Kevin Nealon

who is perfect for the job since most of tonight's audience is in his key demographic, people who fall asleep during Nightline.

Jimmy got his start years ago on The Man Show.

In Washington, that's what we call a congressional hearing on contraception.

I do have one real question for you, Mr. President.

What's with the marijuana crackdown?

I mean, seriously, what is the concern?

We will deplete the nation's Funyun supply?

You know, pot smokers vote too, sometimes a week after the election, but they vote.

Let's take a quick poll.

I would like everyone in this room to raise your hand if you've never smoked pot.

There you go.

Look at Brit Hume.

He's high right now.

He's on his fourth almond macaroon.

Mr. President, I hope you don't think I'm out of line here, but marijuana is something that real people care about.

And the fact that you believe Speaker Boehner when he tells you he still has control of his party leads me to believe that you must be smoking some crazy great weed yourself.

People are still upset with Rush for comments he made about Sandra Fluke.

But you know what?

There's a reason Mr. Limbaugh said what he said.

And that reason is Percocet.