Kaelyn Moore

My work colleague, unmarried older lady, suggested that we could do something together and I spent Christmas with her.

I don't remember the last time I was this happy during the holidays.

I don't have a family and my husband's was the only one that I knew.

And for the past 15 years, I've endured my passive aggressive alcoholic father-in-law, my pretentious mother-in-law and golden child sister-in-law who peaked in high school and married the jock.

I slept in, stayed in, ate whatever I wanted without anyone commenting on my body.

There were no rants about how some minorities ruined it for the rest.

Quote, but of course you're one of the good ones.

And the latest, quote, I don't think your baby will have blue eyes.

Like I really cared or didn't understand basic biology.

I didn't miss having to wake up at 7am and if you literally missed meal hours, you needed to wait for the next meal because it is disrespectful not to be on time.

I didn't miss being forced to cook weird food from my home country so they can sniff and wrinkle their noses and call it interesting.

Most of all, I didn't have my husband by my side, being anxious the entire stay, not wanting to rock the boat, trying to soften the blows and explain that they didn't really mean any of it.

When he got home, he was anxious, and me being very happy, as opposed to the usual crying all the way home from his parents, made him even more anxious.

I told him that I was fine and that I had a great time.

He's panicking.

He apologized and said that in hindsight, maybe he should have stayed home with me instead, but then he wouldn't have celebrated Christmas with his family, and they would definitely have been disappointed.

I said nothing, just looked at his anxious face, probably with a frown that made him even more anxious.

Everything is fine, I said again.

Now, I guess I understand why he is panicking.

Because why have I let this go on for so long?