Laurel van der Toorn

For some people, one of those emotions might be louder than the other, but that doesn't mean that the others are not salient.

I would.

I mean, it's complicated because particularly for women raising children, there's a whole lot of social conditioning about what it means to be a good mom.

And women are just kind of socialized to be self-sacrificing.

And I do a lot of work with my clients around like, nope, you have to take care of yourself first.

I also see this self-neglect pattern showing up in other areas besides parenting, people with unhealthy relationships with work or people in really enmeshed, codependent, romantic relationships where they forget themselves.

And that's a really tough one to unlearn.

But yes, ultimately, you are responsible for meeting your own needs unless you are a child.

I would just challenge any expectation you have of your adult children.

I mean, there's unfortunate scripts around like, oh, well, if you have kids, they'll take care of you when you're old.

Mm-mm.

Yeah, I know.

They didn't agree to that, again.

Yeah.

Unless there was some kind of toxicity in the relationship to begin with.

Right.

But but yes, if you had a great, healthy, loving, close relationship with them as a kid and somewhat as a teen, like it could be a phase in their 20s.

Thank you.

I'm Sheriff of Edgewater.

Hey, David.