J.P. Hinsdale
Appearances
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
What's up, Austin? Yeah. I love Texas, man. You know what I love? I love guns. Yeah. Guns are a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Mostly my medical bills. The gun control laws in Texas are weird, though, man. You know you can open carry an assault rifle and a sword? What fucking caliber of gun do I need to get to get you to fuck off back to the Renaissance Fair? I got shit to do today.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
It's weird, it's like the governor wants us to open carry everything, including a baby to term. Listen, I'm not dumb enough to think I should have an opinion on abortion. I do think it's funny that a guy in a wheelchair doesn't believe in accidents. Because my mom does.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
No, I don't. I feel like my organs are dying, let's be honest with each other.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
Yeah. JP, how's life going? It's going okay, man. It's interesting. Yeah. It's been a weird ride. Tell us about it. I don't know, man. This is the first year I was openly bisexual.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
I didn't really understand how that was going to go for me. but it's mostly like a lot of dudes come up with their girlfriend asking if they can hug me and then whispering in my ear that they'll blow me in the bathroom
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
Sometimes. Sometimes they just, you know, they just want to say it.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
Yeah, I mean... You literally... Just muffle underneath the belly fat, you know?
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
Because I see a bump. I know where it is. Yes. If you're willing to fund the expedition.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
It's nice and warm, though, isn't it? It is nice and warm. Yeah, yeah. And it's important because winter is coming. Oh, yeah. No birds are going to come stealing off you. No, no, no, no, no.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
I live in the dark corners of the world. How would you even get into it?
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
Is that your neck? I'm not saying it's out of lust, but definitely curiosity is what drives them. Were you gay before or were you into women? I'm into both, but I had a rough run of it, so things are a little complicated for me in my brain. You had a rough run of dating? I had a rough run of everything, really. Yeah. How do I pee? Carefully.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
Oh. Definitely plenty of sci-fi conventions, you know. I'm, you know, I'm big on that, you know. You're big on everything. Yeah.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
I don't want to pay child support. I don't know what to say.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
Sure, why not, you know. Yeah, that's my biggest worry, Tony. That's why he's fucking guys now. Yeah, it's like I got bigger fish to fry, like gravity.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
I mean, the snozzberries did taste like snozzberries, so.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
I do okay. Remember, I had a relative that died, and I've been kind of like living pretty modestly on that. Okay.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
It's not a crazy amount. It's enough for me to maybe live a couple years and just focus on this. Fingers crossed. Well, yeah. What's the amount?
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
Um, I mean, you want to check my Uber Eats account? Like, that's a... We can trace that, you know?
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
I know, it's late-night Thai food is the death of me, literally.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
It's, like, this is the reason I can't fill my foot. Uh...
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
Sometimes, but also I have the fucked up legs, so it's like hard to gauge. Is this diabetes or just nature?
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
Okay, so what do you eat at night? I mean, Thai food, usually. Thai food. Yes, Thai food.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
No, I can't. And Velcro doesn't work either. Thai food's kind of healthy, though.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
Yeah. It's too much of a good thing. It's like Texas. It just, it all canceled. It's too much. And then it cancels itself out and then you die. And then... Yeah.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
It's like when you take a bunch of different kinds of drugs and let them find them out for your affection, you know? Yeah, but instead it's Pad Thai and egg rolls. Exactly.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
Hey, and that was the last time I had a scale that wasn't broken, so I'm just... 378 is what... That's what I've been sticking with so I don't put a gun in my mouth.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
I was going to ask you. I was really going to throw it over the top.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
Wow. I just want some things. This explains a few things.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
It's been a little bit rough, too. It's true. It's been a little bit rough on the therapy end. It's, you know, it happens.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
If it was sentient, it would. That's that fucking problem. No patio parties for you.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
Would you like to take me on as an anchor to your progress?