Leona Macken

Yeah, it's like the minute I open my eyes, it's like the very first thing I think of is, am I dying?

Like, am I, like, you know, I've stayed for cancer.

Like, how, how did this happen to me?

Like, you know.

And for me, like, I get days where, like, I am scared, like, you know, and it's like, it's kind of, if I wake in the middle of the night and I can't get back to sleep, they're the worst times because you feel so alone.

And I'm like, oh my God, like, how are my kids going to survive?

Like, how are they going to be without me?

I'm going to traumatise them.

Like, that's what comes into my head.

I don't really...

worry about me I worry about them because I'm like the devastation like they'd have to go through or like you know living their lives without their mammy like I know their life would be better with me innit you know what I mean and that kills me that they might not remember my voice or they might not remember my mannerisms or you know advice that I might want to give them and

I think that's what kills me.

I just look at them going, God, they really, they know I have cancer.

Like we talk about it and they're so used to it now and they're so used to me going and getting medicine and things like that.

And I don't ever say, like, I'm going to get better.

I just kind of say I'm trying my best, like I'm trying my best now and I'm trying this.

And the nurses and doctors are trying this one, this medicine.

But like, I just think, God, they have no clue how serious it really is.

Like, you know, and it breaks my heart that they might someday have to be told like that I'm gone, you know, and that's what.

like kills me like that's what brings me to a place where I'm like oh god it hurts so much like you know and I know people that have gone through that and I know people that have passed and I kind of look and I'm going like it does happen like you know it does happen and it's happening every day unfortunately but