J.P. Hinsdale

What's up, Austin? Yeah. I love Texas, man. You know what I love? I love guns. Yeah. Guns are a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Mostly my medical bills. The gun control laws in Texas are weird, though, man. You know you can open carry an assault rifle and a sword? What fucking caliber of gun do I need to get to get you to fuck off back to the Renaissance Fair? I got shit to do today.

It's weird, it's like the governor wants us to open carry everything, including a baby to term. Listen, I'm not dumb enough to think I should have an opinion on abortion. I do think it's funny that a guy in a wheelchair doesn't believe in accidents. Because my mom does.

No, I don't. I feel like my organs are dying, let's be honest with each other.

Yeah. JP, how's life going? It's going okay, man. It's interesting. Yeah. It's been a weird ride. Tell us about it. I don't know, man. This is the first year I was openly bisexual.

Yeah, we talked about it. Unbelievable. That's okay.

I know. Look at you. But you got to try before you buy.

I didn't really understand how that was going to go for me. but it's mostly like a lot of dudes come up with their girlfriend asking if they can hug me and then whispering in my ear that they'll blow me in the bathroom

Sometimes. Sometimes they just, you know, they just want to say it.

Right.

Yeah, I mean... You literally... Just muffle underneath the belly fat, you know?

Because I see a bump. I know where it is. Yes. If you're willing to fund the expedition.

It's nice and warm, though, isn't it? It is nice and warm. Yeah, yeah. And it's important because winter is coming. Oh, yeah. No birds are going to come stealing off you. No, no, no, no, no.

I live in the dark corners of the world. How would you even get into it?

Is that your neck? I'm not saying it's out of lust, but definitely curiosity is what drives them. Were you gay before or were you into women? I'm into both, but I had a rough run of it, so things are a little complicated for me in my brain. You had a rough run of dating? I had a rough run of everything, really. Yeah. How do I pee? Carefully.

Oh. Definitely plenty of sci-fi conventions, you know. I'm, you know, I'm big on that, you know. You're big on everything. Yeah.

I don't want to pay child support. I don't know what to say.

Sure, why not, you know. Yeah, that's my biggest worry, Tony. That's why he's fucking guys now. Yeah, it's like I got bigger fish to fry, like gravity.

I mean, the snozzberries did taste like snozzberries, so.

I don't, I don't.

I do okay. Remember, I had a relative that died, and I've been kind of like living pretty modestly on that. Okay.

Like, I don't know, man.

It's not a crazy amount. It's enough for me to maybe live a couple years and just focus on this. Fingers crossed. Well, yeah. What's the amount?

Um, I mean, you want to check my Uber Eats account? Like, that's a... We can trace that, you know?

What don't you eat? What's left?

I know, it's late-night Thai food is the death of me, literally.

It's, like, this is the reason I can't fill my foot. Uh...

Sometimes, but also I have the fucked up legs, so it's like hard to gauge. Is this diabetes or just nature?

Okay, so what do you eat at night? I mean, Thai food, usually. Thai food. Yes, Thai food.

Any Thai food I can get. Well, you can't tie a belt.

No, I can't. And Velcro doesn't work either. Thai food's kind of healthy, though.

I'm glad my nutritionist finally chimed in.

Yeah. It's too much of a good thing. It's like Texas. It just, it all canceled. It's too much. And then it cancels itself out and then you die. And then... Yeah.

It's like when you take a bunch of different kinds of drugs and let them find them out for your affection, you know? Yeah, but instead it's Pad Thai and egg rolls. Exactly.

Hey, and that was the last time I had a scale that wasn't broken, so I'm just... 378 is what... That's what I've been sticking with so I don't put a gun in my mouth.

Should I go shoes on or shoes off?

I was going to ask you. I was really going to throw it over the top.

Wow. I just want some things. This explains a few things.

I'm so far along. Let's just let nature take its course.

But I probably lost 10 just coming up here, so.

Yeah, but it makes me sad for other reasons.

Yeah, yeah.

It's been a little bit rough, too. It's true. It's been a little bit rough on the therapy end. It's, you know, it happens.

Yeah. Honestly, fuck it.

If it was sentient, it would. That's that fucking problem. No patio parties for you.

Would you like to take me on as an anchor to your progress?