Kelsey McKinney
speaker
607 appearances
6 recordings
1 series
first heard Nov 2024
last heard Feb 2025
Kelsey McKinney’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
Right. You're like the friend that I like must have been like trapped in a witch's spell in order to be friends with this other woman who I dislike. Jane also likes Muffy because Muffy started dating this like younger hot man. And the younger hot man does all of their yard work with no shirt. Lovely. Lovely stuff. He's like sipping from the garden hose, throwing his hair back.
He's always like hammering stuff. Who knows what. He like has a push lawnmower. He's out there for hours. And Jane is like a little bit of a horn dog. So she's like, I appreciate this. Like, thank you for having this hot boyfriend for me. Very kind and thoughtful. Very nice. Love Muffy. Yeah.
And Muffy reminds Jane of like a younger her because Muffy also like wants her house to be really nice, wants her garden to be really nice. And in particular, Muffy has a massive herb garden of like potted plants that she babies.
She, like, brings them inside in the winter. She prunes them every day. She waters them constantly. She, like, never lets her young, hot boyfriend touch them because they have to be, like, perfect. Okay. So one day, Jane's out. She's on her little morning walk right around the neighborhood. She runs into Muffy. She's like, what's up, Muffy? Like, what's going on with you?
And Muffy's like, oh, my God, me and my hot boyfriend are going on vacation to Italy or whatever to be beautiful for two weeks.
And Jane in her head is like, that's so sad that your hot boyfriend is leaving and I won't get to see him. But out loud, she's like, that's so nice. I'm so happy for you. Jane is also like, it's August. So it's really hot outside. And she's like concerned because she knows that Muffy loves her herb garden. So she's like, oh, do you want me to water it while you're gone? Sure. Yeah.
And Muffy is like, oh my God, you're so sweet. But no, I already asked Celeste to do it. So you don't need to worry about it at all. Okay. Are you worried? I'm worried. Yeah.
Jane is like, okay, no problem. But then Muffy goes uptown and like, have you ever watched Basil when it doesn't get watered?
Yes. And if it's like outside, it also like just like starts to droop really badly. Right. And the leaves like go yellow and then it's like very gross and sad. And it's summer and it's hot. And Jane is watching out her window while Muffy is out of town that within a single 24 hour period, the basil is like wilted over.
It's just not. If you're Jane, do you go water the basil?
Jane is also full of spite because Jane is like, you know what? I offered to water it. And Muffy explicitly told me, no, Celeste has got it. And so she watches out her window as the cilantro withers and the mint burns and the thyme becomes crunchy and the rosemary gets all fried and everything burns. Christ. It's awful. You're not intervening at any point in this.
You're just going to watch the herb garden turn to dust.
Yeah, I think that's a really good idea, except that Jane can't talk to Celeste because if she tries to talk to her at all, she just talks about the fig again. So there's like no point. And Jane has really had it up to here with the fig. So yeah, when I first heard this story, I was like, of course you go water the herb garden. But the more I think about it, the more I'm like, no, I'm so petty.
And like, if I don't like the friend that's supposed to water it, like it's just an herb garden.
Jane waits. She does not water the garden. It all dies. At the end of two weeks, Muffy comes home and Jane is like pettily like sitting by the window because she is like, Muffy's going to freak, right? She's like, there's going to be some kind of blow up. They're going to yell like they'll never be friends again. And then Muffy will be my friend. Delicious.
But instead, Muffy just like sees the herb garden and then goes inside. Okay. And then like a few days later, Jane sees the hunky boyfriend out there just like pulling out all the dead herbs.
So she's like, she's like sad. Jane's like, this is very sad. The herbs are all dead. She's like, but also Celeste has not gone over to Muffy's house at all since Muffy got back. So she's like, maybe, maybe my evil plan is working. Yes. So perhaps some curt text messages were exchanged. What do you imagine was exchanged?
I love that. I imagine that this is what happened. Yes. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Jane has no idea. She doesn't know what's happening via text message. And she doesn't really see either of them out the next few days. So she's like, I don't know what's going on. My neighbors are maybe fighting. Hopefully they're never going to be friends again. But like, I don't know.
She goes for her walk and she sees Celeste. You hate Celeste famously, but you want to know what's going on with Muffy. Do you like stop and try to talk to her? Oh, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, fake as shit. Yeah, 100%.
Damn.
Showing 521–540 of 607 · page 27 of 31
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