Josh Johnson

The rest of the city is completely normal.

I mean, it's still Portland, so it's normal, but it's like Portland normal.

You know what I mean?

Like, there will be a naked guy with a handlebar mustache riding a unicycle down the street, but that's supposed to be happening, all right?

So far, all I've seen is a guy in a chicken suit and an episode of Barney, all right?

But maybe there's something I'm missing.

You don't even have sewers anymore.

There are no stores in Portland.

You're telling me if I type stores in Portland into Google Maps, it'll just be like, nah, nah, this is one of those store cities.

Nah, we not doing that nasty stuff over here, okay?

Also, not having stores isn't exactly the worst thing about a war zone.

No one was looking at Hiroshima like the devastation was incredible.

Not a single Bob's Discount Furniture left standing.

But here's the thing, Trump.

I don't think the situation in Portland is a five-alarm, DEFCON 1, bust-out-the-windows type of emergency.

And I don't think you think that either.

Because this whole meeting, where you're talking about how dangerous Antifa is, you all look bored as hell.

Trump is falling asleep.

Pam Bondi got to tilt her neck up to stay awake, you know?

Stephen Miller is-is yawning.