Kyle MacDonald

I think in the professional environment, those categories still apply too, by the way.

I mean, I think one of the big problems which a lot of people find their way into therapy because of is sleep.

is what I would call the mean boss, right?

So, you know, the bullying problem.

So, yes, it can be hard to take feedback at work, particularly if it is critical, but actually a lot of times I think that bullying at work and struggling with someone who consistently takes their stuff out on employees is one of the things that often gets people into therapy because it can be really debilitating.

So, you know, when we think about taking responsibility and processing and regulating ourselves and doing all of those things, it's really important to say that actually sometimes if we encounter someone who's just being mean, we actually have to take action to protect ourselves too.

Yeah, I mean, it's a tricky question in a way, because I guess the way that I look at anyone who lands in my office is they're there for a stated reason, right, which is what traditionally we kind of call the symptom quote.

And then, of course, there's the background as to why that symptom has emerged.

So often someone will arrive in therapy because they are struggling with something in the present day.

But there's a story to that particular trigger or nerve that's been hit for them.

And so, again, not minimising the impact of bullying, but often people find that those dynamics that they experienced early in their family, in their childhood, show up in workplaces where they react to someone who's behaving badly, but with the volume turned way up.

And that's what throws them off course or lands them in my office.

Yeah, well, that's where the really annoying therapist answer shows up, which is it depends, really.

I mean, I think we have to make a judgment call for ourselves, right?

How harmful and damaging is what's going on for us versus how willing and how capable are we of actually managing our side of the street?

I mean, you know, I think most of the times we know when bullying behaviour is really egregious, but we can often look at tricky dynamics as opposed to bullying or those people that we just find annoying in the office.

As an opportunity to learn, that's the challenge.

And being able to resource ourselves, whether that's talking to another friend or a family member or partner about how we can manage that.

I think a lot of time it comes down to, again, that really boring idea of how do we maintain good boundaries and how do we...

firmly, calmly and compassionately stand up for ourselves, which might actually involve giving the person some feedback in response and saying, actually, I hear what you're saying, but actually when you say this, it's actually quite hurtful to me or your timing's always bad or actually I'm okay with the fact that I do that.