Kate Murphy

And to really be aware what you're taking on from the other person and recognizing, okay, this isn't mine.

I'm going to let you have your feelings.

Empathy is great, but we can take it too far when it drags us both into a place where neither of us want to be.

Yes.

And I'm talking about particularly fraught situations.

I'm not saying, okay, just totally stop listening to the other person.

But when things are getting really out of control, to really start to think more about, okay, let me see how I might be matching the other person in their arousal level.

And yes, pull back.

and think, okay, what am I taking into myself that is not mine?

This is their arousal.

This is their anger.

This is their stress.

This is their anxiety.

And I'm sympathetic to that, but I'm going to let them have that.

And it's a way of, again, doing that survey of the body.

Am I getting really tense?

Is this getting behind my solar plexus?

Do I have an anger expression on my face?

Am I mirroring

the other person, and try in that moment to break the sync, to actually step back.