Kate Legge

So that, you know, there's no victim, perpetrator, good and bad.

She really tries to blow that myth up.

in order to try and get people to understand what was going wrong in the marriage and see whether or not they can get back together again.

And she often talks too about the fact that affairs can be very good for libido and good for the relationship because it's the eroticised gaze of the third that challenges the domesticated perceptions of each other and so that can flick a switch often in a marriage.

Then there's Dan Savage, the vice columnist in the United States who is...

Married and gay.

Gay and monogamish.

And monogamish, he says, monogamish.

What's his view on infidelity?

Well, I loved his view and he understands, you know, he says, look, people promise to be true but sometimes they're not.

Sometimes they stray.

It does happen.

And if it does, you shouldn't throw out the whole of the relationship.

But you should save what you can, what the best of it can be.

And honesty is really important.

And I think that is crucial because that was the hardest thing for me was the lack of trust.

I mean, distrust is a hard burden to shift and a burdensome guilt to shoulder.

I mean, it's a very difficult thing to get over.

And I think that's the breakdown of trust often that is more damaging to the relationship because you turn into this super sleuth.

You know, I went from head in the clouds, oblivion, to suddenly, you know, going trawling through everything, old diaries, documents, receipts...