Kristen

She said, I think I get what you're feeling. I knew it was hard. I knew it was scary. I knew it was bad what happened. But she said, I think I understand now why it's been so hard. And it's because you've had to be so strong through this. No one understands how strong you've had to be even to get to this point and basically have powered through this.

And to hear her say that, that she thought I was strong, because I feel like half of me thinks I've been strong and then the other half of me thinks I'm just being a wimp. And so to hear her say that she thought I'd been strong was just really meaningful. I think it validated that piece of me that wants to give myself grace and yet hasn't been able to.

And to hear her say that, that she thought I was strong, because I feel like half of me thinks I've been strong and then the other half of me thinks I'm just being a wimp. And so to hear her say that she thought I'd been strong was just really meaningful. I think it validated that piece of me that wants to give myself grace and yet hasn't been able to.

And to hear her say that, that she thought I was strong, because I feel like half of me thinks I've been strong and then the other half of me thinks I'm just being a wimp. And so to hear her say that she thought I'd been strong was just really meaningful. I think it validated that piece of me that wants to give myself grace and yet hasn't been able to.

I've realized that hearing the people that went through it, that had the same midwives, that were in that same building, that saw the same OB, their words that they speak when they reiterate their story and share it, it's what I feel. We really were treated extremely poorly and I need to stop excusing them. It's feeling comfort in the empathy from somebody else.

I've realized that hearing the people that went through it, that had the same midwives, that were in that same building, that saw the same OB, their words that they speak when they reiterate their story and share it, it's what I feel. We really were treated extremely poorly and I need to stop excusing them. It's feeling comfort in the empathy from somebody else.

I've realized that hearing the people that went through it, that had the same midwives, that were in that same building, that saw the same OB, their words that they speak when they reiterate their story and share it, it's what I feel. We really were treated extremely poorly and I need to stop excusing them. It's feeling comfort in the empathy from somebody else.

I hate that they had to go through it, but it's like someone else went through it too and they're surviving and I'm going to also. It's not a misery loves company thing. It's just knowing that someone else can empathize. I'm not lonely anymore.

I hate that they had to go through it, but it's like someone else went through it too and they're surviving and I'm going to also. It's not a misery loves company thing. It's just knowing that someone else can empathize. I'm not lonely anymore.

I hate that they had to go through it, but it's like someone else went through it too and they're surviving and I'm going to also. It's not a misery loves company thing. It's just knowing that someone else can empathize. I'm not lonely anymore.

I am in no way anti-midwifery. I still love the midwifery model. And in fact, with my second baby, I went with midwives. They were all CNMs. They all delivered in a hospital setting. I don't regret that at all. They were amazing, lovely people who knew their stuff. They absolutely came through for me. They did a great job with my second, but the trauma still came back.

I am in no way anti-midwifery. I still love the midwifery model. And in fact, with my second baby, I went with midwives. They were all CNMs. They all delivered in a hospital setting. I don't regret that at all. They were amazing, lovely people who knew their stuff. They absolutely came through for me. They did a great job with my second, but the trauma still came back.

I am in no way anti-midwifery. I still love the midwifery model. And in fact, with my second baby, I went with midwives. They were all CNMs. They all delivered in a hospital setting. I don't regret that at all. They were amazing, lovely people who knew their stuff. They absolutely came through for me. They did a great job with my second, but the trauma still came back.

I really wanted to try to have a redemptive birth experience to prove to myself that my body could do it. There's also this reality that we have to confront, which is that we don't know how your body is going to react in any situation, really. The sad thing is, as much as I thought I had worked through that trauma, as the time got closer to having my second, I started having irrational thoughts.

I really wanted to try to have a redemptive birth experience to prove to myself that my body could do it. There's also this reality that we have to confront, which is that we don't know how your body is going to react in any situation, really. The sad thing is, as much as I thought I had worked through that trauma, as the time got closer to having my second, I started having irrational thoughts.

I really wanted to try to have a redemptive birth experience to prove to myself that my body could do it. There's also this reality that we have to confront, which is that we don't know how your body is going to react in any situation, really. The sad thing is, as much as I thought I had worked through that trauma, as the time got closer to having my second, I started having irrational thoughts.

Like, I don't think I'm going to make it out the other side of this. I think I'm going to go into that hospital and be in labor and I'm going to die. And then once we were there at the hospital in labor, I wanted so desperately to try to do it all by myself. The contractions got so bad and I knew it was nearing that time and I thought, I can't do this again.

Like, I don't think I'm going to make it out the other side of this. I think I'm going to go into that hospital and be in labor and I'm going to die. And then once we were there at the hospital in labor, I wanted so desperately to try to do it all by myself. The contractions got so bad and I knew it was nearing that time and I thought, I can't do this again.

Like, I don't think I'm going to make it out the other side of this. I think I'm going to go into that hospital and be in labor and I'm going to die. And then once we were there at the hospital in labor, I wanted so desperately to try to do it all by myself. The contractions got so bad and I knew it was nearing that time and I thought, I can't do this again.

I ultimately opted for an epidural again, and it was the greatest thing. It was amazing to come out of the hospital the second time and say, that's how birth is supposed to go. That's how you're supposed to be treated by the people that are caring for you.