Karen Kilgariff
speaker
3,962 appearances
39 recordings
3 series
first heard Nov 2024
last heard 8 Jun
Karen Kilgariff’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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recordings per month · last 12 monthsRecordings per month over the last 12 months — 1 in all, peaking in Jun 2026 with 1.
Appearances
But Mickey never faces any real consequences because at the time, police officers would only make an arrest if they themselves witnessed the assault firsthand. Otherwise, they just file a report. Now, these days, that's changed. In most jurisdictions, officers can make arrests citing probable cause based on injuries or witnesses' statements.
So, of course, once the police are called to stop this horrible domestic abuse, and then it stops, then they leave. Mickey just goes back to beating Francine again. And so, of course, the natural question that we have heard in the past is why doesn't she leave?
But I think a lot of people, especially since like the 80s, just people who are interested in knowing the real answer to questions like that, know that it is an incredibly complex situation to be in when abuser and abused. There's no question Francine wants a different life for herself.
Along with the physical abuse, Mickey controls every aspect of her life down to whether or not she can have friends. Wow. Yeah. And we've talked about how difficult it can be for women to leave their abuser.
But it's worth saying again, escaping abuse can be extremely complex because abusers often use physical, financial and psychological manipulation to trap their victims in a vicious cycle of control. Totally. Also, there's stigma around intimate partner violence, as well as societal or family pressures.
Like when you want to leave, but you have the kind of like mother who might say, no, no, that's, look, you've got to put up with him or you've got to make it so he doesn't do that. That's a society we've lived in for a long time. The women have to fix their men's deep psychological issues or take responsibility for them.
The genuine love for your abuser can keep you in that situation, but also so does the degradation of the victim's spirit. As attorney and advocate Tiffany Smith explained to Retro Report, quote, "'This big question remains in people's minds who have not been through this or do not understand this, which is why didn't you just leave?
A woman doesn't go on a first date, get punched in the face, and stay with this person. What happens is very calculating, very slow.'" You're humiliated. You're threatened. You've been told over and over again you're worthless. And it builds and builds until leaving feels impossible. And more than that, it's deadly.
Women are more likely to be killed immediately after leaving than at any other time. Yeah. Also, it's, of course, more difficult when children are in the equation because the abuser could threaten to harm them or take them away, or the victim might not be able to provide for independent life outside of the home.
There's all that to be considered, but then at this time, when Francine was going through it, there's huge financial and social barriers making it harder for women to establish their independence. And that essentially forces the victim to become reliant on their abuser. Right.
You're right. For example, before the passage of the Equal Credit Opportunity Act in 1974, most women can't open a credit card or get a loan in their own name. at most banks in the country without a male co-signer. And again, that restriction, that discrimination was legal until the mid 70s. That one is such a mind blower when you tell the young women of today stuff like that, where it's like,
I was four years old when it became legal for women to have their own credit card without their husband's name on it. Jesus. That's fucking ridiculous. That is. Also, this was a time when there are virtually no emergency resources for women experiencing domestic violence, like shelters or organizations that are geared toward the problem specifically. They basically don't exist in a meaningful way.
This leaves Francine with no options, no support. Yeah. With all of that in mind, in 1971, Francine manages to successively file for divorce. Wow. And essentially, this is out of pure desperation, she has to legally separate from Mickey to access the social programs that will help keep her family housed and fed. Right. So it's basically like that's the only option, which then...
What a horrible, like a puzzle to be in at that time. So it's like, oh, so if you have a piece of shit husband like this at that time and it will require you to have these social services, oh, you have to break up with him first. That's because you're... It's because it's on you what he's doing.
Yeah.
That only punishes the victim.
Mickey's forced to move out of the family home, but he ignores this concept of divorce at all. Francine says, quote, things were no different than before. Mickey came and went as he pleased. Yeah. Then weeks after this divorce is finalized, Mickey gets into a car accident that almost kills him. He breaks several bones. He suffers a serious head injury. He winds up in a coma.
He spends more than a month recovering in the hospital. Francine, after years of his abuse and manipulation, has been conditioned to prioritize his needs over her own, of course, always, and also to fear his retribution if she does not do that. So she visits Mickey in the hospital. And once he's released, he just moves back into the house with her so that she can basically take care of him.
Francine will later explain her decision, saying, quote, I really felt trapped after this accident. I don't know why I felt so obligated to that man, but I did. Then the real hell began.
Right. It's like you saw the Twilight Zone movie, right, from the 80s? Which one? Yeah. It's the one that was like it was an anthology. So it was a bunch of different little mini movies and one big movie. But there's a part that's like there's a racist that's being racist and like yelling slurs.
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