Kati Morton

That's why I thought that

If I just worked harder, if I was first in band, if I got the lead in the play, if I was on varsity team at soccer or softball or basketball, all the sports I played, I thought that then my dad would come home because it'd be so attractive to him.

I even, this is, I haven't thought about this in a long time, but I actually told my dad, John, that I was going to try to, I was going to try out for the football team because my dad loved football so much.

I was like, I'll be the kicker.

Kickers just come out and go back.

No one's going to hit me.

I'll be fine.

he was all tickled about it and i actually thought in my little kid brain that like i'm the kicker for the football team my dad won't want to miss any of those games

And so I use it as an example because we as kids fill it in with what we have control over and what we know, which is ourselves.

And so that's why we often believe that this inconsistent attention is our fault.

And what we can do to get it back is to work harder, is to be the perfect child, to do everything in a certain way.

And that's,

That's why I said it shows up all sorts of different ways, depending on how we were raised and what we internalized.

And so it's important for us to maybe try, if you can, it helps to have a picture of yourself as a little kid.

Think back to what it was like then.

How did he or she think?

And what did you expect?

Or what were you bummed about?

And is that why you think you have to do it perfectly?

What were you hoping to gain by being a perfect child?