Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
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The problem with this distraction is that it's so old, Jeffrey Epstein wouldn't date it, all right? Trump has been going after Obama for decades. He's gonna need something else, something juicy.
The White House offering an unexpected health update on President Trump, revealing that he recently underwent a battery of tests and has now been diagnosed with chronic venous insufficiency.
Doctors tell us it means there isn't adequate blood flow to the veins in the legs, which can cause swelling. Oh, no. Look at that ankle. When I said something juicy, I didn't mean... A shoe should not give you a muffin top. And I cannot stress how big of a deal this is, because they never admit that Trump has anything but impeccable health.
Usually, they bring out a doctor to be like, Donald Trump has big muscles and a girthy ass dick. Medically speaking, he makes Hercules look like a pig with cancer. Like, I'm not exaggerating. His doctors once said that his blood pressure was astonishingly excellent. That's not even how blood pressure works. Blood pressure is numbers. If you want to impress us, say 120 over 80.
They made it sound like Trump could control his blood pressure like the settings on a fancy hose. His blood pressure is on mist, but he can turn it up to cone or jet if he so chooses. But... I get why they put this out. One, it's a good distraction, and two, people have been starting to notice that Trump looks, medically speaking, like shit.
After these images of President Trump started to draw attention, apparent bruises on his hands covered with makeup seen in February and this week, the White House physician says it's consistent with minor soft tissue irritation from frequent handshaking and the use of aspirin.
Well, problem solved. No one's going to shake hands that look like that. Even that hand right there, you could tell that the thumb is like, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew. But OK, Trump violating his own HIPAA rights didn't get people to move on from Epstein. So now he's getting snacks involved. President Trump says he's convinced Coca-Cola to change its recipe.
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Chapter 2: What is the significance of the Epstein files in today's news?
If you put up affordable housing, Americans would be like, what have seen fires? What Epstein files? I'm too distracted memorizing my new home address. If you want to think of it in terms you can understand, think of it like a bribe, Mr. President. You're the deal guy. Make us a deal.
We want to know what's in the Epstein files, but if you put some universal healthcare in your palm and hand it over, Epstein who? I ain't seen nothing.
Espoon Kolarikorjaamo.
Let's kick things off with drug prices. They're too damn high. They're so expensive that rappers are balling out on a full prescription, okay? Singles are dropping like, I gotta drop top bins and a multiply Alexa Pro.
Chapter 3: How has Trump's health been a topic of discussion recently?
Now, President Trump made big promises about lowering drug prices once he got into office, but all the haters said he was never actually gonna get it done. Well, guess what, haters? His promises just got even bigger. We're going to get the drug prices down, not 30 or 40 percent, which would be great, not 50 or 60, no.
We're going to get them down 1,000 percent, 600 percent, 500 percent, 1,500 percent, numbers that are not even thought to be achievable. Yeah, I also thought it would not be achievable to lower drug prices 1000% because that's not how percentages work. Just so you understand, lowering drug prices 100% means it's free. Lowering it past that means they're gonna give you money.
Next year's Forbes billionaires list is just going to be a bunch of dudes with leukemia. On the bright side, we're actually going to be bankrupting insurance companies instead the other way around. If Trump had enacted this sooner, that CEO would have shot Luigi. But look. But look, Trump actually does have a plan here. It's not to put a cap on the drug prices. That'd be too easy and simple.
We're working very hard right now to get the other countries to lift up their prices a little bit and to get the drug companies to put it to them. And if they don't, the drug companies will have a lot of problems, and they are mostly agreed to it. And if the countries don't, then as an example, if it's Europe, I'll say, that's okay. You're no longer allowed to sell cars in America.
You're no longer allowed to have Mercedes, BMW, Volkswagen, or any of the other mini cars. And they will say, oh, I love the idea of lower drug prices for America.
So the plan, just so I have it right, is to lower drug prices here by forcing Europe to raise drug prices over there, or they can't sell us their cars, reducing our choices as consumers and making cars in general more expensive for everybody. And I know it's very confusing, but I've seen this before. This is crackhead logic, all right? A crackhead can never go from A to B, all right?
When I was a kid, I'd see a dude who needed $15, but instead of asking for money, he would try to sell you a tire, which of course he didn't have, but he did have a bike chain, and if you would buy that bike chain from him for $12, he would put that towards the tire, and then one day, eventually, buy crack. And my point is, that's a better drug plan than what Donald Trump is doing.
Once again, Donald Trump can't shake the Jeffrey Epstein news. He's going to lower drug prices 2 billion percent and the media still won't let it go. But old buddy Donnie's got another card to play.
President Trump again tried to divert attention from the Epstein files, this time by accusing former President Barack Obama of treason.
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Chapter 4: What bizarre claims did Trump make about Coca-Cola?
You know what I mean? Like, apply there, you know? Because the truth is, there's probably a good reason for Trump to worry about getting into heaven, you know? Is it? Yep, yep, yep. That too. I mean, that wasn't even the first thing I thought of. Crazy how many things there are.
President Trump now says he wants to send out $2,000 rebate checks paid for by his tariffs.
One of the things we're going to do, we're going to issue a dividend to our middle income people and lower income people of about $2,000. Wait a second. OK. Trump's making everybody pay tariffs, but only poor people are getting the $2,000 checks. So he's just redistributing taxes from rich people to poor people. Did Donald Trump just stupid himself into socialism?
I mean, you're doing a great job, Mr. President. We always believed. Everybody, shut up, all right? Don't say a word. Let this play out, and we'll have free health care by Christmas, all right? Nobody, nobody, nobody call him Mango Mamdani, all right? Great idea, Mr. President. Very capitalism. But hey, you know what? $2,000 would help a lot of people. If the money's there, the money's there.
If the president sent $2,000 checks to the 150 million people who make less than $100,000, it would cost $300 billion, even though the tariffs are only projected to raise about 217 annually.
The money's not there. And now I'm starting to get worried because that's $83 billion short. And I'm not saying Trump is the worst president of all time. I'm just saying I've never met anyone who was $83 billion short. And by the way, he's only $83 billion short if he hasn't promised the tariff money to anybody else.
We're going to take some of that tariff money that we made, we're going to give it to our farmers. The big thing we want to do is pay down debt.
The president tapped into tariff revenue to keep WIC money for women and infants and children going out the door.
Tariffs is one of the reasons why we have the money in the treasury to actually be able to pay our troops.
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