Kim Holderness

That's a good thing.

Yes.

So I allowed myself three months just to stew in it.

And then in the new year, I really started working with my therapist.

It has become my sort of hyper fixation is figuring out this brain of mine.

But what I told you on our lace walk was I always felt like anxiety was my fault.

So I've always been, to back up, always been diagnosed with anxiety and OCD, like every therapist I've ever been to.

It never quite felt right.

I mean, I definitely have anxious tendencies, but it didn't really fit all those classic symptoms properly.

And I really thought it was my fault.

Like I couldn't process life well.

And I didn't have a traumatic childhood.

My parents got divorced, but I mean, most people's parents get divorced, right?

And so I felt like, oh, here I've had, I have this great marriage and healthy kids and yet I still can't handle it.

And now I feel like I have an explanation of, oh, your brain is

like floods emotionally and sometimes struggles with it.

When your daughter leaves for college, of course it feels like on a scale of 10, it feels like a 25.

And so I was able to give myself a little more grace.

Like it, I didn't create this myself.

I, whereas I felt like anxiety was because I wasn't meditating enough.