Judah Z
Appearances
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
Doing good. I'm feeling pretty good. I'm having my birthday come up soon. I'm turning 41. People tell me I look great for 41, but that's not fair because people look like shit. Again, in my middle age is not all that bad, you know, like all middle-aged men. I always know the seven-day AccuWeather forecast. That's right, I always know the weather. But that's because I'm Jewish.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
And it's easy to know it when you control it. All right? I'm actually in an interfaith marriage. I'm Jewish. My wife's anti-Semitic. Can't blame it's how we raise the kids, you know? Growing up Jewish, I actually always thought I was gonna marry a Jewish girl. But then I decided to marry an attractive one instead. My sister hates that joke. Yeah, her and her ugly kids. People think, that's it?
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
All right, thank you guys, I'm Judah Z. Okay, abrupt ending there.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
I thought I'd cut it a little short. That was a Jewish minute, 56 seconds.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
I didn't put my last name because it's even more Jewish. What is it? I knew it was short for something. Jewenstein.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
Zev is my middle name. Oh, okay. Even more Jewish. Wow, Judah Zev Hirsch. Yeah. Jesus Christ.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
I'm a good Jew, so I eat bacon every day, but only great value bacon. What do you think is the most Jewish thing about you? I'm offensively Jewish. What does that mean? I'm okay at business. My name is Judah. That's pretty Jewish about me.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
Judah, what do you do for a living? I don't do too much now. Boo, bro.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
I don't work now. What did you do? I used to work for a James Bond villain.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
You know, like if you're a James Bond villain, you're like, hey, I need someone to buy me like a nuclear sub. You got to ask somebody to go do it. Do that or like sell missiles.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
Is now in jail. He's like a real life James Bond villain. And I was like his right-hand henchman.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
Thankfully, I was awake. Don't worry, he's been convicted.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
They got him in federal penitentiary here. For what? He was like an international criminal. There's a few books about him, like a documentary or two. His name's Paul LaRue. Okay. Paul LaRue, yeah. You could Google him. Yeah, you'll see him.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
So he set up a very large criminal empire in the Philippines, and I was living there. Oh, no. I know. I know what that means. No prostitutes.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
They can't speak. They could be consenting. They don't speak English. Yeah, but 14 is still too young.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
Yeah, I had to meet him every day at, like, 5 p.m. at his house. He's a full crazy guy, yeah. How long did you do that for? Like two years in my early 20s.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
I mean, me, I had to go to Papua New Guinea and, like, bribe some forest ministers and stuff like that. But he was into crazy stuff. He was, like, selling missiles to the Iranians. No, that's... Really?
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
Nice. It was a good time, though. I was in my early 20s. We had a good time. Did he pay you well? Yeah, I got paid pretty well. What's pretty well?
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
You don't really work by the hour. You work on success of a project.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
He's not a Jewish. He's South African. Or Rhodesian. Yeah, he's kind of crazy. Rhodesian, that's the worst one. Yeah, he's like, everyone is from Zimbabwe. Yeah, before they turned it into Zimbabwe. Yeah. He was kind of crazy.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
Alleged genocide. Okay, you sound like this guy. Disputed out of it.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
Did you work with him until, what, 2019, 2020? No, I stopped around 2011. And then he got arrested in, like, 2012. And then he just got sent inside two years ago. No, no, I'm not a Jew rat. Don't point those Jew rat fingers at me. No, I didn't rat on him.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
No, I wrote a TV show about it. I'm trying to... What was it called? Wings? It's called Henchmen. Oh, Henchmen. Wow. Yeah, it's a comedy, true crime comedy series.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
Yeah, my wife doesn't like Jews too much. I can't blame her. I mean...
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
No, she's Swiss. She's Swiss? Swiss, yeah. Supposed to be neutral. No, no. Definitely not neutral this one, yeah. Definitely does not like Jews. Can't blame her.
KILL TONY
#698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR
Ari, Ari, Ari, when you meet an anti-Semite, can you blame them? Or you're like, I get it. Remember that joke? I understand.