Josh Johnson

Like, we should take a second here because this is the first time I've seen Trump be humble about anything.

Like, normally he'd be like, heaven's begging me to come.

I'm only staying alive to play hard to get.

Jesus came up to me with tears in his eyes and he said, please, sir, come fix heaven.

It's a total dump.

It's like he just realized he only has immunity here on Earth.

And this isn't a one-off.

Trump's been talking about this heaven thing a lot lately.

If you're not a believer and you believe you go nowhere, what's the reason to be good, really?

There has to be some kind of a report card up there someplace.

You know, like, let's go to heaven.

Let's get into heaven.

I want to try and get to heaven if possible.

I'm hearing I'm not doing well.

I really hit the bottom of the totem pole.

OH, MAN, THIS IS SUCH A BLEAK AND COMPLETELY ACCURATE VIEW OF HIS CHANCES IN HEAVEN.

I will say, though, you never want to see the guy who's supposed to keep you healthy and safe talk about dying.

Like, he's supposed to be leading you.

You never want to hear a pilot over the system be like, oh, I just can't wait to get into heaven.

Like, uh, can we get to Pittsburgh first?