Kelsey McKinney
speaker
607 appearances
6 recordings
1 series
first heard Nov 2024
last heard Feb 2025
Kelsey McKinney’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
Hot. That's hot, hot, hot. She was like, I'm just cold all the time. What? Eat some soup, Celeste. That's not. And her husband, Charles, wanted their house to be a normal fucking temperature. Yeah. Like not even cold. He was just like, I want it to be not 27 degrees Celsius in here. Do you believe that this is the real reason why they got divorced?
I love that theory. This is like, it's ridiculous to be like, we got divorced because she wants our house to be super, super hot. But it's like the only thing either of them ever says, right? Like that is the party line. They're like, we got divorced because of this.
Okay. So imagine Jane's house, right? Jane's our widow. And then right on the right of her house is Celeste. Okay. And on the left of Jane's house is a woman named Muffy.
Sure. And Muffy and Celeste are best friends.
All right. I see. Okay. And Jane, our old lady, lives in the middle, just watching Muffy and Celeste, like, walk back and forth to each other's houses, carrying wine, carrying snacks, you know, gabbing, gabbing, gabbing. Sure, sure, sure. Yeah.
We've already talked about how when you see strangers or people that you only know some details of, you kind of, like, fill in details that you have made up. Sure. What do you think that you might do with this friendship? Oh. Oh, they're in love, obviously. That's probably what I would do, too. I would be like, she left her husband for Muffy, right?
I love that premise. In Jane's mind, she's like, Celeste and Muffy are the kind of friends who, like, they drink, they watch Below Deck, they talk about how they wish they could have a yacht. They don't know anything about each other. They don't like each other actually.
I love this. Jane believes this because she really likes Muffy and she does not like Celeste. Uh-huh. Celeste is always wearing like one sweater and then she's wearing like another sweater tied around her shoulders because she's so cold. Celeste is like the kind of woman that's always wearing a lot of those like big bangles and like has a really sleek bob.
Totally. Yes. The real reason that Jane doesn't like Celeste, though, is that Celeste will not stop talking about her damn fig. Excuse me?
Is that what it is? Great thought. Wrong. It's not the fruit. It's not figs the tree. It is a sculpture, a bronze cast sculpture of a really big fig that is split in half.
every detail is more bizarre than the next kelsey what the fuck this is my i know try to try to picture this fig right it's made of bronze it's split in half it's very very large like think like sculpture garden large like each half of the fig is like the size of a person and it's metal and shiny And this fig slash artwork is titled The Fruit of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Oh, okay.
It is a, quote, statement on gender.
What is the statement? We don't really know. Do you have any idea what this statement could be?
You think that that is the statement on gender? I mean, that's the only thing I've ever heard.
The real thing is that Celeste, like, this fig sculpture is currently in Charles' backyard. Charles. Her ex-husband.
Exactly. Yeah. So Celeste, like, loved living by the fig. She loved looking at it. She loved when it was, like, reflecting the sun or something. And so she wanted to take it in the divorce.
But because it was like so heavy, like it's made of it's giant and made of metal. So you need like a whole group of guys and like construction equipment to move it. OK, like that might be why she didn't take it. Or maybe she didn't take it because like Charles held on to it forever, like out of spite. But the fig is at Charles house and she wants the fig to be with her. Okay. As is her right.
Jane knows all of these things because it's all Celeste ever talks about. And Jane does not care about this.
Jane's like, I had real problems when I was younger that weren't, where is my giant fig? Why isn't it at my fancy house? Yeah. So Jane dislikes her neighbor Celeste because of this fig problem and because she is filled with a whimsy that only rich people can have. Right. But she likes Muffy. Right. Right. Because she's like, Muffy is kind. She has a really big laugh.
And she never, ever, ever talks about figs.
Showing 501–520 of 607 · page 26 of 31
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