Katie Hood

Joten kun ajattelee lapsen, läheisen ystävän tai romanttisen ystävän, sanomaan, että rakastus taitaa tuntemaan, ja nopeasti muiden tunteiden menevät kiinni. Toivoa ja toivoa, toivoa, uskontoa ja turvallisuutta, ja joskus myös sydäntöä ja tyhjentämää. Voi olla, ettei digitaalissa ole sanoja, joita enemmän me olemme liittyneitä kuin rakastusta.

Yet given its central importance in our lives, isn't it interesting that we're never explicitly taught how to love? We build friendships, navigate early romantic relationships, get married and bring babies home from the hospital with the expectation that we'll figure it out. But the truth is we often harm and disrespect the ones we love. It can be subtle things like guilting a friend into spending time with you or sneaking a peek at your partner's texts.

or shaming a child for their lack of effort at school. 100 percent of us will be on the receiving end of unhealthy relationship behaviors, and 100 percent of us will do unhealthy things. It's part of being human. In its worst form, the harm we inflict on loved ones shows up as abuse and violence, and relationship abuse is something that one in three women and one in four men will experience in their lifetime.

Jos olet kuten useimmat ihmiset, kun kuulet näistä näkökulmista, ajattelet, ettei se koskaan tapahtunut minulle. On tärkeää muuttua sanomaan, että ne tapahtuvat jokaiselle toiselle toiselle toiselle toiselle toiselle toiselle toiselle toiselle toiselle toiselle toiselle toiselle toiselle toiselle toiselle toiselle toiselle toiselle toiselle toiselle toiselle toiselle toiselle toiselle toiselle toiselle toiselle toiselle toiselle toiselle toiselle toiselle toiselle toiselle toiselle toiselle toiselle toiselle toiselle toiselle

I work for an organization called One Love, started by a family whose daughter Yardley was killed by her ex-boyfriend. This was a tragedy no one saw coming. But when they looked back, they realized the warning signs were there, just no one understood what they were seeing. Called crazy or drama or too much drinking, his actions weren't understood to be what they really were, which was clear signs of danger.

Her family realized that if anyone had been educated about these signs, her death could have been prevented. So today we're on a mission to make sure that others have the information that Yardley and her friends didn't. We have three main goals. Give all of us a language for talking about a subject that's quite awkward and uncomfortable to discuss. Empower a whole front line, namely friends, to help. And in the process, improve all of our ability to love better.

To do this, it's always important to start by illuminating the unhealthy signs that we frequently miss. And our work really focuses on creating content to start conversations with young people. As you'd expect, most of our content is pretty serious, given the subject at hand. But today I'm going to use five markers of unhealthy love. The first is intensity.

Abusive relationships don't start out abusive, they start out exciting and exhilarating. There's an intensity of affection and emotion, a rush. It feels really good. You feel so lucky, like you've hit the jackpot.

But in unhealthy love, these feelings shift over time, from exciting to overwhelming and maybe a little bit suffocating. You feel it in your gut. Maybe it's when your new boyfriend or girlfriend says, I love you, faster than you were ready for, or starts showing up everywhere, texting and calling a lot. Maybe they're impatient when you're slow to respond, even though they know you had other things going on that day.

It's important to remember that it's not how a relationship starts that matters, it's how it evolves. It's important in the early days of a new relationship to pay attention to how you're feeling. Are you comfortable with the pace of intimacy? Do you feel like you have space and room to breathe? It's also really important to start practicing using your voice to talk about your own needs. Are your requests respected? A second marker

on isolaatio. Jos kysytään minua, isolaatio on yksi suurin piirtein kuulunut ja ymmärrettyn näkökulma terveellisestä rakkaudesta. Miksi? Koska jokainen uusi yhteiskunta aloittaa tämän intensiivisen haluan käsittää aikaa yhdessä, se on helppo kuulua, kun jotain muuttaa. Isolaatio kuuluu, kun uusi nuori tai kaveri aloittaa auttamaan sinua lähellä ystäviä ja perheistä, tuotantosysteemiä, ja käsittämään sinua paremmin heille.

They might say things like, why do you hang out with them, they're such losers, about your best friends, or they want us to break up, they're totally against us, about your family. Isolation is about sowing seeds of doubt about everyone from your pre-relationship life. Healthy love includes independence, two people who love spending time together, but who stay connected to the people and activities they cared about before.

Vaikka ensimmäisenä olisitte yhdessä jatkuvan minuutin, jatkuvassa on tärkeää pysyä yksilöityksellä. Teet tämän tekemällä suunnitelmia ystävillä ja pysyvällä niihin, ja vahvistaa partneria tekemään samaa. Kolmas ongelmallinen rakkaus on äärimmäinen äärimmäisyys. Kun loppupäivä alkaa pysähtyä, äärimmäinen äärimmäisyys voidaan rikottaa.

Ystävällisiä voi olla enemmän vaikeaa tietää, missä olet ja kuka olet, tai he voivat aloittaa seuraamaan sinua kaikkialla, online ja offissa. Erityinen syrjintä on myös se, että hänellä on huolimattomuus ja huolimattomuus. Aikuiset huolimattomuudet muiden ihmisten kanssa tai heikkoukset ja käsitys kuulemaan sinulle, kun sanot hänelle, että hänellä ei ole mitään huolimatta ja että vain rakastat häntä.

Jealous on osa kaikkia ihmisyyksiä, mutta ekstremi jealous on erilainen. Siinä on vaarallinen, rauhallinen ja rauhallinen kohde. Rauha ei pitäisi tuntua näin.

A fourth marker is belittling. In unhealthy love, words are used as weapons. Conversations that used to be fun and lighthearted turn mean and embarrassing. Maybe your partner makes fun of you in a way that hurts. Or maybe they tell stories and jokes for laughs at your expense. When you try to explain that your feelings have been hurt, they shut you down and accuse you of overreacting. Why are you so sensitive? What's your problem? Give me a break. You're silenced by these words.

It seems pretty obvious, but your partner should have your back. Their words should build you up, not break you down. They should keep your secrets and be loyal. They should make you feel more confident, not less. Finally, a fifth marker, volatility. Frequent break-ups and make-ups, high highs and low lows. As tension rises, so does volatility.

Rauhoittuneita, frustroituneita pelejä, jonka jälkeen huonoja tehtäviä asioita, kuten, että sinä olet väärä, en ole edes varma, miksi olen sinun kanssa, jatkuvasti apoloituksia ja varoja siitä, ettei se koskaan tapahtu. Tällä hetkellä olet ollut niin rauhoittunut tästä yhteiskunnasta, ettei tunne, kuinka huono ja ehkä edes vaikea yhteiskunta on tullut.

It can be really hard to see when unhealthy love turns towards abuse. But it's fair to say that the more of these markers your relationship might have, the more unhealthy and maybe dangerous your relationship could be. And if your instinct is to break up and leave, which is advice so many of us give our friends when they're in unhealthy relationships, that's not always the best advice. Time of breakup can be a real trigger for violence. If you fear you might be headed towards abuse or in abuse, you need to consult with experts to get the advice on how to leave safely.

But it's not just about romantic relationships, and it's not just about violence. Understanding the signs of unhealthy love can help you audit and understand nearly every relationship in your life. For the first time, you might understand why you're disappointed in a friendship, or why every interaction with a certain family member leaves you discouraged and anxious. You might even begin to see how your own intensity and jealousy is causing problems with colleagues at work.