Kate Legge

Often people are looking to be their younger self again.

They've been in a marriage, they've been in a relationship for a number of years, they're bored, they want to try something different.

Substance abuse, impulsiveness, all sorts of reasons for rushing out and relieving yourself in this way.

But there doesn't seem to be like a... I don't think there's a gender difference in that.

I think that's very similar.

Let's talk about different reasons for the estrangement, I wonder, in the first place, if there is an estrangement.

In the marriage.

Well, and again, there's some surveys which show a slight gender difference in that men describe sex as giving them emotional intimacy.

And of course, women want to talk much more and have their emotions recognised than men.

I mean, I think it was Lionel Murphy who said to Malcolm Turnbull that men are seduced by their eyes and women are seduced by their ears.

And I think that's very true.

And women are often looking for that sort of emotional support, much more emotional intimacy, while men perhaps are more driven to find physical intimacy.

You mentioned the couples therapist, Esther Perel, that sort of famous person.

Sarah Konoski interviewed her a little while back on this program.

Oh, she does TEDxFork.

She's just a star.

She's an extraordinary person.

Does she take a moral view of infidelity or...?

No, she's often accused of being pro-affair because she's got a very nuanced approach.

So she wants to know what it did to one and what it meant to the other.