. We talked for three and a half hours. And as we walk, we literally get on the plane. We walk. We're talking all the way up to get on the plane. And I show my ticket to the ticket taker. And she goes, oh, you're in an exit row. And I'm like, oh, and I'm like, she says, do you accept the responsibilities of being the exit row? And I say, yes, I do.

And then I turn to Brick Suit Guy and I say, I hope this freaks you out. And then you know what happens? He laughs. And to me, that is the whole thing. Like, he wasn't offended. He didn't take it personally. He found humor in that moment. And I'm like, I find optimism in that. I don't know how to recreate three and a half hours in a Green Bay airport with a nemesis of yours.

But I know that there's a softening when you remove the cameras. when you move the fear that this conversation isn't just transaction for a got-you moment, but an actual conversation about the things that you care about and things you're unsure about.

I think that kind of vulnerability, that kind of uncertainty is paramount in any kind of situation that you hope to find any kind of humanity or common ground. And so I think that is there. I don't think we live in a media environment that cultivates that situation, but I think we are humans that necessitate it.

And so that has not been erased by Donald Trump, but it has been pushed to the sides of the conversation. And so if we can find a way to allow that conversation to not exist only on the periphery, but somewhere in our own lives, I think we're going to get through that. Cool? Let's do some Zen. Yeah.

So I traveled to Ottawa, expecting to find some Canada nice. But their messaging was a bit more coarse. These trucks shut down businesses and made roads impassable. Can I go... Can I go around here? How do I... How do I get around? But how long were the protesters planning to paralyze Canada's 8th best city?

It was a mix of hardcore anti-vaxxers, people who are okay with vaccines but hated the mandate, and then, of course, some people who put together a Joker costume once, loved the attention, so now that's pretty much all they do.

I go by Brooklyn's Kindest on the CB. There you go.

You're committed to being here for two years?

How are you going to keep up the energy to be here for two years?

Stimulants?

Okay.

Yeah.

Are you worried at all with weed, paranoia? No. That might creep in? No.

No. Do you think the government is coming for you?

Are you paranoid?

So what exactly was the point of interrupting the supply chain?

We're setting up essentially a truck barrier to keep everybody together so they can be united.

Yeah, we might as well lock them in. Sort of like a parent who locks the door and says, you guys are in here until the water runs out, you become friends or democracy crumbles.

That's a freedom that everyone should have. Is the Germany comparison a stretch here in Canada?

Are you afraid of cultural appropriation? Probably. American cultural appropriation, because we use the German excuse all the time. Oddly enough, that wasn't the only thing Canadians were appropriating.

To be honest, it wasn't even his. He stole it from another guy before him. I see the Q army on your head. Isn't Q the American thing trying to find JFK Jr.? Exactly, yeah.

Okay, the Q thing might just be a fashion choice, but they're definitely reading the same internet as many Americans.