Leo Skepi

This would be his last laugh.

You've dangled in front of me so many things in my life.

With my social media, I've been given an opportunity of a lifetime.

I haven't been able to capitalize on it.

I haven't been able to like,

Have it go right.

I feel like I've been nerfed by things outside of my control.

Anything in my control, I will do it and it will get done.

Anything I ask people for help for with, anything I have to rely on outside forces for, will fuck up no matter what I do.

And I've just lived so much experience of it.

I have so much past experience way in the past of it.

But it's just like the current stuff.

And I'm like, if God really wanted to get his last laugh on me, he would trap me in a body that I couldn't move in.

And I was so convinced God was against me.

And I was like, if that happens, what do I do?

I can't kill myself that like sent me over a lot like in a lot of ways mentally of like that being my fear and that made it harder to sleep every night because every night I would go to sleep I couldn't because I was terrified to fucking wake up I didn't know how I was gonna wake up so being in hyper vigilance mode made me lose grip on reality and this became a very real thing I was living every morning I would wake up I would just lay there before I would try and move because I was scared shitless

I do still kind of have that a little bit like I'm trying to work on that one But the other thing is like when you're in hyper vigilance mode, you can't be grateful.

There's no positive.

There's no happy so I felt like this intense pressure on me to be grateful for The fact that my body does work and I felt scared like God's watching me Stress out and deal with so much shit and I'm not being grateful for my body He could take it and I was starting to look at God like that.

I'm like