Jordan Klepper

But first, I know what you're thinking.

Hey, Costa Kringle, are you in the Santa outfit for a holiday-themed episode of Costa doing business?

Sort of.

I also took a part-time gig as a mall Santa in Secaucus, all right?

I don't do it for the money.

I do it to spread holiday cheer, which is code for dealing cocaine for the guys in the food court, all right?

Hey, what up, Spunk?

What up, J-Dubs?

You bring the Cinnabons, I'll bring the nose frosting.

Oh, now...

I don't know about you, but when it comes to Christmas, I put the elf in spending Christmas by yourself.

But if you're one of those people who does a freaky group thang and decorates with your family, look out.

You're going to need a Santa sack full of cash.

That's right.

Tariffs are making Christmas decorations hell expensive.

And Americans are getting absolutely screws in their dirty chimney holes.

Ho!

And that means one thing.

People will do anything to save on holiday decorations, which is why I'm bullish on converting to Islam.

It's a solid idea.