Josh Johnson

Because as long as we're indicting, I heard about a woman who sells seashells by the seashore.

That's suspicious as hell.

When you 86 in order, you get rid of the order, right?

But you're not actually, I mean, you're not killing the food.

Yeah, exactly.

That would be weird, wouldn't it?

Like, uh, Joey, Joey, this, uh, this ravioli, it's a little mushy, so take it out back and blow its brains out, capisce?

Just so you're aware, this is probably not gonna work in court, because I know it's scary to be indicted, but this is definitely gonna get 86 by a judge.

And in fact, if I could talk to the Department of Justice for just a second, I don't even think you believe you.

Because if you're saying that those menacing seashells were a threat to the president, then why did it take you nearly a year to come after Comey?

I thought the Secret Service on Saturday night was slow.

I owe them an apology.

Just so we're all clear, 86 means getting rid of something off a menu or kicking someone out of a place.

It's been understood to mean those things since the 1930s.

It's actually one of the last good slang terms that white people invented.

Since then, it's been nothing but bazinga and amazeballs and a few new slurs.

Mostly the slurs.

So I'm not worried that James Comey is actually going to prison.

But what's bumming me out is the fact that our president feels totally unencumbered to use the power of the Justice Department to go after people he doesn't like.

This whole thing is so depressing, I could use a pick-me-up.