Jordana Abraham

I will read our next email.

Hi, J&J, Feather Feather, and thanks for all that you do for us daters.

You're welcome.

I'm writing in about a relationship issue that may qualify as either a red flag or a loyalty rewards program gone too far.

Okay.

My boyfriend and I have been together for four years and living together for almost three.

He is a full-time job he genuinely likes, but two years ago he picked up a part-time job at a large home improvement store.

Okay, he works at Home Depot.

Somehow, this is a side gig.

Somehow, this side gig has evolved into him working 35 to 40 hours a week there on top of his full-time job.

The issue isn't really financial.

We don't share finances and we split housing costs 50-50, but we live comfortably.

He insists he works there because it makes him feel productive and gives him something to do on the occasions when I'm busy, with social plans, with friends, at the gym, running errands, etc.,

He says he'd rather work than just sit at home.

But at this point, it feels like our relationship gets whatever energy he still has after over 80 hour work weeks.

I love it.

I have encouraged him many times to cut back on the second job and make time for literally anything else.

I suggest that he should get an outlet for himself like working out, hobbies, friends, etc.

But he gets defensive and says I'm being controlling and trying to dictate how he spends his time and he should be able to make decisions for himself.

And this is where I'm stuck.