Kate Legge

Because there's no point in beating someone up

endlessly and, you know, it's that sweet place of acceptance and forgiveness.

I can't really explain it any better than that.

How do you arrive at that, do you find?

Do you arrive at it through as a conscious act of will or out of sheer exhaustion?

Do you sort of run out of rage for a while?

Well, I think you do run out of rage in the beginning, of course, because you want to tell everybody and you want to talk about it endlessly and you want to line up the exhibits from A to Z of, you know, what you've gone through.

You play the victim card.

You want to be, he's the perpetrator, you're the victim.

Do you have an imaginary courtroom in your head where there's

But eventually you get bored with it.

Even you get bored with it.

And that's the thing about normalising the telling of a story.

I think it doesn't matter what it is.

I mean, you know, grief or success can enrich you or destroy you, I think, that you can go either way with those things.

And I just was determined not to let grief destroy me.

There's some things that have happened in our family recently which are much more tragic than losing a husband.

And, you know, I realised that even though that was a terrible thing for me to have to deal with, there are, of course, things that are much worse.

It's fascinating and it's great you've written about this because people are really interested in this stuff.

It's also it's intensely private.