Kate Murphy

you have your gestures, you have this facial expressions.

And if you think about the people that are the best storytellers, they're the people that kind of do someone else's voices when they're talking and they reenact a scene for you.

And you don't realize that.

I mean, now that I'm bringing it up, you will notice it in so many conversations where somebody will, they'll mimic their boss and be like, then my boss said, you know, and get a deeper voice when they're

marrying their boss if their boss has a deeper voice.

It's this mimicry, and it puts people in the scene.

And because we sync with another person in their expressions, in the feedback that they're giving us, that if you make it more pronounced, people are more likely to pick up on it and sync to you.

Absolutely.

And particularly in a manipulative way.

That's the thing about synchrony is we have a really good bullshit detector when people are just doing the same thing as we are trying to develop synchrony in ways that are trying to get them to be on the same wavelength.

But they're really it's just more of a mimicry rather than an actual syncing.

But yeah, I do think that people can develop a sense of synchrony with another person by maintaining eye contact.

But if you do it too long or you're doing it with an intent to unsettle the other person, somebody at one of the events that I've done was talking about a boss who would just stare at people and make them uncomfortable.

And I think if you've read Walter Isaacson's book about Steve Jobs, that was something he did,

where it just made them really uncomfortable.

So there's a soft looking at the other person and there's a hard looking at the other person.

And so if you're looking with curiosity and mirroring the other person and really focusing on the other person, that natural pupil synchrony, a pupil dilation where people sync that up will occur.

But yeah, I do think you really, you need to look at people.

And if you notice they're getting uncomfortable and looking away, then that'll be some good feedback that maybe you are boring into them rather than having a soft glance at them.

A synchronicity is a Jungian concept where it talks about meaningful coincidences.