Leslie John

Thanks so much for having me.

That's the million dollar question, right?

So there are many elements to this answer.

The number one, I think the most obvious answer is that we're scared for good reason.

So our minds immediately go into what would go wrong if I said the thing and we worry about rejection and embarrassment and conflict and loss of status.

And these are all valid concerns.

Mm-hmm.

But again and again, when I give people different what I call disclosure dilemmas, the first thing they go, they very naturally come up with the risks of revealing.

And those risks are valid.

But the problem is people don't go further unless you prompt them to, unless you say, OK, what about the risks of not revealing?

But the other thing that you said that was really key in this question is this word, the default.

Why do we default?

We default to silence so naturally, we don't even realize we're doing it.

Right.

Yeah.

So many studies have shown that holding secrets is associated with all kinds of negative health outcomes.

It's associated with depression and anxiety.

It's associated with physiological stress markers.

It's associated with greater rumination, with poorer relationships.

So lots and lots of negative consequences.