TDS Time Machine | Josh at the Desk 2025
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The problem with this distraction is that it's so old, Jeffrey Epstein wouldn't date it, all right? Trump has been going after Obama for decades. He's gonna need something else, something juicy.
The White House offering an unexpected health update on President Trump, revealing that he recently underwent a battery of tests and has now been diagnosed with chronic venous insufficiency.
Doctors tell us it means there isn't adequate blood flow to the veins in the legs, which can cause swelling. Oh, no. Look at that ankle. When I said something juicy, I didn't mean... A shoe should not give you a muffin top.
And I cannot stress how big of a deal this is, because they never admit that Trump has anything but impeccable health. Usually, they bring out a doctor to be like, Donald Trump has big muscles and a girthy ass dick. Medically speaking, he makes Hercules look like a pig with cancer. Like, I'm not exaggerating. His doctors once said that his blood pressure was astonishingly excellent. That's not even how blood pressure works. Blood pressure is numbers. If you want to impress us, say 120 over 80. They made it sound like Trump could control his blood pressure like the settings on a fancy hose. His blood pressure is on mist, but he can turn it up to cone or jet if he so chooses. But... I get why they put this out.
One, it's a good distraction, and two, people have been starting to notice that Trump looks, medically speaking, like shit.
After these images of President Trump started to draw attention, apparent bruises on his hands covered with makeup seen in February and this week, the White House physician says it's consistent with minor soft tissue irritation from frequent handshaking and the use of aspirin.
Well, problem solved. No one's going to shake hands that look like that. Even that hand right there, you could tell that the thumb is like, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew. But OK, Trump violating his own HIPAA rights didn't get people to move on from Epstein. So now he's getting snacks involved. President Trump says he's convinced Coca-Cola to change its recipe. The president claims that the company has agreed to start using real cane sugar in Coke products. This is so insulting. Trump's treating Americans like a kid you can bribe with a treat. Allow me to demonstrate what Donald Trump is going for here.
Mmm, I don't care about pedophilia anymore.
Delicious. And if all that doesn't work for you, if you don't care about Coke or Trump's health, don't worry. He's got some true crime for you. This morning, the Trump administration releasing more than 230,000 pages of records related to the assassination of civil rights icon Martin Luther King Jr. That's how bad things are for Trump. His back is against the wall so hard, he's releasing more black history.
But this might be the worst distraction because all he did was remind us that he can declassify thousands of secret files and people noticed.
Bernice King, the daughter of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., posted this picture on social media with the caption that simply reads, now do the Epstein files.
Damn, that is cold. Do you know how much you have to screw up for Dr. King's family to go, no, no, we choose violence? If Trump wants to distract us, all he has to do is keep his promises. If you ended the wars in Gaza and Ukraine, that would be extremely distracting.
What is the significance of the Epstein files in today's news?
If you put up affordable housing, Americans would be like, what have seen fires? What Epstein files? I'm too distracted memorizing my new home address.
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Chapters
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